Writing Rising up [PG]

[Nomura]

This is story I was writing once. I stopped when I decided that it wouldn't matter. That it wasn't that good. Yes. It sucks. But rate if you want anyway.

Chapter One
Kyle Roberts stared at his notebook blankly. He was brainstorming for lyric ideas. His black hair came down over his face as he looked at the notebook. ?I don?t know what to write now...? he thought to himself. He sighed and pulled a CD player out of his backpack. He placed a [I]Rise Against[/I] CD in it, and immediately started head banging. He knew all of the lyrics and their messages. I guess you could say he had a label, or two. First, he was very artistic, and drew any thing that popped up in his mind. Second, he was a rock music lover, wore black all the time, and rarely spoke to anyone. I think most people call that ?Gothic?.

Kyle didn?t care what his label was. He didn?t care about trends, or what?s cool. He lived in his own world.

Being him self was sometimes a problem. He got bullied all the time, and didn?t have many friends.

?Hey, weirdo! Stop doing your little zombie dance, and hand over your lunch money!? Arnold Wilder shouted across the crowded school halls. Kyle stood up from the bench he was sitting on, and started walking in the other direction. He felt a hand grab him by his wallet chain. The chain wrapped around his knees, and tripped him. ?As I was saying, where?s that lunch money of yours?? he said with his yellow toothed, fowl smelling mouth.
?
Go away you wilder beast!? Kyle exclaimed.
?
Making fun of my name are you? That?ll cost you.? He grinned, and threw a fist right into Kyle?s stomach. Kyle gasped for breath and fell to the floor.

Arnold reached into Kyle?s pocket and pulled out his wallet. ?Later.? He said and walked off. Kyle lay on the floor. ?Nice. Second week, and I?m already getting beat up by idiots.? He thought to himself.

Then, a girl grabbed his hand and lifted him from the ground. Kyle opened his eyes, and blinked. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She had violet hair and light brown eyes. She was wearing a black shirt and a gray mini skirt held up by a chain belt.
?
Hi. I?m Erin. I just moved here.? She said in a sweet voice. She smiled, and then said the exact thing that Kyle hoped she would say. ?You?re cute. What?s your name?? She asked.

?K-Kyle Roberts.? He was having trouble breathing around her. She was so hot. ?How old are you?? She asked. ?I?m thirteen.? Kyle stuttered.
?Me too.? She said giggling. ?Wow. Is that a Rise Against shirt you?re wearing?? ?Yeah. They?re my favorite band.? Kyle replied.

?That?s something we have in common.? She said. Kyle had completely forgotten how angry he was at Arnold. In fact, if Arnold hadn?t punched Kyle, he might not have gotten in this position with Erin.

The bell rang. [I]Crap[/I] , Kyle thought. ?Well, see you later.? Lucinda said as she headed towards Math class. Kyle was in Music class, and Language arts class with her. First, he had to make it through the most boring two hours of his life, in science class. In class, they were watching a boring documentary about space. During the whole time, Kyle was writing a song. Not just any song. He was writing a love song for Erin. This was the only way he knew how to tell her how he felt.

He got finished with it before an hour was left in science class. Kyle waited a couple minutes and then decided he couldn?t take another minute. ?Mr. Hoskins, can I go see the nurse? I?ve got a huge headache.? Kyle asked his teacher.
?Sure. It?s probably all that crazy music you listen to all the time.? Mr. Hoskins said.
Kyle walked out of the class room quickly, and headed towards the music room. He peered through the window on the classroom door. Second period hadn?t started yet. Kyle walked in.

?Yes, Kyle?? The music teacher, Mr. Lionel said. ?I was wondering if you could proofread this song.? Kyle said. He handed Mr. Lionel his notebook. Mr. Lionel read over the lyrics. ?They?re good. Now, can you sing them for me?? ?Okay.?

Kyle stood up, began to breathe though his stomach, and held the lyrics to his face, so he could see.

He began to sing the song.

Sure. Maybe it was a little cheesy. But, a soothing slow rock song, was better than Kyle stuttering like a babbling idiot, trying to ask her out.

Chapter Two

While Kyle was singing his song, Erin was in the hall just before going to Music class. Maybe she would fit in this school. It didn?t seem like it until she met Kyle. Maybe Holland Springs Junior High wouldn?t be so bad. She could tell that Kyle obviously liked her, but was the shy type.

Erin sighed. She had some tickets to a [I]Linkin Park[/I] concert. She really wanted Kyle to go.

The bell rang, and Erin headed for the music room.

[Guest kuroinuyoukai]

Hopefully what I post on your story will be enough. I don't want to get in trouble.


Anyway I thought you gave good descriptions of the characters so far and their emotions. I could really see them and I felt bad for Kyle. I felt you started the story well although just a little more history of Kyle's life would probably be nice in the beginning. All for now. All in all I give it a 9/10.

[Nomura]

Thank you. Maybe this story is a little good. His life, I was planning to reveal when he got home, so I could give details of his house, family, etc. etc. I'm glad you actually felt sorry for my character. The message I'm trying to give off, is how bad people treat other people for no reason in the first chapter, as well as people should treat other people for no reason.

The bands in this story are absolutely real. Rise Against and Linkin Park are two bands I highly respect. Holland Springs is a real place in Michigan also. Most of this story is based on Realityand fiction not a fantasy world. Thus, being rare for my kind of writing. I usually write comedy, and fantasy...