Writing "Love" (either M or PG, not quite sure)

[renayiiq]

[U][SIZE=3]Love[/SIZE][/U]
[SIZE=2][I]by Vicki Claggett (that's me)[/I][/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]I love you and I cannot let you go
Doing this will cause us both misery and woe
What you're going through is just a phase
Please, just try to see through the haze

I know the smoke is clouding you
And it also clouds me, too
The way you look into my eyes
The way you always listen to my cries

We're great together and this will pass
Because to you, I'm not just a piece of a**
Your eyes, they tell me you love me
I only wish that you could just see

See that the negative will fade away
And that things will be okay
You are my knight in shining armor
You are so sweet; you're a charmer

How you hold me in your arms
And all the while, no alarm
You can kiss away my tears
You can love away my fears

I wish I could do this for you
But maybe, in secret, I do
Maybe you're thinking just the same
And realizing that there will be no blame

I have a feeling, and I know I'm right
That we're thinking of each other tonight
But you think of only an ending
While I think of ways of mending

Keep me, says my heart, and yours
Love me now more than ever before
Don't let things go all to waste
One who would do so should have no taste

Now, please, do not make haste!
You should not let a good thing go to waste
Especially one with love and care
With someone who is always there

And wants to love away your fears
And kiss you 'til there's no more tears
Who looks up at you with adoring eyes
Who will always comfort your cries

A maiden whore who loves you so
And cannot bear to let you go
For should she do so, she would die
Of a broken heart, with one last sigh

Her last words would be your name
And those three words that you've put to shame
Would you mourn the terrible loss?
Is this the path that you dare cross?

No, I do not talk of suicide
But it's almost as if you lied
If you love me, and truly mean it
Even if it's just a little bit

I hope you can see that you and me
We are really meant to be
So just stop the negativity
And fill it with positivity

Let me be the one to pick you up
When you've fallen into a rut
Your future is not to be forsaken
From it, nothing will be taken

We can both figure all of this out
Only if of me, you have no doubt
And learn to trust once again
Because it shall be okay in the end

Sweetie, please do not fret
Even if the rain makes you soaking wet
I will dry you off, and keep you warm
It was your first time, this is the norm

I will never make you cry
And I don't ever desire to lie
Baby, please just understand
There's only one thing of which I demand

Give me a chance, put your behind in your past
And you will see, pretty damn fast
I'll always be there, I'll always be true
And my sweet love, I will always love [I]you[/I].[/SIZE]

[2010DigitalBoy]

Wow... I almost cried at the end of that. This one touched me deeply, and reminds me of some things that have happened with me in my past. Truly, if one feels this way about someone else, they could never love anyone else that way and... well, Ill leave it at that. I thought this was great and I liked that you didn't try to use big words or extravegant images, but instead spoke from your heart.

[Solo Tremaine]

[COLOR=#503F86]To be honest, when I started reading through this, I didn't like it very much. Rhyming 'armour' wirh 'charmer' was clever, though- I wouldn't have thought of that. But once I reached the sixth verse -"I wish I could do this for you" -everything got a whole lot better. I don't know what it is exactly- maybe the choice of words, maybe the way the rhymes fit together. I'm not a great fan of rhyming poetry because I tend to find it fairly bland if it's not in an interesting rythym, and there is a tendency to find the same rhyming pairs across numerous poems.

I'd be careful not to get into habits of using particular words- 'woe' to me has rather melodramatic connotations and doesn't seem all that serious. I (and this is a thing personal to me, so don't pay too much attention to it) have hangups about particular words being used, depending on the effect you're going for. If you do want it to be more emotional rather than adding in bits of slang to make it fit, I wouldn't rhyme 'warm' with 'norm', but perhaps include something to do with 'shelter from a storm', or something like that. Just be aware of what kind of imagery you want to put across, as altering one word can really affect the feel of the entire piece.

Aside from those beginning bits, I think the rest of it's really nice. There's a much nicer, softer, more emotional feel to it, where a lot of the earlier verses sound a little like boy band lyrics ^_^; Overall, good stuff ^_^[/COLOR]