"Shacking up"

[Ninjaman]

I'm just curious in knowing what everyone's opinion is on couples moving in together before they get married. Do you think it's okay? Will it help or break the relationship? If you do think it's a good idea, when do you think a couple should move in together? Do you know any of such couples?

Personally, I don't find anything wrong with it. IMO, moving in together is a great option for couples who do see themselves marrying each other in the future. I think of it as a preparation for when they do get married. They can learn more about each other in terms of how they live and will be exposed more of each other's habits. Sometimes marriages end because they saw a different side of their spouse when they started living together. I mean, wouldn't you rather learn how they live and such before you marry them? Course, that doesn't mean I agree with people who move in together as soon as they meet, lol.

My best friend lives with her boyfriend. They've been living together for about 6 months now I believe and they're still a happy couple and love each other. Heck, they both see each other marrying each other in the future. Sure they have their little fights now and then, but they always make up in the end.

Your opinion?

Oh, as a sidenote, I'm not talking about pre-marital sex either. Some couples do move in together, but not have sex before they're married.

[Minako]

Well, being a chrisitian, i've heard from my pastors that it's not a good idea. They say it could lead *cue scary deep voice* [I]the temptation for premarital seeeex!![/I] *end scary voice*

But luckily, i have my own opinions.

I, personally, am going to wait until i'm married (if you catch my drift) but it have no problem with other people doing it. Now, to get back on track, I would most definately move in with my boyfriend if I was planning on marrying him. I would want to see if he has any annoying habits that I couldn't deal with. heh heh. But being the no-sex-before-marriage kind of person, this can cause a problem. However, if my boyfriend really loved me, he'd be willing to wait too. In fact, one of my dearest friends lived with her boyfriend for a year or two before he finally proposed (it had to deal with common law marriage, kind of complicated). They had no problem with the whole sex issue.

So, in a nutshell, I say yes to moving in together if you plan on getting married.

[Touchstone]

[FONT=Georgia]I think that if you both see yourselves in a long term, committed relationship, it's fine to move in together. When I'm older I'll definitely end up doing it, because before I vow to stay with someone till death, I want to be sure they're the [i]right[/i] person. I had to watch my parents divorce, and no way am I going to fall for someone without knowing them intimately.

Though, I don't think the goal necessarily has to be marriage; if you eventually part ways, it doesn't invalidate the time you've spent together. [/FONT]

[Caine]

I've got nothing against it. If that's what the couple wants to do, then they should do it.

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]I find no problem with it, especially considering that I find no higher way to bind two people other than moving in together. Marriage means absolutely nothing to me, so, moving in together is basically the equivalency of getting married without the whole "til death do us part" thing. Personally, however, I wouldn't move in with someone. As I said before, it is basically like getting married, without saying it formally and the whole sha-bang. And I detest the thought of commitment to that level. But that's just me.

Yet, it would give you a better look at how your partner would act when you have to be around them 24/7. That can either be good or bad. It's like a test drive, while sharing rent.

I did get advice once, however, not to "shack up" but simply stay engaged your whole life. Because, your fiance wants to keep you all lovely and happy so you are not discouraged in your joining. Therefore, if you keep delaying the wedding your whole life, your partner will be a darling. Problem solved. XD

Anyway, yeah. I don't really know what I accomplished by replying to this.[/color][/size]

[Zen]

[color=dimgray][size=1]

I've already 'shacked up' with a girl in the sense that my ex once spent the night at my house and I did the same at hers twice. I went with her to her uncle's house twice, and she came with my family to a resort thing once for two days. We did a bit more than cuddle it could be said, so it would be apparent I don't have a problem with it. Heh. Granted with our parents, our 'sleep overs' were more of a means where one of us would have a place to stay for the night if we were going to be together that day and be out late at a certain location.

I don't mean to sound like a man-whore or anything, but you have to think about it. One, what if your homosexual and that is illegal? What you would be doing would be considered 'shaking up' to the uneducated masses. What if you don't believe in marriage in a conventional sense? The same would be said. I mean, if your mature enough to actually live with another person or understand what you're doing, then I don't see why it would be 'unacceptable' to anybody and it shouldn't be.

And hell.... I'm 16 and saying this. But it should also be said that one should be sure they have a deep commitment with their partner if their going to be moving in together, because it would be an awkward situation when you break up and don't have a place to be away from that person.

So. I guess it's all in the individual and their partner.[/color][/size]

[Ayokano]

I don't find it wrong, but I do think the couple need to think about the subject. I'm the last person to care about anybody's business, but some people just dive into it too fast.

I knew this one girl last year in High School. She was a Senior, and met her boyfriend over the internet. So she always rambled on about how she was soooo in love with him and how they were going to live together. Now, the guy lived up north, while she lived in Georgia. He moved in with her parents and her, and I don't really know much from there because she stopped going to most of her classes.

