Writing Crimes of Hate-Revised [M-VL]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1][CENTER][COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1][U]Part 7[/U]
The battered corpse had been taken back to Athena?s lab with Seraphim and Ezekiel who were interested in trying to find out it?s identity, even though they had their own case to work on. Seraphim had been convinced from the start that whoever was killing wouldn?t stop at one, so he personally wanted to be there when any hint of this victim?s identity was found.

For now, however, this was DDG?s and Raiyuu?s case and they had stayed at the crime scene with the CST. Currently, Raiyuu was crouched next to a man in his mid-forties, his dark hair only just starting to show streaks of grey. He had a handsome face, but one that showed signs of great stress and deep thought. He always smiled as if he had infinite knowledge, which made Seraphim feel a little edgy in his company.

[B]?So, Gavin??[/B] Raiyuu began, blowing into his gloved hands in a lame attempt to warm them up, [B]?Any wisdom on this so far??[/B]

Gavin sighed deeply and his brow furrowed as if in thought before he spoke up, keeping his gaze on the stained tarmac as he did, [B]?Unfortunately, until I analyse these samples I?ve taken I can?t tell you very much?but I should have some DNA profiles done for you by tomorrow morning.?[/B] He paused, then looked up, [B]?You should probably talk to Doctor Xion about this, but I believe it?s safe to say that whoever done this was an utter psychopath.?[/B]

Raiyuu nodded in agreement and stood up, placing his hands on the small of his back as he arched forward to stretch, [B]?I could have told you that for free, no offence meant, Doc[/B].?

Gavin smiled that knowing smile, creases forming at the corners of his unusually bright eyes, [B]?None taken, Detective.?[/B]
[COLOR=DarkRed]***[/COLOR]
Back in her lab, Athena studied the corpse laid on the table in front of her. She didn?t usually gag at the sight of a body, but this really was something else. Both Ezekiel and Seraphim had to absent themselves at some point during the autopsy, and that was before the body had even been opened.

Athena had cleaned the blood away, exposing the cuts that covered the skin of the victim. Once the skin had been exposed, the pathologist had easily been able to determine at least the victim?s gender, which was male. Seraphim?s expression faltered a little at this discovery, seeing as he?d assumed the killer would be after female New Members, so that he could use the same method of seduction before killing them. The fact they now had a male victim seemed to make him doubt himself.

However, Ezekiel assured him that once the identity had been exposed, he?d be on the right track again. Ezekiel was good at that, assuring people of things.

[B]?Right then, troops,?[/B] Athena sighed as she readied her shears, [B]?I?m opening the rib cage.?[/B]

Seraphim and Ezekiel stood back, checking once again that their masks were firmly in place. Christ knew what would be coming out of this one.

Athena began cutting, the sickly sound of crunching bone echoing in the deathly silent room. Ezekiel winced inwardly, as she always did, and Seraphim shut his eyes. Then the smell hit them. Oh, God, that smell was like nothing else. Athena stumbled backwards as her eyes watered behind her glasses, the shears clattering noisily to the floor.

[B]?Fuck, the body can?t be that old.?[/B] Seraphim choked out as he clamped his hand over his nose and mouth. Athena shook her head and waved her hand in front of her face, [B]?Core body temperature from the scene says he couldn?t have been dead for more than 12 hours, and that?s including extra calculations due to the cold temperature.?[/B]

[B]?If he hasn?t even been dead a day, then what could that smell be? It?s disgusting!?[/B] Ezekiel had her back to the table and was leaning against a wall for much needed support. Athena squinted and stepped forward to peer into the open chest, near retching when she saw the sight.

[B]?The, er?the organs have been?dissolved.?[/B]

She was met by Seraphim?s look of utter confusion, shortly before Ezekiel threw up.[/SIZE][/COLOR][/CENTER]



Muaha, fear my cliffhanger. I was going to carry on with the autopsy scene to explain what the heck was going on, but once I'd written those last couple of sentences, it seemed much better to wait until Part 8 to reveal the whole situation.

