What the hell?

[renayiiq]

Why do people feel the need to pick at me and pick at me? I mean, I know I'm supposed to ignore it, but it's not so easy to ignore. I feel as if I'm nothing now.
I have no confidence left, I'm chainsmoking, and I wish that someone from 3 years ago would have killed me. I feel like becoming a recluse and just leaving people behind. I'm sick of the insults, sick of hating myself for what everyone says. I feel like a whore, as well, for something that happened 3 years ago...because I know it was my fault. I hate this.
What makes me so easy to tear to bits?

[Guest kuroinuyoukai]

I feel your pain sweetie. I can tell you from experience that there are people in this world that live to hurt others. I am not one of those people though.

Anyway I have also found that people can usually tell who has a low self esteem and decide to tear them up. You have to learn to ignore it and I know how hard it is. I have been called all sorts of names, but i learned that my biggest enemy was myself. I have been known to sit on my pitypot for days and that is when I am most vulnerable.

You are not a whore for what happened to you years ago. You fell for a con and everyone makes mistakes. It just means you are human. If you need a friend, just let me know.

You have to show people that you love yourself and don't let them know that something's getting to you. If they see that it's bothering you, chances are they will continue what they're doing. You have probably heard the phrase "Never let them see you sweat"? This is what it means. Take care.

[sakurasuka]

[SIZE=1]Noone said life is easy.

Right now, I feel just about like you. You're not alone, that's for sure. A good phyciatrist never hurts, but most of this you're just going to have to work out. Friends can help you deal, but they can't fix anything for you.

If you need to get anything off your chest, or just need someone to talk to, though, just PM me.[/SIZE]

[Satoru]

[QUOTE=renayiiq]Why do people feel the need to pick at me and pick at me? I mean, I know I'm supposed to ignore it, but it's not so easy to ignore. I feel as if I'm nothing now.
I have no confidence left, I'm chainsmoking, and I wish that someone from 3 years ago would have killed me. I feel like becoming a recluse and just leaving people behind. I'm sick of the insults, sick of hating myself for what everyone says. I feel like a whore, as well, for something that happened 3 years ago...because I know it was my fault. I hate this.
What makes me so easy to tear to bits?[/QUOTE]
I'll probably get flamed at for this.
Your just being stupid. Who cares? Why the hell should they care?
Do you really care what they think? Huh? Well do you?!
Don't ignore it. But don't take it too harsh either. Chain smoke if you want to chain smoke. (try to give up smoking though). And do that thing which you did 3 years ago if you want to. I don't think it's hurting anyone. Is it?
Just relax. Be laid back. Be nice to someone else. Feel good.
Watch a couple episodes of anime. Read a couple manga stories.
People who say things like that seem to be too concerned with your life than their own. Fools.

[Raquel]

-.-' I'm in EXACTLY the same boat, hun. I broke my mirror last night. I'm most definitely a sympathetic ear and if you like we can rant at each other through PM... I find ranting helps. I?m currently hiding in my room and only speaking to people online. I?ve only left to eat? It?s been like two months. And I?m going from mopey to psychopathically violent. It gets really old really quick. I tattooed myself so I will never forget the shame... Bad idea. I'm filled with an insane desire for sick revenge every time I look at my leg. I suggest a lot of reading. It helps a little. Also if you have the ability to find a few super positive friends (though they can be annoying if you can't get away from them) in another city that helps. Supportive fun loving boyfriends are a god send.

[MindGrinder]

Yeah, I've been breaking down easily lately too. People just don't leave me be.

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.[/SIZE]

[QUOTE=Satoru]I'll probably get flamed at for this.
Your just being stupid. Who cares? Why the hell should they care?
Do you really care what they think? Huh? Well do you?!
Don't ignore it. But don't take it too harsh either. Chain smoke if you want to chain smoke. (try to give up smoking though). And do that thing which you did 3 years ago if you want to. I don't think it's hurting anyone. Is it?
Just relax. Be laid back. Be nice to someone else. Feel good.
Watch a couple episodes of anime. Read a couple manga stories.
People who say things like that seem to be too concerned with your life than their own. Fools.[/QUOTE]

[SIZE=1]No offence man, but what's wrong with you ? You have the right to give your opinion and say you don't particularly care about renayiiq's problem, you don't have the right to call her stupid or say that we shouldn't care. One of the privileges of OB is someone's right to post their thoughts, their problems and ask advice from people on how to get by, on how to get help, so it's pretty damn obvious that there are those who us who do care.

To get back on subject, I know what it feels like to be stripped of your confidence, to feel like you're worth nothing and that every insult levelled against you is right and that you're not worth anything. I have only one word for you renayiiq, ********, everything they say, every mockery they sling is nothing but ********. You are a wonderful and unique person, you have qualities that make you special and make you as worthy of life as any other human being. You can?t change time, events that happened in the past have happened and all the wishing in the world won?t change it, I know this too from experience.

One of the things my late granduncle used say was that the worst thing anyone can do in a bad situation is over-analyse, to try and find a more complex answer when a simple one is presented to you. Becoming a recluse is a direct result of this loss of confidence, of a torrent of slurs, and yet it is the worst thing you can do, because you will over-analyse everything about yourself, you?ll look at all your worst traits and lose sight of the good ones. You?ll lose contact with friends, who are vital when you?re feeling as you are, and your family life will suffer.

