Another Tough Choice

[vegeta rocker]

hello

my previous thread was over me and my boyfriend and him ignoring me. Then we broke up right near the end of the threads life.

This is for another situation so i didn't think i needed to go back and edit it. But if i was suppossed to i apologize.

Heres the deal:

My ex and I were broken up but still sleeping together when he decided to talk to another girl. His definition of talking was kissing and hugging up on her and introducing her as his future girlfriend. He didn't tell me or her about the situation with him and i.

Then he mentioned it and told me he was just talking and cared about us both. He said she was scared and didn't want her and i to stop being friends. I decided to call her and tell her that she shouldn't be afraid of me.

When i got her on the phone she told me that she had no idea that we were sleeping together. This sent off some hardcore drama and now her and i don't speak because she told him a lie about me so he wouldn't talk to me anymore. They are now in a relationship.

Him and i still talk and she hates it, just the other day when i was at his place eating lunch with him she knocked on the door and ran away when he told her i was over. She ran to her car and drove off.

He says we will always be friends and if a girl can't take that its their deal. But i don't know if it is wise to keep being his friend. I still care about him a lot but i don't want this drama to keep on.

I feel like i need to call her first and ask if he can come out and play sometimes.
I don't see a point to a relationship if you can't even trust the other person.

What do i do?

Do i just stop talking to the both of them?

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Well I haven?t read the previous thread so I?m not really 100% clear on the situation, you and your boyfriend broke up but were still sleeping together and he has a new girlfriend at this point in time ? You?re still friends with him and vice-versa, but his girlfriend doesn?t want to be anywhere near you because you?re the ex and she?s threatened by that, to the point where she makes a dramatic exit like a weirdo. He says that he?ll dump her if you two don?t get on because your friendship is more important to him that this girls bed skills. But you feel that you have to ask her permission in case you make a move on him because you still have reminiscent feelings from him.

Personally I don?t see a problem here but then again I?m looking at this from the male perspective, if you think you would be put into a situation where you and he would get back together then I suggest you tell him that you still have feelings for him. He obviously holds you dearer to him that her so chances are he?ll come out on your side, as for her, what she thinks doesn?t matter, your ex is his own person and if he wants to hang out with you then damn her. Really you just need to accept that it?s over with him and that you can still be friends despite his obnoxious girlfriend.

Hope that helped.[/SIZE]

[vegeta rocker]

[QUOTE=Gavin][SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

Well I haven?t read the previous thread so I?m not really 100% clear on the situation, you and your boyfriend broke up but were still sleeping together and he has a new girlfriend at this point in time ? You?re still friends with him and vice-versa, but his girlfriend doesn?t want to be anywhere near you because you?re the ex and she?s threatened by that, to the point where she makes a dramatic exit like a weirdo. He says that he?ll dump her if you two don?t get on because your friendship is more important to him that this girls bed skills. But you feel that you have to ask her permission in case you make a move on him because you still have reminiscent feelings from him.

Personally I don?t see a problem here but then again I?m looking at this from the male perspective, if you think you would be put into a situation where you and he would get back together then I suggest you tell him that you still have feelings for him. He obviously holds you dearer to him that her so chances are he?ll come out on your side, as for her, what she thinks doesn?t matter, your ex is his own person and if he wants to hang out with you then damn her. Really you just need to accept that it?s over with him and that you can still be friends despite his obnoxious girlfriend.

Hope that helped.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]

That actually did help. I guess i was just worried if i should try to respect her wishes. He knows i still have feelings for him and says he misses me sometimes too. As for asking permission i just meant that she always seems to need to be on top of stuff if she thinks we are together.

[ChibiHorsewoman]

[quote name='vegeta rocker']That actually did help. I guess i was just worried if i should try to respect her wishes. He knows i still have feelings for him and says he misses me sometimes too. As for asking permission i just meant that she always seems to need to be on top of stuff if she thinks we are together.[/quote]

[color=#9933ff][font=snap ITC]My advice is to just let him go. Obviously all he really seems to see you as is a well... it'd be edited by this software so I can't say it.

