Uh, boys.

[lumpy3922]

Well I was hoping someone out there could help me out. You see I have this friend, and he likes me. And it's changing everything. I don''t like him and he keeps geting mad at me about it. And it's hurting our friendship. He wants me to go out with him, but I don't want to date him out of pitty. And I don't want to ruin the good friendship that me and him have. Help me please!!! I need some good adive on this one.

[Sara]

[quote name='lumpy3922']Well I was hoping someone out there could help me out. You see I have this friend, and he likes me. And it's changing everything. I don''t like him and he keeps geting mad at me about it. And it's hurting our friendship. He wants me to go out with him, but I don't want to date him out of pitty. And I don't want to ruin the good friendship that me and him have. Help me please!!! I need some good adive on this one.[/quote][color=#b00007][size=1]You don't want to date him. He needs to cope. You need to tell him this.

It will be much better for you, plural, in the long run if you tell him that straight out. It will also be better for you, singular, in the short run, as bluntness will hopefully crush his hopes and you will no longer have to deal with his asking you out.

Unless one of you is a complete jerk, your friendship [i]will[/i] survive your saying "I don't want to date you." Unless you are really into stalking and awkwardness, your friendship will [i]not[/i] survive the alternative, which is months to years of his liking you and your avoiding him.

Of course, this may not immediately seem like the best choice, but you may feel free to trust me on this point. I did the exact opposite of what I am recommending, and it was noticeably the worst decision of my fifteen-to-seventeen-year-old-existance. [/color][/size]

[lumpy3922]

The thing is in all this theirs a third weel. If something happens between the two of us, she gets hurt. I've tried just comeing out and saying I don't like you, but he comes back with the your not giving me a chance line. Then I feel really bad. But I really don't like him, most the time I can't stand him. And he keeps asking me on a date. I don't want to just run away from it, but I don't see anyother way to do it. With the way it's going. AHHHHH!!!!!!! :animecry: :animeknow :animestun

[Starwind]

So we've gone from two to three here. Then if she's the third wheel then you might want to bring her in on this. He sounds like he's persisting because he feels that if you gave him the chance you would like him, and he may not be wrong, but this is your call here so I won't question it. However, instead of just dismissing it, try and take things kinda slow. If he wants there to be something, try just acting out the parts.

You don't have to date him, just try and see if maybe you two could become closer, and if you try and show him it doesn't work then I'm sure he'll back off all on his own. No one wants to be involved in a futureless relationship, so just try and get closer.

Learn more about each other, spend time alone, talk on the phone to each other and see if maybe you can find something there. Just keep it slow and simple, and just tell him that your willing to try, but you want to pace it right. Don't try to crush his spirit or anything, just be kind and subtle with whatever you choose to do.

[lumpy3922]

Ah here's the thing, this isn't the first time he's done this. It's like the forth. And I did try the date thing, we went to a movie. And it didn't go to well. I don't want to hurt him but I don't know anyother way to get him off my back. I hate for it to sound like that. I've none him since the 4th grade I kind of know everything about him. And the only things we have in common are anime and video games. Though it's great to have someone to talk to about it, that's not the only thing I like to talk about. I really don't know what to do with him anymore.

[Annie]

[size=1]When I was 15, I was stuck in this situation. There was a guy [Robert] who had it bad for me, and kept pushing himself onto me. I didn't like him that way, and no matter what I said or did made a difference in his mind. In fact, I had liked his best friend, Daniel--and I later found out that he liked me back. Anyway, Robert knew this, but Daniel told him that it really wasn't anything too serious; and that he [Robert] should ask me out. This put me in a pinch because if I said "no" to Robert, it would indirectly affect their friendship. And I didn't want to split their bond, as well as ours. People told me exactly what Sara has said to you, but I didn't listen. I ended up dating Robert, and it made a huge mess of things--because I dated him out of sympathy/pity/to get him to leave me alone.

