So... how's the sex? [M]

[Shy]

[size=1]I think it goes without saying that this thread is going to be closely watched. Let?s be mature about it, shall we?

A few weeks ago a close friend and I were having an extremely candid conversation. They have been in a happy, commited relationship for years, but revealed to me that they were far from satisfied with their sex life. This news surprised me; not because of her honesty, but because I am also suffering through similar problems in my own relationship. This has prompted me to do a great deal of thinking about the subject, and everyone I turn to tells me the same thing: If I want to enjoy sex, I need to be single again.

Another (otherwise sensible) friend has even gone as far as breaking up with their beau because of this. Sex is important to me, but it?s certainly not the dealmaker/dealbreaker. I?d be happy in a relationship with a monk if I loved them half as much as I loved my boyfriend.

But the thing is I?m not dating a monk, and I?m becoming less and less interested in the act itself as time goes by. The chemistry was once there, and we're closer than ever.. but the passion is lacking. The predictability of it all bores me to tears.

If you are in (or ever have been) a committed sexual relationship, how do you and your significant other handle the decline in sexual interest? Is there even a decline in sexual interest at all?

Be as candid as you want. I?m interested to see everyone?s different opinions and feelings on the subject. Perhaps the people I know in my daily life are just perverts. Perhaps not. Share your experience here...

-Shy[/size]

[James]

[font=franklin gothic medium]As I said you to on AIM, this is something that seems to come up often with people. It seems to be like common knowledge that the longer you're with someone, the more boring the sex gets.

But I have to say, that's not happened with me. My longest relationship lasted for just over four years and I found that the longer it lasted, the better the sex became. Why? Because as we spent more time together, we just naturally became better at making each other (physically) happy.

This is why I've never thought that sex as a single can be better than in a relationship. If you have sex with someone you haven't known for a very long time (ie: someone you haven't been going out with for several months at least), I think it's pretty much luck as to whether or not things will be uh...mutually pleasing. At least in a relationship, you have time to practice, lol.

I think the issue is probably not so much about the sex itself getting worse, it's more the idea that people get bored with the same person or something. Either that, or there is no more variety to sex after a while...maybe it just becomes routine.

Either way, I have always found that sex within a relationship continues to get better (especially as a good period of time goes by). But as I said over AIM, maybe I have just been lucky in that area, I don't know.[/font]

[Doukeshi]

[SIZE=1]Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here all I'm saying is maybe you need to spice it up a bit. Surprise your guy once in a while, with an impromptu love making session, or drop the hint that maybe he should also. Try it in different places or places with more risk. I've heard that the risk of getting caught makes it more passionate (never tried it myself though so I'm just going on hearsay with that one ^_~).

Discuss your fantasies with eachother, then try acting them out if you haven't already done so...maybe it is time to get kinky lol ^_~.

Of course, I'm glad to hear that sex isn't everything in your relationship. Its a very shallow relationship that is based soley around the act of sex.[/SIZE]

[Pumpkin]

[QUOTE=Doukeshi][SIZE=1]
Discuss your fantasies with eachother, then try acting them out if you haven't already done so...maybe it is time to get kinky lol ^_~ [/SIZE][/QUOTE][FONT=Trebuchet MS][SIZE=2][COLOR=#663333]Doukeshi might be right. It's funny because as of lately, I've been having a similar problem as well so its hard to give advice. There are two reasons why this could be happening though [b]A)[/b] Your having sexual interaction too frequently and have become bored of it [b]B)[/b] You see eachother way TOO much. Being single and sleeping with someone you barely know will not bring the excitement back into your sex life, infact I would suspect someone would feel more self-conscious being with someone you do not have a bond with. Believe me, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Ever hear the saying, distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, if you two spend a lot of time together try taking a break from all sexual activities for awhile. Do something else with your time, eventually you will get the "urge" to bend the rules and maybe then it will be more passionate for you. Also, being spontaneous helps. If you do things at random, it can put a little excitement back into your sex life. Also what Doukeshi said, maybe you need to talk to your partner about your fantasies and what not. It really does spice up a relationship.