Er...not much to say. Gavin's now in on the plot, and I've planned a couple of other members to make an appearance. You can probably tell I'm trying to steer away from the usual "James is the big boss and Dragon Warrior is the bad guy". For comedies that works great, but I want to be a little different.

And Tical? I'd be very shocked if you knew who the perp. was seeing as they aren't really in the story and I haven't given any clues as to who they are yet. =/

PM me if you want with your guess and I'll give you a cookie if your right. Because I'm generous like that. =D[/SIZE]

[Annie]

[size=1]Wow, the plot thickens. That's terribly disturbing, the whole dissolving of the organs. As gross as that is, it was a wonderful scene. Yes, I refert to parts of this story as scenes because the story is painted so well, it plays like an episode of some TV show. I can see the expressions, and the body movement. Especially when the rib cage was cut open, you can tell right then and there when everyone jumped back, that the stench was that foul and disgusting.

Again, I can't say anything bad about this part--except that it was short :p[/size]

[Gavin]

[quote name='Ezekiel][CENTER][COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1]Currently, Raiyuu was crouched next to a man in his mid-forties, his dark hair only just starting to show streaks of grey. He had a handsome face, but one that showed signs of great stress and deep thought. He always smiled as if he had infinite knowledge, which made Seraphim feel a little edgy in his company.[/CENTER][/COLOR'][/SIZE][/quote]

[SIZE=1]You made my day with that Jamie, I just hope by the time I reach my mid forties I?ll share those very admirable traits. I can?t wait to see how Crimes of Hate progresses further, and finally see this mystery revealed. Here?s hoping Seraph and yourself will be able to catch this killer before he/she can go any further.[/SIZE]

[Ikillion]

[COLOR=DarkSlateGray][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Ouchies! Dissolved organs?! What a very....distirbing cliffhanger. That could be a high reason why I love it, I personaly love it when there is something like that to be used as a cliffhanger instead of...other things. It would keep the reader intrested which this one really is ^_^[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Revelation]

[size=1][color=#B2566B]I've got to say, Jamie. This is truly an amazing piece which makes me wonder why I never read it before... maybe it's because I don't normally spend my time here...^_^;;;. Anyways, this mystery you're writing is truly an anticipation and I can't wait for it to progress. In fact, I can't wait to be blown away by who the murderer is.

Keep up the good work.[/size][/color]

[Raiyuu]

[color=DarkGreen][font=Trebuchet MS][quote name='Ezekiel][/font][/color][size=1][color=DarkSlateGray][size=1]...the sickly sound of crunching bone echoing in the deathly silent room.[/size][/color][/size][color=DarkGreen'][font=Trebuchet MS][/quote] It's worrying how good you are at the really grim stuff.

As a small criticism; I had to read the opening couple of paragraphs twice to work out exactly who was where. Mainly because it says Zeke and Seraphim go to the autopsy while DDG and Raiyuu stay at the crime scene, but then you throw this into your description of Gavin:
[quote name='Ezekiel][/font][/color][size=1][color=DarkSlateGray][size=1]He always smiled as if he had infinite knowledge, which made [b]Seraphim[/b] feel a little edgy in his company.[/size][/color][/size][color=DarkGreen'][font=Trebuchet MS][/quote] I realise the story is narrated from Zeke and Seraphim's point of view and therefore it's their perspective we get of new characters; but giving Seraphim's view on Gavin when he isn't present at the scene confuses the issue a little, made me think Seraphim was at the crime scene too.

It's a niggly point, really, but it irritated me that that was in there, marring what is otherwise a very accomplished piece of writing. Nice to see the new material living up to the old ^_^
[/font][/color]

[Onix]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]Gruesome and enthralling, love, just like any good murder mystery. I can't wait to see the resolution to this grisly cliff-hanger, and I doubly can't wait to see who you've deemed sick enough to do something like this. Every new chapter just brings this thing darker and darker, and I doubt even the most contrived resolution will ever make things happy again for the poor citizens of the OB. And that's just the way it should be.

