Writing Otaku Fiction [M-LVDAS]

[Papa Smurf]

Boss, I get what it is you're trying to do with this story. That's the precise reason why I'm unimpressed, and am more inclined to call it plagiarism, because it's no Young Frankenstein (Young Frankenstein is probably one of the most perfectly conceived and executed parodies I've ever seen).

I mean, let's be honest with each other here. Otaku Fiction doesn't read very well at all to anyone who's seen Pulp Fiction more than twice. That much is fairly obvious I think, judging by the majority of the positive replies here coming from people who have never seen Pulp Fiction. Why is that? And what do you think will happen when those people do eventually see the film (or even read the shooting script)? Will they come back and more appreciate Otaku Fiction, or will they come back and see just how much was directly lifted, uninspired, and unoriginal?

I think it's a safer bet on the latter.

I'm not trying to be an ass here. I have no problem with parodies and adaptations. I've actually been tossing around ideas for a Star Wars adaptation set to the tone of Pulp Fiction...but the difference there is that I'm going to make sure the themes of both materials are relevant to the adaptation--but most importantly, so that the themes of the source materials are [i]organic[/i] to the adaptation.

And that is one of the biggest problems I see here. The critical themes in Pulp Fiction are nowhere to be found, which sucks the life out of Otaku Fiction, and then leads to what DeadSeraphim was talking about, I think. Without the themes of Pulp Fiction, Otaku Fiction just becomes a Find-->Replace job filled with an overabundance of swearing.

You may ask what themes am I talking about?

One of the major themes of PF was social perception. Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer talk about ingenuity in bank robbing, using a cell phone. Remember how the little girl wasn't the point? How the point was they used a cell phone to rob a bank? It all relates to manipulating perceptions.

When Jules and Vincent are talking about the "little differences," they aren't talking about simple little things; they're talking about what they expect versus what the reality of a situation is.

Marsellus throwing Antwan off that balcony, too. Like Mia says, the only two people who know why Marsellus threw Antwan off that balcony are Marsellus and Antwan, so ultimately, any outside postulating and theorizing is fruitless. Again, a matter of perception (the hitmen's take on the foot massage) versus reality (why Marsellus threw Antwan).

Perception again comes into play during the actual foot massage conversation. Why do you think Jules concedes the point? Because Vincent is right. Foot massages do mean something, but most people treat them like they don't, and that's why foot massages are so cool. It's an almost unspoken social agreement. Vincent is aware of it, and Jules in made aware of it. Jules' perception versus the reality of the situation.

Even during The Bonnie Situation. Very simple example, come to think of it. When they clean the car. That's an illusion. The quilt on the backseat becomes a major set-piece that is critical to the film.

Diner robbery, same thing. The perception and expectation is that nobody will fight Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer, right? The manager even tells Jules to stop. But what happens, ultimately? Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer will re-think their entire lives after that. It relates to their dialogue at the start of the film:

"I bet you could cut down on the hero factor in a place like this."

"Right, just like banks, these places are insured. Manager? He don't give a fuck. He just wants to get you out the door before you start plugging the diners. Waitresses? Fucking forget it! No way they're taking a bullet for the register. Busboys? Some wetback getting paid a dollar-fifty an hour, really give a fuck you're stealing from the owner?"

What happens to that perception? The reality of that diner destroys it.

That's only [i]one[/i] of the themes in Pulp Fiction, and it's something I'm not seeing anywhere in Otaku Fiction. I get your intent with this story. But intent doesn't excuse a sloppy and haphazard Find-->Replace structure and execution.

[Zen]

[color=navy][size=1]

I feel as though you are simply intent on taking me and Retribution down a peg. We already understand what we're doing and you seem to think that we're trying to be the next [b]Gene Wilder[/b], which we know we are not and definetly could not.

This ISN'T a parody of Pulp Fiction, it's a parody of the Otakuboards set in the Pulp Fiction story arc. This means we're trying to stay true to the workings of the Otakuboards before the film. This also means that we are not trying to switch up the movie, we're trying to switch up the Otakuboards. But again, we admit that we have taken our direct inspiration from the movie and parodied the Otakuboards with it.

I understand that our story doesn't have the same 'spirit' as the original work. I never intended for it to, and I doubt it will ever. I mean, if you do not enjoy our work, then just don't read it and don't down us for having fans of the story even though your not one. I understand that some of our fan's haven't seen the movie. your're only telling me things I already know and things that I could care less about. The point is, some people enjoy reading the story and you don't. Forgive me if I have insulted you in some way with this.