I'll leave the rest to your imagination....
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[Sara]

[quote name='Doukeshi][SIZE=1']Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here[/SIZE][/quote][color=#333333][font=trebuchet ms]Not that there's anything [i]wrong[/i] with that.[/color][/font]

[Shinkoru]

[COLOR=DarkRed]Well, this is quite funny, because my boyfriend and I were Just dicussing this topic. And I agree with James. The longer our relashionship has lasted, the better the sex has gotten. We got better attuned to the others likes/dislikes and got to pratice until it was just heaven every time. And theirs always new things to try.

Personally I think a lack of mutualy pleasing sex is the fualt of both parties, of either lack of tryg or just, lack of intrest. No one can be truly BAd at sex. We all have the same parts ect. Just gotta learn how to use it properly. Ya know?

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[quote name='Doukeshi']Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here[/quote]
[quote name='Lore][color=#333333][font=trebuchet ms]Not that there's anything [i]wrong[/i] with that.[/color'][/font][/quote]
[color=darkred] Nothing wrong with it at all.[/color]

[Desbreko]

[quote name='Lore][QUOTE=Doukeshi][SIZE=1]Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here[/SIZE][/QUOTE][color=#333333][font=trebuchet ms]Not that there's anything [i]wrong[/i] with that.[/color'][/font][/quote][color=#4B0082]Phew. Now that is a load off my mind.[/color]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=2][QUOTE=Desbreko]
[/size] [size=2][QUOTE=Lore][QUOTE=Doukeshi]Quote:[/size]
[i][size=2]Have you exhausted all methods? Now I'm not saying get all kinky and S&M here[/quote] [/size] [i][size=2][color=#333333][font=trebuchet ms]Not that there's anything [i]wrong[/i] with that.[/quote][/font][/color][/size][/i]
[size=2]
[/size][/i]
[size=2][color=#4b0082]Phew. Now that is a load off my mind.[/color][/size][size=2][/QUOTE] [font=Arial]Mine, too. I was beginning to think I should change my screen name. [img]http://otakuboards.com/images/smilies/tongue.gif[/img]

Since I've never actually had sex, I wouldn't be able to say how 'rekindle the magic'. My only suggestion would be to think about what it was the you loved so much having sex in the first place. Chances are that you're still the same people and the same things are there, the difference is that when you're in a relationship, you get weighed down the non-sexual aspects, where as in the beginning, all you think about is each other's fun parts. You don't have each other's family and friends to deal with, and you don't know that baggage the other person carries yet, you know? Sex would no doubt be more carefree at the beginning of the relationship. Leastways, that's what I figure. ^.^[/font]
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[Sandy]

After going steady for a little over six months, I've noticed that a little break does wonders for the sex - especially if you keep your hands off yourself during the break (which can be extremely difficult at times). ;P

But I get that after years and years of the same thing can get dull, but that's where imagination steps in: you can roleplay your fantasies, organize a romantic candlelit evening, try a little domination or submission... What ever gets you both excited.

I have a bit of a problem with my bf in that he doesn't want to do all the stuff I'd want to do or wanted him to do. X/ I know I can't force him, but it is frustrating when the other is holding back on stuff he has never even tried!

Maybe he doesn't feel that I'm a safe enough person to experiment things with... :/

In the end I think every relationship has it's sexual woes, and communication between partners is the best way to deal with them. Now I just have to get my honeybunny to communicate with me... XP

[Shi no Tenshi]

[quote name='Sandy']After going steady for a little over six months, I've noticed that a little break does wonders for the sex - especially if you keep your hands off yourself during the break (which can be extremely difficult at times). ;P[/quote]

I completely agree. About six months back, I had the same problem and some time apart did the trick. It also gave me time to breath although it wasn't necessarily a temporary break up.

Overtime I believe couples get accostumed to each other, and something as simple as buying new lingerie can spice things up. God bless Ann Summers...

Having long sessios of foreplay is fun too. It's fun to build up to the moment, as well as sexy!

[Sandy]

Oh, I didn't mean break [I]up[/I], either! I meant spending a few days or a week apart - after that you realize just how lucky you are that you're not alone anymore. ;D