Adoption

[Maully]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]Due to certain events that have recently taken place in and around my life, I am curious to know the geeral thoughts of people on adoption. Any experience stories, from any point of view, are also very welcome.

I December I found out that I was pregnant. It took me completely by surprise. I never in my life planned on having children. That is a personal choice of mine, and I don't want anyone to second guess that. Please keep any, "How can you not want kids," thoughts to yourself. Also, we are not in a place financially or in terms of maturity that we can adequately care for a child. I know, if you wait til you can afford kids, you'll never have any. To either complicate or simplify matters, the pregnancy was the result of my long term relationship.

To shorten the story and spare myself the retelling, we decided on adoption. We found a very excellent couple who will be able to provide as we can't. I had the baby about 3 weeks ago. I never had a harder time signing my name to a piece of paper as that final relinquishment page. We made the right decision for us, I know that. I guess I am looking for success stories from any end, just to give me some more peace of mind.[/COLOR]

[MomochiZabuza]

[SIZE=1]Hmm well if there's one thing that bugs me the most in this world it's people who are raving and ranting about abortion and adoption and such. (Not you, other people) Because everybody has their own reasons for doing what they do, and unless it affects your life personally I don't believe you should take it personally.

I don't want want kids either. Well, not right now anyways. Heh.

My view on adoption is that it's great I mean, you're not ending a life, and if anything you're saving a life. And what you did seems smart to me because if you really cared about your child enough to be able to give them up to give them a better life than I think thats... well... great. :animesmil [/SIZE]

[DBZgirl88]

[COLOR=#004a6f]I personally disagree with giving up children for adoption. As I see it, if you are not willing to care for children (or unable to), then don't risk having them. Abstinence is the key.[/COLOR]

[James]

[quote name='Chabichou][COLOR=#004a6f']I personally disagree with giving up children for adoption. As I see it, if you are not willing to care for children (or unable to), then don't risk having them. Abstinence is the key.[/COLOR][/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]Thanks for providing the most useless post that this thread is likely to get.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but what you just said is ridiculous and callous. You are talking to someone who has become pregnant with a longterm partner - by accident - and who has decided to give up her baby for adoption, because she feels she cannot care for it.

For a mother to give up her child, because she feels someone else can give it a better life, would probably have to be one of the most difficult things a human being could [i]ever[/i] do. I hope that I am never ever in such a position. Molletta could have done a million other things. She could have cared for the baby and been ill-equipped to do so. But instead, she chose to override her feelings and do what she felt was right. That's a noble thing and an incredibly difficult thing.

For you to flatly say that people simply shouldn't have sex, as if it's that simple (when, again, we're talking about a longterm partner) is ridiculous and unrealistic. Moreover, the event has already happened - it's one thing to tell someone that before they have a baby, but afterwards? That's just cruel, rude and completely unproductive.

I never cease to be amazed at how people can say things like that without having any idea how it can make the other person feel.

Anyway, my opinion on adoption? I suppose it depends what aspect of adoption you mean. Molletta, I think that you are very brave for what you did. And I [i]don't[/i] fault you for having sex. You are in a longterm relationship and sex is an intimacy between two partners - I wouldn't even begin to presume to deny you that, or to tell you that it's wrong. Many couples - including those who are married - face the issue of pregnancy at some stage. Quite a few couples do plan to have kids, but only after a few years. So there has to be some planning about that, but even then, nobody can be 100% sure. Sometimes accidents do happen and that's all there is to it - we're all human and I don't think anybody has the right to tell you off about that.

My feeling is that there are still problems with the adoption system itself (ie: same sex couples are not allowed to adopt and there are various legal restrictions that penalize fathers unfairly - at least, it's true in Australia). But other than that, I think adoption can be a very good thing under the right circumstances.

There are plenty of cases where children really benefit from adoption. Just look at those who adopt children from third world countries or from broken homes, with an aim to provide them with something better. I think that is a good thing - especially if people forego having their own children and adopt instead. I mean, to do that, I presume you must be very serious about wanting to really provide a better environment for a child. I have tremendous respect for couples who adopt under those circumstances.

