Writing Princess of Blue [M - SL possible V]

[2010DigitalBoy]

NOTE: this is a story I'm writing for my avatar on Gaia Online, and you can find it in my journal. And yes, there is a reason for the sexual stuff at the beginning >_>

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Princess of Blue[/B]

[img]http://img227.imageshack.us/img227/399/tek060719c8c633ej7.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Kiala Tickle[/SIZE]

[B]Chapter 1: Kiala Tickle [/B]

For a very long time, the kingdom of blue and the kingdom of red have been at peace. Ever since Queen Blue and King Red got married, the kingdoms have become like one. The heirs to both kingdoms are the young princesses Kiala and Sophie Tickle.

Blue hair touched the shoulders of fifteen year-old Kiala Tickle as she lay on her bed at a height of 5?2. Breasts fit to be cupped lay loose on her topless chest. Thin, beautiful legs brushed their tan skin against each other as she shifted them. Two sizes too big, her baby blue thong rested loosely around her curvy hips. Delicate fingers dangled inside. Moans rolled over her lips and down her round cheeks. Bold blue eyes, half-shut, reflected the moonlight peering through her window and casting an eerie glow across her soft figure. Her left hand clasped to her corresponding breast, to the baby blue sheets below her, and at times to her hair. With an ?OH!? she practically floated from her mattress as she climaxed.

Panting lightly, Kiala rested her arms and lay flat on her bed, a queen size with translucent blue curtains hanging from metal suspenders. Everything in Kiala?s room was blue, even the plasma TV and computer. She reached over to the table next to her bed and grabbed her mp3 player. Placing the earphones in her ears she quietly went into a trance listening to her Goth-metal music.

Minutes later her eye caught sight of a nearby clock reading 3:50 AM. Shutting her eyes again and sighing, she thought about what was expected of her in just a few hours. She wasn?t tired, having stayed up all night the night before and slept all day, but she was still frightened. Becoming bored of laying still she headed for the computer on the far side of the room, the panties falling off as she walked. Her room was nearly 20X20 feet in size, and the computer sat on a large flat desk with a wide screen monitor.

Logging on to her instant messenger, she saw that her best friend, Tical Slate, was still online. She sent him a message.

Kiala: Hey there Tical!
Tical: Yo Kiala! Feelin alright?
Kiala: Still a bit nervous about this whole ceremony. I don?t think I?m ready to take control of my own city.
Tical: Don?t worry, it?ll turn out good!
Kiala: I don?t think I can handle all the responsibility!
Tical: Hey
Tical: I?ll always be here to help you, so don?t feel blue!
Kiala: I need a hug. A real hug *sigh*
Tical: Well?. I guess I can?t totally help you? I?m sorry
Kiala: It?s okay. I?m sure I?ll meet someone nice eventually
Tical: ? *hugs Kiala* I know it?s not the same as a real hug but? it means the same to me
Kiala: ^_^ thanks. *hugs Tical back*
Tical: ^_^
Kiala: So tell me? does internet sex mean the same to you?
Tical: haha? well it?s not the same experience but it?s fun and no risk!
Kiala: XD! You always know how to cheer me up! *kisses Tical*
Tical: what friends are for ^_^
Kiala: You know I?m completely naked right now.
Tical: ?
Tical: You always know what to say to make me horny!
Kiala: What girlfriends are for ^_^

Kiala and Tical talked until 5:30 when Kiala realized she had to get ready for the big event. 100% of the clothes belonging to Kiala were blue, but she had all kinds of different outfits. Over top her underwear and push-up bra she donned a formal dress. Kiala hated wearing anything which had so little revealed, but this was a major event for sure. Today, Kiala was to assume leadership over a town of her own. Essentially it was nothing too drastic -- if she ran into trouble her parents had her back, but she would loose respect when she eventually became Queen. Were the event not trouble enough, Kiala?s sister, Sophie, would be there. Sophie and Kiala hated each other and were polar opposites right down to their favorite color.

Sophie was a fan of red and a child who became the princess she was, being greedy, mean-spirited, and generally a bad kid. While the people of the kingdom hadn?t found out yet, Kiala knew that Sophie had knocked up at least twenty guys and frequently used illegal drugs. Much to Kiala?s liking, Sophie lived far away in the Red Kingdom, but when the two of them met the tension split the sky.

I don?t know why I?m putting on this expensive dress, it?ll only get torn when Sophie and I get into a brawl, she thought to herself, praying that it would not actually happen. Her dress went to her ankles and was sleeveless. She wore gloves that went past her elbows and had frilly lace at the end. She looked like a princess - a look she never enjoyed. There was a knock on the door.

?Miss Kiala. In ten minutes we must depart for Town Square. Are you ready?? The voice was that of a middle-aged man named Gary who worked as a servant to the queen.

?I?ll be right out Gary,? she called back. Taking one last deep breath, she headed out her door. [/COLOR]

So... opinions?

[Dagger]

As a general rule, characters without any physical imperfections are invariably boring unless they possess notable mental and/or psychological quirks, defects, etc. to make up for it.

Another general rule is that apparent self-insertions will tend to take your audience way out of the story. When you write a piece which clearly isn't autobiographical and put your own name or username in it, a lot of people are going to automatically think [i]bad fanfiction[/i], even if the content is original. (I know nothing about Gaia Online, so I have no idea whether the premise of this story is firmly rooted in the site's world, thereby qualifying it as actual fanfiction, or not).

Try to do more showing and less telling (for instance, the parts about Sophie didn't resonate at all with me, because it's just Kiala delivering her obviously biased opinion--the references to knocking up twenty guys and using illegal drugs do absolutely nothing to prove that she really is greedy, mean-spirited or a "bad kid").

One last point: this reads like such a stereotypical male fantasy that the female viewpoint is--at least for me--a little squicky. Anyway, those are a few things to think about. :)

~Dagger~

[Aberinkula]

I like the story. Is Kiala a skank? :animestun Anyway, the story needs a lot of time worked on it. Buyt I like it so far. Can't wait to see what's next.