Excellent stuff.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1][CENTER][SIZE=1][COLOR=DarkSlateGray][U]Part 8[/U]
DDG walked hurriedly down the corridor to the morgue, a piece of paper clutched tightly in one damp hand. Her coat and scarf flapped behind her as she increased her speed, biting her bottom lip in concentration. The results had just come back from Gavin?s lab, and Seraphim?s dark suspicions seemed to hold some truth. The victim was a Newbie, and DDG couldn?t help but think the department had a serial killer on their hands.

She found the door to Athena?s lab and threw it open, taking in a gulp of air before she spoke. The detective, however, was caught off guard by the stench and stumbled backwards against the opposite wall. Ezekiel, now pasty and clammy, rushed for the open door for fresh air.

[B]?Ah, Detective??[/B] Athena mumbled, her voice muffled by her hand and mask, [B]?I?m glad you could join us. Do come in.?[/B]

DDG pinched her nose and shook her head, her nasally reply not coming as a surprise, [B]?I?d rather not, if you don?t mind.?[/B]

[B]?Suit yourself. Better than TV, this is.? [/B] Athena chuckled, now over the initial shock. Seraphim rolled his eyes and thumped his chest, trying to regain his senses.

[B]?Yeah, this shit is so much better than an evening on the couch.?[/B]

Athena shrugged and walked to her desk to grab a can of air freshener, squirting it around the lab to at least dull the smell. [B]?Each to their own, I guess.?[/B]

DDG took one last gulp of pure air before walking in, avoiding looking at the body. Athena met her with a smile as she tugged her mask down, and took the piece of paper DDG offered.

[B]?DNA results,? [/B] the female detective stated, [B]?I think Seraphim?s right, looks like a serial.?[/B]

[B]?Another newb, huh??[/B] Ezekiel wheezed as she came back in, dabbing at the corners of her mouth.

[B]?Mmm.? [/B] Athena replies as she studied the paper. [B]?Gavin?s awful quick tonight. He got this for you straight away??[/B]

[B]?Soon as we got in. Raiyuu?s still with him in the lab.?[/B]

[B]?How nice of him.?[/B] Seraphim said quietly, chancing a look at the body on the counter. [B]?Okay, Athena. Is there any way you can tell us why these organs are dissolved??[/B]

Athena walked back to her position next to the body and pulled her mask back up, picking up a glass rob before leaning down for a closer look. She could almost stir the liquid in the victim?s chest cavity, and probed about for almost a minute before straightening her back.

[B]?Though I can?t tell you exactly, I think it?s safe to assume that this victim was fed some sort of poison capable of doing this.?[/B]

Ezekiel groaned as Athena placed the dripping glass rod back in its tray, and tried to put on a brave face. [B]?This guy?s a real sadist, eh??[/B]

[B]?Glad to see someone loves his job.?[/B] Seraphim replied. He was met by silence.
[COLOR=DarkRed]***[/COLOR]
[B]?Xion!?[/B] Ezekiel shouted as she walked towards her colleague?s office, rapping on the door once she reached it.[B] ?Xion, I??[/B] she stopped as she walked into the doctor?s office, finding it unoccupied. The woman blinked and backtracked, drumming her fingers on the folder she held in her right hand.

[B]?Mimminx, have you seen ULX??[/B] she asked hurriedly as the secretary passed her, giving her a look that meant she didn?t want any conversation. Mimminx nodded and simply pointed down a smaller corridor. [B]?I saw him go down there. I assumed he was looking for you.?[/B]

Ezekiel sighed and headed down the all too familiar corridor. There were only two offices down here, hers and Seraphim?s. She could only guess which one Xion had let himself into.

