Fear

[kenshinsbabe]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Georgia]This was sparked by my friend. She has this crush and is too afraid to ask him to go to a dance with her. Trivial, I know. I've given her endless amounts of advice on how to go about doing it, and got her all pumped up.

The next day comes, and she chickens out. Her whole life, she's been doing that. She reminds me of the cowardly lion. "I'm not brave enough to do this," or "I'm too scared to do that".

What is it about fear that makes us so ready to give up? I realize that I could be going a bit hard on her, but what's the point of living if you're just going to hide from things all your life?

I'm not saying that I'm fearless, but I'm pretty damn close. Until two years ago, I was so fearful of everything. Then I decided that I wasn't going to be scared of life. Ever since then, I've experience a wide array of emotions that I don't even believe.

So why are fearful people so fearful? What are they afraid of? Am I just being an *** and making a big deal over nothing?[/FONT][/SIZE]

[Harry]

Because you have yet to experience something truly hurtful? I'm not saying that's a great excuse or that it hasn't happened to you but that could be it.

[elfpirate]

[quote name='Harry']Because you have yet to experience something truly hurtful? I'm not saying that's a great excuse or that it hasn't happened to you but that could be it.[/quote]
[b][font=Comic Sans MS]I don't think I'm getting this the way it was intended. Are you saying that people who have been hurt are more fearful? I ask only because my painful experiences made me more willing to take chances and made me far less fearful of the world in general...so this didn't seem right to me...[/font][/b]

[Retribution]

[size=1]Why do we fear? Why do [i]you[/i] fear? I'm sure you're not fearless, and you're afraid of something else. Search deeply. You'll have your answer.

Why do I fear? Well, first of all, I don't fear relationships - more like physical danger. I'm afraid of that because I hate pain, I hate the adrenaline that pumps to help you cope and the increased heart rate. For certain things, I'm afraid because I will fail, I will let someone down, I will let myself down, and things will go down the tubes.

All I can advise people who are afraid of things is that you have to face it sometimes. Not always, but sometimes you must, and you can't shy away from it. Pain is a part of life. Always.[/size]

[Panda]

What makes someone fearful differs from person to person. I am not afraid of heights and use to love rock climbing. I've gone along with a friend who is a trained mountain rescue climber as he teaches new students. Most students are there with a mixture of excitement and fear. Some just freak out when they are a few feet off the ground.

I don't fear needles. I get injections of chemo every week and have my blood drawn all the time. I've been in the chair next to people screaming and crying over a little needle. Heck, I have seen them pass out. Seems silly to those of us who aren't afraid, but to those who are this is too much stimuli to handle.

Some have had bad experiences with whatever it is that they are fearful of while others may fear the consequences of that thing they fear. Flying= plane crashing. Large dog= mauling. Speaking infront of a large group= making a fool out of yourself. Many different things can make someone fear something.

Being careful and a bit fearful will keep you from getting hurt, but being overly fearful will keep you from experiencing anything in life, good or bad.

[Brasil]

My advice in coping with fear and anxiety?

Balls to the wall.

*sagely nods*

[Horendithas]

I am with Panda on this one, what makes one afraid differs quite a bit from person to person. I also agree with elfpirate as some fearful experiences give us more courage to face things.

I wouldn?t say that being afraid to ask someone to go on a dance is trivial as the fear of rejection can be really quite powerful for some people.

I?ve had some experiences in my life where I could have been killed and truthfully they scared me quite a bit. But it didn?t stop me from continuing to live my life. Like elfpirate I?ve ended up gaining more courage after experiencing what I did.

[Doukeshi]

[SIZE=1]I haven't been in any sort of 'fear for my life' sort of situation and I haven't been afraid of anything that requires any physical exertion. I fear a great many things that lots of people take for granted, however. A panicky, phobic sort of fear that makes you want to curl up into a tight ball and hide somewhere close and dark.

I get afraid of social situations, particularly relationships. I'm afraid I'm not a good enough friend, that I'm wasting my life. I get afriad for other people rather easily, especially my little sister and my friends.

Sometimes its hard to control, but its something some people just have to deal with. On the other hand you can't just say 'suck it up' because it honestly doesn't work like that[/SIZE]

[SunfallE]

[QUOTE=kenshinsbabe][SIZE=2][FONT=Georgia]This was sparked by my friend. She has this crush and is too afraid to ask him to go to a dance with her. Trivial, I know. I've given her endless amounts of advice on how to go about doing it, and got her all pumped up.

The next day comes, and she chickens out. Her whole life, she's been doing that. She reminds me of the cowardly lion. "I'm not brave enough to do this," or "I'm too scared to do that".

What is it about fear that makes us so ready to give up? I realize that I could be going a bit hard on her, but what's the point of living if you're just going to hide from things all your life?

