Writing Poems {PG-13}

[Lostcause]

So, I hear we can post poetry and stuff on here.... well, i normally post on my lj, and i get stuff like, 'that was really good' and all that. But, i know those are my friends, so i want real people who arent pulled on one side to just go ahead and judge these and give your opinion. I believe that when I'm at my lowest, the better stuff tends to come out. So here ya go. Basically, I am really hatin all the emotional crap chicks put on us guys, and how they toy so much. Go ahead and leave comments and judge it. I think it is poody, but if you like you can like it. Just be honest.

[CENTER] May my body's tears be a tariff to let me cross this river.
I know the cost is high, and I know the result low.
But, I wish for either silence, or happiness.
I have waited long for either, and they have yet to come.
I sit here, staring this all down.
My life, my damnation, my fate.
The result lead me hear, to the screams of styx.
Oh, trapped soul of the tormented lover, run free.
Let your hopes and dreams run through this plain.
Let all who see you be inspired.
Towards life, love, and prosperity.
Love your curse, and move on...[/CENTER]


thank you, very much, Stay safe, much love
lostcause

[demonslovehurts]

I think you did very well on that.Lot of emotion and all.Very dark and sad...but it is very good.Keep doing the stuff yuo're doing.

[Goodbye, Face]

I agree, it's very emotionally deep and I like it.

[Lostcause]

ARE YOU SERIOUS??!?!?!?!?!?!? i thought all the crap sucked.... man, wow, i happy now... thanx alot guys/gals/things

[demonchild781]

[FONT=Arial Narrow]It was good, but I feel like your holding back, not letting it flow freely. Almost like you're forcing it. I hope you're not offended. I do like it though. Especially your very first line, something about that whole line was just perfectly worded. Hope to see more.

DC[/FONT]

[Lostcause]

Thank you very much for the comments. I don't believe I forced it out, but none the less, I thank you for your imput... I may post more later, I just want to make sure that I post the right ones. lol

[Darker Alucard]

There' a person Tha says: judgement must be dealt
And he wrote this poem like he felt
but about the flow you should let it melt
There's something missing
Deep in the core.
And i simply ask for more.

Great poem very dark (my favorite kind) i do some poetry myself you see. youre a good poet.

[Lostcause]

[CENTER]
You harm me, and I pretend it doesn't happen.
You give me pain, and I suppress it for eternity.
You give me friendship, and I try to create more.
You, however, never give me the truth, the one thing I need.

You all give me feelings, twisted and distorted by my mind.
You all give me memories, forever remembered in my soul.
You all give me the truth, the one thing I never want to hear.
You all give me what I want, and what I hate, reality.[/CENTER]

[Darker Alucard]

This poem, Says one thing in the first paragrph that is completly contradicted in the second, because one thing is what you wnat, another thing is what you need, and a completly diferent thing is reality. Preety good. Keep going. try addin a little sarcasm or sattyre next time.

[Lostcause]

Okay this one... well... this one is also dark, just cause, i am a avery dark writer. It has to deal with a very arguementive subject... experience in this area helped me write it. It deals with being punished by someone, to finally finding my footstops at the altar of my religion. I aint pushin this on anyone, it's just a personal experience for me.... It's more of a story than a poem... but i think it gets the message across anyway you think of it. It's literature, it's life...

[CENTER]His hand becomes an enforcer of pain.
He makes me bleed.
He makes me remember.
I realize that friends I have lost,
I realize feelings I hurt,
Lives I've crushed,
Happiness I've killed.
Content friendships wash away like the blood from my face,
Down into a drain.
I am my worst dream.

I am my DEVIL.

And being as such,
I must have a domain to call my home.

My Hell.

My hell is complete with,
Countless blades, crying faces,
Trampled feelings, dead friendships.
But, above all, I am alone.

By myself.

Silent.

Crying bloody tears which burn more than my heart ever has,
Sting in my eyes, cutting down my face,
to create a pool around my feet.
This becomes my audience,
from this crimson puddle arise,
figures from my past,
They are Dead, they are gone.
HOW CAN THEY BE REAL?!?!?!?!?!
Staring into my bleeding eyes of blue,
With out oxygen, it turns to that blue,
If it dies though, but then I do too...

I can?t give up,
Not now, not ever.

