I'm having the worst year of my life

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]Hi, it's the ever perky CHW to admit that I'm really [i]not[/i] that perky. I'm really having a rough time. Yes, this is out of character, but hear me out.

My world started crashing down back in March when my soon to be ex- husband decided that he wanted a divorce, he then decided to see how things would work out and I thought things were going great. We went up th Ft. Drum where he's stationed now and looked at houses, bought some antiques. He even bought a new vehicle. We were planning for our future together with our daughter.

Then he went back to TX and decided that he wanted a divorce. He also started seeing this other woman (34 with a ten year old) who he'd known since we were engaged. He says he loves her more than he ever loved me. Which really hurts. It hurts even more to know that even before our divorce is finalized they're already engaged. I hope I can get him on that.

On top of this I'm sick (hyper active Thyroid) and keep losing my jobs about a month into them.

This whole situation makes me ill both physically and emotionally. I suffer from chronic depression (no seriously I do) and have recently gone back to thinking of suicide- even seeing my daughter doesn't help sometimes. I'm just tired of being strong, fighting everything and struggling through. I really just want to get everything over with in one way or another.

I'm not saying this for sympathy, just advice and to get it off my chest. I'm either snapping at someone or crying. I can't get through my days as easily as I thought I could. I really rather just die and get it over with. I already feel dead inside.

So advice, stories requests for my stuff? Please don't delete the post.[/color]

[Ikillion]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray]Well I guess I can kinda relate, not to the fact of being divorced and all of that. but instead living through a time of being divorced. You see my parents got divorced long before I was ever born. That should have been a sign that my life was already destined to be horrible. I mean i still can remember the first day that I wanted to kill myself. I mean i was always just so confused why I couldent even live with both of my parents at the same time. I would sit in the corner crying until I fell aslepp why I couldent live like my friends with both of them. Skipping ahead to the worst year of my life however.

It all started in January. My birthday infact, I was so excited even though I was living with my father, the most horrible person imaginable. I was still excited though. Then nobody remember about it. Not till the next week that i mentioned it that my dad remembered about it. This didnt really affect me but it was just basicly like a bad omen for the months to come. Then back in March I almost become paralyzed from the neck down from climbing up a tree to get my half sisters ball that went into the tree. I slipped and got my spine ripped up by a broken tree branch. And yes it didnt tickle.

Then come July a month before school starts I finally am dignaosed(sp?) with Insomina. My doctor keep on telling me that if i had some sort of tramatic past. As much as I want to tell him my thoughts on how literally crazy I am in my head, i cant. All im hearing about is "oh even though he has had such a bad past, he seems really capable of reaching to the top." Or ill hear."Most kids in his situation would want to kill themselvs. I dont think hes even though about it." Every time I hear it i just want to shout that its all a lie. Im no different i just internalize my pain. I make a fake outside shell of myself that everyone knows me by, and keep the realy me hidden off from the rest of the world.

To finish the worst year of my life case is that now I have Hurricane Rita to deal with. Oh boy. What makes it twice as worse is that.1, I have herd today that it has been raised to a F5 hurrican where as Katrina was only an F4. 2 Im directly in its path, well more like off to the side atleast according to predictions now. but that still only makes my life worse. I wonder how much worse it can get now?[/COLOR]

[Brasil]

I think this is like, the mid-year for emotional crap like that to happen. I've been feeling like **** for a solid...5, 6 months now, I think. Nothing feels good anymore, nothing excites you. You feel...trapped, stagnant. It's a bleh kind of state. The reasons for the depression differ, but the best cure for feeling dead inside is either writing for me, to take my mind off things, or to get a jolly good rodgering. Either one works for me. ^_^

You and I haven't seen eye-to-eye occasionally in the past (though, strangely enough, we're agreeing more and more, lol), but if you ever need to talk, drop me a line. I think my AIM sn is on here somewhere.

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]I don't really know what to say - I can't think of any advice I could give that wouldn't somehow seem forced or something. I don't know.