[2010DigitalBoy]

[QUOTE=Dagger]As a general rule, characters without any physical imperfections are invariably boring unless they possess notable mental and/or psychological quirks, defects, etc. to make up for it.

Another general rule is that apparent self-insertions will tend to take your audience way out of the story. When you write a piece which clearly isn't autobiographical and put your own name or username in it, a lot of people are going to automatically think [i]bad fanfiction[/i], even if the content is original. (I know nothing about Gaia Online, so I have no idea whether the premise of this story is firmly rooted in the site's world, thereby qualifying it as actual fanfiction, or not).

Try to do more showing and less telling (for instance, the parts about Sophie didn't resonate at all with me, because it's just Kiala delivering her obviously biased opinion--the references to knocking up twenty guys and using illegal drugs do absolutely nothing to prove that she really is greedy, mean-spirited or a "bad kid").

One last point: this reads like such a stereotypical male fantasy that the female viewpoint is--at least for me--a little squicky. Anyway, those are a few things to think about. :)

~Dagger~[/QUOTE]

Well the story hasn't picked up yet really remember, and things are going to change a lot pretty soon. Yes, Kiala's opinion is biased, she's not even such a good girl herself, and she is slightly insane as you will come to find.

Sophie's going to be the first real interesting character as she has some serious problems, and Kaia's character is going to get severely dark pretty soon.

Trust me, I'm gunna put her trough [COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]HELL[/COLOR].

[Dagger]

[QUOTE=Tical Blue]Well the story hasn't picked up yet really remember, and things are going to change a lot pretty soon. Yes, Kiala's opinion is biased, she's not even such a good girl herself, and she is slightly insane as you will come to find.

Sophie's going to be the first real interesting character as she has some serious problems, and Kaia's character is going to get severely dark pretty soon.

Trust me, I'm gunna put her trough [COLOR=DarkSlateBlue]HELL[/COLOR].[/QUOTE]
But your reader doesn't know that! :animesmil

This isn't like an anime series in which you can grab an audience with ridiculous fanservice and then shock them with an abrupt serious turn or sudden violence. At the very least, it would be helpful if you dropped some hints or set a darker tone at the beginning. The masturbation scene could be made weird, disturbing or revealing as to the true nature of her character without actually changing what she's doing--just by changing how you write about it. You could set the tone for her future character development by using cruel or double-edged words when you describe her physical appearance.

Either way, it's important to remember that you won't normally be able to sit down and tell your readers, "Just sit tight for a while, the good stuff's coming soon." You have to provide a solid hook at the beginning even if you also wish to surprise them later on.

~Dagger~

[2010DigitalBoy]

[QUOTE=Dagger]But your reader doesn't know that! :animesmil

This isn't like an anime series in which you can grab an audience with ridiculous fanservice and then shock them with an abrupt serious turn or sudden violence. At the very least, it would be helpful if you dropped some hints or set a darker tone at the beginning. The masturbation scene could be made weird, disturbing or revealing as to the true nature of her character without actually changing what she's doing--just by changing how you write about it. You could set the tone for her future character development by using cruel or double-edged words when you describe her physical appearance.

Either way, it's important to remember that you won't normally be able to sit down and tell your readers, "Just sit tight for a while, the good stuff's coming soon." You have to provide a solid hook at the beginning even if you also wish to surprise them later on.

~Dagger~[/QUOTE]

I see your point... I wrote CH2 but my comp deleted it (NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!)

I might actually just redp CH1 but then I'd be supremely sad.

I thinkI'm gunna need some suggestions for this one. Should I redo CH1 so it's more interesting (in all honesy I have no idea how) or should I continue and let it get good?

Also, keep in mind while the first part wasn't that exciting, it was only like the first 2 pages. If it picks up right now, it wouldn't be like ou've read a bunch and it hasn't gotten interesting.

EDIT: I wrote a CH2. Tell me if I should redo it

[img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/898/tek060720363e52tr5.png[/img]

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Chapter 2: Things Aren?t Always Like On TV[/B]

Sophie Tickle strode through the front door of the Castle of Blue. Peering through the red tint of her sunglasses, her gaze encompassed all parts of the chamber. Centering the room, as expected, was a massive staircase leading to the rooms of the royal family, and the large room was dotted with doors along it?s walls. Her five inch plat formed boots tapped along the ground as she slowly advanced into the room. The candy cane colored sock which climbed her thin legs rubbed against each other as she inched forward. Frilly lace decorated the bottom of her skirt which reached halfway down her thigh, decorated by a swirling pattern. Her left hand rested on the bit of skin between her skirt and her long-sleeve, button up shirt which hid medium-sized breasts. Over her shoulder rested a purse and around her neck a bold red tie. To fend against the winter temperature, she wore blood-red mittens and earmuffs with headphones built into them. Stairway To Heaven floated through her head.

Surely her sister was on her way downstairs. Her naive, foolish sister, bound to the rules of life. Just a simple girl, living in the world of a teenager, thinking she?s unique. Sophie would have to show her the truth. Within a holster at her side, a magnum rested in it?s holster. Above, in the upstairs hallway, she heard a door opening. Reaching into her pocket, she unwrapped a piece of gum and put it in her mouth. Between the shades and the chewing, no emotion would be reflected in her face. Kiala wouldn?t be able to see the sadness of a young woman who shot her own father in his sleep.

?

Gary made his way away from the door at the words of his master that she could be trusted to be down in a moment. He began to walk down the stairs and as he reached the center he caught sight of Sophie just 30 stairs down.

?Ah! Miss Sophie, you have arrived.? As he spoke, the door to Kiala?s room opened behind him. ?Miss Kiala will be right with you? Sophie reached down to her side and pulled out her gun. Gary?s face turned to confusion and shock. ?Um? M-miss Sophie, what are you-? he was cut off when a bullet pounded into his forehead.

