Writing Plays of Knowledge [PG]

[Mitch]

#1

[Open on an open math book, full of its numberful gibberish, and upon the page it comes alive; the "i" speaks:]

i: I am imaginary! Not real! Do you hear me? I am "i." I am the square root of negative one. I am irrational.

Student[whispering]: More like the square root of all negative good: avarice, evil, greed, gluttony, larceny.

i: So you're trying to square me up, I see? Well, if you square me, I am the negative one. "i" squared is negative one.

Student[aside]: This unreal abstraction does not deserve to be alive in the minds and hearts of our youth. He must be destroyed. And the only way to destroy that which is not real - that has no essence - is to rape it out from existence in our minds entirely.

i: What're you over there mumbling to yourself about?

Student[whispering]: You are but a mirage; an oasis. Your existence is the most futile. I'll destroy you.

[Student tears up the pages of his math book concerning "i"]

Teacher[surprised]: What are you doing? Have you gone mad? You're destroying beauty; for, beauty is in essence the illusion of what doesn't exist - what could be. Why do you mock math in this way?

Student[yelling]: There is no need for the "i"! I am the "i," everyone is their own "i." We are all the square root of negative one. Evil dwells within our root. We're all irrational. Seemingly non-existent. And when we times ourselves by ourselves (square ourselves up), we become the negative ones, realzing this useless, pointless, horrid existence!

[Student throws the papier mache of the math book pages in the air, and it falls all around the class]

Teacher: Math is no philosophy. Keep your ideals and thoughts to yourself. In math, there is only one answer. The "i" can only be the "i," it cannot be us. 5 is 5. 10 plus 10 is 20. You cannot kill logic.

Student: You can't kill it because it doesn't exist. But you can weed it out of our brainwashed brains. You can take away that organized, systematic, institutionalized thing in us and never have it had been there. You can turn these robots [Student points around the classroom], and even the most machinated of us all [Student points to the teacher] into actual, living, fleshly human beings.

Teacher: I won't take this disrespect. Spitting at math and mocking it is the same as doing it to me.

Student[reciting]: "Since feeling is first, who pays any attention to the syntanx of things will never wholly kiss you. . ."

Teacher[interrupting]: Silence! Silence, do not let this poison leak into this sacred place of learning! What is that? Poetry? Ha, poetry! Poetry. . .now that is a sad thing if there ever was.

Student[yelling]: ". . .Wholly to be a fool, while spring is in the air! My blood approves! Kisses are a better fate than wisdom! Lady, by all flowers, I swear - don't cry! The best gesture of my brain is less than your eyelids' flutter which says we are for each other! Then laugh, leaning back in my arms, for life I think is no paragraph, and death I think is no parenthesis!"

[Student hoists his math book, spits on it, runs up to the teacher, slams it into her head and makes her bleed]

Student: Tell me the logic of that pain! Tell me the logic of pleasure! There's no logic in it. . .it is. It will be. And these numbers shall die.

[Student charges out of classroom]


#2


[Pan in on the pearly gates of heaven, going through the gates and pushing them open. Zoom quickly to a certain cloud where two figures sit in fancy chairs, a table in front of them:]

Theodore Roosevelt: Welcome to Heaven.

[TR grabs a miniharp from inside his coat, and plays some chords]

TR: The word around here, my chap, is that you hated black people.

[he continues paying some stray chords]

George W. Bush: I was assassinated. I tried to get the guy's name who killed me. God won't tell me.

TR: I too was assassinated. Maybe you already know? He was, however, unsuccessful. I died eight years later of a bloodclot.

George W. Bush: Who tried to killed you?

TR: John Schrank. I'm told he tried to kill me due to his belief that any man should not be allowed a third term. Perhaps you were killed because they do not believe you should have more than one term.

[Bush falls silent; TR continues playing stray chords]

TR: You know, this place gets very boring. Heaven isn't all it should've been. You'll find this out yourself, though, my chap. Well, I must be going. Nice seeing you.

Bush: Bye.

[Bush sits a while even after TR is gone; then he gets up and goes to God who is at the pearly gates, admitting people to heaven:]

Bush: I want to know who killed me.

God: IN TIME THOU SHALT KNOW. BEGONE WITH THEE AT ONCE; CANST THOU NOT SEE I AM BUSY?

[God turns to a Hurricane Katrina Victim]

God: AND HOW DID THEE DIE?

