Hmm...

[renayiiq]

I'm curious as to how people can shove all their pain inside and not want anyone to care. I mean, people act as if that's how it's supposed to be done; nobody's supposed to know if someone's screwed up. And another thing, why do people always tell me that the only way to stop my pain is to become cold-hearted? That's impossible. I may be rotten online, but that's where it ends with being cold-hearted. I can't become totally cold-hearted. Is there something wrong with me? I mean, I know part of why I need people to care and give me attention (good, nice, loving attention) when I'm depressed; everyone who cared about me even once forsook me a long time ago. I don't have any friends, I've never really had any friends. These people at school aren't really friends, not the type that I talk to on the phone or online or hang out with on the weekends. They're school-friends, and that's where it stays: school. The last time that I hung out with a friend (not boyfriend, just plain regular friend) was Aug. 31 at a friend's house, partying and getting drunk. I'm beginning to think that people really don't like me or something. The only purpose they serve is to just be there at school, bum cigarettes of of me, and that's it. I don't really have anyone. My boyfriend and I are taking a break, and everyone knows what "taking a break" means. It means that we're breaking up, giving each other false hopes of getting back together. I'm pretty much single. And this stuff always happens whan I'm depressed. All of a sudden, when I even start to go into my depressions, everyone just tries to keep as far away from me as possible...Why?
Is there something wrong with me? I mean, why do people seem to not want me around anymore? I would prefer it if no one would try to further my anger and depression by insulting me, but sadly, I know that people will. I'm ready to take it. Give me the verbal abuse that I so much deserve...not sure why I deserve it, but to have some of the really bad things that have happened to me in the past, I must have deserved everything that I have gotten, and I suppose that I deserve anything bad that happens to me in the future...After all, it was all my fault.

[Japan]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Shut up, just shut up. Stop with your pessimistic ranting and think about it. The more you talk crap about yourself the more you'll start to believe it. Hun, analyze the situation here. Not just the bad things but the good things as well. What do you enjoy doing? What is it that you do differently than others?

During my years of depression, things were very much the same. I had no friends, or really 'true friends.' No one talked to me and often people teased me. I often thought that there was something wrong with me, or, they hated me. I was suicidal for a few months and only one failed attempt.

Truth of the matter was: I had low self esteem, I was shy, and not courageous enough to actually do something about it. I kept thinking like there was something wrong with me and kept putting myself down...like you are now. It's a downward spiral. Once you start down that path it is a pain in the butt to get out of it.

Try and think optimistically and you'll start to feel better soon. Before you go to school eachday, try telling yourself aloud in front of the mirror, 10 optimistic things about yourself. Such as, I am a beautiful woman. I am a beautiful woman that is also smart, and kind. Participate in activities that make you laugh. Once you start to feel better about yourself, people will notice it too. Once you do that, you may gain some friends, TRUE friends. That helped me.

I hope it helps you...PM me if you want a friend, k?[/COLOR]

[TheShinje]

[size=1][color=crimson] You don't deserve abuse, no-one ever deserves abuse, It doesnt matter what you've done.

I know it's not nice, it sucks to have no-one and I hated going through that. It's exceptionally sad to see that they seem to distance themselves away from you during the tough times you face, that's when a friend should be there for you, to comfort you and lift you up. They're just a bunch of sad losers to be honest.

I was fortunate enough to finally find some people that did care about me, and they didn't shy away from me during my down times. I found that acceptance and for that I am grateful. I pray you do find some people who will genuinely care for you and be a true friend.

Anyway, I've got plenty of love that needs sharing, so PM me if you wanna talk some more.[/size][/color]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=Purple]I know how ya feel, I also have no real friends. I hardly have any school friends. I've never even HAD a girlfriend. And yet no one seems to want to help me. So what do I do? Be happy. That's all there is to do. As things stand in my current unalterable situation, there is nothing I can do but wait. Petience is a virtue I've always thoght, Ill wait years if a have to. In the meantime I might as well not get all depressed about it. I've been doing pretty well by just talking to people online. I will never give up hoope, always hold on to 'what if'. What if things get better? What if your life turns out to be good in the end? It might not, who knows, if you loose, at least you tried, thats my mentality.

Don't becold hearted. That SUCKS.[/COLOR]

[renayiiq]

thanks for the advice you guys.

[Guest chobitslover90]

huh well ive been alone most of my life so i think that i have grown cold hearted but when im around nicewarm happy people i feel the ice melt away and maybe one day the ice will melt away so u just keep being u vicki

thats why i have the lost kid from zelda as my avatar and not some happy anime stuff he reminds me of myself

[Kirika]

I know what you're going through. I recently went through a situation similar to yours.

In middle school, most of my friends were usually guys, because they were the only ones who were into video games and anime, like me. A few happy years went by, and they all moved away. I was now left with the people I talked to/hung out with only in school.

Nowadays, they consider me to be one of their best friends. It made me happy, I guess. What I don't get is why don't they want to hang out then, or give me a call, or something? From 5th grade smarties, they grew into something like the preps of the Sophomore class. I used to quietly follow them since they had welcomed me before, looking like the odd ball, or the one who tried so dearly to fit in with them. I realized this, and started going about school by myself.

As for boyfriends, the farthest things would get was having a crush on some guy.

This school year though, I met two of the new students in my grade. They totally opened my eyes. I actually felt more welcomed than I had before. I had finally found true blue buddies.

All I can say is, hang in there. There will eventually be people who enjoy your company, people who make you feel welcome, people who you could call "friend."

[Doukeshi]

[SIZE=1]The reason why people probably stay away from you when you get into your depressions is because noone likes to hang around with someone who is just going to make them feel crappy themselves. Also, people don't want to get their heads bitten of if they say something wrong around you. I'm not saying thats what happens, I'm just saying that's what might be happening.

Why don't you make an effort of hanging round with these 'school friends' outside of school, get to know them better, try and have some fun. Noone likes to be around the bitchy moody kid in the corner, where's the fun in that. I know you're depressed or whatever but just sitting moping about it isn't going to do you or anyone any favours.

Bad things happen to good people, whether they deserve it or not. If you think you deserve it then try to make up for it, change it, stop with all the damn self-pity that isn't getting you anywhere.[/SIZE]