Basically, I think you did what you felt you had to do and that's completely fine. You made a choice based on the fact that you wanted your child to have a better life than you are able to provide at the moment. There's nothing bad about that - what you did was ultimately in the child's interest. You were not selfish and you put that child's interest before your own. That is something to be respected for, [i]not[/i] something to be chastised for.[/font]

[AzureWolf]

[COLOR=blue]There are no success stories I can give you. However, there was a postcard sent anonymously to that site where people make confessions about things they aren't willing to say to others in person (I can't link it because it also has pornographic postcards). One had a silhouette (sp?) of a baby trying to walk with the mother's help. On the silhouette, it says, "I'm adopted." These postcards are usually sent by 20+, even 60 year olds, mind you, so I would consider that a success story in some way.

You probably already know this, but nothing can replace a mother's love, even if she is ill-equipped to care for it. But humans are strong, quick to adapt, and I'm sure your adopted baby will do just fine. Certainly, what you chose to do was noble and more sound than the other options available to mothers.

Out of curiosity, will you ever know the outcome of your baby like, 10 or 20 years down the line? Or is it like those things where it is anonymous?[/COLOR]

[James]

[QUOTE=AzureWolf][COLOR=blue]

Out of curiosity, will you ever know the outcome of your baby like, 10 or 20 years down the line? Or is it like those things where it is anonymous?[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I think this is an important point and it's one reason why I felt that Chabichou's comments were particularly heartless.

It is generally wrong for someone to think that a mother [i]wants[/i] to fulfill any number of awful options (adoption, abortion, etc). Nobody goes to do those things with a big fat smile on their face. They are always painful, difficult decisions. As you have rightly said, a mother's bond to her child is incredibly strong.

One of the things that must be difficult for mothers who send a child out for adoption would have to be the whole concept of knowing that the baby is out there somewhere living a life that is seperate. This is obviously why a lot of adopted children look for their parents later in life.

So, this further underlines why I believe that it is important to be gentle when discussing this with someone who has actually been through it. Since the event has happened, it's no good second-guessing it. The issue at hand now is how Molletta and her child are going to fare and I think that whether or not Molletta ever maintains a relationship of any kind with her child, she can at least feel satisfied that she's made the effort to put that child in a positive environment.

Certainly, we probably couldn't say that about many other parents out there.[/font]

[sakurasuka]

[CENTER][SIZE=1]I have a few stories of adopted/semi-adopted children in my family. They are by no means sucess stories, but they are the truth.

My uncle (On my step-dad's side) was adopted. They didn't tell him. He was in his thierties before he found out (I still don't know how, but it's none of my business.) I was amazed. All those years he would have wanted to search for his biological parents. That's why they didn't tell him. He was heartbroken. He found out only after his parents got divorced/remairied to other people/divorced multiple times, and his father died. He found some of his biological family (His brother) but most of them had already past away. He's content now, but I'm not really sure how happy he is. He just got married and had a baby a few years ago, though, so he's pretty happy about that!

I was adopted... Somewhat. I still live with my mother, but I was adopted by another man that is not my biological father. (My dad left my mum when I was little.) I didn't exactly like that. I didn't want to change my last name. I didn't want to be torn away from the only thing that kept me linked to my two brothers and baby sister (That lived with my now re-married father) Mom decided to allow me to keep my last name and be re-adopted by my biological father. She said I could make the choice of staying his, or be adopted by my step-dad. Now I spend holidays being called by both 'fathers' asking who I want to spend thier time off with. It's sickening... And I feel guilty if I don't spend time with both. I already have enough crap to deal with, they should just let ME choose when to see them.

That's enough of my stories. I think you made an awesome choice by choosing adoption over other, phisically easier choices. I'd just like to say that I also know five people (Not in my family) who are adopted and who live perfectly normal lives. All of thier situations are different. One even spends some time with his adopted mother!

You never know how the child will take it, but more often than not they'll turn out perfectly happy with thier adopted parents.[/SIZE][/CENTER]

[Snarktastic]

[QUOTE=James][font=franklin gothic medium]I think this is an important point and it's one reason why I felt that Chabichou's comments were particularly heartless.

It is generally wrong for someone to think that a mother [i]wants[/i] to fulfill any number of awful options (adoption, abortion, etc). Nobody goes to do those things with a big fat smile on their face. They are always painful, difficult decisions. As you have rightly said, a mother's bond to her child is incredibly strong.[/font][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=Indigo]WORD to everything you've said in this thread so far, James, but especially to this.

I think that placing your child up for adoption is sad if the only reason you are doing so is because you cannot take care of the child yourself. (Notice I said [i]sad[/i] and not [i]wrong[/i].) I believe that there should be more support for mothers in these situations in the United States -- not just financial, mind you, but emotional, too.