Eventually, things got so hairy, I ended up dumping him; and our friendship was never the same. Had I told him straight out "Dude, I can't like you that way. I can't date you, I like Daniel.", things might've been better. Sure, if I had said that, it would've hurt him--but he would've gotten over it, and our friendship might've been different.

So, you can either drag it out and cause misery, or you can cut it off right now, cause a bit of pain, to save you (and your friends) from despair. [/size]

[lumpy3922]

Athena, thanks a ton. That makes alot of sence to me. But the thing is he's very sensetive. :animeangr . And the got in a big fight not to long ago about all of this. But I guess it doesn't matter to him. I told him staight out " I don't like you, I don't like anyone. And it doesn't matter I couldn't like you like that." But I guess he didn't get it. I want this to stop but with as little pain for him and I as I can get. :animeangr

[Annie]

[quote name='lumpy3922'] But the thing is he's very sensetive. :animeangr[/quote]

[size=1]I know how it is. Robert was very sensitive about it, too. But it's something that had to be done. It sounds crude, but you just have to do this for yourself. Don't get all worked up on what will happen to him. Of course it'll be painful for him, but he'll get over it. If he doesn't, then that's his issue; not yours.

Don't put yourself through hell on his part. It's not worth it, [i]especially[/i] if you don't like him that way. Now, if you did, then that's a [b]totally[/b] different story. Since it's not in this case, take/think about our advice.[/size]

[lumpy3922]

I know what all of you mean. And I think your all so right. And I do need to end this game, it's driven me crazy. I think he knows that once again I don't like him. But he's puting me kind of on a guilt trip. Ahhh I just don't understand him. One min. he understands me and the next it's all about him.

[Darth Vectis]

[COLOR=DarkGreen][SIZE=1]Well lumpy, as you can see. Us boys are really just big idiots, some more then others. And with us, you have to be cold and direct, as Athena and Sara suggested you need to tell him directly that it ain't gonna work and he needs to lay off. If he doesn't understand that, then he is going to get nothing. He needs to stop thinking about himself and think about the whole, in which I mean your friendship. So you need to tell him that, no subtle hints, has to be direct.[/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Sara]

[size=1][color=#b0000b][quote name='lumpy3922]I don''t like him and he keeps geting mad at me about it. [/QUOTE][quote=Sara][color=#b00007][size=1]You don't want to date him. He needs to cope. You need to tell him this.[/color'][/size][/quote][QUOTE=lumpy3922]The thing is in all this theirs a third weel.

[...]

But I really don't like him, most the time I can't stand him.[/QUOTE][quote name='Starwind]Just keep it slow and simple, and just tell him that your willing to try, but you want to pace it right. Don't try to crush his spirit or anything, just be kind and subtle with whatever you choose to do.[/QUOTE][QUOTE=lumpy3922]Ah here's the thing, this isn't the first time he's done this. It's like the forth. And I did try the date thing, we went to a movie. And it didn't go to well. [/QUOTE][QUOTE=Athena][size=1']So, you can either drag it out and cause misery, or you can cut it off right now, cause a bit of pain, to save you (and your friends) from despair. [/size][/quote][QUOTE=lumpy3922]But the thing is he's very sensetive. :animeangr . And the got in a big fight not to long ago about all of this.

[...]

But I guess he didn't get it. I want this to stop but with as little pain for him and I as I can get. :animeangr[/QUOTE][quote name='Athena][size=1]Don't put yourself through hell on his part. It's not worth it, [i]especially[/i] if you don't like him that way. Now, if you did, then that's a [b]totally[/b'] different story. Since it's not in this case, take/think about our advice.[/size][/quote][QUOTE=lumpy3922]I know what all of you mean. And I think your all so right.

[...]

But he's puting me kind of on a guilt trip. Ahhh I just don't understand him. One min. he understands me and the next it's all about him.[/QUOTE]It sounds to me like you know exactly what you need to do. I don't know why you're [i]not[/i] doing it. Every time someone posts advice, you reply with an excuse.