HKV: I dead cuz I ain't ever got any house or nothin'. We was poor and left behind like many of them rest. Dawg, ain't it just rediculus? It in part thanks to that cat [points to Bush]. He shewd rot in hell for what he played part in of this.

God: I SPAKE UPON THEE THAT THIS SURRAH BUSH SHALL BE GETTING PUNISHMENT FOR HIS ACTIONS CONCERNING THIS MATTER. WHAT ART THOU NAME?

HKV: My name Romeo Taylor. I an honest man God, I swear.

Juliet[from within]: Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?

Bush: Who in heaven's name was that?

God: THOU DOST NOT KNOW? DIST THOU NOT READ ROMEO AND JULIET IN THINE SCHOOLING?

Bush: This is heaven, right? She's just a fictional character. She doesn't even exist.

God: WITHAL, SHE DOST. A CHARACTER A WRITER SYNTHESIZES DOST EXIST BEYOND EXISTENCE. ONCE BORNE HENCE FROM A WRITER'S IMAGINATION, THEY DOST LIVE WITHIN THE WORDS BUT ART DEAD AND THEREFORE MAY END UP HERE. THOU SHALT NOT MIND JULIET, SHE DOST OUTPOUR IN THIS LIKE MUCH.

Romeo: Looks like she found her Romeo, dawg, don't it? I right here. I comin' in this joint now or what?

God: YES, THOU SPEAK SOOTH; THOU MAY ENTER.

[gates open, and Romeo enters heaven; the line stretching on to forever moves one up, still stretching on to forever]

Bush: God, I don't understand why I am going to be punished. I was a good man. I always held your word above any other's. I fought with democracy and led in the like of the crusades. I thought you'd be grateful for a man such as me. I lived by your word and took it into action.

God: THOU ART A PISSANT. LET ME IMPART UPON THEE A GERMINATING SEED OF WISDOM: WHEN DEATH DOST TAKE THINE PEOPLE FROM PHYSICAL EXISTENCE, THEY ART THUS DELIVERED WHENCE THEY WERE INCLINED TO BELIEVE TO GO. AND WITHAL, LET ME IMPART THIS SEED A ROOT: THIS GOD WHOM STANDS BEFORE YOU DOST ONLY EXIST BECAUSE OTHERS BELIEVE HIM TO EXIST. HENCE I AM BUT AN ILLUSION AND THUS IS THIS PARADISE WE ARE ALL TRAPT WITHIN. WITHAL I DIGRESS. THE REASONING BEHIND YOUR PUNISHMENT IS THUS YOUR OWN BLIND BELIEFS WHICH HAVE TORTURED THEE FOR THINE ENTIRE LIFE. THOU SHALT SOON QUESTION WHEREFORE YOU BELIEVED AS SUCH; FOR HEAVEN ITSELF IS THINE VERY PUNISHMENT.

Bush:Roosevelt was saying something about this. God, I don't understand. Why is it this way?

God: THOU SHALT FIND OUT ON THINE OWN TIME. NOW GET THEE GONE - GET THEE TO THIS ETERNAL NUNNERY. I HAST BUSINESS WITH WHICH TO BUSY MINESELF. ANGELS, THINE RULER COMMANDS OF THEE - TAKE THIS MAN AWAY FROM MINE PRESENCE.

[the angels fly over and take Bush away from God]

God[aside]: THE FOOL. THOU SHOULDST HAVE KNOWN BELIEF AND FAITH ART WORTHLESS. THOU SHOULDST HAVE KNOWN THAT TO KNOW IS THE ONLY TRUTH UPON WHICH THOU NEED KNEEL, AND THUS TO BELIEVE MAKES THOU A PRISONER TO ONE'S OWN IDEAL.

[Nothing]

You can't kill logic because it doesn't exist. Interesting....

I enjoyed these very much; I hope you intend to write more. I'm very impressed with the easy-to-comprehend-yet-hard-to-understand way you wrote these, and the philosophes that you depicted. Definitely not something I would expect on the OB.

Good work.

[Mitch]

#3

[The sound of gunfire and explosions rocks the Earth. Open up on the White House, bombed to shit and rubble. George W. Bush's hand suddenly comes up from the rubble and he slowly digs out.]

George W: My God.

[He surveys the apocalyptic scene. He sees a torn, tattered, and dust-covered American flag, and tears roll down his stern face.]