BUT!

If you are placing a child up for adoption because of other factors, such as the one the original poster has mentioned, then, you know what? I think that's a wonderful thing. A child should be [i]wanted[/i], not looked upon as something the parents will regret. Plus, it gives people who might not be able to have a child the opportunity to grow up in a place where the child is appreciated for the little human being he or she is.

Of course, with the adoption system being what it is (in this country, at least), it isn't perfect, but it's better than leaving a child in a home where the parents know that he or she was a "mistake".[/COLOR]

[Semjaza]

Well, I'm technically adopted and so is my sister. My father passed away, my mom remarried and our step-father adopted us and changed our last name in the process. In some ways you resent the person at that age... I mean, I was already ten years old. As I got older though, I realized how difficult the whole situation is and was on him. I think he's done a good job. Adoption isn't an easy thing even at that stage.

In addition his parents actually fully adopted him, his brother and his sister. All three of their kids were adopted. I'd say that's a success story because they're a pretty closely knit family and they've been together for a very long time by now.

A family is a family, regardless of blood. In your situation, molleta, I think you did the right thing, honestly. Sometimes things like this happen and it's difficult to be adquately equipped. It's not a decision of what is "easier for me", but rather what is better for the child, as far as I'm concerned and that's obviously something that is righteous. There's a lot of people out there who just cannot have children and while this is difficult for someone who had the child (no one is just like "whatever, take it" I'd imagine, unless they're weird and try to sell the kid on eBay), it really does help fulfill the dreams of other less fortunate people.

I think you handled it very well and I admire how you've acted through all of it, myself.

[Maully]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]To answer Azure's question, I already wonder what he'll be like... Our adoption though is what they call semi-open. We have personally met the people who adopted our baby, and they are wonderful. We even got to observe them with him at the hospital and they were so incredibly loving and grateful. I am bittersweetly happy to have enriched their lives so much. As to the semi-open. We and the other couple correspond and we'll get pictures and stuff, but we will probably have no direct contact with the child unless he initiates it. I thought it was neat though, the adoptive couple took pictures of us so he could know what we looked like and see where his features came from.

I'll truthfully say that it is incredible how fast a maternal bond forms once the child has left your body... I didn't second guess my decision, but it was very difficult to put pen to paper, after only 24 hours with him.[/COLOR]

[Panda]

One of my girlfriends ended up giving up her son for adoption after becoming pregnant from a long term relationship. It was rapid fire bad events. He broke up with her, she was on her own, had to find a new place to live (actually lived with me for a few weeks) and figure out how to support herself while being pregnant with no health insurance. Adoption was the best route for her to choose. Needless to say this was a very difficult and heartbreaking decision, but the best one in her situation. Abortion was out of the question.

She found an adoptive family who were perfect. They had a beautiful home, a couple of other children and were very caring and loving. They did an open adoption and were there supporting her through the entire pregnancy and beyond. Her son knows they all love him and want the best for him. He has 2 mommys and they both love him. Everything with his adoption is very open and honest. They send her flowers and pictures on Mother's Day and all the holidays. They invite her over for family functions and have become an extended family for her. It's really an amazing thing to see. There is just so much love and honesty that it's inspiring.

Do to my health I will probably never have kids of my own. Maybe someday my hubby and I will be able to adopt and give a child a loving home. It is because of people who are willing to make this difficult decision to give their child up for adoption that people like myself can start a family.

[Frankie]

[quote name='Snarktastic][color=indigo'] Plus, it gives people who might not be able to have a child the opportunity to grow up in a place where the child is appreciated for the little human being he or she is.[/color][/quote]
I would just like to say I am greatful people have said this. For I was adopted completely. My story is a bit different though. (My adoptive mom who we will call Dar) Dar could not have children. She tried many times and ended up having anything to everything removed due to cancer or something like that I beleive. Also the man she was with (dad whi is going to be known as RON) also couldnt produce so it was a sad match of people. So they decieded they would adopt.

Now they adopted two full sisters. One was 8 and one was 7. They were going from one fostor home to another nad they had sad childhoods. Hoever these two young girls did NOT want to be adopted. They knew their mother and wanted to despretly live with her. No go. After a while though they got along and grew to love the farm they lived on. Dar still didnt feel completed. She wanted to raise a baby... not just a couple young girls.

