My big fun Relationship Thread. Input and comments welcomed

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]Whew boy! Where do I begin? I'm warning you guys, this is a long first post. but it's necessary.

Okay well, two months ago Lincoln (who for all intents and purposes is now my ex-husband in every way but paper) decided that I wasn't fun to live with and got a divorce.

I was really pissed off and bummed out for a bit, but I'm sure I've gotten over it Except that he knows I have a thyroid problem that isn't reacting to my meds and after the 15 of august I have no Health insurance.... (Hmm, there's a VooDoo shop on South Ave...) But other than that I'm over him. He called me out of my name and has pretty much cut all ties with me (and to some lengths our daughter)

Okay so after that mess I started to work at my first job since May 2004. I start work and for the majority of my first night there's this guy who we'll call Dave (because guess what, that's his name!) who keeps coming over and looking at me (like a person looks at a person they want to get to know in [i]that[/i] way) I didn't really think much of it. He's not that bad looking, a bit shy and when I was taking a breather outside he was talking about his cat (and I figured it was his girlfriend's cat since aside from my ex I don't know many cat people who are guys) But whatever. I work again the next day and he comes over to where I'm working again, but I have to go home because my thyroid was acting up and I got sick.

I work there for a bit longer and then this one guy tells me that I seem to have made an impression on Dave. I'm thinking 'Ha funny' And Dave, doesn't know my name so, I say ok, tell him my name. I came in to work late one day because of an appointment with my endocrinologist and he was outside smoking a cigarette (one of the two bad things he smokes) I talk to him for a bit. Turns out that even though I didn't really introduce myself to him he knows who I am. (even freakiers he knows my maiden name and I never wrote that on my time sheet) That would be the same night I gave him my cell number.

So I gave him my cell phone number and Dave doesn't call... so I'm getting discouraged and a bit mad. Because I'm not shy, and I don't like people playing games with me. Then the agency I have the job through calls and says the comapny doesn't need me any more (bright side, I had the job I have now pretty much lined up and it pays more). But a friend that I had made there still has her place there so I tell her to tell him to call me. She tells him and he calls me, so we talk... a lot even though I have to start work at 8AM and he didn't call until 12AM.

We don't really hang out too much. I hung out (okay snuck out of the house at 2:30 in the morning on Wednesday) with him and we talked some more okay yeah, I pretty much figured by that time that Lincoln was messing around on me in Texas so I did the same.... :devil: Probably not to the extent Lincoln did though. Then my friend and I went to go see another one of our friends Wednesday (my friend got let go too) at our old job and I saw Dave going to his car tried to say hi and he got nasty with me. We didn't talk again until Sunday. My friend called him prior though and tried to find out what was going on.

Okay, so Sunday comes around and we both decided that we both weren't ready for a relationship.... That didn't stop us from repeating what we did The other time we were left alone plus some and I'll leave it at that. Apparently that other stuff freaked him out a bit more than it did me- I could get into why I'm so disconnected right now, but that's another long story. And he didn't call me back.

So I decided to stop by his place on the way to my friend's house since they live down the street from eachother this past Thursday and asked him why he hadn't called- He tells me he's been busy- well you know what? I'm busy too, I have a full time job and a baby. So I told him that he knows where I live and he has my number so he can try and get a hold of me when he wants.

But I'm really bad sometimes and tried to get him to do something with me on my birthday. But he was either ignoring me or was out. I was coming back from my friend's house and he was outside with his friends so I figured screw this and went to talk to him. He says: I thought we talked already I said yes, for like 5 minutes after I got off the phone with my ex. I asked him how he was doing. I got a bit pissed and said I don't even know why I do this, he says that he doesn't know either. I don't want to start anything in front of his friends. He tells me happy birthday (more like crappy ,but at least he remembered and only told him once)and he'll call me. I'm wondering if that was just to get me off his case.

Okay so there's the long story. Dave is about 6'3 and 22, he'll be 23 in September so we're around teh same age. But he has a lot of stuff going on in his life he won't tell me about even though he knows what I'm going through. Worst things about him, he smokes both cigarettes and marijuana and he's a bit moody at times. Nicest, he can remember birthdays and he's easy to talk to.

Now just to add on to this. Every time I give him a hug I feel like crying go figure.

