Serious Problem! Need help PRONTO!

[kenshinsbabe]

I'll try and keep it nice and simple. One of my best friends, Sam, is talking to a guy on the internet. His name is supposedly Joe and his age is supposedly 29. He has gotten her to tell him almost everything about her-name, age, phone number, etc.- and I've told her how much this worries me. I've been her friend for almost three years now and I've given her so much advice over that short time that it's not funny. But still, all the advice that I've given her has led to good things. For some reason, she just won't listen to me when I tell her to break it off with this guy. For heavens sakes, she's already made plans to go see the guy, who supposedly lives in INDIA, when she turns 18. The biggest problem of all is the fact that I'm moving in a few days. When I'm gone, I can't force her to listen to me anymore. I really need help!

[Guest Kaise]

Well, at least the guy isn't too big a liar, if he is at all. I suggest you let time work things out. Most long distance relationships don't work out.

[Mimmsicle]

Uhm, what about her parents/siblings? Are they around in any shape or form? Because ideally they'd take an interest in making sure she's not getting into trouble. If she can't be responsible about her own life then she needs someone who she'll be accountable for, someone whose advice and thoughts she'll listen to/respect.

Is there anyone you can "hand over the torch to" that will keep an eye out for this girl's safety?

[Delta]

[COLOR=#7C0201][SIZE=1]Yeah, you'd better tell her guardian or something. What I'd do is I'd get someone who can speak Hindi and have him/her talk to the guy.

Right. It's probably just a phase. When she turns 18, whose money is she going to use to e/b with the guy anyway? Nothing like a good financial crisis to put things into perspective, yeah?[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]My boyfriend's online, I live in the UK and he's in America. I know what it's like to have these very strong feelings for people who could be lying to you so I can see in a way what she's going through. Now don't pounce on me, I've spoken to ULX on the phone for hours on end and he's got a webcam so I know he isn't some old man. ^_^;

Now what worries me about your friend is the fact that he's told her he's 29 and she still wants to meet him. From you saying "when she's 18" I get the impression she's only in her mid teens. That really, really worries me and I can see why you are worried, too.

Is she really point blank refusing to accept any of your advice? If that's the case I suggest you go to her parents, if you haven?t done already, because something serious could happen if her feelings get stronger for this man and if you aren't around to stop her from doing anything someone else needs to be.

Am I the only one who thinks it's terribly sad that kids can't have a pen pal anymore for fear of being kidnapped? I wonder what went wrong.[/SIZE]

[Kamuro]

[COLOR=Olive][SIZE=1]I to have had feelings for someone I hadn't actually met and/or spent time with off the computer or phone. These relationships can be quite complicated actually. I find that most people who are incredibly into these online relationships, especially with people older then themselves, are those starved for attention and will do whatever it takes to get it, even if its from someone they've never even met before. I suppose there's little you could do to stop her anyway, despite your best efforts. Telling her guardian is a current way to keep her safe, however, people telling her not to go and ordering her not to talk to him, will just make her want to do it more. She will either rebel now and run away from her problems, or turn 18 and leave, since no one will have control over her.

If she plans to meet this man, then its best for her to compromise with you. If she refuses to cut things off indefinitely, then make sure its on your terms, not her own. If they plan to meet, it should be a public place, with many people, and you and/or an adult could go with her. However, this will be incredibly difficult if she intends on going to India. In that case, how does she expect to go anyhow? Does she have savings to fly or a place to stay when she gets there? If hes coming here, shouldn't she be questioning his motives? How come someone so much older then her is so interested in a young girl from a completely different place? Maybe hes the one starved for attention, and if that is so, then she needs to understand the risks involved with actually meeting this person.

Even though its an only online relationship, you must understand that real feelings are involved. People can fall in love, I use the term love loosely, under any circumstances. This isn't something you can just simply tell her to stop, and you'll see eventually that orders and demands will get you nowhere. If she is a level-headed person, then she'll come to realize the position that shes in, and the one shes put you in. However, this seldomly happens, and there will probably be heartache involved either way. Best of luck to you anyway.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[kenshinsbabe]

I have told her parents about this and so has one of my other friend's mother. They don't really care. They've spoke to this man and he didn't mention anything about his plans, so they don't know a thing. My friend isn't going to tell them, either.

On the subject of getting to India, he says that he'll pay half the ticket for her, all of it if she doesn't have the money. She's not levelheaded either. She's been in a fight with one of my friends for three weeks over a boy who's already the oher girl's boyfriend. It's a long story, but to sum it up,he wouldn't dance with me, but then he started to dance with the other girl. Do the math.

Anywho, I've told her how worried this makes me, but she won't let me help her. I've talked to his man before, but the next time I talk to him, I'm going to tell him how worried I am and try to get him to stop all this nonsense. Sound good?

[Box Hoy]

Well. Your friend is certainly dumb for trusting anybody on the net. She's going to travel all the way to a country she's more than likely never been to to meet a guy she's never met in person. What if she does meet him and he turns out to be some thousand pound pedaphile who's 40 years old.
That will one break her heart and two it will put her in more danger than she's already in. Or what if this guy comes searching for her. You'll be amazed at how far men will go just to get laid.

This is a very very stupid move on your friends part and if I were you I'd do everything in my power to stop her. If you're her friend you'll know what you must do to keep her safe. That's what friends do.

[GTK]

I'd tell her parents EVERYTHING you know about the whole thing O_o It seems awfully odd to me (and I've met TONS of my friends from online ^^; Her situation just seems weird, especially if she's so young and he's 29. He could be a scary pedophile or something).

May I ask how old your friend is currently? As she isn't 18 yet, and this guy is so old, it totally makes him look like a pedophile.

If it were me, I would never talk to someone like that O_O it's just way too weird. And, this is coming from someone who has met several of their online friends. I usually only meet people who I totally trust and are around my age (plus I always make sure it's in a place with lots of people, you know? It's safer that way) If she truly wants to meet the guy and he wants to meet her, she shouldn't have to go to India O_O;;;; Maybe she could talk him into coming to see her and meeting in a public place, like a mall...and take someone with her O_o; like a friend, or parent. Or a cop XD;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

[Patronus]

Well, she'll most likely not even meet the guy. Plans like that usually fall through.

And if she doesn't listen to anyone's advice, it might as well be her own fault. It might be harsh, but if she doesn't listen, then she had no right to cry about it if something happens.

[Shadowlight]

Okay first of this really scared and make me worried, since not long ago I heard, Indian men (not like am saying all indian males are like that) are known to married with much younger females, I think its part of they're tradition (i'm not quite sure of that), so he may be interested on your friend, and I really think she's in great danger, I mean I have some great onlines friends but none of them are like 8 or 9 years older then me, is just tooooo wierd to fall in love for someone that older!! O.o
Aww but love is blind so yeah, you should do whatever you can to make her understand that the way she's acting is wrong, and she doesn't need to go to India to meet the guy, if he want to meet her why not he travel to where she is, instead of her?
I really hope you convince her to stop with this crazy idea or she might get hurt...good luck...

[IceRose]

Tell your friend with the most calm face that if she values her own life she will cut this so called relationship from the root. I've seen how this things end up in death so lock your friend in her room and make her think about the consequences of her actions