?AAAAHH!! What the fuck?!? Kiala screamed and ran down to her butler and lifted him in her arms. Her eyes were bulging wide and shock was beginning to serge through her. ?Gary! Gary! Oh my god! Oh my god, what the fuck, oh my god!? Breathing heavily, she frantically searched her thoughts for what to do.

In a state of what seemed like impermeable calmness, Sophie casually began walking up the stairs towards her sister, who was breathing heavily and crying. Kiala noticed her sister, but couldn?t manage to form any words

?Where?s mother?? Sophie asked. With a click, Kiala shot from her shock into extreme anger. Jumping up, she grabbed Sophie by the collar and throttled her against the rail of the staircase.

?What the FUCK have you done?!? Sophie didn?t flinch, and Kiala didn?t know what to do. She fell to her knees, stretched herself across the stairs, and lay there crying. Sophie continued.

?

Behind the shades, tears welled in Sophie?s eyes. No. No I said I wouldn?t care if he was gone. It was getting to her? she remembered all the times Gary had helped her as a child. No! No, this is more important! Taking a deep breath, she marched up the stairs. At first her mind was wondering how the gunshots had not alarmed the queen, but she remembered that her room was entirely soundproof because of the loud music Kiala listened to.

The door of Queen Sapphire?s room was locked. Being a victim of fear of just about everything, she claimed that if her door was left unlocked she?d surely be raped. Sophie shot the knob off the door. There was a shriek forty feet away from Kiala panicking at the sound of another gunshot. Kicking the door open, Sophie immediately pointed her gun into the room ready to shoot immediately.

Queen Sapphire was standing in front of her dresser, dressed in an extravagant gown. As she jolted towards Sophie, the makeup she was applying fell to the floor. Her face fumed with anger.

?Put down the gun! You have no right to kill me, I created you!?

?I won?t fall for that again. I?m not your puppet,? Sophie said, biting back rage.

?Go ahead and pull the trigger! You?ll go to prison! You won?t get control!? Sophie removed her sunglasses. Like two balls of fire, her eyes radiated with pure hatred.

?I don?t care,? she pulled the trigger and the Queen?s blood splattered against the wall behind her. Sophie panted for a moment, realizing the weight of what she?d just done. There was no turning back. With belated footsteps, she journeyed back down the hall, re-equipping her sunglasses. Kiala was still on the stairs crying as she descended.

?Mother? she?s dead isn?t she?!? Kiala cried.

?Yes.?

?Why?! What are you going to do?!?

?Someone broke in. They assaulted and killed the queen and kidnapped you. I managed to hide until it all tided over. Meanwhile an accomplice to the enemy killed my father. Don?t ask any questions, I?ve eliminated all variables. After the funeral I?ll be the queen.?

?I don?t understand!? Kiala curled into a ball and sobbed intensely,

?It doesn?t always happen like on TV. Sometimes you don?t get an explanation.? With a snap of her fingers, Sophie summoned two man dressed in black to her side.

?Take her away.? The two men rushed over a grabbed Kiala by the arms. She screamed and kicked and tried to bat them away

?Hey! No! What are you going to do to me?!? One of the men pistol whipped her and knocked her unconscious, then they dragged her back to the car and loaded her in the trunk.

?Are you sure it was a good idea for you to do it?? One of Sophie?s hired hands asked as he followed her into the palace.

?I had to make her die with my own hands. Get everyone in here and start setting up the scenario. We have about an hour before the show and then everyone?s attention will be turned here. Kiala has to be at least out of the kingdom by them. Remember, she is to be dumped off in White kingdom, the worse the alleyway you dump her in, the more you get paid.? With a salute, the man left her side. Sophie removed her sunglasses and stared at the castle.

?Once she sees the world like I do, that?s when we can rule together. See you in hell, sister.?[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

I love chapter 2. I wouldn't change it. Some wording mistakes. Reread you'll find out. But it doesn't mess up the story. Chapter 3 will be good I know that.

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Chapter 3: The Kingdom of White[/B]

[img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/4290/tek060727dfcb15qf0.png[/img]

White Death is the nickname that many gave the Kingdom of White, and rightfully so. Cries of sorrow radiated from the slums of the ruined cities. Rotting buildings and rotten people decorated the once illustrious kingdom. Skies were disguised by thick smog, which billowed from the giant factories coating the cheaply bought grounds, manufacturing the products of all other kingdoms. Forsaken and forgotten, this was a dead kingdom laced with a slowly dying populace.

Ria Ayella stepped out the back door of an apartment into an accompanying alleyway buttoning the top button on her loose, long sleeve, white, collared shirt. White Kingdom?s people were not quite the same as average humans, as they had long rabbit ears protruding from their heads, and were born with white hair and tan skin. Ria?s thin figure said ?anorexia,? her long laced stockings and lack of pants said ?whore,? and her eyes said ?depressed.? Separating her lower body from nudity was a pair of generic white panties and ankle-high white boots.

Unbeknownst to Ria, someone else was sitting in this black, trash-ridden alley, hidden between two black trash bags. Picture a young girl in left in pieces, with leveled malfunctions. Clenching her legs to her chest as pain poured down her cheeks. Her sobs had fallen silent hours before, and all that she could find the power to do was shiver and weep. All that remained of her clothes were her little blue sneakers and ankle-high socks. Tangled and matted, her blue hair served as a pillow for her head, which sat cocked against a large black bag.

Crinkling noises echoed off the ash-black brick walls of the two 5-story buildings creating the alley, catching Ria?s attention. Looking around, she brushed it off, guessing that it was merely some animal searching through the trash. Just as she turned to walk away, another noise cracked the stale air; this time a sneeze from what Ria guessed was a young girl. Cautiously, the medium-height woman with shoulder length hair tied in a bun, letting the bangs fall to the side of her face, progressed into the space where she could walk without stepping in litter. Fifteen feet away, she caught sight of a light-skinned teenage girl with human ears. Curiosity boiled inside her, and she rushed over to assess the situation.

