Disagreements, can they be solved?

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]Have you ever run into a disagreement with someone that you couldn?t solve? Lately it seems like I keep having disagreements with the people in my life and no matter how hard I try to understand their point of view, we just can?t come to any form of agreement.

For example I have an aunt who suffers from a form of schizophrenia where she actually hears a voice in her head that she thinks is God, at least I think that?s what the doctor said it was it could be something else. Anyway, the disagreement we have is that she thinks the doctor is lying and refuses to take any type of medication and I think she should take the medicine.

Since she thinks God is telling her that I should be giving her my paychecks and coming over to her house every week to clean it for her, I no longer even call or visit her. I simply got tired of trying to get her to follow the doctors advise and take the medication she needs.

Or another example, thinking that people have to get your permission to use their own belongings or to even share them with someone else. By share I mean letting someone read one of your books or play one of your games. To me it sounds silly, but the other person tells you that you are deliberately trying to hurt them by sharing with others. And they mean it because they themselves wouldn?t share with you.

If they had an art book, it wouldn?t matter that you have the same art book, they would get mad if you used the same picture to say make a wallpaper or e-card. I?m not talking about plagiarizing, but about a situation where you scanned the picture and made it, but the other person gets furious with you because they want to be the only one to ever use it. Or because you made one first, the fact that you didn?t even know they planned on making one doesn?t matter. To me it just seems completely ridiculous to even be disagreeing over it.

Am I dealing with people who are selfish? Are the disagreements trivial? Or am I the one who is unwilling to work it out? Should I take back the book I am letting someone else read or remove the wallpaper since the other person was going to make one with the same picture?

I am sure that all of you have had similar disagreements. The one with my aunt was crystal clear and easy to solve, but the others are harder since the person is making himself or herself out to be the victim and that I am deliberately trying to hurt them. It frustrates me as I have tried to work it out for the past seven months and even when I try to work out a compromise the other refuses to agree on a middle ground.

So what disagreements have you had to deal with? Were they solvable? Do you think if one keeps trying you will eventually find a solution? Or do you think there are ones that just can?t be solved? So tell me, what serious or ridiculous disagreements have you had lately? I know I?m not alone, but I feel like it. So please, tell me about yours.
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[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.[/SIZE]

[quote name='SunfallE][COLOR=DarkOliveGreen']Since she thinks God is telling her that I should be giving her my pay checks and coming over to her house every week to clean it for her, I no longer even call or visit her. I simply got tired of trying to get her to follow the doctors advise and take the medication she needs.[/COLOR][/quote]

[SIZE=1]Not to be offensive SunfallE, but I find that to be a wee bit suspicious, if an aunt of mine said she wanted my pay check, and that "God" told her I was to clean her house for her then I'd want fairly damning proof that's she's not just lazy and after my money. I'm not doubting what you say, I'm just doubting whether or not your aunt is genuinely schizophrenic. As for the second person, I think the argument may be a little trivial, but the other person seems to be making a huge deal of it and being selfish in only considering her wants.

In my own experience most disagreements can be solved either immediately after the transgression has occurred, if people are willing to be civil about it, or after a period of time when everyone has settle down. I have more than a few arguments with my mother over very trivial things, generally stupid things that we really shouldn't be arguing over but it can get very frustrating when neither side is willing to accept the other's point of view. I don't think there's really an unsolvable argument, the kind of argument that would set people against one another for the rest of their lives, it just takes time and eventually both parties have to let bygones be bygones.[/SIZE]

[SunfallE]

[QUOTE=Gavin][SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=1]Not to be offensive SunfallE, but I find that to be a wee bit suspicious, if an aunt of mine said she wanted my pay check, and that "God" told her I was to clean her house for her then I'd want fairly damning proof that's she's not just lazy and after my money. I'm not doubting what you say, I'm just doubting whether or not your aunt is genuinely schizophrenic. As for the second person, I think the argument may be a little trivial, but the other person seems to be making a huge deal of it and being selfish in only considering her wants.