I know you still have feelings for him. Trust me I know how that goes-that's the hardest part of being the dumpee instead of the dumper.

I have to say that if I was his 'new girlfriend' I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that the guy I'm seeing is sleeping around on me. Actually forget that, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and would probably tell him where to stick it.

Maybe I'm reading the thread wrong and should go back and look at it hmm?[/color][/font]

[Alannie]

[COLOR=Navy][SIZE=2][FONT=Comic Sans MS]I say that if you still want to be friends with him than just spend less time with him. That way it doesn't look like you're trying to still him from her. Also don't be alone with him. Hang with him with other friends. She'll slowly trust you if you do so.
Well that's if you still want to be friends with him.

This is what I think you should really do. For get the guy! You can do better than him. You don't want to mess with his relationship with his new girlfriend.[/FONT[/SIZE]][/COLOR]

[vegeta rocker]

he and i used to be best friends, i just really miss it.

he said we might always be attracted to each other on some level. I think that holds very true. I think that maybe if we do happen to get back together later we will be stronger for it.

I truly love him and i am sick everyday just looking at him knowing i can't hold him the way i used to.

And chibihorsewoman we aren't sleeping together, but we did a few times when he was starting something with her. Thats where alot of her distrust stems from.

Either way i think it will take me awhile, we were together off and on for over a year and it will take me some time.

[KatanaViolet]

Ughh your problems piss me off!! I don't mean that in a mean way, but you really don't need to come to us with problems that you allready know the answer to. You need to learn to do things on your own. But, here's what I think, no sugarcoating.

You know I think your an idiot for still sleeping with him, and that you were just setting yourself up. You did the right thing in telling her,because I doubt he would have, but that stilll doesn't change how it makes you look. And that little man of yours isn't even WORTH the trouble he's putting you through. Use your head. If you were in her shoes, would you trust him? I wouldn't. You tell her you guys were sleeping together before, yet you still hang out as if nothing has changed. You need to stop and think. You may have been sleeping with him because you still care about him, but guys are all the same, and I'm sure his reasons aren't as honest. No matter how much you care about him, and if he may care about you, he's in a new relationship now. That was his own decision. He made that one on his own. You need to start thinking about yourself and forget about both of these people and the unneccessary drama they are bringing to your life. I've said it before and I say it again, this guy is a P.O.S and you need to get over him, otherwise your just going to continue getting hurt.

Like I said, I'm not sugarcoating anything. I can empathize, and really I do, perhaps that's why this whole thing makes me so mad. Just, don't let yourself be taken advantage of. And don't be an idiot. You may feel like you still love this POS, but nows the time when your heart is confused and doesn't know what it's talking about. Trust me, and please, as much as you might read this and be like "Whatever" just realize that somethings arent' meant to be. Just leave it alone. Take my advice, I never used it in the past, and I haven't been the same since.
TRUST ME. Forget about him. Just move on and forget about him.

[Pumpkin]

[QUOTE=ChibiHorsewoman][color=#9933ff][font=snap ITC]My advice is to just let him go. Obviously all he really seems to see you as is a well... it'd be edited by this software so I can't say it.

I know you still have feelings for him. Trust me I know how that goes-that's the hardest part of being the dumpee instead of the dumper.

I have to say that if I was his 'new girlfriend' I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing that the guy I'm seeing is sleeping around on me. Actually forget that, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable with it and would probably tell him where to stick it.[/color][/font][/QUOTE][SIZE=1]I'm going to have to admit that CHW and Katana do have some strong points, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a girl. Since I can relate to your situation through someone I knew (no really its true), I would have to say that I understand you sleeping with him even after you broke up. But now is the time where you have to decide if you want him as a friend or a lover.