While I can't really judge her, because I hardly knew her, I didn't really see her as mature. She could never make her mind up on the subject, and him coming down her wasn't planned well. All anybody could in a situation like that is to leave it up to the couple. It is their life and relationship, so no one has really has a place in it.

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]Well, marriage isn't a big thing for me. I mean, I'd like to get married but there's a pessimistic side of me that thinks it may not be worth it if the relationship ends badly. If I'm not married splitting up won't be as hard.

But still, I don't have a problem with moving in with someone. I stayed with Trevor (Onix) for two weeks last year and we got on great. He even told me (jokingly, I hope) that "If I can spend two weeks with you and your mum, I'm pretty sure I can handle anything in this relationship." I think it's true, too, and I love him more from having met him. We had a chemistry and I think that's all that matters when you're considering being around someone else for sustained periods of time.

I do like my own space, however, so I think if anyone is considering living with someone, married or not, there should always be somewhere that each of them can go by themselves to just chill out and read a book or something.[/SIZE]

[Prons]

Meh. It's a good way to let you know a person's quirks before getting too serious.

When you think about it, if you see a person once every two weeks or so, they easily have enough time to clean up their act, and put up a front. Ya know, let 'em see what you want 'em to see.

It's hard fronting 24\7, mind you, so eventually your real self\hidden quirks will all becoem pretty obvious.

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]I think it?s a great idea. Most of my friends that have done it have either found out that the person they were about to marry wasn?t for them or it has strengthened their relationship. I know if it were me I would want to know what someone?s wacky habits were before I married them. And living together makes it harder to hide weird habits.

I don?t think you should do it immediately, but if you?ve been dating long enough to consider getting married, at that point I think living together to try it out is a smart move. I certainly intend to do it if I ever meet someone I want to marry. [/COLOR]

[Moor_Child]

As far as the subject goes, i think everyone is different. Overall, i don't think it's a bad thing, like most everyone is saying it'd show what you need to work on before marriage and if you should be getting married to that person at all.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if you live together at all. One couple i know dated for a year, lived together for a year, got married, then after a year she cheated on her husband and is now living with her boyfriend (and is still married to her husband). :animeswea

My boyfriend and i plan to get an apartment together in the next year or so and by then we'll have been dating for three years. I plan on making things work if at all possible, and if we need it. I don't think we'll have that many problems because we're together all the time anyway.

I think moving in together when you've only been dating for a few months is rushing into it, but if you're in love you're in love.

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR=SeaGreen]I don?t see anything wrong with it. Especially if it?s someone you?ve been dating for a while and you are serious about getting married. The only problem I can see is if either your relatives or the relatives of the person you want to live with would object.

It may be none of their business, but if they are like some of my Mom?s relatives, well if they knew that you had lived in what they consider a sinful situation, they would basically disown you. Admittedly some of them I would love for them to disown me, but I wonder if it would be worth it to alienate all of them. o_O

Anyway, seeing that marriage has changed drastically through out the years: [URL=http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/5692/marriage019qz.jpg][COLOR=SeaGreen][B][U]Marriage[/U][/B][/COLOR][/URL] I really don?t see why it would matter if someone tried living together before they got married. It would make sense to me to see if you could get along. It?s one thing to get along a few times a week but every single day? I?ve got friends that a few days a week is all I can stand. ^_~[/COLOR]

[outlawstar69]

When I was in my Human Sexuality class, I did a group report on Cohabitation. In short... the way society is evolving, people are more comfortable with this than they used to be.

Be forewarned though, people who live together before marriage are more likely to split up than married couples who didn't... I send you the presentation we made, but I doubt you care enough. We did get a 92 on it though. :)

[Albert Flasher]

[QUOTE=outlawstar69]When I was in my Human Sexuality class, I did a group report on Cohabitation. In short... the way society is evolving, people are more comfortable with this than they used to be.

Be forewarned though, people who live together before marriage are more likely to split up than married couples who didn't... I send you the presentation we made, but I doubt you care enough. We did get a 92 on it though. :)[/QUOTE]

[COLOR=Sienna]Yea, that makes sense. If they 'shack up' for a long period of time they grow to resent each other. Familliarity breeds contempt, as the saying goes, which is why a lot of married people divorce these days, they just marry as soon as they meet without really knowing each other and than grow to hate each other. When couples last past the 'shacking up' stage than it's safe to assume they're ready to get married.[/COLOR]

[Linkk]

Well I think thats it's ok as long as you have been together for awhile and really love eachother. Cause if you just boom bang move in together thats just weird. I'd want to really know and feel comfortable with this person. I mean ok my aunt and uncle lived together for many many years before they got married. They just decided why the hell not ya know. And things are still great and still the same. By many years i mean like over 20. To me they were married and my aunt has always been my aunt. A piece of paper can't ever make or break that. Personally i dont even know how i feel about marriage. I cant picture getting married anytime soon. But If I loved someone and wanted to move in with them then im sure i would. But I mean everyone has the right to do what they want and what is best for them.