In my own experience most disagreements can be solved either immediately after the transgression has occurred, if people are willing to be civil about it, or after a period of time when everyone has settle down. I have more than a few arguments with my mother over very trivial things, generally stupid things that we really shouldn't be arguing over but it can get very frustrating when neither side is willing to accept the other's point of view. I don't think there's really an unsolvable argument, the kind of argument that would set people against one another for the rest of their lives, it just takes time and eventually both parties have to let bygones be bygones.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
[COLOR=DarkOliveGreen]No worry, I?m not offended. ^_~ Perhaps if I explain my aunts situation a little better it will make more sense. I had just had another argument regarding the other person so I was feeling a little flustered when I wrote the initial post.

The thing with my aunt actually had me believing she was just lazy and wanted everyone to do everything for her. For as long as I can remember she has always claimed that God spoke to her. She was claiming God spoke to her all the time, trying to go grocery shopping with her was a nightmare since she would stand in front of something simple like Tuna cans on the shelf and wait for God to tell her what brand to get.

I didn?t even consider that it might be a mental condition until three years ago when she divorced her husband. It was pretty ugly since they had a huge custody fight over the kids and as a result of that fight my aunt had to undergo psychological assessment before the court would even consider giving her custody of the children. You see she already had a record with both the police and the state as she had been turned in by her neighbors many times for neglecting her children.

My uncle was a pilot in the Air Force so he was gone all the time but he quit that job and got another so he could get custody of the children and take care of them. It was during the custody battle that it was determined that she was most likely suffering from a mild form of schizophrenia and that she needed treatment. Not only did she refuse to believe it, but she lost custody of the kids since the court wouldn?t give her custody of the children unless she was treated and was regularly reviewed to make sure the treatment was working. Since she has refused to be fully evaluated it is possible that she really isn?t schizophrenic.

Anyway, thanks for responding. ^_^ Now all I need to do is keep working on resolving the second issue. I was feeling discouraged since it?s been seven months and we still haven?t reached an agreement. >_< Hopefully we will reach the point where like you said, it will become a matter of letting bygones be bygones. I hadn?t thought of that, it just felt like it was going to stick around forever. [/COLOR]

[Baron Samedi]

[size=1]For the Aunt thing I have no idea what to say. How you could not worry about the mental health of a woman who needs God to tell her which brand of tuna to buy, I do not know.

As for the second thing, the person is obviously plain stupid, and overall, not worth knowing. Why you would want to hang onto the friendship of a petty and greedy person, even after an argument lasting seven months, is another thing that I fail to understand. Some things aren't worth solving, heh.[/size]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR=Indigo]I am curious about one thing, if no one was concerned about your Aunt believing God talked to her over everything, was it something that slowly developed over time? It would explain why no one ever thought she had a serious problem. Though I suppose that since she is an adult you would not have been able to force her to get treatment. And obviously the court did not consider her serious enough to ensure that she got treatment by having her committed. If she is really that sick it is good that she no longer has custody of the kids though.

As for the other argument well [B]Baron Samedi[/B]?s view fits what I think as well. Unless you are talking about a younger child, who often has to learn the value of sharing, that person is seriously not worth your time or effort. I am assuming you are talking about an adult here and if that is the case, they need a reality check, such obvious pettiness is painful to imagine in a supposedly mature adult.

In fact it reminds me of one of my relatives who has always had everything given to her. She has never worked a day in her life and she is just as stupid, greedy and petty as the friend you are describing. The fact that you have attempted to keep the friendship for over seven months leads me to believe that the person is never going to get over their obsessive greedy nature. It sounds more like they will hold a grudge against you for as long as they live unless they somehow manage to change or grow up a little.

So now I?m curious, are we talking about a family member or relative here? I can?t think of any other reason why you even talk to this person. After all it?s not easy to get rid of annoying relatives, It took living several thousands miles away to keep mine out of my life and even then I still run into them occasionally.[/COLOR]

[Sayuri-sama]

i think where there is a will there is a way. any disagreement can be solved