Writing thinking my way of all [PG-just plain weird]]

[dark king]

the tension valves of my mind are finally loosening up, as these words and thoughts of mine are read and leave my mind untill i read them back again.
call me insane, call me what you like, i am feeling good.
feel free to comment and rate, and yes my spelling isn`t my strongest side ^_^'

[COLOR=Navy][B]Random Thoughts[/B][/COLOR]

spinning words, alteration of my soul
holding eternity
feeling shaken, the pain taken
course off my path to stray away
where lights cross, shadows move
about time, the end line
say no more, no ancore
apreciation, desintegration
solution found, in every sound
hearing all that is hidden to the eye
colors mixing, argument fixing
glass of water in the rain
feel no pain, by lightning strain
in the train above the rails, i`m sailing my life across the moon
between the sun, the ocean mountain, my time has never come
to pass away, into the next phase of my existance
everytime i cross the line
i`ll be fine, secure the sign
to reach my knowledge in the stars, across the plains and through the scars
on my face, that is hidden to the rest of the croud around me
suround me
lesson learned, a page has turned
collapsed peace and agony
society, monstrocity
harbors all the illness a person made to write and sing a song
to get along, don`t get me wrong i found a light, inside the darkness
that leads me to the depths of my perception
strange conception, about my misery
that keeps the rivalry, to get me to the place to be
a menace through the street, get on your feet that`s what you need
a mouth to feed
with the pain fed by the spoon, that is soon, to be replaced by tons of hours, that grow you
old stone, cold life, accepted by madness and brings sadness to the sane of mind
that are forsaken by coruption, obstruction in every way possible
to stay keen on our soul
inherriting the same old, song keep us strong and illuminated
asociated, with the righteousness covered up, by silences like the storm has yet to come
illusion, dellusion, confusion into what is real
time to feel your achilles heel
so you won`t forget how fragile you are, compared to the star closest to this rock
behind the lock is a system of thought ,when you have sought
the answers to the riddles and problems that are near, yet a thousand miles away, so you can pay the billions of souls your condolances and wishes you have never made
and then you fade along the billion others, in the stream of death and neglect with the defect of souls where you resumed, to get consumed by madness and insanity, optimally lost at the cost of your doing, with what you where brewing inside the shell of flesh, that`s now a mesh of parts and bits and nothing fits
the living skin at the begin of your doom, where no light can beat the gloom
it`s not the darkness, but darker than that from where i sat and looked in your eye, there was no lie only the intent to kill, not even a thrill was involved and now you have solved, the puzzle of the ancient ones
and your will becomes complete and you are ready to defeat
the lingering feeling of hate, only to be risen by fate and unravel the path that was chosen
now walk that path and claim what is your`s

[COLOR=Navy][B]The Life[/B][/COLOR]

the wise percieve
the dead believe
the strong achieve
the plain recieve

the wrong send
the few decend
the right mend
the many ascend

the helpfull stray
the people pay
the trees say
the weak sway

the talented strive
the wills drive
the elders jive
all pursue life

[Sora]

I like the first part with the random thoughts because I know exactly how you feel. You shouldn't try and constrain it to a pattern, otherwise it's like a cross-linguistic poem and it loses alot of what was initially meant. I'm not one for the whole ryhme thing, so that's a minus for my critique, but otherwise it conveys a full (, yet broken) message that I'm nearly totally sure most people won't get, so it multiplies the emotion from it. It's very artistic, and I appreciate a little difference from the generic "poets." The humor is an added bonus, I suppose.

[dark king]

well i had this one for a while, but the linguistic rhymes i like aswell since it proves a challenge to come up with words that are not used that much, as is a bit of my trademark for having different words and expressions.
i also tend to write with music on the background wich put me in a state of mental vagueness.
also late at night when i get tired i tend to write since that is he point where i get the most strangest things out of my head on screen and in relatively understandable spelling or i revise the spelling the next day since that is one of my weak points.
so basicly i get weird as inspiration to some sort of filing method for my questions that get answered during the next time i read it myself, so it`s mystery on paper that attracts the open minded and then i get the response of: hey i understand what you mean.
so thank you.
i will be editing new stuff later on.

[CrazyMew]

[COLOR=Orange][FONT=Lucida Sans Unicode]The second poem was very interesting. I couldn't understand the first one as a whole but the way you phrased it is good. This line: [I]"harbors all the illness a person made to write and sing a song"[/I] is a very nice line,I can relate to it completely. The vocabulary in the first poem is excellent. Its a very good poem.Well done. :D[/FONT][/COLOR]