Writing Insanity {PG}

[Persona]

[COLOR=DarkRed][COLOR=DarkRed]This is something I'm working on...usaully I don't have a rough draft of a poem...Well I'm still debating on the fact of it being as poem or lyrics. furthmore, I konw there are a lot of confusing points to this..that is why I'm still working on it. But before I actually do, I would like your insights first. As stated in my earlier (Spellers block?) poems called Tainted Rose (I posted it here), I suck at ryhming.[/COLOR]

Look at her walking down the street,
With that fake smile she wears so proudly.
Who is she trying to fool?
I can see right through you...

I don't want to feel anymore
Abd my insanity is my only cure.
I don't want be here surrounded by lies,
Where people walk about in their ignorant lives.
So...won't you just give me back my insanity?

You wipe your tears from those empty eyes...
Lieing to yourself that you'll always be alright.
Self infliction is your addiction,
Hoping your one step closer to instinction...
Softly cryinig...give me back my insanity.

I don't want to hear you say,
That I'll forever live in shades of grey.
Helplessly pretending to live...
While I die a little each tme I give.
So won't you just please...
Give me back my insanity.

I look at you with such cruel eyes,
Telling you all these happy lies...
Asking me why won't I give you back your insanity...
I gently smile and say...
I just can't give up on myself,
Hoping one day I'll truely smile and say...
I'm free...[/COLOR]

[DragonBlood]

personaly I see it as being more lyrics then poem, hum, I can see the first and last as open and close respectivly, and maybe that third stanza as the chorus...but then not being the artist, that would be your call wouldn't it?

[Persona]

Like I stated I didn't know what to make of it since it's unfinished. Anyhow i finished it and it turned out more as a poem since lines were taken out and other things.

[Guest kuroinuyoukai]

That was really cool the way it was,but it is your call. Good stuff. it sounded like lyrics to me! :catgirl:

[[Sound_Nin]]

I have the same problem dividing lyrics from poems.
It seems more like the lyrics to a song than a poem, but that all depends on your definition of a poem. Some people like rhyming poems, some prefer non-rhyming. If you consider it lyrics, I would add a few more lines. Otherwise, it's well-written save for a few typos.

[Persona]

I have finished it, but currently I don't have it with me..i will post up the finished version in early Jan. Since I don't have access to my hoe computer.