?Are you okay? Oh? stupid question, here, take my hand,? Ria said softly, extending her hand. The tear-soaked young girl slowly extended a shaking arm and grabbed the woman?s hand. Carefully, Ria helped her to her feet. Her whole body shaking, the girl stiffly rose and stood a few inches shorter than the slightly older female. After a moment in a daze, the blue-haired girl jolted over and hugged Ria tightly, crying into her shoulder. Ria gently patted the teenager?s back as she squeezed herself against Ria?s small breasts. ?It?s going to be okay,? Ria whispered, ?Just come with me.? After a moment of sobbing, the younger girl released her tight grip and stood still, waiting to be taken. Taking hold of the cute young girl?s hand, Ria left the alleyway into the cold night streets.

Anywhere was dangerous in this city and being accompanied by a nude girl was definitely not the best idea. Ria hurried down the street about a block with the girl and they entered a run-down apartment. Unlocking and stepping through the large green door, Ria welcomed the blue-eyed girl into her home.

Living conditions all over the White Kingdom were ugly, and Ria?s place accounted for that fact. Bearing only a living room with kitchen attachment, a bathroom, and a bedroom, her home was actually slightly below average. The living room has furnished with a massacred green couch sitting in its center, and a small coffee table with a junky TV atop it. Green carpets, stained by cigarettes and all sorts of liquids covered the floors except for the kitchen which was cheep tile. The walls were all white and a single window was placed on the western wall of the living room. In the kitchen were a mini-fridge, a sink, a round table, and a stove, along with three head-height cabinets. No door existed to separate Ria?s room from the rest of the house, and inside the room was a block of a dresser, a twin-sized bed, and a large mirror. The only things which could be found out and about were cans of bug spray and insect traps. If there was anything Ria feared, it was bugs, and no bug survived in her house.

Leading her over to the couch, Ria sat the girl down and fetched a glass of water for her from the filter. After allowing her to drink down the glass, the tan-skinned woman accompanied the teenager on the couch.

?Feel any better?? she asked.

?Thank you?? there was a light rasp in the girl?s voice. She cleared her throat and began again, ?thank you so much.?

?It?s okay? my name is Ria, Ria Ayella. What?s yours??

?It?s Kiala? Kiala Tickle.?[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

You don't seece to amaze me. I love the story. keep going. But just a question what's Gaia online?

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]I didn't know you were a writer! Another thing we have in common. Haha.

Anyway. I'm liking this Ria chick. I may just have a twisted mind, but when I was reading the whole Ria/Kiala thing, I was thinking something was going to happen between them. If you catch my drift.

So far this is pretty good. A few typos here and there, it's a little fast, but it's running smooth enough.

I'll be waiting for the next part! :)[/color][/size]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Now that your story has gotten along a little further I?m finding it interesting. The only thing that seems to be missing is more on what or how the characters are feeling. The descriptions and dialogue is fairly well developed, but on some level I don?t feel connected to the characters as it seems like too much of what they are feeling is taken for granted. Take Ria, she?s looking to be quite the mean character, but on some level I don?t see what makes her tick. Though I suppose that later you might be explaining that. Anyway, good job. [/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

Gaia Online, Split Keyblader, is the biggest forum in the world. You get to design your own avatar and as you gain gold by posting, you can buy new clothes for your avatar. Note that this story is not IN ANY WAY related to the site. I just post it there in my journal. Also, the character pictures are from gaia. I created them using the Dream Avatar Creator at tektek.org

Blase, you hit the nail on the head, things are about to get way intimate with Ria and Kiala ~_^

NOTE: There is a lot of sex in this chapter, and chances are there will be in the whole story. I can't help it, I like doing sex scenes, and i'm good at it. I even had a famous sex fanfic which many sonsidered the best lemon fanfic ever so, yeah. There will be lots of sex, especially considering kiala's current job.

Let it be known though, while this plot will have it's twists, it won't be changing dramatically as frequently as the beginning. I was just trying to establish a basic plot, and I left it open enough for lots of mysteries. Anywho, heres chapter 4, enjoy.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Chapter 4: Am I Your Puppy?[/B]

[img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/9027/tek060728b77a27rv5.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Prostitute Kiala[/SIZE]

?What happened?? Ria asked, resting her arm around Kiala?s shoulders.

?Sophie? my sister? I don?t even understand. I don?t know why? she just came in and she killed my mom? and she said she killed my dad. It doesn?t make any sense?? Kiala stared down in a daze. Tears welled in her eyes once more, ?I?ll never get back, will I? I?ll never go home, and I?ll never see Tical again?? she burst into sobs once more. Ria continually rubbed her shoulders, whispering that it would be okay and pulling her close. Kiala?s tears slowly faded as she gripped to Ria?s shirt. After a few more minutes, her head had sunk to Ria?s lap and the older girl petted her head gently.

Sitting up, Kiala took a moment to even out her breathing, then spoke. ?Thank you so much? for taking me in? how can I ever repay you??

?You don?t need to,? Ria said, smiling, ?us girls gotta look out for each other? this is a dangerous town?? looking back at Kiala she remembered that the girl was of an entirely different race. ?So, where are you from, anyway? You can?t be from around here??

?I?m from the Kingdom of Blue? where am I anyway? After Sophie knocked me out? I woke up in the alley? I?m so confused??

?You?re far North, in the Kingdom of White. In the city of New Rens to be exact. But, how?d you get here? Why did your sister get rid of you??

?Well? I?m? the princess. My sister wanted to clear everyone away from the throne, I think.? Ria nearly jumped with surprise. Her yellow eyes widened.

?You?re the princess?! Wow! I can?t believe it! But wait, you really shouldn?t say that so openly or someone?s bound to take you!? Kiala didn?t reply. She still was buried under the weight of the whole situation. Ria checked her watch quickly.

?I still have four hours? I gotta get you some clothes! Here, come with me.? Kiala followed Ria into her room and sat on the bed while she went through her dresser. ?How old are you, Kiala??

?Fifteen.?

