Voltaire and other amusing bands

[Raquel]

I've been on a depressed streak, so I thought I'd remember some of the things that make me laugh. Namely, a band called Voltaire. I'm not limiting the thread to them though. If you know of other bands that make you laugh, feel free to share.

Has anyone ever listened to "If I only were a goth" originally by Thoushaltnot? It made me spray Mt. Dew through my nose, which sucks hardcore, in case you were wondering.

The lyrics go as follows, to the tune of "If I only had a brain" in the Wizard of OZ

I'd be thinner, I'd be taller
Go clubbing in my collar
With skin pale as a moth
Dressed in black, I'd go creepin'
While the normal folk are sleepin'
If I only were a Goth
With my hair up, I'd look fancy
Like Siouxsie and the Banshees
With silk or velvet cloth
Dressed in boots, never sandals
And the room would be lit with candles
If I only were a Goth

Yes I'd wanna die
From the bottom of my heart impure
Would I like another clove? Well, sure
And after that, we'll go listen to The Cure

I'd pretend to be a vampire
Like in stories 'round the campfire
I'd suck your bloody froth
Yes the thing I'd be best at
Is impersonating Lestat
If I only were a Goth

In my casket purse I'm toutin'
Einsturzende Neubauten
And pagan hymns to Thoth
Yes the world would be depressing
Over death I'd be obsessing
And this corpse that I'm undressing
Would be sexier, I'm guessing
With my diet I'd get scurvy
And I'd worship Peter Murphy
If I only were a Goth

-Thoushaltnot, If I Only Were a Goth

[Claire]

[FONT=Arial]Holy crap, I thought I'd never meet someone who likes Voltaire, much less one who has even heard of them! Yaaaaay! I especially like "Goodnight Demon Slayer."

Rasputina is another amusing band, as well as the BEST band in the entire world. They've also been classified as goth (all though I've read that they prefer not to be called that), and they play ONLY cellos (with the exception of the only male member, who plays drums). Cellos are better than air. For reals.

Most of their lyrics are amusing, so it's kind of hard to pick just one. Kate Moss, The Donner Party, Nozzle, Five Fleas, and Christian Soldiers are actually just monologues read over some pleasant cello, often in a very strange way (i.e., Nozzle and Kate Moss are read by a seemingly deep voiced country bumpkin, the Donner Party is read by the singer with a Kansas/British kind of accent [and is interrupted by the bumpkin from Nozzle and Kate Moss in a hilarious way], Five Fleas is a layered monologue of the singer speaking the same speech in two different pitches and rhythms with a New Yorker accent, and Christian Soldiers has her speaking in a soft, British voice.)

I suppose I shall first share Christian Soldiers, because I love it:

[B]Christian Soldiers[/B]
The medevial exorcists used a 20-gallon Brass syringe.
A 20-gallon brass syringe, filled with holy water.
A 20-gallon brass syringe filled with holy water which they put into,
Into the anus of the possessed.

and now for a real song:

[B]Rats[/B]
Very many years ago, the Bolivians were starving so,
They had rats as big as ponies there. They asked the Pope
To declare them fish.
We thank the Pope for granting us this wish.
When Friday comes, we'll all call rats fish.
We catch them with a net, kill with the gun.
We'll call it all forgotten when we're done.
They didn't look like rats at all, but like some horrendous horse doll.
Still they had to eat this thing.
In gratitude, the Pope-they kissed his ring.
We thank the Pope for granting us this wish.
When Friday comes, we'll all call rats fish.
We catch them with a net, kill with the gun.
We'll call it all forgotten when we're done.
We'll call it all forgotten when we're done.

If you're interested in hearing Rats, they have a studio remake (live) on their [URL=http://myspace.com/rasputina]myspace[/URL] (that's a link, by the way).[/FONT]

[Raquel]

O.O YES! *huggles* I love Rasputina. My current favorite is their cover of Mansons tourniquet. It's so much better than his version. Ever tried Da Vinci's Notebook? Heres "Another Irish Drinking Song".

Gather 'round ye lads and lassies, set ye for a while,
and harken to me mournful tale about the Emerald Isle.
Let's all raise our glasses high to friends and family gone,
and lift our voices in another Irish drinkin' song.


Consumption took me mother and me father got the pox,
me brother drank the whiskey 'till he wound up in a box.
Me other brother in the troubles met with his demise,
me sister has forever closed her smilin' Irish eyes.


(Chorus)

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.


Ken was killed in Killkinney, Claire she died in Clares,
Tip in Tipperary died out in the dairy air.
Shannon jumped into the river Shannon back in June,
Ernie fell into the urn and Tom is in the tomb.


Cleanliness is godliness me Uncle Pat would sing,
he broke his neck-a-slippin' on a bar of Irish Spring.
O'Grady he was eighty, 'tho his bride was just a pup,
he died upon the honeymoon when she got his Irish up.


(Chorus)
Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.





Joe Murphy fought with Riley near the cliffs of Alderney,
he took out his shillaly and he stabbed him in the spleen.
Crazy Uncle Mike thought he was a leprechaun,
but in fact he's just a leper and his arms and legs are gone.


When Timmy Johnson broke his neck it was a cryin' shame,
he wasn't really Irish, but he went to Notre Dame.
MacNamara crossed the street and by a bus was hit,
but he was just a Scotsman so nobody gave a *****.


(Chorus)

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.


Ole!!


Me drunken Uncle Brendan tried to drive home from the bar,
the road rose up to meet when he fell out of his car.
Irony at once befell me Great Grand Uncle Sam,
when he choked upon the very last potato in the land.


Connor lived in Ulster-town, he used to smuggle arms,
until the British killed him and cut off his lucky charms.
And dear old Father Flanagan who left the Lord's employ,
drunk on sacramental wine beneath the altar boy.


(Chorus)

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.


Someday soon I'll leave this world of pain and toil and sin,
the Lord will take me by the hand to join all of me kin.
Me only wish is when the Savior comes for me and you,
He kills the cast of Riverdance and Michael Flatley too.


(Chorus)

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are cried,
we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.
We'll dance and sing and fight until the early mornin' light,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again,
then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinkin' once again.

[NinjaGirlSango]

XD
There's a band called Voltaire?!
When I looked at the title I was like "WTF?! It's AP euro all over again!" :animestun