Writing Melli's Creative Writings [E]

[Ailes de Velour]

[font=arial][size=1][color=darkorchid]YES! I'm taking a creative writing class in school and I LOVE IT, even though I've only been to three classes so far. I love drama even more, but that's beside the point.

SO. I decided to create a thread to post all my classwork that I figure is good enough, or that needs some constructive criticism before I turn it in. I have to submit two pieces to the school's literary magazine every nine weeks, so I'll need a lot of help with that.

Today's Assignment: Vignette
Chosen Subject: ...if I could control time...

[b][CENTER]A Place Where Time Is Never Planned[/b]

Phosphorescent ripples stream from my fingetips; tiny waves of light emanating from nothing more than air. Gaping in awe, I tell myself to see if anyone notices. But my gaze is glued to the phenomenon bursting from my hand. I had merely reached for the handle to the door of a bakery and it stopped against a void, the ripples undulating from my fingers. Now, I continue to watch them, unable to look away or move my hand. My hand--it's glowing. My stomach flutters and my mind races, scared that I'm going insane. Finally, I force my eyes away, leaving my hand in the air, and I glance furtively at pedestrians on the sidewalks. They don't notice. I don't know what to think. I stare at a man in a business suit, trudging down the street, and I realize that I'm controlling something. The man has his mouth wide open, his fingers clutching something I can't see. I hear a slow hiss and notice a fine spray lingering in the air in front of his mouth before it reluctantly vanishes down his throat. Something compels me to push with all my strength. I want to grab the door. Something tells me that if I touch the door, everything will return to normal. I follow my intuition and lean againt the barrier, desperately wishing to break it. I hear singing; the owner of the bakery is listening to a deep voiced operatic goblin. Time and sound have slowed down, so why haven't I? I gasp as the forcefield shatters. I fly through the door and land face first on grimy tile. The owner of the bakery doesn't notice me. I stand, rubbing my sore nose, and stare at the man. He doesn't blink or move at all. I stop breathing. I know what happened, but I don't want to believe it. I have time in the palm of my hand. It's soft and velvetty, but I can barely see it. It wiggles insubstantially, like a baseball-sized drop of water. Time is mine to control. My very own Neverland.[/center]

By the way, my name's not really Melli, but it's my pen-name. Okay, so, this one isn't for Constructive Criticism, I just would like to know what you think about it.

edit: I almost forgot the rating! Dodged the bullet there.

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Character Sketch

The man born as Lumen Korangar has taken several aliases: Gigas, a mysterious man who acts as an aid to the good guys; Michael Crystal, a human who married an Elfin Queen and became the biological father of a hero; and Oxian the Terrible, a powerful, evil usurper to the throne of an influential country in the Elfin Realm of Airth.
Being evil doesn?t mean being ugly, as Oxian was far from such. His skin was an ambient tone of pallor, smooth and unblemished fleshed covered his athletic build. Dark black hair cascaded down to his broad shoulders, passing by narrow, cold blue eyes. As for his nose and facial construction, it wasn?t too big or too small, too wide or too thin, it was well suited for a handsome appearance. His ears were triangular, as any elf?s would be, though slightly smaller than the average kind. The only flaws were the bloodshot effect his eyes took on, damaging the pure ice blue that seemed so amazing, and the long scars across his chest. He never showed anyone his wounds, as if he was ashamed that he had survived them.
By the last year he was in power, he was about thirty-seven years old. He often went through a portal to the Human Realm of Earth, arriving in the American state of Nevada, appeared back in Airth a while later. He also traveled around the continent of Siledar for a long while, though his place of residence was in the country of Jagasa, his stolen throne. As Oxian, he was the evil King of a dying country. As Gigas, he was a friendly hunter who knew the deep, dark secrets of the realm and was very willing to share them with a worthy warrior. But as Michael Crystal, he was a mere human employed as an Emergency Medical Technician for Elko Hope Hospital. Of course, in reality, he loved giving pain and anguish, so he took the contradictory job as a healer to throw off any suspicions that might arise, suggesting that he was really evil.
Oxian was born to two pureblood elves in Ecnamor, Nezaria (as Lumen Korangar), thus being a Pureblood elf himself. He has a very noble bloodline; everyone in his entire ancestry was a pureblood. He never felt able to brag about such a thing, as he considered himself much more than just pureblood.
As he usurped the Jagasian throne, he stole half the royal family?s vast riches. He never used them, though, the economic status of Jagasa under his reign is worse than a tiny third world country in the human realm. Even his palace is crumbling, a place full of darkness and peasant furnishings. The only money he spends is salary for his legions of loyal followers, buying them strong armor and weaponry.
His personality is that of a coldhearted recluse. He amuses only himself, and hates the majority of the population. He is selfish, sly, and corrupt, only caring for his own wishes. He enjoys causing pain and grief, and is powerful enough to get away with breaking every law. He does things his own way, simply because he can. He gets very bored in a calm environment and does anything he can to change things to his liking, even if he destroys the whole area.
He habitually takes naps and baths several times a day, being slightly vain. If he feels he is getting slightly ill, he rests all the day long and takes plenty of medication that he makes for himself. His fingernails are often clipped, filed, and seem to be lacquered as they have a resilient white sheen about them. While he has nothing to do but wait for something to happen, he bounces his legs or taps the arms of his chair, alternating fingers and speeds.
The most unique thing about Oxian is his immense power. He controls the Anima, or all elements (earth, air, ice, water, and fire), and is prominent in the powers of darkness. Not only is he strong magically, but has titanium hidden muscles. He is nearly indestructible; no one has ever been able to defeat him.
He knows everything there is to know about Airth, the species, places, and especially influential people. However, he does not know the locations of six of the Seven Elemental swords, one of them being in his possession. He is the true wielder of the Sword of Darkness, meaning that no one else in the entire universe can use it to it?s full potential. His only hobbies are breaking laws and destroying lives, progressing his amazing power ever closer to it?s complete limit.
If someone were to write a story about him, it would consist of the hardships of his childhood, the many changes he undergoes, the power coming to him over time, and especially the tale of how he stole the Kingdom of Jagasa. It would very much be the biography of Oxian the Terrible.

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I guess it's a little boring, but I was following the guidelines as best I could. This is a character sketch for a short story in the CW class, and I decided to use the main bad guy in the book I'm writing. It might help if you knew the story, but...eh. I plan on doing something with it very soon.

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