All I can say is, as Alex said, if you ever want someone to talk to (or just someone to listen to your problems), you should feel free to send me an IM. Although I can't ever guarantee that I'll have useful advice for you, I can guarantee that I'll be there to listen whenever you need it.[/font]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[quote name='Brasil'] You and I haven't seen eye-to-eye occasionally in the past (though, strangely enough, we're agreeing more and more, lol), but if you ever need to talk, drop me a line. I think my AIM sn is on here somewhere.[/quote]

[color=darkviolet]Well, the reason we're seeing eye to eye now is because you've seen the light and joined the dark side. :D

I really appreciate everyone's replies so far (and there have only been 3 so you know they're good) I'm not so bad off that I think I'm worse off than people in the path of a hurricane or the nearly paralyzed like Sand Dragon.

I've been trying to write some really pointless fanfiction (ie Winx Club parody) to take my mind off of things. It works for a bit- I'm on my tenth chapter of KNow Your Stars with over 60 reviews. It does help to know that people who don't know me love me.

THe best part so far is my friends trying to get me to go out and hooking me up. My friend from here has gotten me to goto a Puerto Rican dance club with her twice and I just got off Yahoo IM with a guy my friend from TX told about me. If anyone else feels so inclined (not to hook me up to talk online) my yahoo IM is on my profile- I'm ghetto so I don't have AOL :P.

So thank you so far and I promise not to hurt the military personnel. I think I should take the advice of my custom title Dans chaque fin, il y a un debut- In the end, there is also a beginning. Maybe I'll even get it tatooed somewhere.[/color]

[r2vq]

ChibiHorsewoman we all love you at Otakuboards. It's probably not the right thing to say but Picture Capture Game wouldn't be the same without you! And your crazy threads are always worth a smile! ^^

It was really a hard year and I thought I'd post mine. Just to say you're not alone. ^^ We can support each other emotionally lol.

Mine was actually 2 years... Around February my parents were very happy and excited. Apparently my dad had planned out futures. A very bad omen. He said that as long as things continued as they were they'd be done paying everything off in a couple years.

A month later my mom lost her job. She quickly became depressed and disillusioned. I was already having disagreements with her and the worsened situation didn't help at all.

Around the same time my father started telling me about his days at work and how an American sister-company was screwing them over. He was fighting hard to keep protect his company. He eventually got fired. He sued the company but didn't get much from the settlement.

We spiralled into financial difficulties left and right. Eventually we were evicted in December. Great Christmas gift. We had to move downtown and my parents sorta rented the upper floor of a friend's house. It was a dirty, dirty place and we weren't allowed in some of the rooms because of the dirt. One of the rooms was full of pornographic magazines and what looked to me like drugs. >_> The person we were renting from was high a lot of the time too. The worst part though was the mice. They ate through the plastic bags that we kept our food in and pooped on our beds.

My parents tried to keep us sane by buying us gifts. My sister got an MP3 CD Walkman. They even bought a DVD Player and my dad got a new toolset. I don't know how they thought they could afford it though.

He was evicted too so we got kicked out. This was in January. My sisters were at school but I was sick that day. Lucky me. The police gave me and the landlord (my parents weren't home) 15 minutes to evacuate. I rushed around in my pajamas grabbing whatever warm clothes I could find. I eventually found a sweater with holes in it, my pants and some dirty socks. The POLICE forced a SICK boy outside in a sweater when it was 30 below Zero. I also grabbed whatever I could for my sisters and my parents... Luckily the landlord knew a couple friends down the street that we stayed with for the afternoon.

The next day I had the biggest fever I ever had. My chills were only stopped when I shouted to my parents and they layered 2 feet of blankets on me and then my dad lay down on top of that.

My parents moved us into my mother's friend's house that evening but were feeling very guilty. They tried to get us out of there as fast as they could and into our own place. After a week of searching they found a house a bit closer to our schools. Unfortunately it wasn't ready and my parent's felt way too guilty.

That night we slept in a motel.

We eventually found ourselves in the new home but after everything that happened the adults were very depressed. They even thought about leaving Canada even though we've been here for 14 years. My relationship with my mother weakened.

She yelled at me more and more and I felt like she was using me as a scapegoat for her problems. Eventually, after a stupid, stupid fight, that involved my father beating me, I left. This was July or August. I phoned my girlfriend and told her I was leaving home.