[B]?Zeke~!?[/B] the detective twitched as she stood in her office doorway, looking at the man before her, his feet propped up on her desk. On her papers. Her papers, damn it!

[B]?What in God?s name are you doing here, Xion.?[/B] The now irate detective asked, still recovering from the autopsy ten minutes ago.

[B]?Why, I was looking for you.? [/B] The psychologist smiled, opening his arms in a friendly gesture. A muscle in Ezekiel?s face twitched softly as she walked into the room, reaching out to slam both hands down on her desk. Xion didn?t even flinch.

[B]?I told you I?d be in the morgue. Don?t you listen? Or do you just enjoy pissing me off.?[/B]

Xion looked up at Ezekiel?s flushed face with his mastered ?Who, me?? expression.

[B]?Are you drunk??[/B]

Ezekiel could only close her eyes, breathe, and throw the files she held at Xion. She left, not even bothering to listen to his angry retort.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]


Longer than last time, but I fear, not quite as good. Perhaps it's just me. =/

I don't think I'm going to be having any murders for the few Parts, I'd like to concentrate first on Xion's Criminal Profile, and then on the combined detective work of Alan, DDG, Raiyuu and myself.

I fear I'm starting to morph ULX into another form of Dr House. Oh dear.

Huge thanks to JJ and Raiyuu for nominating this for the Nifty Fifty, by the way. It means a helluva lot to me.[/SIZE]

[Annie]

[size=1]This chapter/part seemed to be a bit loose. I think it was in the morgue that this post sort of floated. Didn't seem like anything was really tied. But, it was good, nonetheless. I'm liking Trev's character, hehe. He's such a jerk ^^
[/size]

[Arcadia]

[size=1]As much as I enjoy the interesting ways you're creating corpses here, I think it would be great to have a few parts that are focused more on character developement. Mostly because that's just my favorite part, but it would also help explain everything else a little more in that we actually know what's going on with everybody.

Great job, as usual. ^_~[/size]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Will the seeds of dissension between Trevor and Jamie threaten the progress of the investigation into these murders one would wonder ? I have to agree with Annie thought Jamie, the chapter did seem a little off-kilter, although they can't all revolve around the capricious killings of innocent members. I'm glad to hear the next few segments will revolve around character development as it would give people a much better idea of the kinds of relationships that exist between individual characters. [/SIZE]

[Raiyuu]

[font=Trebuchet MS]I actually quite like this chapter, despite what some people have said. I think there's enough character development in there. It's no good having a purely "character development[/font][font=Trebuchet MS] chapter"[/font][font=Trebuchet MS], heh. You have to have your characters [b]doing [/b]something, and reveal their character through reactions to situations.

For instance, here we have more of Seraphim's dry humour (although, admittedly, we know of this from previous chapters, it would be out of character for him [b]not [/b]to comment the way he does); and we get a nice bit of development on Athena now she's recovered from the initial shock. She obviously has a taste for the morbid...

So while, in terms of plot action, not a lot happened in this one (we had the revelation that the latest victim is a newbie, but we all saw that coming, I think?) there's still enough to keep us interested. I think there was actually more character development than gory autopsy stuff in this one, all told.
[quote name='Ezekiel][/font][size=1] Huge thanks to JJ and Raiyuu for nominating this for the Nifty Fifty, by the way. It means a helluva lot to me.[/size'][font=Trebuchet MS][/quote] You're just lucky (or shrewd?) that you restarted it when you did, because I think the Fifty had just closed when I started reading the original. I remember thinking "must remember this for next year's" and I never would have if you hadn't revitalised it.
[/font]

[Mimmsicle]

[FONT=Tahoma]AH, it's great to see this back up again. Not only revised (not that it needed it ;-p) but with more chapters being added, too!

Your writing style is appealing. I really like how you don't bring in the gritty elements just for the sake of having them there, which is a relief as it can sometimes bring a story down. That approach brings the story together more, while being more effectful.