If you still have feelings for him, you should come right out and tell him if its that bad, in this case you should not hold yourself back for that other girl. It sounds wrong but this is the only way you will get over this. If he rejects the idea, then forget him. I could honestly say the best thing to do with this situation is to distant yourself away from him for awhile. If you value his friendship, distance from seeing each other will always cool things off. The other girls do have a point in saying however, that he IS seeing someone else and not you.

You do have to respect her point of view. For your situation however, I see it as you give him an ultimate decision. Either he stops messing with you and you guys go back out or you take the high road for awhile and start meeting new guys that catch your interest.[/SIZE]

[Delta]

[COLOR=#656446]My dear, that boy is thinking his relationship with the other girl's still isn't stable that's why he wants to keep you just in case it doesn't work out. IOW, you're a [i]reserve[/i] girlfriend.

Now doesn't that make you feel PO'd?

Tell you what. I think it's best you create some space between you and those two. If you want their relationship to flourish, [u]the last thing they need is the presence of an ex.[/u] It makes the girl feel insecure and jealous, yeah?

Meanwhile, you go get a new haircut, a pair of capri pants and those cute espadrilles with wedge heels. Hang out with your friends and kin. Now that you've got that boy out of your hair, it's time you nurture other, less complicated relationships.

Best of luck![/COLOR]

[Japan]

[COLOR=DarkRed] Why post relationship problems at all? That's all I ever see spamming the Otaku Lounge when I [I]do[/I] decide to come to Otakuboards...and some wonder why I don't come here much anymore.

Anyways, never see him again, problem solved. You find that there is something wrong with this new girlfriend not liking you? Just think...you still sleep with your ex which turns out to be dating her. I'd hate you too if I were her. What she should do? Dump him. A guy like that who carries on like that is not worth it. He is a player.

Don't hate the player, hate the game[/COLOR]

[Starwind]

I'll admit that the whole thing does sound like it would be a little akward, but I really don't see a massive problem other then this girls own paranoia and ugly disposition towards yourself, which seems to have very little to actually do with you. She sounds like she's upset that you two were together when she met him, but mostly about that because she proably felt like you two wre trying to hide it. The fact that she still feels this sense of distrust towards you is the fact that you two were still sleeping together after you broke up. She might think that you two are still up to it whenever she's not around. And to be honest I can't really balme her for that.

You two sound like you got along real well, and that you two really love each other. This is probably more apparent then you intend to make it, and this is probably the most upsetting for the other girl. She probably thinks you are still after him, or still try to have sex with him, both of which are not too drastic conclusions. But this isn't your fault, it's his. He dropped the ball in not telling her straight off. That doesn't mean he's a bad guy, that's not what I'm trying to say, I'm just saying he needs to be a little more straight forward and honest.

This just sounds like a bad misunderstanding and you should proably just explain to her what's happend and what's going on now. If she's going to be there and you two are still going to be friends and stay close, then she does have a right to know exactly what kind of relationship the two of you had. The fact that he failed to mention that you two were still having sex was probably the most damaging factor here. I feel if she had known going in, or shortly there after, things wouldn't be as rocky. There still might have been some hard and uncomfortable adjustments, but I think it would proably be better then this.

First he needs to step out to her and aplogize for not being straight forward with her about the two of you, because that's on him. Second, you might want to explain your own stance and let her know that regardless of how things were that the past has passed. You need to let her feel some kind of security and need to give some reason to trust you. This will be hard, but I think it would probably prove to be the best. If you let it go, the you and him will end up not being friends or him and her will end up breaking up, neither of which it sounds like you want to happen.

Like Gavin, I'm only speaking from a male stand point so there might be angles, I as a man, can't see quite as clearly as you. However, I still would like to put forward whatever advice I can so I might help you keep your friendship with this guy, who sounds like he is very important to you. It would be horrible to lose him or cause him any un-due pain or heart ache, so just think about what I said, even if you don't think I understand it.