?Fifteen? Good? below eighteen gets a bonus?? she shifted through the clothes some more, trying to find a blue shirt she remembered having but got no results. ?Kiala, you?ve had sex before right?? Kiala was taken slightly aback by the question.

?Yes.?

?How many times??

?Four or five? b-but all with the same person?? At this point she had realized what Ria was getting at. ?I?m? going to be a prostitute, aren?t I?? Ria sighed, wishing her answer wouldn?t be true.

?Yep.? Kiala?s head lowered a little. Ria drew a tank top from her drawer which was cut to above the stomach, along with a white jean skirt, a pair of panties, and a pair of knee-high socks. ?I?m afraid I don?t have any bra?s your size??

?It?s a way of life, right. I mean? we have to do this to get by? there?s nothing wrong with it, right?? Ria sat beside the younger girl and rested her hand on her back.

?It?s just a job? it?s what puts food on my table and I?m sorry to say that you?re gunna have to do the same to survive here? I wish it could be any other way.? Kiala thought about it for a moment, then turned to the older girl with a slight smile.

?You?ll help me out, right?? Ria smiled.

?Of course. Here, just a sec,? Ria headed over to her closet, reached into a box, and pulled out a cat-ear headband. ?This oughtta look cute on you.? She slid the ears onto Kiala?s head. ?Now get dressed, okay?? Kiala nodded and began putting on her clothes. ?I suppose,? Ria began, ?if you?re going to start today? I ought to teach you how to work in this business.? She explained to Kiala how there were all kinds of different fetishes and ?special assignments? that they would get from customers.

?Do you have any fetishes?? Ria asked her young counterpart.

?Not really? but I?m open to trial.?

?Good. Alright? how about you show me some of what you can do?? Kiala was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking up at Ria.

?Okay,? she replied, blushing. Ria crawled onto her, her knees next to Kiala?s hips. She sat with her back straight so that her head was above Kiala?s. She placed her hand under Kiala?s jaw and tilted her head up slightly then began kissing her passionately. After a moment of getting used to it, Kiala was able to get used to the kiss and returned it with the same amount of skill. Ria pushed forward lightly on the younger girl?s shoulders, letting her fall back. She then moved down Kiala?s form and put her head inside her skirt. Carefully clenching them with her teeth, she slowly removed the foreigner?s panties.

?That?s a trick you may want to remember,? she said, as if she were giving Kiala a lesson. As she slid back across Kiala?s body, she put her thumbs in her shirt so that as she moved up, the shirt came with her. She resumed kissing Kiala, then slowly began descending again, licking her as she went down. When she reached the skirt, she took the zipper in her teeth and unzipped, then pulled the skirt off in one quick swipe.

?That?s the professional way to remove someone?s clothes. At this point the client is already excited before you?ve even began, and you?ve taken long enough that the time has gone down.? Kiala blushed, getting a little hot herself. Ria glanced at her and saw that she was enjoying it, which made her smile. ?You know,? she began, running her hands up the younger girl?s stomach, ?a lot of the time we get team assignments? where there might be two girls doing the same guy at once.? She begin to stretch herself across Kiala?s body. The young princess started sweating as the sexy older girl moved her hands across her chest.

?Ah? um,? Kiala tried to speak, trying to relieve herself of what was becoming an awkward situation. Ria sat up, laughing lightly.

?Sorry about that, guess I got a little carried away, after all we did just meet and you?ve been through a lot?? she scratched the back of her head and laughed.

?It?s? uh? I mean,? she wanted to say that she was enjoying it, but wanted to slow down a little, but was too infatuated and embarrassed to form the correct words. Ria giggled.

?I know what you?re trying to say,? she responded. Her face now entirely pink, Kiala smiled and laughed a little. Both girls began laughing, and Ria rolled off of her young guest onto the bed. She rolled onto her side to face the nude teenager, ?so whaddya say? friends?? Kiala rolled onto her side as well, a big smile now stretched across her face.

?Friends,? she said enthusiastically. ?So? do you have anything else you need to teach me, oh wise one?? Ria could see that Kiala had completely washed away her previous fear and uncertainty and was now just being herself. She admired the young girl?s strength.

?Well, let?s see here?? the older girl went into her closet and pulled out a leash. ?Ever tried this before??

?No, but I?ve always wanted to.? Ria climbed into the center of the bed.

?Here,? she said, putting the collar around Kiala?s neck.

?Am I your doggy?? Kiala asked. She sat with her hand between her legs and stuck out her tongue, and started panting. Ria laughed and petted her puppy on the head.

?Good doggy! That?s a good girl!? she said in a squishy voice. Kiala barked, pounced on her new friend, and began licking her face. Ria giggled as the younger girl?s tongue tickled her. The little blue puppy then spotted the bunny ears on her master?s head. She bit some of the hair and began shaking it. Laughing, the owner beckoned her pet, ?come?ere doggy,? and tugged the puppy?s back onto her stomach. She scratched the puppy?s stomach, and her leg started kicking. Kiala sat up and let her master sit up as well.

?That?s not what we?re supposed to do? is it?? Kiala asked, giggling.

?Well, no, but you can do that with me anytime,? she said. ?I warn you though? if you do have to use collars and whips and the like? it could get a little painful, you know.?

?I?m not worried about that,? Kiala replied, ?I?m into this kind of thing.?

?Well, okay,? Ria looked down at her watch. ?Yikes! We gotta be at my boss? place in an hour. Here get dressed and we?ll put on some makeup.? The girls got dressed and applied each other?s make up, Ria wearing white and Kiala wearing blue.

?You don?t think it?ll be a problem that I?m not from here do you?? Kiala asked as they stepped out the door. Ria locked her door and smiled at her new friend.

?It shouldn?t be a problem? if anything it?ll get you attention!?[/COLOR]

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]Oh... dang. That was really hot. XD Hee hee, I hope something like that comes again.

You're right, you are good at writing those kind of things. My specialties in fan fictions are usually make out scenes. : D But, go explict reading material!

In any case, that was a well written chapter, I hope to see some more build up between Ria and Kiala as this progresses. And, plus, I love prostitutes. So, you have me hooked.