Do carry on with treating us to more of this story! :catgirl: [/FONT]

[Onix]

[COLOR=SlateGray][SIZE=1]Dr. House! W00t w00t! I have recently become acquainted with the awesomeness that is House, and that is deeply flattering...if you're me, anyway. This really does get more intriguing with every chapter, and I can't wait to see what happens next...especially if it involves a certain doctor~[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Sakura]

[COLOR=Navy]Awesomeness. I've been following this story since you re-started it so I decided to finally comment ^__^

I love it, it's so descriptive that it tells you everything without getting boring. Although it is a little scary how well you can describe the scenes >.>

I think one of my favourite parts was the section by the murderer all the way back in Part 4, it was great, especially the last line. I'm suspecting someone but I think it's wrong so I shall wait and see.

I'm enjoying the tension between ULX and Ezekiel because it's a bit of humour in an otherwise serious story. But yeah, that last chapter made me think of House. I can't wait until you reveal what happened between them, if you do.

Anyways, keep going, I can't wait to read the next installment.[/COLOR]

[Blayze]

[size=1]This is a worryingly grim piece of writing, Jamie. You scare me.

But you don't put the grim stuff in there just for the sake of it, which is a danger when writing this kind of thing.

I also like the character interaction, despite what a lot of people are saying. It gives the characters a more mysterious air to them if you don't explain every little detail about them, and I hope that we will discover some dark little secrets as the story progresses.

I missed this the first time round, but I am thoroughly enjoying it this time. Keep up the good work.
[/size]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1][CENTER][COLOR=DarkSlateGray][U]Part 9[/U]
Xion paced his office slowly, a Dictaphone held near his mouth as he occasionally muttered something he felt was important. It was his turn to do something big for the investigation, that being a criminal profile. Seraphim had asked the psychologist to compare both cases to determine whether or not he thought it was a serial killer they were dealing with, or merely a sad coincidence. Xion had said he couldn?t be sure so early, but there was no harm in trying.

So here he stood now, photos and notes all over his floor as he paced among them, his shoes thrown in the corner along with his jacket and tie. He had to work casually, or he just couldn?t concentrate. Most of the women working in the OBPD main building couldn?t help but follow the young psychologist with wistful gazes, but many shuddered to think at what his flat would be like.

Eventually Xion sat down amongst the paper and scribbled some notes down. He had a pretty good idea that this was a serial killer, and that he was most likely someone who was high up in the ?food chain of society?, as he called it. Someone who was respected. He rubbed his chin as he thought, before picking himself up off the floor and cleaning up his mess. Time for a drink, he thought, and then he could carry on with work.
[COLOR=DarkRed]***[/COLOR]
The next morning arrived without any upsets, except for icy roads and the threat of yet more snow. Ezekiel decided it wouldn?t be safe to drive to work, and had instead set out on foot from her block of flats. It wasn?t a bad walk, really, and after taking a few shortcuts she was only 10 minutes late for work.

Mimminx greeted her inside with a smile and a nod, chuckling slightly as the detective shook out her red hair, melting snow dripping from her bangs.[B] ?Bit nippy out there, detective[/B]?? she asked, not taking her eyes away from her computer.

[B]?Just a little, Mims.? [/B]

[B]?More than a little, I?d say, I?ve been freezing my ass off out there waiting for you.?[/B] Ezekiel turned to see Seraphim, who was glaring at her through sleep-deprived eyes. Ezekiel shrugged and started to unwind her scarf, looking down at her mud coated shoes,[B] ?You could have waited inside.?[/B] she said, walking towards the kitchen without waiting for her partner?s reply.

[B]?Yes, well, I might have missed you. Xion?s finished the profile and has an idea of where we should start looking for suspects.?[/B]

Ezekiel shrugged once again, finding herself feeling oddly distant when it came to the case.