She and her father found me at a bus stop. Her parents took me in and helped me get in touch with Social Workers. Now I'm on Student Welfare and have my own room beside theirs. I try to be good and respect them and they're very kind to me.

My parents were apparently kicked out of the house I ran away from a few times. Now they're in a different location. My two younger sisters are with them.

The worst part about it all wasn't even the poverty, my sisters and I could live like that. It was the arguments that I had with my mother and father. It was how my mother would be perpetually angry at me. How she would ignore my presence when I am there and scream about me when I wasn't in the room. How she would bang on my door until I opened it. Threaten me with a knife and then in the end, it was always my fault. And I was always the one who had to apologize. For whatever it was... leaving a mark on the dishes or for the rice cooker malfunctioning. Or for going straight to my room when I get home and hiding from that very experience.

Yeah, anyway. Suicide? I've thought that pretty much since I was twelve. Sometimes I picture myself running downtown and letting my body freeze and rot to death... But I've rely on my friends a lot. And probably without them, I'd be there right now, rotting away.

Things will get better. They always will. The only reason I'm here today is because when my friends told me to, I tried my best to disregard what my gut told me and instead I had hope.

That and I distracted myself a lot heh heh

-ArV

[Veritas]

[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]I sorry for your stuggles CHW, one of my uncles who is like a dad for me just went trough a divorce so I know its tough cause I can see it through him. Its been a pretty tough year for me too.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]My family also struggles with chronic depression, we have a long line of it and I'm no exception. I first got diagnosed with depression when I was in 6th grade after my first suicide attept, so the put me on prozac and I did some counseling. Well I was off it after a few months. [/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]Throught junior high I wasnt doing so hot in school and I started having increasing problems with my dad. My dad doesnt live with me and only comes around every once in awhile. He is very critical and harsh person, and thinks everything should be done his way. As a child I was terrified of him but as I've grown into an adult I've began to stick up for myself more and more. This has caused him to threaten my life or to beat me acouple of times, though the first time he actually tried I told him to get out of my life which stopped him.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]Anyways last december, my sophomore year in HS, I got really depressed. I ended up missing probably over a month of school and the majority of what I would do was work. Well I got back on anti depressants and started seeing a psycologist, which helped me get out of my slump as well as improve my relationship with my mother. Well my dad had a pretty apathetic additide towards the counseling and one day we got into an argument, though this was now late may. Well he wasnt happy about the outcome and ended up showing up at our house. He treatened to kill me, and when I told him I could get a restraining order on him and got up to do it he shoved me into our front window. Well we began to face off and he tried to assault me but I was able to fend him off. [/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]I got a protective order on him and I decided to persue charges against him, he at first tried to fight it saying I started it. Although he consented to a plea bargain, which he didnt follow through with and was supposed to go to a court hearing for it. He didn't show up and now he has a warrant out for him though he says he talked to someone before hand and got the court date changed.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]I just though I would share my stuggle with you CHW, anyways suicide does cross my mind quite often, though the biggest thing that stops me is I love to help people and overall I love life. I love being able to share my experiences with people and hear theirs in exchange. I love being able to help people or give advice. Life is something that is beautiful and ugly all at the same time. It tends to throw things at you out of nowhere as well as kick you when your down but it gives just as much as it takes. There will always be a brighter day in your future, just because you cant see the sun at night doesnt mean its not there, though the moon gives us a small reflection of that better day. Just keep your head up ok, hopefully I can talk to you some other time on better circumstances.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred][/color][/size][/font]
[font=Arial][size=1][color=darkred]shadow[/color][/size][/font]

[Doukeshi]

[SIZE=1]Bad times for all baby! We should have a support group or something heh.

I would tell you about the worst year I've ever had, pretty much started when I was 17 then ended when I was 18, but I don't really see the educational value in just splurging out my problems when you have your own.

I don't believe in the whole "oh you think you've got it bad, what about me" sort of thing, so here's the deal, I'll give you my little pearly pearls of infathomable wisdom and you can cheer up some kay?

In my experience, when things are tough they're tough, no doubt about that. Sometimes you can have things that last for a few months, some last for years. Everyone has their traumas, and anyone who trys to detract any kind of worth from anyone elses trauma is just callous. What I'm trying to say is, yes bad things happen, to everyone and anyone, however, there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how dim looking it may be right now, it is there.

