BurnerMan Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 (c)-copywrited, I will hunt you down if you so much as write something similar to this. "Eternal Darkness" I am shrouded in the eternal darkness, for I have recieved the night's dark kiss, I will stay there forever, And I shall see light never, If the light were to draw a map, I could be free from this trap, But the darkness blocks the light, So I am to never be free with the help of the bright, So I stay shrouded in this darkness, as an outcast. So, uhh, tell me what you think! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2010DigitalBoy Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 But mt opinion doesn't count, right? :animesmil Oh well, Im giving it anyway since I am sworn to comment on every bit of poetry that appears here! I liked it personally. It didn't give much of a lasting impact due to it's brevity but it was tasteful nonetheless. The last line didn't seem to fit, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KikiKitoru Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 Hello i'm new so what am i suspostu talk about peps? :animeswea Sorry :animedepr I'm gest cunfused! and tired :sleep: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sexyfairy_34 Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 [QUOTE=BurnerMan](c)-copywrited, I will hunt you down if you so much as write something similar to this. "Eternal Darkness" I am shrouded in the eternal darkness, for I have recieved the night's dark kiss, I will stay there forever, And I shall see light never, If the light were to draw a map, I could be free from this trap, But the darkness blocks the light, So I am to never be free with the help of the bright, So I stay shrouded in this darkness, as an outcast. So, uhh, tell me what you think![/QUOTE] i thought itb was good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Persona Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 [QUOTE=BurnerMan] "Eternal Darkness" I am shrouded in the eternal darkness, for I have recieved the night's dark kiss, [/QUOTE] The first two lines are both intriguing...I say it's a good hook for the readers (In my opinion). [QUOTE]If the light were to draw a map, I could be free from this trap,[/QUOTE] I like how you used a metaphor for light, also loving the idea of darkenss. [QUOTE]But the darkness blocks the light, So I am to never be free with the help of the bright, So I stay shrouded in this darkness, as an outcast.[/QUOTE] The last three lines just don't help the begining and middle parts of your poem. I suppose is the way you chose to word out the lines. Overall I would rate this a 6.5/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Asphyxia Posted January 4, 2006 Share Posted January 4, 2006 [font=Arial][size=2]Burner Man, I suggest that before you post in the forums at OB, you read the rules and [i]also[/i] the stickies at the top each forum. They contain very important information about posting at OB. For instance, the stickie called "OB Anthology Basics -- Read Before Posting" contains information about the OB Anthology Ratings -- which are mandatory. In fact, any thread that is not rated for maturity is closed. Such as this one. On top of that, sexyfairy_34 and KikiKitoru, your posts were spam. I strongly suggest you two [i]also[/i] read the OB Anthology Basics, and Constructive Criticism thread. Constructive Criticism is essential in this forum, and anything that does not add to the discussion [in this case, CC] is considered spam, just like any other forum at OB. Instead of saying you like something, tell us [i]why[/i]. Explain it. Thread closed. [/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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