Writing Conversational Pieces; Life, Death; Crimson Water. [M - L {Drug Use}]

[Amorphous]

[i][u]Life, Death[/i][/u]
-You know what? Life is dead.

-By what standards? The fact that we are even talking to each other should prove that we are alive, if not life itself.

-No, no I mean, life isn?t really something that just coagulates then disintegrates into nothing, we just aren?t here. You see this life around us? These willows and pines and the fauna and flora that surround us none of this actually exist even the stars and the cold moon above us. If it wasn?t for you I would be dead right now, or alive, it?s really just a play on our beliefs we can?t decipher one thing from the next anyhow.

-I?m lost. Is there a double or even triple meaning behind this all?

-Your mind isn?t in the right state to fathom what I am saying; trying to explain this to you is like trying to explain it to a drunken idiot on a Saturday morning who has just been kicked out of the bar down on Main Street.

-Don?t insult my intelligence just because you are the one that has to sit up every night with a razor blade to your wrist to alleviate the burdens of life doesn?t mean you are any fucking better then me.

- You know consequently I should have risen above the stream of filth known as humanity. It?s your fault that I still am grounded to this horrendous place you fucking fag.

-Temper, Temper, Temper. Don?t you realize by your logic emotion is a sign of humanity and anger even though it?s an Anarchist and Nihilistic emotion it is still a sign of bearing life.

-I don?t think you understand what my beliefs are then. Everything I agree on is something that I have to contrast on in the near future. Nothing is actually something even though nothing can sprout from nothing so for something to exist means that something had to be here for all eternity even though people believe there was a beginning of time. This means eternity is only a human concept in which we can not find any peace in. Yet it makes no sense as eternity must exist.

-So are you saying that people can?t actually find peace in death or life because it just stops?

-Precisely, but no. It?s like if I took this razorblade to my wrist right now I?d stop. I?d stop being but I would still ?be? in contrast to myself not ?being? so I don?t stop being. The stream of ether that I am drowning in is perfectly indecisive, there is no real answer. Technically we shouldn?t exist as much as we should.

-Ok, fine.

-Want a cigarette?

-Sure.

-So, this inescapable void you keep speaking of, I want to hear more about it.

-It?s precisely that, when I close my eyes I see just, in fact I don?t know what I see. But it makes me want to tear my skin off if I try to stay there for to long. I can?t describe it for you.

-Fine. Then let?s just enjoy the darkness of the morning sun set.

-What do you mean? What time is it?

-Five thirty am. We?ve lost all meaning of time since our last injection, I think it?s finally wearing of though.

-Shit, I feel like I?m going to break down any minute you know that.

-Why? There is no reason for you to feel that way. I mean technically we can train our minds to believe anything we want. So then train it not to break down don?t wear yourself out you fool.

-Shut up, I want to watch this final star shinning in the abyss at least until it is swallowed by the morning light. I really don?t want it to blink out of existence in my mind yet.

-You know what you should be philosopher or something. Write down all your thoughts and desires and everything you yearn for and any ideals, in fact anything that pops into your head. It wouldn?t mean anything to anyone but you but at least you?d have a partial grasp of what you are trying to understand. At least that?s what I think.

-Impossible.

-Why?

-You just don?t listen do you?

-What do you mean?

-Never mind let?s just go home.

[i][u]Crimson Water[/i][/u]
-I do not understand.

-So then why ask?

-It's important to me.

-You don't even know what you?re asking.

-I do, it just hasn't come to mind yet.

-If that's the case then just let it go.

-If I do that I let go of everything, even myself.

-Not so, just me. I mean what is so important about me?

-Nothing I suppose but I do need you sometimes.

-No you don't. That's nonsense and you know it. It's a lack of or better yet failure for you to communicate with the outside world.

-Yes but if they see what I'm really like they'll stigmatize me, or I'd stigmatize myself. It's such a horrible place anyways. Why would I want to leave you?

-I never said anything about leaving, just about not needing.

-But...

-But nothing you don't need me.

-How am I supposed to find my way back to the surface? I mean it's not like I'm in that much control.

-Then...

-Wait, I remember my question.

-I told you to let it go, but if you must ask then ask.

-...How come I don't need you?

-You already asked me that, there is no double meaning behind the question. Please think before you ask.

-I suppose.

-Stop. Just go now.

-Fine I'm getting out of the tub now. I really don't feel like bleeding to death tonight anyhow. Crimson looks odd mixed with water, it always has.

-Thank you. Same place, same time then?

-Sure, you know the deal.

-Yes, yes I do. You never know though you might actually leave me, you might decide to go somewhere else. All I ever wanted was for you to be able to live for yourself, not to disappear...

-I suppose you're right... Goodnight.