Good job![/color][/size]

[Aaryanna]

[COLOR=SeaGreen][quote name='indifference][COLOR=DeepSkyBlue']Take Ria, she?s looking to be quite the mean character, but on some level I don?t see what makes her tick. Though I suppose that later you might be explaining that. [/COLOR][/quote]I think she meant to say Sophie since I was kind of thinking the same thing. ^_^ Still I am enjoying it. I don't really care for the sex in it, but that's just a personal preference since it does on some level make the story seem more realistic. Though it seems to me that Sophie's sister got over her shock and went into things a little to quickly. I figured she'd be upset for a lot longer. Anyway, keep up the good work. ^_^[/COLOR]

[Aberinkula]

Whoa! That was sexy! Nice Chapter. That's gonna give me dreams. Good writing. *staggers away from the computer* i'm back. What?? :nervous:

[2010DigitalBoy]

Hai, the reason for Kiala's lack-of-shock towards her overwhelming situiation will be explained in the next chapter, The Kind Pimp

I will edit this post later with the chapter once Im done with it, but for now I wanted to put up this poster of the Color Continent in which this story takes place.

I know this isn't the best drawing ever, but please don't knock it, it took me well over an hour to draw ^^;;

[URL=http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b269/MetalSonic700/000_2851.jpg][color=darkslateblue]Color Continent[/color][/URL]

EDIT: I just noticed that the words "Blue Kingdom" and "Red Kingdom" got cut off ^^;;

EDIT Again: I apologize for the lateness of ch. 5 ^^;; as a gift for being so patient, here's a pic. WARNING: partial nudity

[URL=http://i21.photobucket.com/albums/b269/MetalSonic700/000_2857.jpg]POB ladies[/URL]

[Guest I hitokiri I]

The map of the color kingdom reminds me of Candyland. But instead of it beaing candy names, everything is a color. Just thought I'd let you know.

[2010DigitalBoy]

And now, without further adieu, chapter 5.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Chapter 5: The Kind Pimp and the First Job[/B]

[img]http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/4291/tek060801008452pn7.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Shai[/SIZE]

[img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/9184/tek06080110f368wy5.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Chad[/SIZE]

[img]http://img147.imageshack.us/img147/2672/tek060801ab7f92iy5.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Mr. May[/SIZE]

[img]http://img483.imageshack.us/img483/3682/tek060801e5413dq8.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Ria in pajamas[/SIZE]

[img]http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/2374/tek060801668114hh4.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Kiala in pajamas[/SIZE]

?I don?t get it,? Ria said, breaking the long silence accompanying their walk to the boss? place. Streets of New Rens were not places you wanted to be for long, and it this particular time of night there was no one outside at all. New Rens was extremely dangerous, a home to all sorts of scum.

?How did you? get over it all so easily?? Ria asked. ?I-I mean?? she hoped she wasn?t bringing back painful memories.

?Don?t worry,? Kiala said with a smile, ?well? I guess it?s just ?cause none of that matters. The future is ahead, the past is behind? I?ve been in that alley for 2 days? it?s time I came out.? Ria still couldn?t figure how it was so easy, but the smile on Kiala?s face told her not to worry. The two beautiful ladies stopped in front of a large metal door, the entrance to a shoddy looking building. Taking hold of the brass handle, Ria opened the door to a red-dressed bar. Customers consisted of an old man at a table crying over his mug and a burly fellow sitting at the counter. The bartender was a thin young man wearing simple white clothing.

?Aye, ye ladies be lookin fer Shai? Eys in the back.? The bartender then motioned towards a door behind him. Ria kissed into her hand and blew it at him as her companion followed her into the back. His eyes shot to the backside of the young Caucasian girl, carefully examining the curve of her back and her smooth ass.

?That one be a killer?? he said to himself. Progressing through the door, the pair found themselves in a dark wine room. Standing in the back, propped against the wall, was Shai Areya. His skin was dark, and bunny ears protruded from his purple top-hat. He wore a purple suit and propped himself against a wooden cane. His eyes were hidden under the brim of his hat. Ria lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed his fingers.

?I?ve brought you some new merchandise,? she said quietly. Shai raised a thin hand and placed it on the bunny-girl?s head, petting it softly.

?That?s my girl,? he said in a medium-tone. ?Let?s see her,? Kiala stepped forward for examination from the pimp. Ria began to moan and shift as he rubbed behind her ear. Mr. Areya looked the young girl up and down, admiring her elegant form. When he looked into her sparkling sapphire eyes, he actually blushed at her cuteness. He turned back to Ria, whose eyes were closed and she was now reaching into her shirt and grabbing one of her breasts while moaning loudly. He pulled his hand away, letting Ria fall to the floor, panting.

?Is she good?? he asked. Ria lose to her feet, fixing her hair.

?She?s good alright. She made me horny and you?re the only other person who can do that.? she replied. Kiala wondered if she really meant that, or if she was brown-nosing.

?I guess I?ll take your word for it? we don?t have time for a test run,? he said. Pulling out a clipboard, he quickly checked his schedule to see who had them on call. ?What luck! We needed a double and Karin is sick, so Kiala, you?ll be her replacement. It looks like? Mr. Mayisha.? Ria?s eyes lit up.

?Mr. Mayisha! Alright, what luck! He?s fun!? Ria was brimming with the idea that this would be an easy start for Kiala.

?Ah? he?s having his friend Chad over as well?? the older girl?s enthusiasm suddenly died.

?Great. Come on Kiala,? she said grudgingly, heading for the door.

?Hey? what is it?? Kiala asked, following close behind.

?Nothing? I?ll just do Chad? no problem.?

?Hey, aren?t you going to say goodbye?? Shai called from behind.

?Oh, shaddup!? Ria said as they left. Shai smiled to himself. Damn she?s hot.

?

As they left the room, Ria headed over to the counter to speak with the bartender, who was also their supplier of special toys to bring with them.