I honestly just want to continue with the story once Retribution get's home from his vacation later this week. I doubt the way we continue the story will make you enjoy it, but we are anyways because we do have people who look forwards to reading it. I'm glad to have your opinion voiced, but now that you have, let's go on with our lives.

[/color][/size]

[Retribution]

[quote name='Papa Smurf']And to those that have seen Pulp Fiction before...I'm kind of insulted. It's perfectly fine to enjoy a parody, but to call this brilliance is a bit out of line, I think, because in my opinion, Edit-->Find-->Replace is hardly a sign of brilliance.[/quote]
[size=1]That's great. We didn't ask to be called "brilliant" or anything else. We're not trying to label ourselves as script geniuses or anything else of the sort. We were just thinking "Hey, I like Pulp Fiction," "Hey, I like OtakuBoards," "Let's combine the two and see what happens." Sure, this resulted in something pretty close to the original script and we're willing to admit that. We're not ashamed of that, because we weren't trying to claim this was purely of our own devices.[/size]

[Papa Smurf]

You've just raised even more questions, though, Boss. I'm asking not to knock you two down or anything. I'm asking because there are some major flaws in the story, even when we ignore the blatant Edit-->Replace plagiarism.

Like if you're doing a parody of OtakuBoards, how are you mocking the members? I don't see much exaggeration going on, if at all, and I certainly don't see anything that could be construed as parody. All I see is a bunch of lines thrown together, jammed into the Pulp Fiction shooting script.

And if you aren't doing a parody of Pulp Fiction, why does Otaku Fiction read more like an awful Pulp Fiction plagiarism than it does an original work (or even parody) centered on OtakuBoards? You've done little more than overlay some basic, barebones elements of OtakuBoards onto subject matter, plot, and scenes that are very much Pulp Fiction, no matter what anyone says.

Further, this relates back to my first question, if your goal is "[color=navy][size=1]trying to stay true to the workings of the Otakuboards before the film. This also means that we are not trying to switch up the movie, we're trying to switch up the Otakuboards. But again, we admit that we have taken our direct inspiration from the movie and parodied the Otakuboards with it.[/size][/color]" what does that even mean? You're trying to stay true to OB, yet you're switching OB up, and yet you've taken [i]direct inspiration[/i] from the movie, and then switched OB up with it?

If you'd just had some Pulp Fiction flavoring in the story, I would have bought that. But as it stands...Boss, your [i]entire[/i] story is utterly Pulp Fiction.

I mean, the OtakuBoards elements in there barely qualify as anything, because when I read your first scene, I know I'm not drawn in because it's Annie and Joe. I'm drawn in because I know the original scene, and I know how absolutely breathtaking Tim Roth and Amanda Plummer are in it. And it's that comparison that is ultimately dooming your story in my mind--and it happens throughout, because without Pulp Fiction...you have no story in the first place. Your story doesn't even happen, right?

And if you [i]need[/i] the story arc from Pulp Fiction so your story can exist, that means your characters are completely expendable and really...don't even matter in the first place. They're almost interchangeable...like the "Hey, this reminds me of when" jokes in Family Guy.

So how are you writing a parody of OtakuBoards? Especially when anyone could plug in random people into that story and it would make just as little sense as yours does? OtakuBoards is not organic to your parody. That's why this story is not a parody of OtakuBoards.

The story is more a parody of Pulp Fiction. But the problem there is that it's not a parody.

It's a blatant plagiarism.

At least call your story what it is, mate.

I don't see what's so insulting about what I'm saying here. You have something here that's nothing more than an Edit-->Replace job. There's no fundamental difference between that and adding a filter onto a copyrighted image. There's no fundamental difference between Edit-->Replace and what was done with F.W. Murnau's Nosferatu. There's no fundamental difference between Edit-->Replace and the recent plagiarism lawsuit at Harvard University.

In fact, the plagiarism lawsuit at Harvard U. hits at the core of what I'm saying.

I don't care if you keep writing this. Be my guest. Just don't call it a parody of anything. lol. Let's all understand exactly what it is, okay? It's plagiarism.

And plagiarism is not smurftastic.

I've made my point numerous times here and it's going to continue to be ignored, because people would rather forget (or is it ignore?) ethics in writing. I'm done with this.

One last thought, though. Where are the religious overtones going to go? Ezekiel 25:17 was critical to Jules' character and it's nowhere to be seen. It's one of the fundamental pieces of his character transformation.

