Writing EarthSize Alchemist [PG]

[Nomura]

Well, here's something I just started. It's only a preview, and I"m not done with the whole thing, so tell me what you think of the beginning. If you like, I'll post the rest of the story.

Many years ago, Alchemy was first used by two men, trying to turn lead into gold. They tried five times before they actually made anything. But what they made, had killed them. Since then, turning lead into to gold is forbidden. What had killed them? Apparently they didn?t have everything just right. They made gold, yes, but it was alive. It struck the two men... Now, people have perfected alchemy into a common use of science for anything at anytime. It?s all about the equivalent exchange. Breaking down matter, and reconstructing it.

The military has even taken in Alchemists, to do their bidding. One military Alchemist, was John Ferinet. His amazing alchemic abilities were superb, as he could reconstruct natural things. He was the Nature Alchemist.

While doing service, he got a letter from his sons, saying that his wife had been killed. Shocked, he fled the military, to go back home. The military came looking for him, back at his village.

When they got there, the village was in flames. Flames everywhere.

They stormed through Ferinet?s house, and found him in the basement, dead. A diary was beside his corpse. The page it was turned to said:

I have successfully gotten every chemical, mineral, and substance I need to bring Yuri back to life. In moments, she will be with me again, and I?ll be the first Alchemist to ever do this. All, I have to do is draw blood, and complete the transmutation. There we go, something?s forming! It?s her! It?s Yu-

Chemicals had started the fire, when they were knocked down by...whatever John had transmuted.

Months have passed, and John?s sons have left the ruined village for good.

Axe and Yoh Ferinet walked through a thick forest, following one long path to Slavenor.

?We should be close, Yoh,? said the oldest, Axe. Axe?s short blonde pony tail bounced as he walked. He wore his usual black vest, and orange cargo pants .

Yoh, on the other hand had dark brown, short, hair, hidden under a beanie. But he too, wore a black vest and orange cargo pants.

[2010DigitalBoy]

TO be honst, I felt it to be too rushed, and more of a summary then a story, though I'm guessing that this is mearly a precurser to the events taking place in the story,m right? I'd like to see the story itself before passing judgement.

[Nomura]

[quote name='? Nomad Tical ?']TO be honst, I felt it to be too rushed, and more of a summary then a story, though I'm guessing that this is mearly a precurser to the events taking place in the story,m right? I'd like to see the story itself before passing judgement.[/quote]
To be honest, This isn't even the real story, LOL, it's a shorter version, And I'm just asking if the plot seems okay...