I'm not saying everything will work out instantly, but it will get better. Just work through things one day at a time, one task at a time and you'll make it. Find something you like doing, as you're doing now, and focus on that for a while.

Prehaps, since all this **** is happening now, it means that the rest of your life will be trouble free, since its all been gotten rid of now ^_~.

[B]P.S[/B] Suicide is never justifiable, you kill yourself and you will be a coward. I don't think you're a coward CHW so don't prove me wrong okay.
[/SIZE]

[Zidargh]

Coming from a son of a father who nearly did the same as what you're considering: -

It's not an option to run out on your daughter. You're leaving her grandparents to answer the questions she should never have to have.

[Pumpkin]

[SIZE=1]I'm sorry to hear about your troubles CHW. I know exactly how you feel and although I don't want to shower you with my personal troubles, I'm definately not meaning to say "My life is worse off then yours" at all. I don't know much about divorce, except for sometimes I wish my parent's would get one. It's really bad with all the fighting at the house.

My half-sister is now 30 years old and just lost her husband this year due to a motorcycle accident. He was only 34 years old and was her best friend. She has a two year old boy at home now that she has to raise all by herself. She's had a rough life. My family constinately talks behind my half-sister's back about how spoiled she is and how she's "jealous" of my sister. There's more I could say, but it's all just one big soap-opera.

[b]Okay so your probably wondering what the point of this whole story is right?[/b] Well my half-sister always appears so happy despite to me it feels like her whole life is just one big soap opera show. I never believed the saying "When you hit rock bottom, all there is is to go up" until now. I try and get my depressions by thinking of the future, how its going to be better, and how I can make my life work for me. If there are people in your life that hurt you, then they are not worth the time. It's taken me a lot to figure that out and just wanted to say you are lucky that you have friends that care about you. Although I know more additional support comes in handy since I too might have a case of chronic depression (no joke). I got Yahoo IM because ironically thats what my half-sister uses, It's [b]Pumpkindiva07[/b] if you ever need to talk about anything feel free to IM me.

I just thought your situations were similar and I know you'll make it through this. Hang in there okay? Divorce is a very tough thing to go through and I'm sure it hurts alot. I know you can make it. Women power. >.<;! okay that was random.
[/SIZE]

[Zephyr]

Well, I cannot claim to be an expert in all of this, but like everyone I have had hardships (not to mention, an opinion ;) ) that have given me lessons in life. I do have a small idea of what the divorce is doing to you, after seeing how it drained everything (both physically and emotionally) from a boss at work. He endured though it, and I am sure everyone here knows you can too, and will be there for you.

Perhaps the best advice I know from these two decades of life is that to endure you need to let go of powerful emotions before they well up too high. Find something that you can take your anger and frustration out on (without causing actual harm or damage), and something that calms you and puts you into a god mood. Just find something you can focus emotions on, other then the problem.

I hope that this can help you, and as everyone else here has said I am here for you.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]I really appreciate all the support I'm getting from everyone.

I'm still really mad at Lincoln and a part of me will probably never get over what he's done to me (Would you be able to after almost five years?) but the rest of me is trying to be rational and saying that I'd be an absolute idiot to take him back. Thankfully that side is winning. I hope

I like how so many people have told me not to kill myself either- it's a real morale booster. Especially since I know how obnoxious I can be. So thanks

I'm reallly thankful for the support from everyone because I know I'll need it for a while even though I'm sure that things can't get much worse unless he decides to wage a custody battle. And in that case I'm gonna go down to TX and enlist some of my Army buddies. Because no one takes my daughter without a fight.

Finally I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in having a bad year because we really do need something like the OB therapy lounge.

So in conclusion no matter how depressed I get I'm gonna keep a picture of my daughter to look at because I just couldn't do that to her. Especially since she'd end up having to live with Lincoln![/color]

[SunfallE]

Well I could attempt to give you advice, but most of my problems have been quite different than yours so I?m not sure if the advice would match. ^_~ Plus I?m not that good at being wise either.

