vegeta rocker Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 Here's the issue; my boyfriend and i were together for eleven months. Then he says he doesn't feel the same way he used to. He said he didn't love me anymore, even though i still love him. A few days later we ended up sleeping together again, it just kinda happened. Then it happened a few more times. I am not in denial and i know he doesn't love me. We just make each other happy. He told me a few days ago that he has a crush on another girl. He hasn't done anything yet and he hasn't told her about us still sleeping together. I told him if he sleeps with her or makes any move he cannot come back to e at all. I sleep with him because i still care about him. I can't believe he would sleep with someone he just has a crush on. It just seems kinda slutty. What do you guys think i should do? Am i a complete idiot for even letting myself get in this situation? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 [size=1]Okay, I'm going to come out with this. If anything I say upsets you, then I apologize now. I was in the same sort of situation a few years ago. The guy and I fell for each other, but he was involved with a girl. He was attached to her, but kept coming to me. And like a naive idiot, I kept accepting him. During the months and months of this, I started to get more unstable; but I kept going to him because of this "hope" that maybe he'd come to his senses and realize that we should've been together. But, alas....it didn't happen and it only hurt me. As much as it sucked, I came to [b]my[/b] senses and realized that I had to end this. It wasn't healthy, it wasn't going to work. It tore me, but it was for the best.... So, my advice to you is to save yourself the pain. End whatever it is...it'll be better for you in the end. He'll realize he was stupid sooner or later, but it'll be too late for him to win you over. [/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindFox17 Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 This may sound a wrong but, give him the cold shoulder and tell him ya found someone of the internet, it is called jelousey. It could work or backfire, sounds like my ex-g/f minus the sleeping with eachother after the break up. All I can say that is advise is try to find someone else. It may sound hard but its not as hard as you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted February 6, 2006 Author Share Posted February 6, 2006 thanks guys; i know what you are saying would be the smart thing to do. He is getting ready to graduate and he is just very busy, but i know he loves me. But i think for now i will let it go on, we are still best friends which makes it even more complicated in my eyes. thanks again, especially Athena that really puts things in perspective for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted February 6, 2006 Share Posted February 6, 2006 [QUOTE=vegeta rocker]thanks guys; i know what you are saying would be the smart thing to do. He is getting ready to graduate and he is just very busy, but i know he loves me. But i think for now i will let it go on, we are still best friends which makes it even more complicated in my eyes. thanks again, especially Athena that really puts things in perspective for me.[/QUOTE] [size=1]You're welcome. I know how it feels to be in that spot, and I know it's not an easy decision to make; but I assure you, it's for the better. Like I said, I would end it now....and if he does really love you, then he'll wisen up. But until that day, you should do whatever's best for [b]you[/b].[/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted February 9, 2006 Author Share Posted February 9, 2006 Well i just found out he was stringing the other girl around and didn't even let her know what was going on with us. We got in this big confrontattion and he broke my heart and my trust. He never looked at me so angry before. I was so scared of what might happen. He yelled about losing her forever and stuff like that. How am i suppossed to feel when i realize he was talking to her saying he didn't want to lose her and getting jealous of her male friends. He has hurt me more than i ever thought possible. I have to think about how he was too tired to come talk to me when he was probably over at her place. We all had a big talk and she said he broke her trust. I was crying and felt horrible for doing this. But she had to know and i felt much better after doing it. I used to be in her position and i felt hurt and betrayed. He said he was sorry for it, he said he was just trying to keep us both happy. He was crying and i asked him if he truly cared for her. He nodded and i said then i will do whatever i can to make this work. I love him so much i want to see him happy. I am hurting so much inside i can hardly eat and my tummy constantly hurts. I am stressed and tired. But i love him and i only want to see him happy. If that means sacrifice my own happoiness then so be it. The hardest thing i have ever had to do was tell him that. I offered to help him be happy with someone else. He was my first kiss, love, and we lost our virginity to each other. I think deep down he still loves me, and maybe if i gove it some time we can be together again someday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WindFox17 Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 He sounds like an ***hole no ofencse but you need to find someone who will NEVER hurt you in the way he has hurt you. I have been hurt in the same way you are hurt in. My ex-g/f hurt me in a worse way though, she cheated on me when I was gone for a month and a half. Not once but twice. Then before school started, then with her best male friend. I know the pain you feel pretty much. But I have found the best way to get back at people is to be strong and move on, I hope this has helped in some way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Syrius Posted February 9, 2006 Share Posted February 9, 2006 If you and him were together for 11 months, and he just dumps you sayin g he's has a crush on another girl, then excuse me for saying this, He's trash, and you should have better. just let it/him become an old memory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted February 10, 2006 Author Share Posted February 10, 2006 he didn't dump me for another girl. he said he started liking her after we broke up. So yeah he is an *** but at least he isn't that horrible. I just don't know what i will do if they start dating, seeing them will be sheer agony. My heart is broken and my trust is shattered. Now i have to suffer at the sight of two friends together? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatanaViolet Posted February 10, 2006 Share Posted February 10, 2006 yes. you are. Don't be foolish. You may care about him, and whether or not his intentions are good or not (because he may not realize what he's doing to you), don't let yourself be taken advantage of. You don't deserve this. You may have feelings for him, and I'm sure its a hard pill to swallow, but your only hurting yourself more by letting things continue on this way. The best thing to do is just let him go, which I know is hard... sometimes your heart just doesn't want to listen to reason. But you will be better off if you do. Your broken heart will heal with time, stop prolonging the pain. Only once you let go will you be able to recover. And believe me, you WILL love and trust again. PM me if you need me to slap more sense into you <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fall Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I've been through all this. In fact, I'm probably going through it right now. I'm just not sure about any of it anymore. It's hard to let go when you spend a long time with someone you really [i]do[/i] care about, I know. If he's not going to consider your feelings over his own, I don't think you should want to see him happy. I don't think you should put him first. Obviously you care about him more than alot, but is that much care for him really helping you? It sounds like all it's doing, is tearing you apart. Sometimes you can't help but think about what you had, but if he can just move on with someone else as soon as you and him break up, he obviously doesn't care about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Charles Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 I would have given you all of my heart but there's someone who's torn it apart and she's taking almost all that I've got but if you want, I'll try to love again baby I'll try to love again but I know The first cut is the deepest, baby I know The first cut is the deepest 'cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed when it comes to lovin' me she's worst but when it comes to being loved she's first that's how I know The first cut is the deepest, baby I know The first cut is the deepest I still want you by my side just to help me dry the tears that I've cried cause I'm sure gonna give you a try and if you want, I'll try to love again but baby, I'll try to love again, but I know The first cut is the deepest, baby I know The first cut is the deepest 'Cause when it comes to being lucky she's cursed when it comes to lovin' me she's worst but when it comes to being loved she's first that's how I know The first cut is the deepest, baby I know The first cut is the deepest Sorry, I couldn't resist. There's no tough choice here. Just respect yourself, move on and stop sleeping with him. I know it's easy for me to sit here and say this because I'm not the one dealing with the feelings, but it's what you have to do here. Just be thankful that you've only invested eleven months and not several years into this relationship. Think of how much worse it would have been if you had gotten married and then he discovered that he truly didn't love you. Or imagine if there were children involved. You're lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kenshin DX Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 [QUOTE=vegeta rocker]But i love him and i only want to see him happy. If that means sacrifice my own happoiness then so be it. The hardest thing i have ever had to do was tell him that. [/QUOTE] Whoa Whoa, Whoa dont you think thats a little overdoing it? I mean to sacrifice your happiness for some jerk. Dont let him suck the joy from your life. You have a right to enjoy your life. No one deserves to take your happiness from you. Hope this works out for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatanaViolet Posted February 11, 2006 Share Posted February 11, 2006 So the ay's have it. The guys a tool and your much better off without him. We're all here for you and we all believe in you. You can do it, just think about it. You must know that if he actually cared about you he wouldn't be doing any of this. You don't deserve to be treated this way, and the truth is, no matter how much you love someone, that doesn't mean that won't take advantage of that. Sometimes your heart is wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 We have just been talking and he is spending time with her. We still talk every now and then and he got my a stuffed dog for valentines. I gave him a book of my poetry just like he asked for, we gave them early and tomorrow i will give him the pages of my diary when i first met him. It will help me erase the pain and move on if i have nothing to remind me of him. I don't know if i should give him the actual pages or xerox them; not quite sure i want to keep them. I just get sad when i read them. What should i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starwind Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 I think I'd have to say, give him the actual pages. I think it would be better for you, and a good, strong message to him. If you keep them, then every time you see them it's just going to dig up old memories, both good and bad. It's time to move on, and I'm sorry if that's a little blunt, but it has to said. Also, if you give him the actual pages, your letting him know that you have really moved past him. That you are finally willing to part ways with him. It'll be hard, believe me I know, but you need to stand strong in front of him. Otherwise, your just going to end up his consolation prize. A place to go when his othet "pet projects" don't work out. I have worked in youth counciling for almost 5 years now. I have seen many relationships similar to your own, and even been on your end of one once upon a time. I know that this will be unimaginably hard for you to do, since you said you do really care for him, but you can't just stand by a guy like that forever. People like that are just looking for some kind of support, and are always looking for a new source of self gratification. If you keep this compassion for him and are always willing to just take him back and sleep with him, then he's never gonna get better and it'll only lead to a long cycle of never ending pain, ultimatly ending in a vicious self-hatred. It's going to hurt for a long time after, but with each day that will pass you wll find that it will subside slowly. At first you'll want to cry and think that you'll neverr be able to stop. But I promise you that it will get better, and once you've done this, someday you'll find the right person. The one who will love you completely and unconditionally. I have found my one and only and I love her will all my heart. But to find this person for you, you have to get beyond the person who is bringing you this long and dreading pain. I'm sorry if this is hard for you, or it seems cruel. I truly do apologize, but I needed to be as honest as I possibly could be with you. My best wishes are with you. Your friend, Starwind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatanaViolet Posted February 14, 2006 Share Posted February 14, 2006 wow, do you make house calls Starwind? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vegeta rocker Posted February 14, 2006 Author Share Posted February 14, 2006 I wrote up a little note to go with the original pages when i give it to him. It says, these are the first pages of my journal when i first met you. I want you to have them. All they do is make me cry. They were the words of someones first love. I added a poem at the end i forgot to add to the book. I hope to move on from this, i feel better already! I finally cleaned up the mess he made when he came over to my place to take back his papa san chair. I had some laundry on it and he threw it all off and left a mess everywhere. I finally made myself pick it up tonight, and i was bawling through out the entire time. But i did it and i think it was symbolic in a way, i am a crazy writer though so meh. I will definetly get material for writing from this and there is no great loss without some small gain. If he decides he made a mistake i will be here. If not, well he can go to hell. ^-^ We will always be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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