This is where my biological mother Raela comes in. She and Dar were good friends (at the time) and Raela knew my mom wanted to raise a baby. One day she calls Dar up and asks if she still wants to raise a baby. Dar of course instantly answers with a yes. Then Raela says that she is pregnent and is willing to give her that child. The arrangements were made.

I was born and adopted the moment I was born. Raela didnt name me Dar and Ron did. However there was one problem that just recently i found out. My biological father who ill call Roger did not want to give me up. I was his only child and it hurt him deeply to see me go. They also made an agreement that he was to stay out of my life till i was 18. When i heard about this deal last year I was very angry... With Dar and Ron. It was not Roger's fault for never contacting me. Before i had knowledge of the deal i was angry with him for never contacting me but then when Dar revealed that info to me all i could do was feel sorry for him and the situation he was put in.

So life went on and the moment i was old enough to understand Dar and Ron told me of my adoption and I knew Raela and my 7 other siblings *cough* One of which i have never met because of his constant habit of goingto jail. From what i heard i didnt want to know him anyways. From what i saw from Raela i realized that with Dar and Ron I was better than any of Raela's kids. She was neglectful. Homeless alot of the times and had 8 of them living in a borken down car.

I found it all sad but now most of them have thier oun lives now and are much happier. As for Roger he called me on my 15th birthday (about 3 years ago) thinking I had turned 18. At that time i knew nothing of the "deal" so i had a conversation nicely with him not knowing what he looked like or where he was. After I hung up I was very angry. But now I understand and pray that he will call again on my next birthday (ill be 18 for real this time).

So my opinion on adoption from my point of view is a posetive one. I was saved from several different neglectful acts. Raela loved kids but not taking care of them. It wasnt that she COULDNT it was that she WOULDNT. She would have a job and with each paycheck buy a months worth of cigs. She would also leech money off of other people.

However I do beleive there are situations where the adopted child can go from bad to worse and I find it sad. I know for a fact that not every story can have a happy ending. It is sad but the truth. I approve of adoption not just because I was openly adopted (except when it comes to roger) but because I beleive every child deserves a chance to be in a loving family.

That is enough out of me though. I just wanted to point out my own story.
Note: (All names were real...)

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

In a country like Ireland where there aren't even enough actual Irish children available to be adopted by prospective parents, because more women are content to just get an abortion than have the child and put it up for adoption, I've always been a huge supporter and advocate of the adoption programme. Myself and my siblings are all the biological offspring of our parents, and to my knowledge no member of my outer family is adopted. Back when I was in high school I happened to be chatting to one of the girls next to me in computer class, and when asked why my brother was so unlike me in terms of looks and personality I replied jokingly that he was adopted.

The girl went quiet after than and I thought it was rather strange, later I asked one of her friends why she had gone quiet to which I was informed that she herself was adopted, I can't express how ****** I felt after learning that. I hadn't meant it in an insulting or malicious way, because my brother and myself are so different we could easily be mistaken for being unrelated but I still felt terrible for making her feel bad. I apologised to her profusely the next day, but it's always been in my mind any time I see her and I still feel awful about it to this day.

My thoughts on adoption are very simple, it's a wonderful idea, if the child's parents feel they can't give the child a loving home with them then giving it up for adoption is the way of insuring the eventually that child will find a set of parents who want to give him/her the love, nurturing and support he/she deserves. I can't convey how much respect I have for mothers or fathers or mothers and fathers who give up their child when they know he/she deserves better, it's so selfless that it deserves admiration beyond words. Though also I think single parents or even couples shouldn't have to give up their children if they don't want to, just because they can't afford financially to keep them, there should be support from the government to help them.

I have to admit that given to opportunity I would rather have biological children of my own with my future wife, I want what my mother and father have when the look at my siblings and me and see themselves in us. I know it seems a tad mushy but I'm a hopeless romantic at heart. Though if my wife or I wouldn't have children I would have to think before looking to adopt a child. [/SIZE]

[DBZgirl88]

[COLOR=#004a6f][QUOTE=James][font=franklin gothic medium]Thanks for providing the most useless post that this thread is likely to get.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but what you just said is ridiculous and callous. You are talking to someone who has become pregnant with a longterm partner - by accident - and who has decided to give up her baby for adoption, because she feels she cannot care for it.