But most importantly, are the religious overtones going to make sense? "Son of a Preacher Man" was one of the most important songs in any soundtrack in the history of film. Is Onix's girl going to be typing to it? How is the Divine Intervention even going to be adapted? Are you even going to include God at all, or, similar to everything else, is it going to be a clunky and clumsy "internet-ized" change?

How is the finale of this story going to be significant at all in terms of the characters? By changing the opening dialogue between Pumpkin and Honeybunny, you've effectively doomed the finale's character development.

How is Divine Intervention going to act as the catalyst here? In Pulp Fiction, the Divine Intervention was significant because it brought Jules back into the fold. Vincent became the 'Son of a Preacher Man.'

What's the change going to be? Will your Jules stay his hand from killing? Or is it just going to be all focused on resisting the urge to flame AC!DC?

What will make more sense, regardless of context? Killing has weight to it. Flaming does not. The killing in Pulp Fiction had weight to it because of the religious overtones attached to it. Flaming has zero religious overtones.

And when the religious overtones are instrumental in a character's transformation?

You've said that you've thought this thing through. But I don't think you've really thought things through much at all, especially thematically...and Pulp Fiction is all about themes.

[Revelation]

[size=1][color=#CD6619]First of all Papa Smurf, you may not see the mockery within this "parody" because you are a new member. I am not judging you by how long you've been here, but it?s just that you only see this as two members throwing in members of the OtakuBoards. However, the members that are specifically introduced into the story are actual members that The Boss and Retribution know. It?s not that they just throw in people, they actually thought this through and placed in characters who might?ve matched the characters of Pulp Fiction.

You said, ?So how are you writing a parody of OtakuBoards? Especially when anyone could plug in random people into that story and it would make just as little sense as yours does?? I digress because, like I said before, the characters are not just random people; they are members that the two authors of this story know. They don?t just pick a person out of the blue and drop him in, no they pick at the member and dissect his personality to make sure he or she is similar to the character they?re trying to portray in Pulp Fiction.

Now then, speaking of portrayal, the second matter that I?ve come up whilst reading the discussion between you, The Boss and Retribution is that, like The Boss said the parody is an almost exact replica of Pulp Fiction; if he had not said this then it would be plagiarism. If that was the case, then I would understand why you?re so hard on saying that this is an EDIT -> FIND -> REPLACE. I mean, I understand where you?re coming from but it just seems like you?re trying to prove that you?re right in this argument no matter what anyone says. Don?t get me wrong in that you?re creating a good debate, but there?s a fine line between arguing graciously and just trying to dominate the debate- which I?m sure you?re not trying to do.

Nonetheless, the debate that you?ve pulled up says the same thing in different words and I believe I?ve explained that the parody is a parody because they?ve explained that it?s a near reflection of the actual movie.

- Revelation.[/size][/color]

[Boba Fett]

[quote name='Revelation][size=1][color=#CD6619]First of all Papa Smurf, you may not see the mockery within this "parody" because you are a new member. I am not judging you by how long you've been here[/size][/color']...[/quote]

[quote=Dictionary.com]

contradiction

n 1: opposition between two conflicting forces or ideas 2: (logic) [b]a statement that is necessarily false[/b]; "the statement `he is brave and he is not brave' is a contradiction" [syn: contradiction in terms] 3: the speech act of contradicting someone; "he spoke as if he thought his claims were immune to contradiction"[/quote]

[QUOTE=Revelation][size=1][color=#CD6619]They don?t just pick a person out of the blue and drop him in, no they pick at the member and dissect his personality to make sure he or she is similar to the character they?re trying to portray in Pulp Fiction.
[/size][/color][/QUOTE]

I think those personality dissections would contain far more comedic value than this story.

[quote name='Revelation][size=1][color=#CD6619]The Boss and Retribution is that, like The Boss said the parody is an almost exact replica of Pulp Fiction[/size'][/color][/quote]

[quote=Dictionary.com]

parody

A literary or artistic work that [strike]copies[/strike] [b]imitates[/b] the characteristic style of an author or a work for comic effect or ridicule[/quote]

This would be an interesting idea, if it were a parody. A parody necessitates both humor and variation from the original script. Work on those.

[Papa Smurf]

Since Boba Fett posted the definition of parody, I'd just like to re-iterate what I've said.

A parody is a work written in a style similar to an original story. It's something like Young Frankenstein, Monty Python and the Life of Brian, or even various South Park episodes. Those are parodies, because they lampoon the original stories, but have entirely original dialogue, pacing, description, etc.

