Writing random song i wrote

[NekoSama101]

If Only Someone
By: Neko

She cries herself to sleep at night thinkin? no one?s there, no one cares. Scars run up and
How she does she live with this pain?
down her arms. She grabs a knife every morning to add another notch for another day?

Chorus:
If only someone was there, would she cry alone at night?
If only someone cared, would she cut herself with a knife?
If someone, if someone, if only someone_________!


She walks to school alone in the cold with a blood stained shirt. She sits alone in the back

of every room quietly crying to herself. Everyone sees the scars, they see the tears, the

pain. But they don?t care about anything but themselves.

Chorus


A single tear runs down her cheek as she writes a heart-filled note. She picks up her knife

for one last cut. Her body falls to the floor as ambulance lights and sounds

break through the cold winter night. But they don?t know that it?s too late to

save her life.

Chorus


If only someone was there, if only someone cared, would her broken heart still beat?

Would her lungs still breathe? (fades) if only, if only, if only, someone_________!






lemme know what you think.

[2010DigitalBoy]

I think it's pretty cool, albeit a bit repetitive and gruesome. It has nice enough imagery... I think you definitelly have a bit of a line problem going on... also, it's not all that origional. My advoce would be, figure out whats up with your lines, and try to use more imaginative vocabulary.

[NekoSama101]

On the lines thing, the computer is being evil to me. Anyways, I don't have a good vocab. at all but i'll try to find a thersourus thingy. thanks for your advice!

[Revelation]

[size=1][color=#CD6619]It has come to my attention that this thread does not have a [B]Thread Rating[/B], such information for this is found in the [B]OB Anthology Basics[/B] sticky. In fact, here?s the URL to the OB Anthology Basics sticky- [url]http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313[/url]. Now then, [B]Nekosama101[/B], I believe you know most of the rules that go along with the OB, so no explanation is needed. But, please refresh your memory with the OB Anthology Sticky about what's required.

Also, you probably already know this, but you can recreate your thread, just remember a rating.

With that said, THREAD CLOSED.[/size][/color]