[B]?He thinks it?s a serial. We need to go.?[/B]

[B]?Go where??[/B] Ezekiel turned, just as she reached the door to the kitchen, only a few steps away from her beloved coffee machine.

[B]?The NM Registration Office. If the killer is picking out New Members, Xion figures they?re going to be close to them. Close enough to know their address and routine.?[/B]
[B]?Sounds reasonable to me.?[/B] Ezekiel conceded, once again wrapping herself up in her scarf. [B]?We aren?t driving, are we??[/B]

Seraphim sighed and shook his head, glaring out of the building. [B]?It?s only a short walk anyway?we?ll have lunch out. Come on.?[/B]
[COLOR=DarkRed]***[/COLOR]
As the detectives exited the building, they were blissfully unaware of someone watching them from a high window. Someone who was starting to feel strangely powerful after the last few days. The member smiled, surprisingly calm considering they were being hunted by the OBs supposed best.

[B]?Wrong way, detectives, you?re getting colder??[/B][/COLOR][/CENTER]


Oh God, that was utter bollocks.

Bare with me, here, I'm currently swimming through a thick, dark writers block. I know where I'm going with this...I just need to get there.[/SIZE]

[JJ]

[Color=DarkBlue]

[quote name='Jamie']Oh God, that was utter bollocks.[/quote]

=O!!!

*slaps you...sort of friendly like*

Although the chapter didn't do a whole lot story-wise, you gave a look at the killer. That's always loved. Yup.

Just keep working at it. You can't go wrong with transitional chapter. ^_^

[quote name='Jamie']Ezekiel turned, just as she reached the door to the kitchen, only a few steps away from her beloved coffee machine.[/quote]

I don't know why, but I really love that sentance. Enough to pick it out and comment about it even. ^_^[/color]

[Raiyuu]

[font=Trebuchet MS]Don't be so hard on yourself. A lot of writers go "lookie, a bit of writer's block, better give up completely". The ability to write even when the creative juices really aren't flowing separates a good writer from a bad one. And you know [/font][font=Trebuchet MS]that [/font][font=Trebuchet MS]if you gave up you'd have a mob of OBers turn up on your virtual e-doorstep demanding you finish the thing so we can all find out whodunit...

(Side note: the stance they take on my creative writing course is that writer's block does not exist. My tutor says to just write [b]something, [/b]no matter whether you think it's sucky, because then you have a starting point from which you can edit and improve. You can't do any of that with a blank page. Of course, they might just be saying that so we can't use writer's block as an excuse for not handing in assignments.)

I'd have liked a bit more on Xion's psych report - seeing what aspects of the murders made him come to his conclusions (that this is a serial killer high up the food chain). You're not a criminal psychologist, obviously, but as long as it sounds convincing to a layman audience, it works. Heck, for all I know you have that planned for later instalments.

Don't for a second think that just because a chapter doesn't contain brutal murders or grisly autopsies, it isn't interesting or worth reading. JJ commented to me on Messenger the other day that Anthology commenters tend to rip stuff apart if it isn't wall-to-wall sex, death and rock'n'roll. Just keep writing what you want to write, 'kay?
[/font]

[Disenchanted]

[SIZE=1]Finanlly read it all ^_^

I must say that is a lingual work of art, but then again i could be a little bit obsessed with crime related things. What you have written here Ezekiel is quite excellent.

The first few chapters were my fave, as to your own comment the last chapter was [U]not [/U]bad. I found that fact that the killer was watching them quite creepy, as was this line
[QUOTE]
Originally Posted by [B]Ezekiel[/B]
[I]Soon, very soon, this fertile soil will taste your blood. This city will be purified..[/I] [/QUOTE]
The liqud innards were a nice touch, in a creepy morbid kinda way.
Good job![/SIZE]

[Revelation]

[size=1][color=#B2566B]Coffee- the love of everyone's morning, even the distant Detective Ezekiel. Bullocks, yes, but good bullocks. I admire almost anyone who can wite as well as you even with writer's block; I just wish I would continue writing my story, can't seem to get myself to write anymore. Well, with this sort of inspiration, I must ^_^.