I'm not saying that I'm fearless, but I'm pretty damn close. Until two years ago, I was so fearful of everything. Then I decided that I wasn't going to be scared of life. Ever since then, I've experience a wide array of emotions that I don't even believe.

So why are fearful people so fearful? What are they afraid of? Am I just being an *** and making a big deal over nothing?[/FONT][/SIZE][/QUOTE]

I guess it depends upon the situation, as what may scare one person wouldn?t even intimidate the next person. I don?t think her fear of asking the person out is trivial as some people are really frightened over being rejected.

Some people are afraid and like you finally reach the point where they decide to accept it by doing things that scare them anyway, and for some reason others never get to that point.

If your friend has never experienced being rejected or truly hurt then maybe she has low-self esteem and just needs some help from a professional to sort it out.

As for why people are fearful, can?t really say. I know for myself I?ve always been of the opinion that I refuse to be a victim and cower over things. I?ve actually been in some pretty scary situations and I wasn?t totally scared. I was actually able to make rational decisions and not panic.

I know it?s not that simple, I just know that for whatever reason it works for me.

[Farto the Magic]

I know what you'retalking about. I had a situation yesterday where I wanted to talk to this girl I like and it was so hard. I mean, Irealized that we were both regular people, I'm pretty outgoing, she's nice, and she's not busy, but it was one of the hardest things I've ever pushed myself to do. I mean, I gave blood today for the first time just because someone said to me "Hey, let's go give blood."
I liked that. It was fun to be honest. I can handle pain, but I think it was the fear of rejection that kicked me in the crotch, so to speak. I mean, I ended up talking to her, but only if a divine being (any would do at that point) would help me.

I did like on '40 Year Old Virgin' and only asked questions. It was awesome!!! But, even after talking for however long that was (half-hour to an hour, I don't know) I still can't bring myself to say hi to her when I see her casually. Its so fricken hard! But yeah, that's my take.

[Retribution]

[quote name='Doukeshi][SIZE=1']Sometimes its hard to control, but its something some people just have to deal with. On the other hand you can't just say 'suck it up' because it honestly doesn't work like that[/SIZE][/quote]
[size=1]Isn't that what conquering fear is all about? If you don't just suck it up for once, you can't conquer it. It might be something minor, but every time you conquer fear, you have to fight against your natural urge to stop doing whatever you're doing.[/size]

[Harry]

[quote name='elfpirate][b][font=Comic Sans MS]I don't think I'm getting this the way it was intended. Are you saying that people who have been hurt are more fearful? I ask only because my painful experiences made me more willing to take chances and made me far less fearful of the world in general...so this didn't seem right to me...[/font'][/b][/quote]
Generally when things hurt you, you fear it. This of course varies on how painful it is, and whether or not you're superman (which according to your description you are).

[kenshinsbabe]

[SIZE=2][FONT=Georgia]For those of you confused, I'll explain. Sorry I was so vague! :animeswea

She [I]has not[/I] been rejected before, though she seems to think she has. Of the two boys she went out with, she dumped them, not the other way around. So she's never really experienced rejection from the opposite sex.

What makes me so sore about this is that all she does is continuously whine about how she couldn't do it, yet when I ask her why, she says, "I don't know. I'll do it tomorrow, I promise." Tomorrow comes around, and she comes crying back to me.

What's worse is that she's getting other people to talk to him, instead of talking to him herself. No matter what I say, she just won't take the initiative.[/FONT][/SIZE]

[AWOL]

Then should you be supporting her on this? You shouldn't. That is why you ought to stop her from taking cover behind others all the time. Its okay, occassionally, but definately not all the time.

I would seem to me that the concern here isn't the fear from inexperience, but what she feels is or not suited for her. The person who does the dumping ususally comes up with the reason first; the rejectee should be the one feeling more hurt since he/she didn't make that choice to break up.

Since her problem seems to be purely upon extreme nervousness, not fear. She will need time to curb that, but she must take that first step to even see a breakthrough.

[GANTZ]

hmmmmm......i think i fear pain,i will do whatever it takes to defend myself and friends,i also fear loss

[Guest soul surviver]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Sounds like your friend is afraid of what she doesn't know. If she hasn't been regected befor then she doesn't know how much it will heart her. Geting your firends to talk to someone for you is a way of finding out if they like you or not. If they do there is no risk of rejection and the fear is gone. But if they don't you don't ask them out and don't make a fool of your self.
Whilst this may save your friend from embaressment it may anoy the guy she likes and it may runen any chance she could have with him. Sounds like she should just go for it and see. If he says shes got him if hesays no she'll know what rejection feels like and that will help her the next time she whants to ask someone els out.
As for me I'm afraid of being alone I always have been. I like having my friends around me, I know that as long as I have them I can come throw anything that life throws at me.[/COLOR]