Writing The Struggle [PG]

[JT Darkfire]

Come on, people! Read and reply! Is that so hard? Okay, calming down now... Anyways... I could always use advice.


[CENTER][B]The Struggle[/B][/CENTER]

"Light breeds darkness, darkness breeds light.
A constant struggle, no end in sight.
A perfect partner, a rival, a foe...
You can't find the joy without the woe.

A contrast, a comparison; a happiness and sorrow,
Unsure of your next tomorrow.
A blank stare, a tear, a voice,
Constant life without a choice.

A whisper, a murmur, a silent tear,
An enigmatic, happy fear.
Light breeds darkness, darkness breeds light.
A constant struggle, no end in sight.

In the beginning we are all in the light, a hope for tomorrow;
In the end we are all in the dark, never knowing what might have been."

[Kaimara]

[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]O.O wow.....that's like, really good, man...wow[/COLOR]

[JT Darkfire]

[quote name='Kaimara][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue']O.O wow.....that's like, really good, man...wow[/COLOR][/quote]

Hey, thanks. I needed that. But why was it good? And I know there are some things I need to work on, but because I am a biased individual in this situation I can't find them.

[Minako]

I liked it. It has the constant struggle between light and dark that all of us has seen, or even faced, at least once in our lives.

If I may be honest, the last line bugs me. The whole poem is full of good rythm (sp?) but the last part, [I]In the end we are all in the dark, never knowing what might have been.[/I] I may be inexperienced with poetry (you can take or leave my advice) but I DO know the basics about rhyme and rhythm. It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. I like the quote, but it doesn't fit here. Or maybe it's separate from the poem. If so, it's not very clear that it is. It's inside the quotation marks so I assumed that it was part of the poem...

As I said, you can take or leave my advice because I don't know much about poetry.

[JT Darkfire]

[QUOTE=Minako]I liked it. It has the constant struggle between light and dark that all of us has seen, or even faced, at least once in our lives.

If I may be honest, the last line bugs me. The whole poem is full of good rythm (sp?) but the last part, [I]In the end we are all in the dark, never knowing what might have been.[/I] I may be inexperienced with poetry (you can take or leave my advice) but I DO know the basics about rhyme and rhythm. It doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. I like the quote, but it doesn't fit here. Or maybe it's separate from the poem. If so, it's not very clear that it is. It's inside the quotation marks so I assumed that it was part of the poem...

As I said, you can take or leave my advice because I don't know much about poetry.[/QUOTE]

The last line is more symbolic than anything else. If you read the the poem very thoroughly, it doesn't merely reflect on the struggle of light and dark, but also upon the fact that they work as much with as against each other. It also states the theory of fate, and how fate is always balanced. It delves a little into the belief that good and evil, light and dark, are merely a manner of perception. The last stanza of this piece symbolizes the instability of predetermined routines chosen by fate, and man's capability to overthrow predestination.

[Kaimara]

[quote name='JT Darkfire']Hey, thanks. I needed that. But why was it good? And I know there are some things I need to work on, but because I am a biased individual in this situation I can't find them.[/quote]

i dunno why i thought it was good....Well, it was better than some poems I read in books.........ew... :animeswea

anyways, like the other dude said, i'm not very experienced in poetry either...(mine dont make sense -_-) but i know a good poem when i see it! lol XP

yeah......-_- so.....well....i dunno what else to say..... :animestun

[Dragon Warrior]

I thought it was really good, but the last line bugged me too. Though it's a symbolic message, it's totally out of place and seemed to mess the flow. But it was still a good line. It was just kinda misplaced...

You also used a lot of the same words more than once, which seemed to kind of get redundant (like tear and tomorrow). I realize some lines like "Light breeds darkness, darkness breeds light" was supposed to duplicate, which is a good style, but try to avoid using the same words with the purpose like tears and tomorrow had. Otherwise I thought it flowed perfectly. Your meters were on the dot and it was a joy to read.

Wonderful.

[img]http://img131.exs.cx/img131/8930/dwwashere9rz.gif[/img]

[JT Darkfire]

I threw in the last line so I [I]could[/I] throw off the rhyme scheme. The symbolism of this poem is so that the final stanza is meant to be different from the rest of the poem, and the whole point of this poem is to be flawed. But, so the rest of you know, I am currently working on a poem caled "A Light at the End of the Tunnel." It will have a more organized rhyme scheme. Oh, and DW, thanks for the advice, I'll take it into consideration for the next poem.