Otaku Fiction lacks all of those. It does not have original dialogue (and no, changing a few words does not make it original), it does not have original pacing (it's the exact story arc from Pulp Fiction), and it certainly does not have original description (again, changing a few words does not make it original).

I'd encourage people here to read the shooting script to Pulp Fiction ([url=http://www.weeklyscript.com/Pulp%20Fiction.txt][u]Pulp Fiction's shooting script[/u][/url]) and then try to still say Otaku Fiction isn't plagiarism. Or that it's not a Find-->Replace.

[Zen]

[color=darkred][size=1]

Thank you for the hating of my story and the insults traded thus far. I'm glad to see your so interested in a story you apparently hate. I appreciate, yet again, your infatuation with trying to kill my spirit. However, your point has been made, so I'd appreciate if you'd just drop it and stop trying to make things as serious as you seem to take them as. Lighten up is all I can say. This is my final reply to whatever you have to say. If you don't like, don't read it.

Production will continue upon Retribution's return from Phillie. Until then, I'd appreciate if you'd just leave it alone already and step off your pedastal and leave it be, go on with your life, and quit trying to make it seem as though me and Retribution are trying our damndest to pass of Quentin Tarantino's work as our own. I've admitted several times already that this is just a fun idea me and Retri had and decided to do. We intentionally read and copied the script, we purposely did that. So beans to you for finding that out and thinking we were trying to get away with something.

If you're trying to insult my writing ability, then you have failed because this is by no means a display of that. So you've failed in that aspect if that is what you were trying to do. I simply don't care. If you don't like it, then I seriously don't see why you decide to post about it so often. A simple "I don't much like this because..." would have been fine, but you continue trying your best to prove that me and Retri's work is garbage.

If you not a fan, then just don't read anymore. We have other people who do enjoy it for that. You don't think it's funny. Our senses of humor are apprarently different. This is my sense of humor, and other's share it. So, do and say as you will, it's not going to bother me. Thanks for your time, and now I won't be replying anymore to your constant negative comments.

Peace 'til the next scene.

-[b] The Boss[/b][/color][/size]

[Dragon Warrior]

[size=1]Hold on, folks. This is just two OtakuBoarders' pieces of writing. Parody or not, "plagiarism" or not, they aren't calling the piece their own. They never said they wrote it completely original. At the same time, they took the original script and changed it some. That was the fun of the idea. Please do not get so angry (or whatever you may be) at them simply for some fun. If they were selling this as their own, then sure, they can go to jail because they'd deserve it. But they're posting something fun on OB. I do it all the time. I get laughs, I get people telling me it's not that good. But the reason we do it is because it's fun and to some enjoyable to read.

I understand you can have an opinion on it, but I'd stop this childish argument right now since The Boss and Retribution are going to continue writing whether you like it or not. Because there are people who like it still. They've posted in this topic (or some who may even remain silent, but still read). And then there's those of you who don't like it (Boba Fett, Papa Smurf, etc.). Well, okay. Oh well. I'm sure The Boss and Retribution don't mind you don't like it. They can't expect everyone to and if they do, they're dumb and I know they're not dumb, they're intelligent. The style they're using is simply editing the original script. Honestly, I don't give a fig what the "definition" of parody or anything is. In my mind (and most people's as well), a parody just makes fun of something. The dictionary really has no meaning to me here. I find this amusing, probably 'cause I understand some inside jokes. Or maybe I just like how they interpret things as OB.

My final point is, just give it a rest. You can grumble about it all you like, but just let people do their own thing. This argument is totally ruining this topic. Constructive critisism is nice, but nobody likes people who go on and on and on. Thanks :)[/size]

[Papa Smurf]

[quote name='The Boss][color=darkred][size=1]We intentionally read and copied the script, we purposely did that.[/size'][/color][/quote]
Yes, that's what plagiarism is. So why insist on calling the story a parody? I am really not trying to insult you, or cut you down, or break your spirit or anything. I'm asking you a serious, relevant question.

If you've just admitted it's plagiarism--and presumably you've known all along it's plagiarism--why have you been trying to call it a parody?

And you know, nobody ever had to reply to me? You and Retribution didn't even have to read my posts. Since we're being honest here, had you never replied to my original post, I would have never continued the discussion...and really, that's all it is. A discussion. What's wrong with a debate about certain details of your story? Isn't that what this forum is for, or did I not read the rules correctly?