?Yo, Kaaji, I want a leash and the double-pair of doggy slippers.? Kaaji placed a black leash and two pairs of light brown doggy slippers into a brown bag and handed it to Ria. Kiala followed her out the door.

?Did you really mean that back there,? Kiala asked, ?that I?m the only one who can make you horny?? Ria stopped, turned to Kiala, and reached both hands behind her head. Pulling her closer, she slowly began tongue kissing her. Moments later, she pulled back and stared Kiala in the eyes. A smile spread across her face.

?You?re the only girl I?ve ever kissed because I wanted to.? Both of them smiled at each other and suddenly there was the sound of something breaking close by. The girls jumped and immediately hugged each other tight, looking around. There didn?t appear to be anything around. Kiala slowly released her hold on Ria.

?Um? I guess it was nothing,? they continued on their way, oblivious to a shadow lurking in the alley?

?

?Here we are,? Ria said. The two stood before an apartment door on the third floor of a building. Unlike Ria?s building, it wasn?t completely run-down, but still slightly lower than middle-class. Before knocking, Ria put the collar around the younger girl?s neck. Kiala put the slippers on her hands and feet and went down on her hands and knees. The white-haired girl?s fist knocked on the door three times.

?They?re here,? a voice said from behind the door. ?Come in,? the called a slightly older voice. The door opened, and Kiala went scampering in just fast enough that Ria could keep hold of the leash. Sitting on the couch were the two clients, Mr. Mayisha and Chad. ?Mr. May? as he called himself, was a man of 31, medium height, and rather thin. He had soft features and pretty yellow eyes. Like all the other residents of the White Kingdom, he and Chad both had dark skin and bunny ears. Chad was slightly shorter than his friend and had the same short-cut white hair. Unlike his buddy, he looked like a jerk, and had a slight muscle build, and was 25 years-old. Both looked over the couch at the girls coming in.

?Eh? Who?s this?? Mr. May asked. Kiala dashed over to the edge of the couch, placing her paws on the top of the couch and panting.

?This is Kiala. Karin?s out sick so we brought her in,? as she explained, Mr. May began petting the puppy?s head. She closed her eyes and rocked a little as he petted her, then leaned forward and began licking his face.

?I think she likes me,? Mr. May said, laughing. Kiala pounced over the top of the couch and landed on the client. Laying on top of him, she continued to lick him.

?Dude, you should totally let the god out and see if he fucks her?? Chad began. Ria came up behind him and punched him on the head.

?Don?t be a dick!? She yelled.

?Don?t be a bitch!? He yelled back. Ria slapped him on the face, causing him to leap over the couch, tackle her to the floor, and begin making out with her. Both of them forced each other?s clothes off as they lay there on the floor, then Chad started found his way in the front door, pounding hard.

Meanwhile, Kiala had taken the older man?s shirt in her teeth and began tugging on it and growling. Mr. May quickly removed his shirt, and placed his hands of Kiala?s sides. He moved his hands up her shirt and cupped her breasts. She pressed her body against his and began kissing his neck. Mr. May?s hands moved down to his pants and he removed them, along with Kiala?s skirt. She sat up, managing to sit directly on the man?s erection. Her mouth opened wide, letting out a light noise as he entered her.

?You?re a doggy, right?? The man spoke quietly, moving himself in and out slowly as he did. Kiala?s face contorted. She?d never had it this way before, but so far it didn?t seem so bad. ?Then we should do it doggy style,? he said, pulling out as she positioned himself. Mr. May sat up on his knees behind her and after a moment, slowly slid in. After a moment of letting her get used to it, he sped up. When he was done with that, he began pushing it through her breasts, and over the course of the next hour went through an array of positions.

?

?Seeya next time,? Ria said as she followed her friend through the front door and closed it behind her. Kiala stumbled across the hall and landed on the wall. She looked as if she?d just carried a boulder uphill on her back. Ria pulled her friend?s arm over her shoulder and began walking her out of the building.

?You okay?? Ria asked in a soft voice. Kiala spoke as though she were dying, managing to sound especially cute.

??I?ll make it?? she said, ?I just? didn?t expect??

?It?s okay,? Ria interrupted, ?no one walks into this business nonchalant. It takes a little getting used to. Anyway, that was the last job today so we get to go home. I bet you could use something to eat.? Kiala nodded and they made their way through the streets. As they neared the apartment, suddenly they heard a sneeze. Ria nearly jumped like before, but once again didn?t see anything. The older girl laid her young friend down on the bed and went to go grab something to make for dinner.

While she was definitely poor, Ria?s food wasn?t totally in short supply. All the money she had she spent on food, so what she did get managed to be pretty good. The only other thing her money went towards was a small water and electric bill to keep the sink and fridge. Apartments in this part of town were free, issued by the government.

Thirty minutes later, she had microwaved a few slices of Salisbury steak and made some macaroni-and-cheese. After eating their food, both girls headed to bed. From her closet, Ria pulled a blue and a green pair of pajamas. Suiting up, the girls lay in bed, arms around each other, and quietly fell to sleep.

Outside the building, stalking in the alleyway, Al the Killer lay in wait.[/COLOR]

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]Ah, leash. That just reminds me of Naruto and Sasuke. Ahaha.

This is getting interesting. I think you could have executed the hints of "Al the Killer" a little better, but other than that, this chapter was good.

I definitely like scenes between Ria and Kiala. : D

I'll be awaiting the next chapter, then![/color][/size]

[Aberinkula]

Cool. a new look at an already sexy story. Good deal. Those two are whores.

[2010DigitalBoy]

At long last, Chapter 6 is finally here! WARNING: this chapter features scenes not suitable for children. It is VERY dark and possibly disturbing.

NOTE: This will be the last chapter to feature gratitous sex for a while.