I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time though. I?ve never been married, but I remember all to well just how crazy my life was when my parents got divorced; It really was quite a stressful and emotionally painful experience.

I do hope that you take the idea of suicide and throw it out the window so to speak. Not only would your daughter miss you but we would miss your perky and wacky threads here at OtakuBoards. ^_~ I hope starting the thread helped you a little bit as I know for me that when I am feeling down being able to talk about it with others always makes me feel a bit better.

Anyway, hang in there okay? *hug* (I know that isn?t much in the way of advise, but I really do wish for things to get better for you)

[aizima]

I have issues with my father also.He left and kept lying to us saying he'll be back, but never shows up. But I am lifted by the other things in life. Sure,we may not have a way to make the pain go away.... but, we do have something..... and that is [COLOR=Red]faith[/COLOR] and [COLOR=Red]will[/COLOR]. No one can take that away from you. You're not alone CHW. We can do this together! :catgirl:

[Guest tasu22889]

[QUOTE=ChibiHorsewoman][color=darkviolet]Hi, it's the ever perky CHW to admit that I'm really [i]not[/i] that perky. I'm really having a rough time. Yes, this is out of character, but hear me out.

My world started crashing down back in March when my soon to be ex- husband decided that he wanted a divorce, he then decided to see how things would work out and I thought things were going great. We went up th Ft. Drum where he's stationed now and looked at houses, bought some antiques. He even bought a new vehicle. We were planning for our future together with our daughter.

Then he went back to TX and decided that he wanted a divorce. He also started seeing this other woman (34 with a ten year old) who he'd known since we were engaged. He says he loves her more than he ever loved me. Which really hurts. It hurts even more to know that even before our divorce is finalized they're already engaged. I hope I can get him on that.

On top of this I'm sick (hyper active Thyroid) and keep losing my jobs about a month into them.

This whole situation makes me ill both physically and emotionally. I suffer from chronic depression (no seriously I do) and have recently gone back to thinking of suicide- even seeing my daughter doesn't help sometimes. I'm just tired of being strong, fighting everything and struggling through. I really just want to get everything over with in one way or another.

I'm not saying this for sympathy, just advice and to get it off my chest. I'm either snapping at someone or crying. I can't get through my days as easily as I thought I could. I really rather just die and get it over with. I already feel dead inside.

So advice, stories requests for my stuff? Please don't delete the post.[/color][/QUOTE]I'm sorry to hear about that....truly i am..on other forums I'm known as a person who people can talk too..so if you would like just IM me and I'll help..I may be young but I know my way around the lot(means I've had my fair share of pain)

[Dragonboym2]

[COLOR=Blue]Do you need a hug? (HUG).
I know how you feel. I myself have an old freind of mine who is bi-polar, and recently got clinicly depressed. She can't see any of us from high school, the shock would kill her. And there is nothing I can do. All I can do is wait, and pray. I hope she'll be okay. She was one the best artists I've ever met, and she has a wonderful gift I would hate to see go to waste.
My brother has three disabilties, and no freinds at all. :(
He has OCD, PPD, and Asbergers stage one.
I got tired of his obessions like with that damn girl from the Harry Potter movies, or Tron Bonn from "Mega Man Legends." And he used to get mad if there were clouds in the sky, or if it was raining.
And I have Asbergers stage one myself. It sucks. I'm offended about the sterotpyes on tv, and movies, that people like us run around in wheelchairs, wear funny helmets, drool all over the place, and crap ourselves. I hate that! Many of us are highly intellegent, yoiu see. Most of us aren't that servere.
Taking your life is most horrilbe thing you could do. It's a premament solution to a temperay problem. If you feel this way, eat to much, cry, talk to a freind, anything. Life is a wonderful gift, and it's very short.

Things will get better, they will. Don't give up. Don't ever give up. Do it for your daughter, your family, your freinds, and finally for me. And everyone here.
We belive in you.

"KAMEHAMEHA!"