I thought posting stories in here was to get feedback and have discussions about the stories? Am I mistaken? Is this part of the messageboard only for posting stories and having single replies after you post each new chapter? Replies that are basically saying the same thing about each new chapter, rather than saying something about the story as a whole?

I just don't understand why I'm so in the wrong here, and why you're able to be so offended. You reply to me because you believe in what you're saying. I reply to you because I believe in what I'm saying.

Why should I not reply, especially when I think I have a valid point to make? Or when there are others here who share those opinions, like Boba Fett and DeadSeraphim?

Or is it just because I'm a new member, like Revelation said, that I shouldn't be posting and engaging you, an older member, in a debate like this? I mean, Revelation even liked that this debate was raising some good questions. He or she even said I was creating a "good debate."

So if I'm creating a good debate, and I've said time and time again that I'm not trying to insult you, and I seem fiery at times because I'm just as if not more passionate about writing as you are...why should I stop? I don't mean to sound uppity or anything, but I don't understand why I shouldn't say anything while the positive replies aren't a problem. Or is plagiarism not a problem?

I'm confused. -_-

"[b]· Plagiarism:[/b] As OtakuBoards allows for artwork to be posted online, we also ask members to respect artists' original content. That is, any original content is not to be copied. Artists cannot take credit for another's work, as this violates the spirit of our online artwork forum."

If the work isn't original, and it's just Pulp Fiction...another artist's work...isn't that plagiarism, even going by this messageboard's rules? The main graphic of the story [i]does[/i] say "Written and Directed by The Boss and Retribution." But the story was written and directed by Quentin Tarantino.

[2010DigitalBoy]

Papa Smurf.... what are you getting out of this? What reason have you to continue to press on your same point? WE GET IT. You've only said it a million times. The story wil continue, you've done nothing. You act as though you're unveiling some big mystery that it's a copycat story, but you aren't. You're just being annoying. Like that kid who always tries to start something with another kid and is always throwing out beef on him, while everyone else shakes their head and ignores him.

Have you nothing better to do? You want to waste your time arguing about a story you don't even like? Why? How about doing us some justice and shutting the hell up so the rest of us can enjoy the film, or is that too much to ask?

[Papa Smurf]

Tical, what would I get out of this? I've explained already that it's not my intention to insult anyone. I've already explained how there's no ill feelings toward Boss or Retribution. I've already explained that there's no bad blood from me regarding anything here. So please, if you know of something I might get from engaging the authors here in a debate regarding their story as a whole...other than finally having something worthwhile to talk about on this messageboard...tell me. I would like to know.

I don't know why people are reacting like this. Do people see the New Member title and automatically assume I don't have anything worthwhile to say, or shouldn't contribute, because I'm a New Member? Because that's what I'm getting from a few people here, and it bothers me. It's like my opinion doesn't matter, and I just think that's unfair. Why should my opinion about this story be less important than someone who's spent a few months or years here?

People have said that I shouldn't be saying anything because I don't know the characters in the story personally...not in those exact words but the meaning was pretty clear...but in all honesty, how many people here can confidently say they know anyone closely? Especially over the internet?

If you have the answers, answer that question for me?

Why do you automatically assume that I think I've uncovered some giant mystery? I never made any type of claim. What I said is obvious to everyone: it's a copycat story, aka plagiarism. It's not a parody.

And if you get that, why attack me? What have I done wrong?

Was I wrong to think that this part of the messageboard is used for more than just posting copycat scripts, and expecting the negative reviews to shut-up and move on? If I'm wrong, tell me and you'll never, ever hear from me again.

But if I'm right, I would appreciate less attacks and more constructive discussion, because I know I've tried to be as nice as possible, and I know I haven't included any personal attacks on anyone here. In my first few posts, I said how [i]reluctant[/i] I was to even mention plagiarism.

So when you think I have something to gain here, I guess I do. I'm hoping that people will stop looking at my New Member title to judge how valid my opinion is. It kind of hurts when regular members do it, and it's even more troubling when a moderator does it.

I repeat my point about the plagiarism because it feels like if I'm not a Member of three years with a few hundred posts, I can be ignored or disregarded without worry. Or people use me repeating my point as reason to ignore me, even when I'm making a perfectly valid point that's being ignored because people don't feel like seeing the problem for what it really is.

Since when does age or join date have any bearing on anything?

[DeadSeraphim]

[QUOTE=Tical]Papa Smurf.... what are you getting out of this? What reason have you to continue to press on your same point? WE GET IT. You've only said it a million times. The story wil continue, you've done nothing. You act as though you're unveiling some big mystery that it's a copycat story, but you aren't. You're just being annoying. Like that kid who always tries to start something with another kid and is always throwing out beef on him, while everyone else shakes their head and ignores him.