For a mother to give up her child, because she feels someone else can give it a better life, would probably have to be one of the most difficult things a human being could [i]ever[/i] do. I hope that I am never ever in such a position. Molletta could have done a million other things. She could have cared for the baby and been ill-equipped to do so. But instead, she chose to override her feelings and do what she felt was right. That's a noble thing and an incredibly difficult thing.

For you to flatly say that people simply shouldn't have sex, as if it's that simple (when, again, we're talking about a longterm partner) is ridiculous and unrealistic. Moreover, the event has already happened - it's one thing to tell someone that before they have a baby, but afterwards? That's just cruel, rude and completely unproductive.

I never cease to be amazed at how people can say things like that without having any idea how it can make the other person feel.[/font][/QUOTE]I would like to say that my comment was not directed at Molleta, it was just a general statement.

Molleta asked for our thoughts on adoption. She welcomes us to post from any from any point of view. I wasn't bashing her for what she did.

I know she's already made her decision, and I'm not denying that it was indeed a difficult decision. And I'm not saying that she did anything wrong. Her intentions were good were they not?

I just think it's sad that people continue to place themselves in such a position. I know I mentioned absitence, but that's if you are unable to care for a child at the time. Sex can make a girl pregnant. One needs to acknowledge that before they decide to have sex. If you're not ready, why take the risk? Why not wait until you are able to deal with pregnancy in case it occurs?

And James, I'm not trying to be heartless. And I know most people don't give their children up for adoption with a big fat smile on their face. I know it's a hard decision. I find it sad that this mother and child had to be separated. I just hope tha Molleta does keep contact with her child.

I do think it would have been better to keep the child. She wouldn't have been alone. We live in privledge countries that are willing to support people and their children. Why not make use of these resources?

And have we gotten so used to the comfortable lifestyle we have here, that we come to expect it? Since when did money equal happiness? As long as you have enough to keep you fed, clothed and sheltered, you can be happy, and you can live a normal happy life. You will not be denying your children a good life. What a child really needs is his/her parents.[/COLOR]

[James]

[QUOTE=Chabichou][COLOR=#004a6f]I would like to say that my comment was not directed at Molleta, it was just a general statement.

Molleta asked for our thoughts on adoption. She welcomes us to post from any from any point of view. I wasn't bashing her for what she did.[/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]Perhaps you're not quite understanding [i]why[/i] it was a silly thing to say.

If you go to the funeral of someone who died from lung cancer, you don't stand at there in front of everyone and say "Well, it's ridiculous to smoke and the best way to avoid lung cancer is not to smoke at all."

Okay, fair enough, that's your viewpoint. But in the context of this thread, it's a very silly thing to say. Molletta is looking for our opinions, yes. But she's just been through this experience herself. If you are not going to at least be mildly tactful about your opinion, don't say anything at all.[/font]

[quote]
I just think it's sad that people continue to place themselves in such a position. I know I mentioned absitence, but that's if you are unable to care for a child at the time. Sex can make a girl pregnant. One needs to acknowledge that before they decide to have sex. If you're not ready, why take the risk? Why not wait until you are able to deal with pregnancy in case it occurs?[/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]Why take the risk? Have you ever been in a serious, adult relationship? I'll ask you that question again when you are.[/font]

[quote]
I do think it would have been better to keep the child. She wouldn't have been alone. We live in privledge countries that are willing to support people and their children. Why not make use of these resources?[/quote]

[font=franklin gothic medium]So you advocate what? That she have welfare support for her child? Again, it's so easy to say these things if you aren't faced with the issue yourself.

I just think it's not very tactful to make such giant assumptions and generalizations. It's not helpful and whether you realize it or not, it's probably not making Molletta feel any better, at a time when she needs support.[/font]
[quote]
And have we gotten so used to the comfortable lifestyle we have here, that we come to expect it? Since when did money equal happiness? As long as you have enough to keep you fed, clothed and sheltered, you can be happy, and you can live a normal happy life. You will not be denying your children a good life. What a child really needs is his/her parents.[/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I can [i]not[/i] believe you just said that, lol.

First of all, you don't know what Molletta's financial situation is. Nor do you know the specific circumstances of every adoption that goes on in the world. Do you think that people are just wanting to maintain a "comfortable lifestyle"? Do you think that women who give children up for adoption posess this lifestyle to any large degree?

Your statement indicates that you do, which only demonstrates that you are living in a [i]highly[/i] rarified atmosphere. Wherever you are, it isn't the real world.