Okay so take teh time to read through this mess and let me know what you think.[/color]

[Morpheus]

Sign of the apocalypse #43: CHW creates a not-so-useless thread.

It's good that you're over Lincoln after what a jerk he was.

On the Dave side, try to convince him to stop smoking [I]later.[/I] The last thing a shy guy wants is someone that seems like a control freak. Not that you are or anything, but his lack of social interaction would make you feel like the reason he is shy.

[Jake of Bodom]

I disagree with Morpheus - I think the fact that he smokes (especially marijuana) should be pivotal in your decision. That's a pretty big lifestyle thing, and it could - and probably will - become a problem in the future.

Then again, this is coming from an avid anti-drug-er.

I guess just do whatever makes you happy, 'cause that's what'll matter in the end.

[Morpheus]

I refuse to date smokers period. What I meant is, if she really likes the guy, that trying to get him to stop should be the last thing to ask him to stop doing, when he is a lot more secure with her than he is now.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]He still hasn't called me back.... I think he's home, and this whole depressed, ignoring thing really gets to me after a while.

I know that he quit the job that we both worked at last week, but I don't know if he's actually looking for another one. His house is on the way to my friend's so I pass it at about seven or so in the morning and his truck isn't there, but his buddy's car is... Some how I don't think he's getting too much help from his friends-not my business though.

My friend Iris, the one that I met the same place I met Dave says that he's not going anywhere and he'll call me after a while. Which I think might be true. He does have a lot going on. Even without him saying anything and without the actions I can tell there's a lot of things going on in his life, you can just see it in his eyes.. Which may explain why he has so many bad habits. :rolleyes: I only knew about the cigarettes when I met him and I can deal with those since my brother does that. For that matter my brother does the other stuff from time to time as well. Maybe if this relationship gets going and lasts for a while I'll try and see if he'll quit his illegal habit. As long as he doesn't expect to smoke in my car or my house I'll be ok.... Oh and he shouldn't smoke infront of abby either, but that's basically a no duh moment.

I just hope that he is still interested, because I get bugged when peopel say they like you then decide to play games.

Oh and Morpheus this thread is not sign #43. My former mother-in-law taking a bath is #43. This is number 76.[/color]

[Drizzt Do'urden]

It sounds to me as though Dave could just be using you as....a sort of backup incase something he see's as better could possibly come along. Or he's afraid to commit because he see's you as somewhat of a threat to his smoking. Normally people who smoke Marijuana (at least as far as the ones I've dealt with) get so accustomed to their lifestyle that the slightest change in that could make them feel threatened.

Now I'm not an anti-drug person at all. I beleive a person has a right to make the decision and as long as it doesn't hurt somebody (even though it almost always does) they're entitled to make that decison. But attempting to begin a relationship with somebody who is doing marijuana especially when you were just recentally divorced is a one way ticket to getting hurt again. And though you are over Lincoln (good for you By the way) getting hurt bad twice in a row is a big kick in the dating jewels. So I would say when he calls, see how serious he is about smoking, whether he does it alot or just socially. If its more than once a week or a few times a month then its probably not worth it, and you'd be better off trying to find someone else.

just my opionion,

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]I'm figuring that geting hurt relationshi[p wise twice in one year when it's only July is a big record for me... keh.

Anyways, I haven't spoken to Dave since last Sunday. I finally called hi mon Friday and old him that if he grows some balls he can call me. But then again I'm a very weak person at times and I'm somewhat afraid of being alone. Yeah, I hate myself for that, but I wonder if I really care right now. So who knows what the hell will happen in a few days when I'm done dropping off my friend who lives down the road a bit. *shrug*

My best friend says that I should just concern myself with my daughter and leave guys alone. She could be right since her ex boyfriend (and her daughter's father) ran off two months ago after she got fed up with his crap and he took their daughter to go buy drugs and stole her stuff adn used the rent money to buy drugs. So yeah my best friend also doesn't have warm feelings for someone who uses drugs even if he does manage to pay bills first....

Keh, I know where he lives and what he drives, and I have pleanty of balogna, maybe I should just introduce Wonderbar Balogna to his truck.... Nope that would be wrong. On the bright side though I have some new post ideas.

PS, love what you've done to the place since Thursday.[/color]