Have you nothing better to do? You want to waste your time arguing about a story you don't even like? Why? How about doing us some justice and shutting the hell up so the rest of us can enjoy the film, or is that too much to ask?[/QUOTE]
[color=indigo][size=1][font=arial]Your reply was interesting and relevant to the discussion. It blows me away, Tical, it does. And, oddly, his relentless inquiry ('Nobody expects the Spanish Inquistion!') has actually held up this story while the authors question his replies and, presumably, their own motives. Despite your arguments to the contrary, this story was railroaded to a stop the moment Papa Smurf voiced his opinion.

Personally, I have no real problem with this story. I think it's borderline plagiarism, and I think the first chapter was trying too hard to swear properly, but it's entertaining enough, if only because it makes me relive a classic movie that I enjoy immensely. I do get frustrated, however, because whenever an OB fanfiction is posted here we get a glut of uninspired clones that seem to get dozens of replies, just on the offchance the poster might get included in the fanfiction in question. I'm sorry, but being in a story about people on a messageboard on the internet isn't my idea of fame (and this coming from the guy that had the leading role in not one, but [b]two[/b] episodes of Enter the Net, which is the only OB fanfiction worth reading). Meanwhile, original fiction gets ignored. Like my own.

Maybe I'm just bitter, but when people can read through uninspired tripe like this and give a glowing review but not even take two minutes to read the short chapters in my own original story, I think I deserve to be.[/font][/size][/color]

[2010DigitalBoy]

Papa Smurf I'm not jusdging you for being new. I'm kinda new really, at least compared to some of most of these dudes. I'm just wondering why you keep up your agression towards the story. While you carry a calm tone, the fact that you keep on with your barrage of finger-pointing creates the image that you are mad at this tory for some reason. I'm wondering why you care so damn much, when you are habing a negative effect, namely on the spirit of the story's creator. What reason have you for pressing on, long after proving your point? Are ou trying to change our opinions or something?

The way you're talking is as though you want everyone to hate this story, and that's just mean.

Also, DeadSeraphim, I know your plight. People tend to flock here a lot more when there's a parody up, but I guess it's just cuz they like to see themselves and their friends imbedded in fiction.

Also, for the record, I never read your story because I thought it was a NOIR fanfiction, considering it carries the same title >_>

[DeadSeraphim]

[QUOTE=Tical]Papa Smurf I'm not jusdging you for being new. I'm kinda new really, at least compared to some of most of these dudes. I'm just wondering why you keep up your agression towards the story. While you carry a calm tone, the fact that you keep on with your barrage of finger-pointing creates the image that you are mad at this tory for some reason. I'm wondering why you care so damn much, when you are habing a negative effect, namely on the spirit of the story's creator. What reason have you for pressing on, long after proving your point? Are ou trying to change our opinions or something?

The way you're talking is as though you want everyone to hate this story, and that's just mean.

Also, DeadSeraphim, I know your plight. People tend to flock here a lot more when there's a parody up, but I guess it's just cuz they like to see themselves and their friends imbedded in fiction.

Also, for the record, I never read your story because I thought it was a NOIR fanfiction, considering it carries the same title >_>[/QUOTE]
[font=arial][size=1][color=indigo]I didn't even know there was such a show. Shows how much I know about anime - sweet fuck all.[/color][/size][/font]

[Charles]

You guys have made Papa Smurf explain himself so much he's turned blue in the face. Oh, I'm just too much! :laugh:

Now, my opinion.

I like the "Otaku Fiction" logo. The gun looks a little awkward because it lacks a black outline like the text, but otherwise, thumbs up. Now, since this isn't an art thread, I'll move on.

The concept is great. OtakuBoards fan fiction sucks unless it has the right hook. The title alone is going to draw people into this thread. The idea of blending the very cool dialogue of Quentin Tarantino with something generally considered nerdy, like an anime message board is interesting. It would have been cool if you had embraced that dorkiness and instead of having "digitized food" and opening the scene in a cafe', you instead chose to make the characters dorks desperately trying to be cool, while eating rice crispy treats in their parents' basement--or something like that. But, still your general premise is good.

I also like the mention of kuja. People have made fun of kuja before, and done so a lot, but the reference still works..