In addition, you are again telling people what a happy life is. [i]You[/i] are telling [i]them[/i] what constitutes happiness. How about letting them decide for themselves? Do you realize that there is more to raising a child properly than just shelter and food? There is [i]so[/i] much more to it. Parenting is a complex task that [i]does[/i] require reasonable finances.

I just think that you should be far more mindful of how your comments can be totally unhelpful in a thread like this. This isn't a general thread asking opinions - it's a thread made by someone who went through this and who is seeking some support (or at the very least, [i]not[/i] seeking a backhanded slap). Sometimes it's better to hold your tongue to spare someone's feelings. Or at least, to word your opinions in a less directly abrasive way.[/font]

[Sara]

[color=#6699cc]Molleta, I want to say again that I think you're incredibly brave and strong person, and I entirely support your decision. I can only imagine how difficult that would be, and I hope I never need to find out. I doubt I would act as well as you have.

It's wonderful that you're able to maintain contact with the family. I hope everything goes well between you.[/color]

[DBZgirl88]

[COLOR=#004a6f][QUOTE=James]Perhaps you're not quite understanding why it was a silly thing to say.

If you go to the funeral of someone who died from lung cancer, you don't stand at there in front of everyone and say "Well, it's ridiculous to smoke and the best way to avoid lung cancer is not to smoke at all."

Okay, fair enough, that's your viewpoint. But in the context of this thread, it's a very silly thing to say. Molletta is looking for our opinions, yes. But she's just been through this experience herself. If you are not going to at least be mildly tactful about your opinion, don't say anything at all.[/QUOTE]Well James, I'm sorry, but I don't know how to word it any better. Honest, I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings.

It appears that the only way I can be more sensitive is actually agreeing with adoption, so I'm just gonna shut up now.

I want to reply to more of your post, but as you said, this isn't the place.[/COLOR]

[Emme888]

[FONT=Garamond][SIZE=1][COLOR=Indigo]im adopted myself... and personally I do believe you made the right decision. Being an adoptee is a different kind of lifestyle, but it's one that i am so grateful for. My oringal birthmother in south korea had concieved me out of wedlock...

***now i don't know, if this is true. But according to what i've been told by the adoption agency is that it is very taboo to have a child out of wedlock and you basically get shunned from your family/community. And basically it's just a very hard life from then on***

i understand what my birthmother did was for the betterment of me and herself as well. Not only would she have lived a life of hardship but than in turn so would I. I believe what she did was an act of courage and strength. She still decieded to give birth to me, and to give me up for adoption even though it may be damaging to her and her family later.

anyways, it gives me a sense of humility to know that someone cared for me so much to go through a pregancy when they could of easily aborted me. It maybe hard to let go at first, but understand... i don't know bout other adopted childern. But i don't have any ill feeling towards my birthmother... only a since of an untold love for a woman that I dont really and won't really ever know. And graditude for giving me a shot at a better life.

it makes me live my life to the fullest knowning that a woman may have given up everything for me. So in a since i feel like im not living just for myself but for her as well.

i don't know if my story will help ease your mind about giving your child up for adoption, but in my mind you did the right thing.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

[mechaconneko]

Whether you keep the children that you carry, or to give them to someone or a couple that can not have children of their own, it's an act of love. You want the best for your child, and that is what is most important. People have different reasons for every situation, and I hope that you will be able to be at peace with the choice you made for your child.

Mother of a nine year old. :rolleyes:

[elfpirate]

[b][font=Comic Sans MS]Things can happen to even the most responsible people, and I think adoption is a damned good option.

My sister is adopted from my junky cousin who is not only an addict, but a pathological, antisocial b****.

My parents adopted her from birth, bringing her home when she was a week old. Had my cousin had an abortion, I would never have known the delight of being a big sister.

My cousin has since had two boys, whom have suffered extreme neglect and abuse-- a life that my sister would have been subjected to had my cousin not decided to put her up for adoption.

So-- I do not quite understand how anyone can say that adoption in cases such as this is a bad idea.

Of course, if the world were an ideal place, and everyone who got pregnant was willing and able to take care of their babies, then there would be no conflict, but the world is far from perfect, and I'm extremely thankful for the "misfortune" that brought my little sister into my family.