Dragonboym2[/COLOR]

[Guest RulerOfDarkness]

i'm sorry ur going through all this chibi i hope ur life gets better i ain't the best at things like this but i am 1 who enjoys trying to cheer ppl up so if u ever wanna talk to me ur more than welome to pm ok

[Drix D'Zanth]

Chibihorsewoman,
There is only so much one can tell a person in grief before the words fall short of an earnest destination. I can only offer so many condolences before the validity of my conviction fades. Much of the advice that you will recieve is going to be the stuff of [U]Chicken Soup for the Soul[/U]. But beneath the sometimes banal and archetypical "therapy" we may offer you, know that suffering as a human condition we can all share and empathize. Know that I, for one, care sincerely about your difficulty. I think about what it means to be a Christian when I see how evil the world can be to you. It has dawned on me exactly what that means, how short we fall as Christians. You and I disagree almost completely on many social, ethical, and religious issues- and we've clashed multiple times, exchanging often hurtful words for the sake of discourse.

I want you to understand that despite my past behavior, I truly have love for you in your moment of need. I know that if an insignificant person like myself has such a compassion for you, Jesus certainly does to. Please seek him out.

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]"[I]The show must go on[/I]", a phrase and a song by Queen, the latter being what I'm listening to for the last few minutes. Like Jordan (Drix) Chibi, you and I often disagree on a variety of subjects, though I don't think we've ever gone past the realm of friendly debate and into the territory where we get quite serious as I have done with others. What I'm trying to say and as usual I'm being complicated when being simple in what I say would be so much shorter and more obvious, but I want you to know that you have my support and empathy in what you're going through. You are a positive influence on Otakuboards, bringing all manner of entertaining and interesting threads and responses to the Lounge, and were they to stop I would be most saddened.

I?ve gone over my own worst year more than a few times, it was last year or more precisely a twelve month period between October/November 2003 to the same period the following year when I started getting therapy. I won?t go into the details because I?ve given them plenty of times before, but I know that suicide might seem like a way out, but it?s not Chibi, it?s really not. When I went though my depression it was because my whole live collapsed at an age where everything new was just about to happen and for that to happen has put me back three years of life which I?ll never get back. But they (and they being very wise people) say whatever doesn?t kill us, makes us stronger and in this case and many cases, perhaps all cases this is the truth. I?ve dealt with a lot of my demons in the last twelve months and hopefully the coming eleven will allow me to finally go forward, but the point is that we all have things to live for and it sounds to me that your daughter is certainly one of them.

I?m rambling here I know, as I?ve never been good at giving advice, but I think that in all honesty you should just move on, take your life by the balls and march forward. If your ex-husband wants to have joint custody of his daughter then you should let him, if you think he?s a good father and would be a good influence on your [plural] daughter. If you don?t well maybe you should still let him see her occasionally, because all fathers and I?m only going by what my father has told me, love their children more than they can say, and losing their child is beyond heart-breaking. I know that may sound a little sappy and that I may be siding with your husband, but I?m not, I just don?t think you should use your daughter to hurt him and in so doing hurt her.

Anyway enough of my shite, as usual I?ve rambled for two paragraphs. Put simply Chibi have the knowledge that you have my support and that I hope everything turns out for the best. And yes for those of you who will note it, I skipped my Interesting, most interesting entrance because I thought the post and thread content warranted it, yes, that means I?m not going to stop doing it. [/SIZE]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]Stand strong. You have a plethora of people here who wish you well and want to do all they can to help you. That, if nothing else, should comfort you a bit- people [i]care[/i]. All of these people care about you.

Somehow this response seems paltry in comparison to the unending, multiple paragraph tangents people have been going on. :animesighOh well. Maybe that's a good thing.

Anyway, keep your chin up. Keep on tromping.[/color]

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]There's even more fun to add to this mess- Lincoln 'forgot' to put my child support money in my checking account so I have to wait until Monday according to him. Never mind that he could just give me the money he owes me and I'll pay him back on Monday, he's just not gonna help me out. Never mind that I helped him out on several occasions (letting him see our daughter when it's not his weekend is helping) and I only have $1.93 in my checking and $.61 in savings. I believe he's too busy spending money on his fiancee to be of assistance to me.

I'm just getting so sick of him winning and me losing. It'd be nice to actually come out on top for once in my life. I mean, I thought I did 5 years ago, but obviously love for him doesn't work that way.