The only advice I can give is to go see a counsellor, get help from someone who can help you, and then just take it one day at a time.[/SIZE]

[Starwind]

I can understand what it is that your saying, trust me my life was not so different from your own only four years ago. I know most people know me for being very happy and opinionated, but the truth is in middle school is was a manic depressive. I would come home everyday and cry myself to sleep every night. I was the butt of every joke and taunted and teased mercilessly. It reached a point where I even went as far as to start cutting myself in the night. I would take out a knife and cut my upper thighs and watch the blood run. I can undrestand what it feels like to be so excluded and tormented for no apparent reason. You just have to remember this isn't the rest of your life and all I can do is beg you to not do something drastic. I have seen people go over the edge and have seen many take there own lives for the very same reasons you face now. You just have to stay true to how you are and never let them see you hang your head. If they condecend to you put yourself in there face and punk then=m out if you have to. I'm not saying go starting fights, I often found threw my years of torment and recouping that words truly do carry a heavier blow then any fist. Self respect is the name of the game, what they lake is what they want to strip from you, you simply have to shrug them off remind them of how much they hate themselves and how miserable they really are. Never give up, I held strong and now the skies the limit for me, as long as you stay strong nothing can stop you. I know this sounds corny, but always remember always shoot for the stars, because even if you miss you'll still land amoung the stars. Just friendly help from a concerned friend. Keep strong and never let them see your tears.

[renayiiq]

[quote name='Starwind']It reached a point where I even went as far as to start cutting myself in the night. I would take out a knife and cut my upper thighs and watch the blood run.[/quote]

I used to do that...I quit so I wouldn't have to ever go back to the psyche ward.

[DeathKnight]

[quote name='Gavin][SIZE=1']No offence man, but what's wrong with you ?[/SIZE][/quote]

[color=crimson]I'm seventy to eighty percent sure you took what he said wrong although he didn't particularly word his feelings properly.

Anyway, life is pain and pleasure. It's pretty much your choice what you focus your eyes on- the parts that really blow or the parts that really rule. That's kind of simplistic but I'm not really keen on longwinded outpourings of empathy.

Anyway, I don't really understand where you are coming from as everyone has their own independent version of hell but I will say that hard times fall on everyone. Just have to trudge through them.[/color]

[Satoru]

[QUOTE=Gavin][SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.[/SIZE]



[SIZE=1]No offence man, but what's wrong with you ? You have the right to give your opinion and say you don't particularly care about renayiiq's problem, you don't have the right to call her stupid or say that we shouldn't care. One of the privileges of OB is someone's right to post their thoughts, their problems and ask advice from people on how to get by, on how to get help, so it's pretty damn obvious that there are those who us who do care.
[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
Heh hahaha.
You took my words the wrong way.
More like, "Why should you care" as In who cares. Not like I don't care, but why do you care? If you get me.
Hmm the best way to say is. I didn't mean it in the way of "I don't care."
Hope that clears things up ^_^.

Anyway, suppose the worst thing you can do is shut yourself away from outside. Theres alot of things which make you feel worse when you just sit indoors and dwell on your problems. Tthey seem to get more and more worse that way.

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]Listen, chick, there are a few things you have to remember in situations like this:

You are not the [I]only one[/I] who is bullied and you are not the only one who feels like crap.

You are a lot better off than millions of people in this world and should be thankful for the fact you can be educated, you aren't sick, you can walk and you can do all the things many people can only dream of doing. Be thankful for life.

The people who bully you don't care whether or not they hurt your feelings, and half of the things they say they probably don't even believe. I used to be beaten up in school and teased but I knew what was being said to me wasn't true. So what did I do? I went against bullying with confidence (please note: NOT violence) and now one of the girls who tried to make my life hell is a friend who sticks up for me.

Bullies react to weakness and if you mope around complaining about your life being so terrible, that no one likes you and you have no friends then things are going to get worse. Look at the people who waste their time trying to bring you down, raise an eyebrow and ask them, "Why are you wasting your time trying to make me feel bad? You obviously don't have very interesting lives yourselves." and walk away.

Sorry for not sugar coating the matter but I'm sick of people saying "I'll be here for you if you need to talk." I KNOW from experience that talking doesn't help, but doing something for yourself does.

Have friends to give you confidence, but please, show these mindless idiots that they just aren't worth your time and energy. More people need to show strength against bigheaded morons.[/SIZE]

[Stark]

Rena-Chan, why do you care what these people have to say about you? What do they know about you that makes their opinion so important?

Honestly. I want to know.

These people are not you. Only you can make yourself feel a certain way, and only you can allow them to bother you. I won't say ignore them, because I've found that it doesn't always work, and I won't say that you should try to be friends with those idiots. Just...only you can make your self feel a certain way. You've given them permission to bother you, so to speak.

As for that...incident. It can't have necessarily been your fault. Did you ask the person to? No? Then you didn't do it. Crap happens to good people sometimes--I think I would know about that--and it takes a while to recover from some of the crap. I've also been teased, taunted, and had a less than pleasant childhood for the most part. The foster care system can get crazy at times, but I pulled through. You can pull through this mess as well.

You seem to be a strong person to not have crashed yet. Let that strength work for you. Do something that you like, and boost that self confidence. It's true, people to flock toward those who are percieved as weak and torment them. Animals do it with sick members of their pack, and people are no different.

Be strong. Be tough. If nothing else can help you, then think of all of the people in your life who do care about you. They'd be hurt if they knew some of these things, don't you think?

[Doukeshi]

[SIZE=1]Imi is right kid. You don't need all this self pity crap it gets you abso-fricken-lutely nowhere. Talking only does so much, after that its time to get up off your arse and do something productive. Thats right, get up off your arse and do something about it. Crying and whinging about it ain't helping anyone, especially you.

So you feel like crap, you feel down, like the world hates you etc etc. Wallowing in it is just going to increase it. A hell of a lot of people feel this way, a [I]hell[/I] of a lot and to be perfectly honest it gets a bit tiresome. Change your life kid, the only one who can do it is you, one step at a time.[/SIZE]