Now, some criticism. The dialogue in the introductory scene was pretty bad. There were [b]far[/b] too many swear words. I know you're doing this is supposed to be a joke, but the problem is still relevant to bring up just as Alan did earlier. The opening dialogue was just a very awkward read; it came across as if you were painfully trying to make the story sound adult, but overdid it so much that it had the opposite affect. Real people just don't talk like that and if they do, then I certainly don't want to read a story about them. Swearing in a story is there to show emphasis, color, and emotion. When you literally saturate your writing with swear words, you lose that. Although I didn't find the rest of the story hilarious, I did find that the swearing seemed to die down a little and it definitely picked up somewhat.

Otherwise, as I said, the concept of mixing OtakuBoards and Pulp Fiction works for you. But, that choice of direction is also a double-edged sword because it also hurts the story. You see, when you choose to base your parody off Quentin Tarantino, you're sort of setting yourself up because his dialogue is just so clever and naturalistic that it's going to be difficult to parody it effectively. I think this problem, in part, is where a lot of Papa Smurf's criticism is coming from. You just chose a really difficult, ambitious concept and for the reasons he listed, it just doesn't work as well as it could have. If you guys hadn't jumped all over him the way you did, he wouldn't have had to make various posts defending his point. I don't think he was trying to launch a relentless assault.

Having said that, the author always has final say in whether or not to heed anyone's advice. You've made your intentions clear; this piece is obviously just fluff and you have no intention of considering his opinion for revision. That's fine. I mean, you obviously have an audience for this stuff. The general populace who reads OB Anthology doesn't necessarily look for serious writing and it seems that those who write with that in mind do better than others. You've excelled there. Nevertheless, that doesn't mean you can't learn a little something valuable from what others have to say.

Overall though, I'd say this is pretty much functional and above-average as far as OtakuBoards fan fiction goes and the fact that people have bothered to discuss it this much should be a compliment to you more than anything.

[Retribution]

[center][IMG]http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y170/retri_trib/otakufiction.jpg[/IMG][/center]

[size=1][B]FADE IN:[/B]

We pan up on Dragon Warrior, a gruff and rugged pirate anchored in the City for a brief chat with Onyx. His attire is old and worn, suffering months of neglect at sea. His facial expression is equally tired. The pair sit within a wide, smoky room, neon providing a dim visibility. A harsh light is shining in his face, preventing him a clear look at Onyx, who sits on the other side of a table, addressing Dragon Warrior bluntly and without pretense.

Onyx
DW, you?re lookin? pretty damn tired, what?s the problem.

Dragon Warrior
I?ve been losing a lot of sleep over this shit for brains idea of yours.

Onyx
You?ll sleep like a baby once you get paid in full.

(Onyx changes tone to from playful to serious)

Onyx
I?m not gonna lie to you. Both you and I know you?re one of the best RPers the Arena?s got. I know you like winning, but you like fast cars and groupies more, don?t you?

Dragon Warrior
Yeah, fair point. Waitas?

Onyx
See? There you go over thinking shit again. Just take the fall in The Bounty and you?ll be living like a king. I?ll see to it that you get yours and we?ll go our separate ways.

Onyx slides a briefcase full of OtakuBucks across the table. Reluctantly, Dragon Warrior picks it up, not taking his eyes off Onyx.

Onyx
I?m no bullshitter, DW. But make damn sure that you don?t fuck it up. Don?t let that voice in the back of your head sway your good judgment. We?re men, not gals on our periods. Take the money and run. A month from now you?ll be thanking me.

Dragon Warrior
Alright. I have one more term, though.

(Onyx raises his eyebrow.)

Dragon Warrior
Make me a moderator.

(Onyx keeps eyebrow raised.)

Dragon Warrior
Don?t mess with me, Onyx. I know you?re a moderator and I know you can get James to hook me up.

Onyx
Take the money and run, DW. I can?t promise you anything aside from a broken face if you keep making demands like that.

Dragon Warrior
All or nothing.


[B]EXT. The Gentlemen?s Forum - DAY[/B]

The Gentlemen?s Forum is large for a secret forum featuring live hentai. Its unkempt appearance reflects its lack of moderators.

The Boss? search engine screeches into a nearly empty parking lot, narrowly avoiding one of the few cars parked.

Retribution
C?mon, you almost hit a parked car. Are you sober?

(The Boss stares at Retribution, then shakes his head and starts to walk. Retribution follows.)

The Boss knocks on the door. Several chips of paint fall off, and a slide opens revealing two eyes.

Guard
Password?

Retribution
Lemonlingerie

Guard
Invalid. Try again. Two attempts remaining.

