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i need a littel feed back plz


alchemist102
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The only feedback I can really give is that you should perhaps try to develop an actual plot. At the moment it seems like all you're going to do it put three people together to fight eacher other/random monsters. The whole thing is kind of overused, so try to get a good plot in order to save the concept, okay?
Another thing is that in modern times it would be extremely rare, I imagine, for someone, especially from Japan, to be seriously studying swords instead of trying to get into the top schools or trying to get a good job. On top of that, it's hard to imagine a fighting match between someone with a sword and someone with an axe outside of the land of video games.
I can see the promise of something buried underneath, but it will take a lot of work to bring it out.
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[COLOR=#A18A58]^ Yep. Plot first before anything else. Perhap you could start with how you're gonna make 'em characters meet up. It could be through a magical medium or some bizarre twist of Fate; just make it exciting and fresh 'cause I'm pretty sure a party like that must have come together in a really, really odd way.

Good luck![/COLOR]
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  • 2 weeks later...
well ive got sumtin wats going to happen is each persons going to be vaporised into a world with no name well at least they dont know its name each one of them is put in a different place Karhama meets a littel boy like man named KimashiHis race is called a jin-jin they were the leaders of that whole world they are all of different elements fire,water,earth,blood,death,and mist the only jin-jin whos masterd all elemants is the Elder hes 210 years old and knows of the proficy3 people from a far away place will come and save the land from the evil that controls it. well anyway he brings her to a jin-jin village. wial janasu was vaporised his DNA was messed up and replaced with a strand of jin-jin DNA so hes now part jin-jin and human the elements he's abel to use is blood and death, rickonis was placed in a huge forest he walks for hours until he finds a ravien not a steep one but he timbls down the ravine and falls into a deep deep whole where Janasu was placed the two meet and start to fight because Rickonis made fun of his size. back in the village kimashi took karhama to the elder where he told her of the proficy when they here a huge BANG! and a shake comes to the ground kimashi and karhama go to chek what happend and see the boys lieing on the ground banged up thats the first issue wat you think
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