Writing Girls [G]

[vegeta rocker]

[CENTER]
[B]Girls[/B]
[/CENTER]
Their scent floats on the air like bees
flitting over blossums and threatening their
sting when you venture too close

yellow straw dripping with honey
in the bright summer sun
alive, so very alive

an outstretched hand
slapped back and bent
held fast by stern glares
of acceptance

forget me not
their lips coo like a
gentle breathe of rain

too warm to be dead
but oh so very quiet
for life

pressed lips and thin cotton
is all that remains
of them

like living scrapbooks
thin cloth pressed against
thick paper

in these memories
they dance

and turn their heads
for their tears would
stain the roses

[echoavalon]

Not bad I wrote a poem similar to this one titled Woman. I think this a very good piece of writing and I applaud you for your gift.

[Mitch]

Beautiful. The poem was just that more effective because of the way you broke the lines so that you kind of stumbled over them, which gave you the feeling of "flitting over blossums." And the ending was beautiful. As far as what I can say for improvement...not much, personally. I love each and every line and word the way it is. The title, though, is lacking, I think. I would either change it or just get rid of it altogether...I think this is my favorite of yours now.

[2010DigitalBoy]

That was simply b-e-a-utiful, and I love it! Great sense of imagery, perfectly crafted similies and metaphors and just an all around good piece. Simply brilliant.

[vegeta rocker]

I am glad it is well liked, but as for a better title i am a bit stumped.
hmmmmm i would be open to suggestions.