Darker Alucard Posted July 5, 2005 Share Posted July 5, 2005 The Blood in My Veins Is where my Life Reigns Pumping in my core I think is Like a science A knowledge called As BloodLore. Please no more i don't want... To cough out More Blood... Constructive Criticism, Plz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boo Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 [color=gray][size=1]The first three lines make sense. Then you start saying stuff that, to me, makes no sense. [quote] I think is Like a science A knowledge called As BloodLore.[/quote] You might want to change this to something that makes more sense. Unless there's some meaning behind this, which I'd love to know. And then you get to: [quote]Please no more i don't want... To cough out More Blood... [/quote] Interesting lines. The two quotes I gave don't flow in eachother well though. By the way, what's up with a smiley after a poem that sounds quite serious?.. The poem is short, too short to say what [i]you[/i] want to say.[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darker Alucard Posted July 15, 2005 Author Share Posted July 15, 2005 About the smiley. i probably clicked in it before posting because of distraction. About BloodLore: You see Blood is life. The knowledge of your life. and then also your blood should prolong your life. The last lines They weren't made to flow, but i understand what you mean. I also intend to continue my exposure, also pg. let's pul in the last post (without counting the closing post) of this topic in here to see if there is more criticism. about line two i understand rifles at recess but i can't seem to overwork it. I Got to say that people made not much replies, but always interesting constructive criticism. i meant Hiding in the moon... well knew of those cases that a person seems so cheerfull and no reasons to die but turns out to be suicidal? hiding in the moon is about hiding your feelings within you. About lines 5 and 6 is when a person feels that his friends only know the inner dark about people. the raw sinfull revelations of people. and lines 5 and 6 do complement each other in the ways of rhyme. so here goes, new and improved I await in silence Till death slashes my throat Heaven willl rest my soul But hell will make me whole To Burn in Hell Some say i shall But for what comes and goes... i'll remain silent Hiding in the moon waiting that my death will be coming soon. Thank you Boo and RiflesAtRecess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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