Writing Achilles Pyre (Poem) [PG]

[Amorphous]

Achilles Pyre

Shoot westbound into the setting sun
We see a flame burning far greater
Then the intentions of the god Apollo
A desecrator of understanding in an age
Where all is ruled by the ruler himself
A falling star rips through the deep skies
Of a night where the ashes are left below
A warlord honored by gods alone
He was led by no leader and saw envy
Envy in a gods eye on the moment of death
A glory that was born for life and
All for the sake of taking the lives of other men

A cold running sun rises in the east
Far more dead then others before its time
Like a new child born of cold dreary intent
For another day of momentary peace
But nothing lasts if the God?s do not allow
No hero will rise and not soon after fall
A wrenching acreage of fire lightly flickers
And breathes its final breath in twilight

I wish sometimes that I had lived as Achilles
A bringer of death but an enlightened man
And always seeking an eternal glory
Was I said to have been begat by a goddess?
Did my skills of bringing death come easy?
Or was it a false pretense of thought in dying
Bluntly though it had not mattered. We came
And we saw and lasted impressions
On every single face that we would touch
One in the same were we forever
We both in the end bringers of tranquil death
In the same that we had peace on our last day.

I used to sit on the pyre before he died
And day after day passed as we fell
I could not think though about it as fact
Sever the last emulation of what you know
Now naming the straight of smoke each time
It passed my head, another part of Achilles flesh
Another arrow to pierce another heel
If it comes down to the final question
Are we not in fact of the same entity?

I lived not in Achilles time nor did he live in mine
We are transcendence, devoured by smoke
Annulled by the final breath with both a heart
I died on Achilles pyre that night
Funerals are to behold dying men
Respect, this is the ending of our moments
That one name will now live on forever.

Comments, criticism? Anything? It would be nice. This actually a rough draft still but I'm working on it.

[2010DigitalBoy]

Dude, that is awesome. This right here should set an example for all of us other poets out here. When people think, "poem" THIS is what they should be thinking about.

I am amazed. You managed to make an interesting poem without having to use senseless repitition or rhyme or rhythm or any of that crap. There are far to many brilliant lines for me to quote them all, and I love that you through in pieces of mythology. I also liked that it seemed as though you were the one talking.

Wait a minute, aren't you the same guy who wrote my favorite poem ever? I'll be right back...