George W: Is this the end? Is anyone alive? [shouting] Barbra?! Anyone?!

[The zing of a sniper bullet is heard; George W. collapses.]

George W: Jesus. . .C,c,c,christ. . .[coughing]Jes-jes-us...[he collapses]

Sniper: [talking into walkie talkie]: Roger, this is Zero-Zero-One. Target has been eliminated. [no longer talking into walkie talkie:] I got you, you S.O.B.

[The sound of gunfire and explosions fades. Black out, and open on a classroom full of maps and posters of historical figures.]

Mr. Julis: The Greeks had much inner-turmoil. On one side, there was Athens. [he writes Athens on the board:] On the other side, Sparta. [he writes Sparta on the board:] And these poleis, or city-states, were at a constant civil war. Now, the Greeks had a form of government that is arguably of a democracy. . .

[one of the classroom's windows suddenly shatters; a bullet leaves a bullet hole in a US map]

Mr. Julis: Everyone, under your desks! Remain calm!

[The students go under their desks; Mr. Julis scrambles under his desk, and accidently knocks his book off the podium. It opens to Roman history. Some highlighted portions of the text can be clearly read: "The Roman republic collapsed after civil war and turmoil; and in its wake a tyranny was established, under the rule of Octavian Caesar, having the facade of being a republic." The word tyranny is in boldface.]

[Men clothed entirely in black roll in through the window. The sound of gunfire rings. Blood stains on the board where it says Athens and Sparta. The gunfire fades. Black out.]

[Open up on a grainy TV screen; a man's feet can be seen a bit against the screen]

Weather man: In the north, there will be mild temperatures and high chances of rain. In the south, blistering heat and. . .

[The reception gets fuzzy; the weather man's voice becomes garble.]

Man: Goddamn piece of shit TV.

[He gets up and smacks the TV in anger; the ground suddenly begins to rumble, and gunshots can be heard]

Man: What the hell?

[he runs outside, and instantly looks at the sky]

Man: What in the hell is going on?

[A smoking plane veers into a house; bombs fall from the sky. People run around in a panic.]

Man [running]: Wait! Wait! What's going on here? Somebody, anybody, please!

Woman [breathless]: We. . .don't. . .know.

Child [being carried]: Mommy, is it them terrorists?

Woman [breathless]: I. . .don't. . .know, hon.

[Black out, and open on a man sitting in a chair among his associates]

Al Gore: It's been confirmed. He's dead.

Associate 1: About damn time. We can now hail to the thief no more.

Associate 2: But now we hail to the winner.

Al Gore: Washington and many other conservative-minded states have also been obliterated, plundered, and raped as well.

Associate 1: Our plan, then, is well in order.

Associate 2: Indeed, it is. Is it time for phase 2?

Al Gore: It is time for phase 2. I will put on my facade as a politician and act as if democracy is still in action.. I shall soon address the American people.

Associate 1: And you'll tell them the terrorists did it. That they went for key political figures, young and old.

Associate 2: But you averted death.

Al Gore: Unlike 9-11's attack on the pentagon, we were successful this time. Soon I'll be a modern Augustus Caesar.

Associate 1: And the American people won't even know.

Associate 2: Soon, our revenge will be complete.

[Black out, and open on a podium with the US seal]

Al Gore [mockingly]: "I am not a crook."

[the associates laugh]

Al Gore: It's too bad about the Watergate scandal, you know. If only it'd been kept under wraps.

Associate 1 [behind a camera]:Mr. Gore, get ready.

Associate 2: You ready? 5. . .4. . .3. . .2. . .1. . .and action.

[Gore's face turns from amused and loose to stern and saddened]

Al Gore: My American people, a great tragedy has befallen us all. . .

[he reads a preprepared speech from a projector]

Al Gore:. . .Terrorists have attacked us abroad. Our country lies in great devastation and upheaval. Nearly every other key political figure, young and old, has been assassinated. I myself was barely able to avert death. The White House lies in ruins. Our government, the US of A in heart and in reality lies in shambles and disarray. We face great problems, but we must be equal to them. Therefore, we must further take up arms against terrorists abroad. The devastation caused by this attack won't be taken lightly. Terrorists in the middle east must be eradicated. And so, with a heavy heart, I leave my American people with this solemn promise in the wake of this tragedy. Let us rebuild and bring forth justice.