Writing Needle Birth of a Misanthropic child. (M)

[Noir_vagabond]

Suicide saddness calming the unborn child.
Mother got addicted to love through a needle.
Helpless to leviate the situation all the while.
The doctors cry for retrieval.
Formality steps in soothing the lost teenage mom.
The poor child is rendered an abomiantion
Poor little babe obessed with cocaine love.
He is now oblivious to his hatred.
Listening in to the people, and how they think they know whats wrong.
His ears are begining to bleed.
His fists begin to clench an onslaught is coming strong.
He can't help his anger, it's no longer his to keep.
Odium steps in taking the role of a misanthropic parent.
How he gains comfort from his bloodstained bedroom wall.
He wrists are raised with pretty scars, and the straightjacket is new apparel.
Now the whitecoats stream in, drugs in a pretty little medicine cup.
They try to resuscitate him yet he does not move.
His dream is better if he doesnt wake up.
Yet finally he is able to reach a pale hand out, and take the abuse.
Of a thousands serrated pills each one harder to swallow.
The restraints are tighter now the doctors look forlorn.
The boy no longer holds onto anything his face growing hollow
His will to live is no longer strong enough to fight his apparent want.
But then something changes as he struggles to hear a softer voice
An echo of a melodious tune
Thankfully heaven has called him for a new purpose
The purpose to save the abused.



Now, this poem is a rough work. I wrote for someone dear to me who has had this same thing happen to him. Its a sad poem yet in the end some traquilty happens from the volley of pain..I would like someone to read this and give pointers on which lines need a little work, It's a special poem to me cause it helped save a dear friend of mine and I am hoping to publish it, so Please help!

[Suicide Jury]

The poem itself is pretty good however, it seems to me to be a little long.

[echoavalon]

I like the poem though it brings up some memories of mine best forgotten. I like the rhyme scheme.