And to comment off of Raiyuu: Those buttmunchers (For better terms) XD. You keep doing your thing, Jamie, and they'll forget to even slip up. They'll be knocked right out of their seats once they continue reading.[/size][/color]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1][CENTER][COLOR=DarkSlateGray][U]Part 10[/U]
Seraphim rapped lightly on the mirrored glass as he watched Ezekiel, Xion standing next to him, leaning against the wall as if he was bored. They were conducting interviews with the ?higher ups? in the NM Reg. Office, and Ezekiel was the one who was currently sitting in.

[B]?Please state your name and occupation for the record, sir.?[/B] She said, her voice low and almost gritty from the copious amounts of coffee she?d consumed lately.

[B]?My name is JJ, and I work as head record keeper at the New Member Registration Office.? [/B]

Seraphim?s face twisted into a snarl, he didn?t like this one. He was too relaxed, and his voice wasn?t shaking. Xion, however, was keeping an open mind.

[B]?Now, you understand, JJ, that you can at any point leave this interview. You are not under arrest.?[/B]

[B]?I understand, Ezekiel, I just want to help.?[/B]

Ezekiel frowned and sat back, folding her arms in a defensive way, [B]?It?s detective Ezekiel, sir, and we appreciate your help.?[/B]

Behind the glass Seraphim snorted, reaching into his pocket for a cigarette. Xion looked over at the older detective and shook his head, smiling to himself. [B]?Don?t be impatient, Seraph, we?ve got plenty to get through."[/B]

[B]?I just don?t like him, he?s a weasel if you ask me.?[/B]

Xion looked over, a teasing glint in his eyes, [B]?I?ll be the judge of that.?[/B] He stated softly, grinning as he saw Seraphim?s back straighten and the muscles in his neck tense. The detective was high strung, which only made the game more interesting. [B]?Honestly, Seraphim, Ezekiel?s bouncing off the walls on caffeine and you?re quite obviously not getting laid. This job is ba??[/B] he didn?t even see the blow coming until he was sprawled on the floor, Seraphim moving to lay another punch into the psychologist. Fortunately, an officer reacted and managed to hold the seething detective back as Xion staggered to his feet, blood trickling gently from his bottm lip.

[B]?Ah, guess I deserved that,?[/B] he grunted, swiping at his mouth, [B]?Give me a report before lunch time. I?m leaving.?[/B]
[COLOR=DarkRed]***[/COLOR]
[B]?Fucking asshole!?[/B] Seraphim shouted, slamming his fist into the cafeteria table. Ezekiel winced and reached for her mug, catching herself just before she drunk any of the contents. She put it down gently and slid it across the table; Xion?s words seemed to stick easily when one was on the edge.

[B]?Ignore him Seraphim, he?s a loser. I think you should go home, talk to Hevn, have a bath?just relax.? [/B] The younger detective looked up at her partner, smiling in what she hoped was a reassuring way.

[B]?I?ll sort out the report, I promise. You deserve this.?[/B]

[B]?You never have any time off, even when you?re ill. You should be the one taking a break.?[/B] Seraphim sighed, but didn?t sit down. His hand hovered above his jacket, a clear sign he didn?t really want to be staying. Ezekiel noticed and just smiled wearily, [B]?My apartment is empty when I get home. Trust me on this one, I really don?t mind.?[/B]

Her partner didn?t need much more convincing and after a hurried goodbye, he was gone. Ezekiel looked down at the tabletop and reached for her mug. Cold coffee, wonderful.
[COLOR=DarkRed][B]***[/B][/COLOR]
Xion walked quickly down a carpeted hallway after jogging up stairs two at a time. He was still dressed in his work clothes, but by now his shirt had worked it?s way out of his slacks and he?d shoved his jacket and tie into his briefcase. Formalwear would for ever be his pet hate.