I feel the hand hit me again, reminding me reality is near,
I drop my defenses now.
My legs give.
My heart gives.
My life gives.
And while at this low,
I look for help.
The trees with knowledge don?t respond.
Those who I pray to cant help!
They are as silent as they always have been!


The puddle is now to my shoulders?


I look in panic now.
This can't be it!
I can?t lose this easily!
Then I return to my defenses and stand straight?
With limitless courage and life I am Born Again.
The ocean of Blood disappears.
Figures I despise leave and disperse.
The hand swings no more, it is stopped,
For now, for good, forever.
Life is a new field now.
Plenty of obstacles in my way.
But none I cannot conquer with the power in my soul and heart.
Amends must be created.
Relationships reestablished.
Apologies long forgotten now fulfilled.
For once I sleep,
In peace and happiness.
God is with me he protects me.
My faith is growing.
And I thank my savior,
For letting me realize,
I am me, do not be ashamed.
Be thankful cause I can,
Do something more than anyone else.
I can be me.[/CENTER]

[demonchild781]

[FONT=Arial Narrow]Wow...that was...um....wow :animestun Haha...words and I...we just don't go together very well. :animenose If I could create a comment from all that...well I just wouldn't stand in comparison (that and my terrible spelling would take away from it as well). It was marvelous and I like how you break it in various spots, like one's thoughts would be when going through such things. *claps* Bravo!

DC[/FONT]

[Goodbye, Face]

Well, it's definitely the best in the thread! It brought a little tear to my eye because I thought of a friend who goes through that everyday (if it's about what I think it's about). It's just really great, I've been giving others more harsh criticism, but here I see nothing to change to make it any better than it already is.

[Lostcause]

Thank you all so much. I am so very touched that so many of you like my poems. Especially my last one. I know it is a very contraversial(spelling?!?!?!?) subject. And i am also glad that i can actually take a stand for those who dont. It can relate to many people. Whether it was the religious issue found in it, or possible the domestic issue found in it. I thank you all for just viewing these, and the comments have made me very happy recently. I figured i will wait just a little longer to get more views for that poem. Thank you so much for reading my poems, my feelings, and my heart.

Stay safe, much love,
chris

Poetic soul, let me sleep.
Poetic heart, no longer weep,
these tears of raw emotion.

They deal with love and life,
With hate and strife.
And make me cry past the midnight hour.

Where my body rests, you can too,
Let a slumber encompass you,
And rest your trapped words.

My body and you long to dream,
As boring as it may seem,
You will thank me in the end.

Now rest, oh, tired one,
Your day is now done,
Let slumber consume you.

Give in and ponder,
But dont let your mind wander,
Too far out of reach.

Although you do need rest,
I always write my best,
When I am low on sleep.


Note :I dont like to do the rhyming scheme if you cant tell. I dont exactly think this is as good as others, but i cant figure out one to post right now. So this one seems decent. Go ahead and hack it to heck, it probably deserves it., oh and the title is what the clock looked like in the mirror, minus the nine, so i had to flip it.

[size=1][color=red]Please do not double post. If you wish to add more to your post, just edit the original post to include the message. -- Lady Asphyxia.[/color][/size]

[demonchild781]

[FONT=Arial Narrow]You know...I really suck at this comment thing...:( But I likes it. *nods* :animestun [/FONT]

[Lostcause]

OOOPS i realized i just double posted :animeangr . that makes me feel stupid. WELLL GOOD MORNING boys and girls. Today we are going to read a poem created just last night. It's fresh off the blocks, and ready to drown at the half way point. It was written about someone far away, and how possibly, the two people could comprimise and work it out to meet in the middle. How they are from different, but somehow similar backgrounds. And how possibly the can learn to love.... that's a possibly that might just happen, BUT, only if they wish... [I]you know who you are[/I] IF you happen to read this.

[CENTER][I][U]Thank you Earth[/U][/I]
Do angels come with such darkened wings,
Such unholy paths,
Such damned curses?

If demons come in robes of white, with chastity on their side,
Such madness is possible.