Retribution
Do they change it regularly?

Guard
Invalid. Try again. One attempt remaining.

Retribution
Fine. EyeCandy.

Guard
Took you look enough.

The door unlocks and swings open, revealing the fellow on the inside: The13thMan is a teenage Korean male, who has run several underground operations for Onyx, including The Gentlemen?s Forum.

The13thMan
Sup, Bossman! Come on in, bud.

The Boss, carrying the black briefcase, strolls inside. The13thMan glances at Retribution, who waves him on.

Retribution
Don?t wait up for me. I wouldn?t be caught dead here. ?Gentlemen? my ass.

The13thMan slams the door shut.


[B]INT. The Gentlemen?s Forum - DAY[/B]

The forum is relatively quiet and inactive at this time of day. The clean interior is slightly startling after seeing the grungy exterior, but The Boss takes it in stride.

The Boss
So, where?s the man I?m looking for?

The13thMan
Just chill, he?ll be right with you.

Dragon Warrior shakes hands with an intimidating Onyx. DW looks triumphant, while Onyx maintains a composed and reserved expression.

The13thMan
Stay here for a second, just wait for DW to leave. Anyway, I heard some interesting news the other day.

The Boss
And that would be??

The13thMan
You?re taking Ezekiel out tomorrow. How?d that happen, and the more important question, are you going to live to tell the tale?

The Boss
It?s not like that, damnit. Onyx wants me to, and so I obliged. Why?s this so criminal?

The13thMan
Are you friends with Onyx?

The Boss
No, this is business.

The13thMan
Alright. Do you know Ezekiel?

The Boss
Vaguely.

The13thMan just grins.

The Boss (In a slight crescendo)
You know what? I?m tired of all this bullshit I?m getting for doing this. Fuck you, fuck Retribution, fuck Adam for all I care. You dipshits acting like I can?t?

The13thMan
Calm down, calm down? Boss, we just like giving you a hard time, and I have a feeling Ezekiel will too. She?s a nice girl, just, well, she kills guys. You?ll be fine, though.

The13thMan winks at him sarcastically, The Boss clamping his jaw in return.

Dragon Warrior sits at the bar, spins around in the chair once, and looks at The13thMan.

Dragon Warrior
Could I have a scotch on the rocks? Hell, drinks all around courtesy of yours truly.

The13thMan
DW, there?s one other person here.

The Boss
I?ll pass.

Dragon Warrior
Right then. A scotch for me then.

The Boss studies DW with a furrowed brow.

Dragon Warrior
Yes?

The Boss
Who the hell are you talking to, Cap?n Crunch?

Dragon Warrior
Excuse me?

Dragon Warrior flashes the gun in his side holster, smiles, and returns to his drink.

The13thMan
None of that here, especially you, DW. After that last incident with the pole dancers last week?

Dragon Warrior
I thought I said no mention of that?

There is a second of silence, followed by a sudden?

Onyx
Bossman, get the hell over here!

The Boss is greeted warmly by Onyx, with handshakes and upbeat small talk.

The13thMan
Alright, DW, that?s your last round for the day. Get outta here.

Dragon Warrior begrudgingly leaves his seat, glaring resentfully at The Boss before heading for the door.[/size]

[Ellerby]

[color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]Haha, very nice.

This chapter is certainly not my favourite, but it was funny nonetheless. And regardless of what everyone has been saying about Otaku Fiction, it's still remains entertaining. And hell, if it's entertaining then I don't give a damn about the key details.

The idea of the cars being search engines was ingenious. I thought that was well played to whomever wrote that. The Gentlemen's club was a funny touch aswell. The only setback to today's chapter is the length. Could have been a little bit longer (especially considering the wait time between this chapter and the last one) but oh well.

Kudos.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

After watching Pulp Fiction (a damn good movie I might say) I actually appreciate this story even more. I don't think it's so much like the movie -- a lot is imitation but there seems to be things taken out or added in. L like how D_Ws a pirate and the line 'who the hell're you talking to, Cap'n Crunch' is freaking hilarious.

[Dragon Warrior]

[size=1]It'd sound bias for me to praise this chapter, but actually, it's not one of my favorites either. It's good like the others, but because it's just the chapter that builds stuff up, it's nothing special. Nevertheless, for what it is, it was nicely done. I especially like how you interpreted Bruce Willis' boxing for my roleplaying in the Arena. That seems to have a perfect ring to it, especially considering our said spar going on currently. Nicely done.

I await more.[/size]