He knocked hard on an apartment door and waited impatiently, pressing two fingertips to his bruised and swolen lip. His bag was at his side and after a minute of waiting, he jumped slightly when he heard a crash from the other side of the door. A muffled ?Shit? was all he could hear before the door opened, revealing Detective Ezekiel, clad only in shorts and a t-shirt, her hair tousled and messy. [I]?Must have been asleep?[/I], Xion thought, slightly amused, ?[I]And it?s only eight o?clock.?[/I]

[B]?What is it??[/B] Ezekiel asked, rubbing her eyes to clear the bright spots of light dancing in front of them. Xion could smell alcohol on her breath and raised his sleek eyebrows, stepping in slowly, [B]?Have you been?drinking??[/B]

Ezekiel paused and looked over her shoulder, cringing at the state of her apartment, spilt bottle of whiskey and all. She shrugged, finally, and muttered, [B]?Work was tough today??[/B] She held the door open wider for Xion to come in, hoping he didn?t plan on staying long. However, he kicked his shoes off as soon as he got in, making Ezekiel?s stomach turn a little in sadness. It had been so long since she?d seen him like this?

[B]?You okay??[/B] he asked, sounding genuinely concerned. Ezekiel just shrugged again and walked over to the fallen bottle, picking it up and placing it on the table. She groaned as she straightened once again, her head pounding from the aftermath of strong alcohol.

[B]?What is it you wanted, Xion, I was?busy.?[/B]

For once, the brunette chose not to make a snide remark, and instead smiled warmly. [B]?You didn?t give that report to me. I know it?s been a hard day, but I really need it??[/B] he stepped forward suddenly as Ezekiel swayed, holding her elbow tightly for support. The redhead looked up at him, a little flushed, and bit her trembling bottom lip.

[B]?What happened, Xion?what did I do wrong??[/B][/COLOR][/CENTER]


And?I think that was better than last time? Yes? No? Bollocks? ;_;

I thought it was time to start showing the nastier/grittier sides of the characters. Xion is, I hope some people realise, not actually an asshole. He just tries to make himself seem big, and aloof. That?ll probably come out more in later chapters. Seraphim is on the edge and extremely high strung, worried that his marriage is starting to fray because of all his time in work. Ezekiel is, more than likely, emotionally unstable and finds her only solace in coffee and, eventually, drink. That about sums up those three.

JJ will be in this more, and Reise will be making his return pretty soon.

Comments, as always, are greatly appreciated. [/SIZE]

[JJ]

[Color=DarkBlue]Yes yes yes yes yes yes!

See, this is perfect. The best chapter since the scene in morgue. It's charcter development, plotness, and violence all in one chapter.

Very nice, very nice indeed. All the best detectives are alcoholics, so go 'Zeke! Just don't forget the glasses, no?[/color]

[Revelation]

[size=1][color=#B2566B]K.O.! It was a good chapter, I mean since after the killings. We can see that there's a bit of detest within Seraphim about Xion, Xion's a bit egotistical (if you ask me), and Ezekiel's an alcoholic, and you know how we like our Alcoholics XP.

No, but really, I agree with JJ. There's character development and violence coming from Seraphim (W00T W00T!) Yeah, but anyways, can't wait for the next chapter.[/size][/color]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Two great chapters Jamie, although the second is by far the most interesting to look at from a psychological point of view. It seems that the dynamics of the group is far less tight that we'd have imagined, what with Ezekiel's rampant coffee addiction leading to an obvious pent up stress which is being transferred all around her. I'd definitely like to see a few more character development chapters, maybe two or three that will showcase the potential meltdown of the group. Also it leaves me wondering exactly what dark addiction my character is battling, morphine addiction maybe ? Not a suggestion, just a thought. [/SIZE]