Writing A Ballad for English [E]

[Petie]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=blue]We're studying the medieval time period in my English class right now and for a small project to incorporate our Vocabulary unit into the lesson, we had to write a ballad which included five vocabulary words. Now, I am by no means a poet and this is the first piece I've written so keep that in mind while you're reading it. The five vocabulary words are underlined.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black][quote=Petie][b]The Hero of Time[/b][/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]There once was a boy of legend,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]Whose name was known by all.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]He rescued the princess, Zelda,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]Before her greatest fall.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]His name was Link and he was known,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]As the Hero of Time.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]For when he went to fight Gannon,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]He put an end to crime.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]The battle was [u]frenetic[/u] there,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]He [u]gleaned[/u] a needed edge.[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]Link used a brilliant [u]stratagem[/u],[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]He knocked him off a ledge.[/color][/size][/font]

[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]The day was saved, the princess safe,[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]The kingdom in [u]concord[/u].[/color][/size][/font]
[font=Verdana][size=2][color=black]The [u]disarray[/u] thus ended then,[/color][/size][/font]
[size=2][font=Verdana][color=black]And Link re-sheathed his sword.[/color][/font][font=Verdana][color=black][/quote][/color][color=blue]I'm open to any suggestions you may have and I'd be happy to incorporate them if they could help. Please bear in mind that the ballad should follow an ABCB rhyme scheme and an 8686 syllable scheme. As it is due tomorrow though, any changes would have to be made tonight. So, I guess all that's left to say is this: What do you think?[/color][/font][/size]

[Brasil]

The final stanza now is one of my favorite things I've ever read on this messageboard--especially in OB Anth. It's so precious, and it's cute as a button, too...and there's a great dry humor about it.

Regarding the rest...I think it sounds fine. It's rough around the edges, but I don't think you really need to be concerned about that, because the problem isn't with your poem. It's with the format itself.

Technically, ballads like that (The Wife of Usher's Well is a good example of what I'm talking about) aren't even following the ABCB rhyme scheme. The first stanza starts out fine. It's entirely an ABCB. But then you read the rest of the poem, and it no longer remains ABCB, because if it remained ABCB, we wouldn't be lapsing into...what, DEFE? And then GHIH and so on.

I guess one could argue that it's not specifically ABCB, that ABCB is merely just a simplified representation of what the overall rhyme scheme is in the ballad...but even then, there should be some consistency.

So yes. The problems I have with your piece here aren't due to the piece itself, more the structure than anything else.

Nice work, Petie.

You do make Link sound like Shaft at times, though. "Put an end to crime." He's one bad muthafu--er, he's like Samuel L. Jackson.

[DragonBlood]

actually, if you consider Known and Gannon to be slant rhyme then the second stanza is like,

abab,

so the whole thing goes

abcb,

abab,

abcb,

abcb,

which wouldn't match out,
of course if you don't consider Known and Gannon to be slant rhyme then the whole thing follows the same pattern abcb, I like the last stanza, it made my smile...lol.

[Petie]

[font=Verdana][color=blue]Brasil, thank you for your kind and in-depth review. I really appreciate you taking the time to go through it like that. And I guess you're right about Link's description but I needed something to rhyme with time ^_^[/color][/font]

[font=Verdana][color=blue]And DragonBlood, Known and Gannon were not intended to rhyme and shouldn't be read as such. I didn't notice that originally though.[/color][/font]