I'm hoping that something will turn around for me sooner or later- my friend from TX has me talking with this one guy who served with her husband. And for everyone else who's having a crappy year, I hope things shape up for you too.

And finally to Drix- I like debating with you, it keeps me sane so let me know if you care to try sometime.[/color]

[Veritas]

[size=1][color=darkred]About the child support issue, I can relate to that first hand, not as a parent though, but as a child. [/color][/size]
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[size=1][color=darkred]One thing we tried doing at one point is there is a State Gov. program here that will take the child support out of the non-custodial parents paycheck, as long as you know where he works. Though I don't know if there is anything like that outside Utah, as well as I believe you said he lives in a different state.[/color][/size]
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[size=1][color=darkred]Technically if he doesn't pay it I believe though I am not certain but you could take him to court. Though that might not be an option for you either. But you have my empathy because I can kinda feel where your comming from, plus my mom has struggled and still struggles with some of those kind of this to date.[/color][/size]
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[size=1][color=#8b0000]If you ever need to talk feel free to pm me or e-mail, I also have yahoo and msn. They are on my profile, I know you dont't know me very well but having someone to talk to which I'm sure you already do always helps.[/color][/size]
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[Ikillion]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray]Ah the issue of child support...how many times have I herd that word

I can only say how many times I had to remember that my moher said we have no money in anykind of a account anymore. What really stunk is that when she lost her job and almost everything we had started to be towed. Yes however that was a long time ago and it has pased. The child support thing still gets on my nervs because that is almost the only thing I hear about anymore.

It was kind of wierd that even now at times we run out of money and my mom jsut acts like almost nothing has changed, when it really has. Like almost two months ago we had to stop getting grocies (sp?) becuse the {edits out the very bad curses} known as my father didnt even bother to pay it.

There is only so mand bad things I can say. Yet I still do not feel at all happy on the inside. I just wnat to let the anger all out. I dont however instead I keep it all inside and go on happily with me life ^.^ So come on at just try to make the best out of your bad situation alright? It really stinks when your feeling vey negative about stuff. You can Im or Pm me if you like...Theres stuff on my profile about that. so just please try to feel better.[/COLOR]

[Killer7]

lol, I am having the worst year of my life too. For about the past six months I have been feeling really depressed, and constantly thought about suicide. But he is just too patronizing and thinks i know why I am depressed, and I can stop the bad thoughts, when in reality I have been trying that for 6 months. Anyways, my advice to you, this is your life, do want you want to it. But before you do anything, think of the affect on your friends and family, and what problems it may cause for your daughter.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[color=darkviolet]Things just go from bad to worse for me. I still haven't gotten my child support. So I didn't have the money to pay for my daughter's baby sitting and the babysitter got mad.

Then I went and checked my email and there were two emails from Lincoln's girlfriend/fiancee whatever. They were both rude and harassing because I mentioned to one of my friends infront of Lincoln that Consuela (doesn;t that translate to with floor?) looked like Divine Brown. I'm saving those for court use if necessary. I may have to change my email address (which sucks because Chibi Horsewoman is so me) because Lincoln went and gave this female dog (I can't use the word I want because of censorship) my email and she know my yahoo IM handle. I may not be that good looking, but at least I'm woman enough to tell soemone I have a problem with them face to face or by phone and not insult them. Plus at least my friends are trying to find me a man instead of a boy.

Okay, maybe I shouldn't have said that she looks like Divine Brown (FYI she's the hooker Hugh Grant picked up in 95) around Lincoln, but I didn't say that to her. And she has no right to go and email me. The woman is 34 and acting like a 5 year old. She spazzes when she hears the name Megan. I've heard her do it (FYI my real name is Megan)

Hopefully I can use the whole adultry thing in court since he was seeing her (he admited it infront of me and a friend, plus he had contact with her prior to and) during our marriage. Lucky me, adultry is still punishable in military court.

So in conclusion, I'm still pretty bad off emotionally- but I think I'm pretty and I've lost 40lbs since April. The guys that my friend in TX had me talk to say I look good, people on another site with my pictiure say I look good. Hell, even my ex's are saying I look good- that includes Lincoln. So maybe I'm not that bad off.

I hope the rest of you are doing better than me.[/color]