Discuss Slain [M-LSV]

[JT Darkfire]

This is a concept I came up with a while ago, and decided I wanted to write as a book. I have the main idea, but not enough to make it entirely notable. So I decided to let it drop. That is, until I found a picture of the main character I had designed. And that's when it hit me: [I]I don't have to do this alone.[/I] That's where you, my fellow OBers, come in. So just give this snippet and summary a chance, and tell me what you think of it.


[FONT=Book Antiqua][I][B][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=Red]Slain[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/B][/I][/FONT]
December 18, 2007 10:42 PM
Bellevue Hospital ER
Room 243
Los Angeles, California

Doctor Victor Cruz never had any luck.

He was always scheduled the night shift, the busiest time of day at Bellevue Hospital. All he wanted was a night off every now and then; a chance to get out of the sanitized hallways, enjoy the night life, hang out at the clubs.

Tonight he was not that lucky. Instead of cruising for chicks, he had ER duty.

"Heart beat, stable. Respiratory systems, functioning. Vital signs, clear. And yet he's still comatose. Dammit, what the hell is wrong with this man? Bridget!"

An attractive young nurse walked into the room.[I]Damn,[/I] thought Victor, [I]I'd like to get me a piece of that.[/I]

Bridget was used to the Victor's stare. He was the most well known doctor in the building. He was a creep, and everyone knew it. "Yes, doctor?"

"Get me this man's file!"

Bridget rolled her eyes. "Yes, doctor." She exited the room leaving the "good doctor" alone with his patient.

"All right, let's check his response to external stimuli."

Victor aimed his small flash light in the patient's left eye.

"Hmmm...Seems normal enough." He turned around to record his observations on the chart.

Just when he did, the right eye of room 243's most recent tenant snapped open. His pupils began to dilate into thin, reptilian slits.

His arm reached out and grabbed Victor by the throat. A look of terror crossed the doctor's face. A repeating chant filled his head:[I]Oh God oh God oh God oh---[/I]

[I]Snap![/I]

Bridget walked into room 243 with the file in her hand.

"Doctor, here's the file you---"

Bridget's mouth dropped open. Lying on the floor, alone in a bloody heap, was the late Victor Cruz.


December 18, 2007 11:02 PM
The Streets
Los Angeles, California

The former patient of Bellevue Hospital, Room 243 raced through the streets in a frenzy, demolishing everything in his path. The crazed man rounded a corner, coming face to face with a man in a gray trench coat. He let out a violent howl. The man in the trench coat stood their, almost bored.

This former patient lifted an angry fist, preparing to strike the seemingly powerless victim.

The man in the coat dodged the clumsy blow, pulled a gun out of a hidden pocket, and squeezed a single shot straight into his attacker's chest.

The man in gray turned his back and walked away, pretending not to notice the black cloud leaving the fallen man...

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That was the opening of this tale. Now, to fill in the details.

I hope to start this off as a sci-fi piece.

A strange virus is going around. This virus infects both mentally and physically, increasing the strength of its victims, but driving them progressively insane, up to a primal and dangerous point. Once they reach their brink of insanity, the mutations begin. No, not your pretty, X-Men mutations that give special powers yet leave the physical body unchanged. The victims become horrendous (and dangerous) abominations.

This story will progress to a battle between Heaven and Hell scenario; the virus is actually a method of demonification.

Those who choose to participate in this RP (if it is successful, that is) will participate as people who were either saved from the virus by the man in the gray trench coat, Ezekiel Albright. That or they will be other people with special capabilities to combat these demons. I'm thinking about implementing the chapter system, as well. I will delve more into the character Zeke Albright if this story works out.

So, whaddaya think? Feed back would be greatly appreciated.

Oh, and don't worry. If/When I start this RP, I'll spend a bit more time one it, use a better writting style.

[Zhara]

[COLOR=Gray][FONT=Garamond]This sounds really neat! I would join if it went to the Inn, that's for sure.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Salvation]

This RPG really sounds awesome. :) I just have a question on how [i]exactly[/i] the chapter system works... I don't think I've ever done that before :animestun :animeswea

[JT Darkfire]

Well, in this chapter system, yes, some people will be controlling your character, but don't worry. The way I figure it, when each person has a chance to post, they must first submit it for review. I figure at least two-thirds of the cast must approve.That way everything flows a little better, and there is less conflict involved between the members over the decisions made. This way may appear more of a hassle, but it makes it easier in the long run. All things considered, this is probably the way to go. You can PM me if you think of any simpler way to make this run.

[Lafleur]

I'd just like to let you know I have to drop out of this RP, sorry. With school and the like, I won't have time to write full chapters in a short period of time, and I've lost my flare for writing of late. I apologise.

[Salvation]

No that sounds fine :) How long approx do the chapters need to be, and will we need to include [i]all[/i] the characters, or just the ones we decide to use? Can our chapters be about our characters specifically, or do we need to keep every other member in mind as well? I ask this, mainly because while it's really annoying to be left out constantly in a chapter, it's also a lot harder to include EVERY single person... am I making sense? lol, :animesigh

[JT Darkfire]

Don't worry, everyone will have their chance to shine. You can use any characters available, but you don't have to use them all. And as for the chapter, the size isn't what really matters. What's most important is that it gets the point across, and makes sense. Just try to keep it entertaining. Not too short, but not too long. Just what you think is good enough. Since we've already had a drop out before it started, I'll make a list of available characters. Just take a look at the signups to see the descriptions of the characters.

[Salvation]

Sounds good! I'm anxious to get things started! :D