You don't like this guy. You've said that you're friends and that you don't want to ruin your friendship, but you've also said that you can't stand him most of the time. Whatever your definition of friendship is, it is not the kind of relationship you are currently having with this person.

You need to be honest about your feelings. Right now, this means being blunt. And, because he likes you, it means hurting [i]his[/i] feelings. You can't get around this, so you might as well do it right.

[b]"I am not going to date you. Leave me alone. Once you stop harassing me, maybe we can be friends again."[/b]

Don't preface it with "You're my friend, but..." Don't make him think he has a chance by saying "I do like you, but..." And don't let him argue with you. If he says anything that isn't directly in agreement, stop him. [b]"No. That's final."[/b] And walk away. This guy wants to date you, and he will cling to any thread of hope that you give him.

Is that mean? Maybe. Is it the only thing that is going to work in this situation? Probably. Will it hurt your friendship? Yes. Will it hurt your friendship as much as continued stalker puppy action on his part? No.

Failing the courage to do so yourself, you can send one of your friends with a message. "She doesn't want to date you. Leave her alone." Nothing says "No" like being told by a third party.

I also think there's a dangerous chance that you just can't [i]end[/i] it because you are enjoying his attention. Even if you like "being liked," this is a sucky relationship for both of you. You need to get out of it. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to yourself.[/color][/size]

[lumpy3922]

I unnderstand what you mean. And I know what I have to do know. I just need to end it. And I take all your adice to heart. And I'm going to try my hardest to get ride of him, as mean as that sounds.

[Sayuri-sama]

[size=2]well since im too lazy to read all the posts i'll tell you this.i think the best advice anyone can ever give you right now, as well as advice you can give youself, is listen to your heart. your head may be saying " no i dont like him" but your heart may be saying other wise.[/size]

[size=2]just be true to yourself and try not to linger on it too much. you'll find things will turn out for the best. and no matter what never stop being you!:catgirl: [/size]
[size=2]lol hope things work out for the best!:animesmil [/size]

[Charles]

[CENTER][IMG]http://img304.imageshack.us/img304/4159/logo4sm.gif[/IMG][/CENTER]

The answer is simple, let me tell you. Date him. Act repulsive or insane to the point where [i]he[/i] dumps [i]you[/i]. Consider talking about having kids together and getting married on the first date. Perhaps complain about a burning or itching sensation around your crotch region. If he gets past that, on the first kiss just open your mouth wide, stick your tongue straight out, glare into his eyes, and groan like you're taking a crap. Problem solved. He'll be running for the hills without the pain or rejection weighing heavily upon him.

[jigglyness]

[QUOTE=Charles][CENTER][IMG]http://img304.imageshack.us/img304/4159/logo4sm.gif[/IMG][/CENTER]

The answer is simple, let me tell you. Date him. Act repulsive or insane to the point where [i]he[/i] dumps [i]you[/i]. Consider talking about having kids together and getting married on the first date. Perhaps complain about a burning or itching sensation around your crotch region. If he gets past that, on the first kiss just open your mouth wide, stick your tongue straight out, glare into his eyes, and groan like you're taking a crap. Problem solved. He'll be running for the hills without the pain or rejection weighing heavily upon him.[/QUOTE]
yes but some people get somewhat insane after a while and start liking insane people. But as everyone has said. Just tell him straight out. No excuses. If you both really have the friendship like you said, then he'll get over it. After that many times of pushing it on you, you just have to go for it dead on. Don't make up excuses for yourself. Its only going to make it worse.

[lumpy3922]

Well I have good news. I told him that I didn't like him. And that I still wanted to be his friend and I didn't want anything to change. I told him that I didn't care if he liked me, but just to please leave me alone about go on dates and dating him. Because I don't like you like that. It seemed as though he took it well, but at school he really didn't talk to me. He did tell me that things wouldn't change and that he wasn't going to give up. Oh great.