Also, my best friend lives in a family of 8 children- 6 of which are adopted, special needs children--with a variety of physical and psychological disabilities. All of these children are from "3rd world" countries and every one of them needed a family. 3 of them were siblings living in Colombia before their adoption into my friend's family, and had been orphaned when their biological uncle shot their father in the head--a crime that the kids had witnessed first-hand (their mother was already deceased).

Thanks to adoption, these kids were given a second chance to have a family and the love that was missing in their lives... and they have enriched many lives, including mine.
Not only have they enriched my life, but they have taught me about the value of life and about caring for the physically disabled and the mentally ill...lessons I might not have learned otherwise if they had not been adopted by my friend's parents.

Adopted children have been part of my life and my personal circle of people I love and care for... and I have every intention of adopting children at some point in my future.

That's my little babbling rant on the subject...
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[Guest Shugo.hack]

Hey there I'm adopted and I'm glad about it. If I hadnt been adopted I dont think I would have made it as far in life as I have. Believe it or not my birth mother originally wanted to get an abortion with me but she found out alittle too late that she was pregnant. I have been trying to find her for the past 2 1/2 years. So to all of you adopted folks on otaku if you found your birth family then congrats to all of you. If you havent well dont ever give up cause I know I wont.

[eleanor]

[color=darkslateblue] In general, I think adoption is awesome and such. :) I hope everything works out, and your child has a good life.

But on other subjects, I just get pissed off when I hear about all these stories of when people take in foster kids from orphanages just for the money and end up abusing them or something. Makes me sick, really. I have no idea of how often this kind of things happens, or anything, but from what I've read... Ergh. It is sad that so many social workers are given so many cases, and can't look over every case properly. And money given is just a tax raise for civilians... If anyone knows the specifics on this, I'd love to hear it. I know there is a difference between adoption and foster parenting, so if this is off-topic, I apologize.[/color]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[quote name='Chabichou][COLOR=#004a6f']I personally disagree with giving up children for adoption. As I see it, if you are not willing to care for children (or unable to), then don't risk having them. Abstinence is the key.[/COLOR][/quote]

[color=darkviolet]Chabichou, you're usually one of my favoirte peopleon this board... just not this time.

I'm adopted, I think it was a very brave thing for my birth mother to do. Especially since I went through nine months of not enough caffiene and seven months of no horseback riding to have my beautiful baby girl. Yes i know I sound shallow but I love caffiene and horseback riding, I also love my dauighter it'd be hard to give her up.

It's nice to say abstinence is the key to not having children but it's not as easy in real life as it is on paper- I can tell you that for a fact some times physical emotions are stronger than what's going on in your head.

I'm glad that my birth mother thought enough about me to give me a chance for a better life. She was sixteen years old and trying to be able to get her GED and then go on with her life, we don't know anything about the father. She would have been risking being on welfare (okay so I'm going on welfare, but for different reasons?) and like i said before, I'm glad she did it.

Molleta you're my hero and I commend you for making such a hard discission, I don't know how you did it, but I'm sure looking back your child will be glad you did and and so will you. I know the parents are happy to finally have a child. My parents started looking into adoption back in 1977 I believe and it took four years and El knows how much money. Adoption is [i]not[/i] cheap. So in a way you helped three people. I guess you can think of it that way.

Yes, I know that my post was uncooridindated, but I don't care.[/color]

[Maully]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]I'd like to thank everyone who has taken the time to share opinions, whatever they may be, in my thread. Especially those with experience in adoption from any side. It takes a lot of something in you to share that kind of information with a perfect stranger.

I'm feeling really good about my decision at this point, and I know it was best. I have found peace with it, with some thanks to this thread.

A child should live in a nuturing environment where he is loved and wanted. While I may have loved him, I would never have been able to provide for him in the emotional or fiscal way babies need. Everyone deserves to be wanted. That's really what it boils down to. We, as a couple, decided long ago that we did not want kids, and took steps to avoid it. They didn't quite work. Anyway, back on topic. NOt wanting chlildren and finding ourselves in the state of bringing one into the world, our decision was to find someone who would [B]want[/B] and love him. I can't guarantee the we would have been able to provide that.[/COLOR]

[Petie]

[quote name='Molleta][color=seagreen']I'm feeling really good about my decision at this point, and I know it was best. I have found peace with it, with some thanks to this thread.[/color][/quote][font=Verdana][color=blue]I'm glad you're able to feel good with your decision. I think it's great you were able to make that decision and I wish you and your child luck for the future. I'm sure he'll be perfectly happy with his family.[/color][/font]