Can the blackest of whites, and the whitest of blacks,
Walk hand in hand?
One fallen from Heaven.
The other risen to earth.
Doomed to walk with one another.
Blessed to feel for each other.
One's Father removed her from grace
While he dreams of salvation.
He looks for forgiveness.
She wants less attention.
This is a match made on Earth.[/CENTER]

[demonchild781]

[FONT=Arial Narrow] :animesmil

It gets better everytime I read it. So beautiful. You have a way with words, my dear.[/FONT]

[Guest Vampirepunk]

MY SUICIDE

Painfull Death
No reason to live
Plenty reasons to die
Trying to figure out
Why i allways cry
Words can hurt
So can life
Some people use a gun
Some a knife
What will i use
Well i'm not quite sure
But what i do know
Is this pain will be nomore

My OLD LIFE

The old life i once had was mystical
Full of wounders
bright and vigerous

all there is now is darkness
haterd and saddness
The life i had before was beautiful, peaceful

Notheing was wronge
but i say "Why"
Why am i the one who always gets punished

The one who is left out
The depressed one
Isay one last time is "Why"

[Lostcause]

very good my sweet, i have a feeling you'll be able to do amazing down the road. Dont forget though, never give up writin. I PM'ed you about everything, but i didnt want you to feel like i was avoiding you on the actual thread

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=2][font=arial narrow]Vampirepunk, unless the thread specifically states that you may post your own poems-- or you and the creator of the thread have decided to make a joint venture -- please do not post your own poems in someone else's thread. In addition, I recommend you read the Rules and the Constructive Criticism thread as I've directed you to do in your own poetry thread. They include information on Double Posting -- which is not allowed -- and on Constructive Criticism. Also, I suggest you improve your post quality to include correct spelling ([i]eg. "wrong" not "wronge", "vigorous" not "vigerous"[/i]). If you have any questions, please PM me.[/font][/size]

[Lostcause]

Note~ Hopefully all that nonsense is now cleared up. So, let's get back to what this thread was originally built for, POETRY. This one just came to me. I got the first two lines while laying in bed, and when i thought of it the next day, the words flowed together. It's got rhyming which is strange to me, I normally dont rhyme, but here ya go. So I know present to you a once in a thread production of Untitled. LOL, seriously, I have yet to name it :animeswea .

[CENTER]What if two souls were bound together forever in peril-less tranquillity?
Happiness & Sadness.
War & Peace.
Life, existence, and the feeling of being whole.
Never would it be easy, yet from harm they would be kept.
These two souls who constantly wept.
I hope to write a story, pertaining to these two.
One for me, and for you.[/CENTER]

[Zhara]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Garamond]That is so beautiful! I don't know how you got your inspiration for that last poem, but...WOW. To have that much feeling in so few words is just amazing. You rock at this poem stuff; mine...just don't compare. And on that note, I think I'll post a thread with my own poems. Just for kicks and giggles.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Lostcause]

Well, since we ALL like my poetry so much, lol, I decided to let the creativity flow. This next one is about a dear friend of mine. While I have a lovely lady on my mind, no names needed, she knows who she is :rolleyes: LOL. Anyway, getting back to the story, I have a dear friend. Me and her have been friends for going on four years, and from the moment I met her, I was blown away. She is definitely an amazing girl, personality and other ways too. She's into the same activities as me, and she's just amazing.

In the past, I told her that I liked her, and we almost dated, went to a school dance, and that didn't work out so well, so we decided to just stay friends. But, my attraction towards her doesn?t listen all that well. I never got over her. Even when I dated my first love, she never left my mind. So, in the end, we hung out last night, and we walked on the canal in Indianapolis, and we just got so close again. She's going through some rough times, and she's glad I'm here for her, but at the same time, she doesn?t want me to gain the wrong impression. And I just got sick and tired of hiding my feelings, SO I'M BEING A FLIRT. Lol, yes that?s right, I am not controlling any emotions around this girl, and showing her an amazingly fun time.

So here it is, my latest work, with no name.

[CENTER]Is it all right that I dream of you ever night.
That I walk with you in the day, and sometimes in the night.
That we say we are friends, yet I feel something more.
That you say it could never happen, as I walk you to your door.
I have known you a life time, and you always seem to amaze me.
With everything you do, they way you look, and your personality.
I call you a friend, yet my heart takes another path.
I hope you realize 10 plus 10 is 20, its simple math.[/CENTER]

That last line is a lil thing I have. When I find someone I am really into, I joke of how we would make a twenty when we are put together, because she thinks I'm a ten, and I think she's a ten. It's corny, but cute as hell. I know it rhymes, and I despise that too, but it just came out like that, so that's how it gets written down.