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][B]Chapter 6: Al The Killer[/B]

[img]http://img103.imageshack.us/img103/4013/tek060816e6ec17it3.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Kiala's new clothes[/SIZE]

[img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/6053/tek060816f1d446aq3.png[/img]
[SIZE=1]Ria's new clothes[/SIZE]

Kiala?s consciousness came back to her with a jolt and panic ensued. Atop her was a portly man, ramming himself into her. Screams attempted to break the air but she found her mouth covered by several wraps of cloth, letting out only a muffled sound. Stretched across the ground; her hands were chained to the concrete floor with only an inch or so of slack -- the same was true for her ankles. Struggling, tears began to burst from her eyes as she desperately tried to fight the situation but it was no use. The portly man was brutally raping her.

?You like that, white girl? Don?t worry? it?ll all be over soon.? Like the other inhabitants of the White Kingdom, the man had bunny ears and tan skin. His face was round and bore a short beard. Kiala?s desperation only increased and all of existence seemed to capsize on her as the impossible situation grew with overwhelming turmoil. Al stopped for a moment and leaned over her. Kiala?s eyes shot open as the bearded man licked the tears from beneath her eyes. His tongue continued to lap at her as he regressed towards his sex position.

?There?s no hope for you now. No one will save you. I?m gong to kill you nice and slow, white girl. Don?t worry about your little friend.? The portly man leaned sideways. Behind him Kiala could see a large stone counter. It was the only object in the room, a stone chamber about 20 by 40 feet in size. Peeking out from behind the huge stone protruding from the ground was a pair of bunny ears atop white hair laying in a pool of crimson. At that moment the terror in Kiala?s heart was all-encompassing.

---

Ria awoke smiling as the sunlight bathed her bedroom. Sleeping peacefully beside her was the most beautiful girl she?d ever laid eyes on. Gently, she touched her hand to Kiala?s face. The soft shine of the sun accented her skin and gave her figure a luminescent quality. Ria drew closer, placing her lips together with Kiala?s. She hugged her tightly. Kiala?s warm body brought her a happiness she hadn?t known before. For once she felt like she had somebody. Her head slowly sank down Kiala?s chest and cradled itself over her breast. Closing her eyes, she let the warmth carry her into the world of her dreams.

Kiala?s eyes opened hours later and her arms found their way around her companion?s head, reawakening her. Both pajama girls looked into each other?s face and brimmed with happiness. Once again, their lips met and their arms encircled each other as they rolled around on the bed, giggling. After fooling around for a little while, the two sat next to each other against the headboard. Ria, her shirt now open, reached her arm around Kiala?s shoulder.

?So? what ya wanna do until work starts?? Ria asked. The clock on her wall read 4:30 PM, but work didn?t usually start until at least 7 or 8 in the afternoon. Kiala?s head rested on her friend?s.

?I dunno? it?s your house, so why don?t we do whatever you want?? Ria?s forearm which hung over Kiala?s neck found it?s way down her shirt and the hand attached cupped her breast.

?Hey? this is our house now, okay? This is where you can call home.? Kiala blushed. Her new home had already surpassed her old one.

---

All hope was lost. Kiala?s body had become totally limp and her pelvis had gone numb. Hours had gone by and the psychopath had not ceased to pleasure himself with her. Every inch of her body had been coated in his cum as he connected every part of his body with every part of hers. Kiala could feel her soul slipping from her body.

?What? You tired? Not exciting enough for you, white girl?? Al reached across the floor and grabbed a short knife. He placed the tip of it to her nipple and pressed down ever-so-slightly until it cut open. Kiala writhed as blood flowed down her breast, down her stomach, and pooled in her belly-button. The madman dramatically slurped it and enjoyed the fantasy that he was a more powerful being than merely human. Life rested in his hands -- surely he was a god. His knife-bearing hand followed her curves to the crevice between her legs. With a slowness uncharacteristic of being careful, rather meant to add cinematic effect to the madman?s pleasure, he broke the skin above her cavity and began hammering her once again, now flinging blood onto himself.

?Are you ready?? Al rose slowly to his feet, finally feeling as though he was done toying with this inferior being. ?It?s time for you to die?? his arms raised above his head, wielding the knife as if ready to stab right through Kiala?s skull. ?Die white girl!?

---

?Well then,? Kiala said to her companion, ?why don?t we go for a walk? I could use some fresh air.?

?Sure! I have a special path I like to walk on which no one knows about. It?s totally safe and it?ll be fun!? Kiala buried her head in the older girl?s shirt.

?You know? I?ve never had a friend like you. I never want to leave you.? Ria placed her hand on the younger girl?s head, petting it gently.

?You won?t have to.? For a few minutes the two were caught in that moment, but then they got up and decided to get ready to head out. Kiala dressed herself in a white tank top and white jeans. Ria wore a mini-skirt over a bikini. Once the couple was dressed, they headed through the front door, locking it behind them, and started down the road. Both heads turned at a sudden crash from behind them. An alcohol bottle had been thrown through the air and crashed in the street, taking both girls? attention.

?What the-? Ria began to speak but was cut off when her head and Kiala?s were bashed together, knocking them both unconscious.

---

A gunshot rang through the air. Kiala?s eyes twinkled in amazement as the knife fell behind the portly man, blood spraying from his severed hand. Standing in a doorway on the far side of the room was Chad and Mr. May. Immediately after firing the shot from his rifle, Chad came running over and kicked Al in the head, sending him sprawling across the ground.

?Mother fucker!? Chad screamed, shooting Al again in the crotch. Mr. May rushed over and pulled the cloth from Kiala?s mouth. A cry erupted from Kiala?s mouth which was so monumental it shook the foundations of the Earth. Mr. May quickly undid the chains on Kiala?s hands and feet and helped her stand up. Bawling in tears, she clung tightly to his jacket.

?It?s going to be okay,? he said softly, patting her back. Chad continued to brutalize the now-terrified killer by kicking him around and blasting off appendages. After a minute of so of crying into Mr. May?s chest, Kiala?s attention turned to Ria, who had been bleeding there for several hours.

?Oh my god? OH MY GOD!!!? Kiala screamed and bawled a gut-wrenching cry as she fell atop her best friend. She pressed her face into Ria?s back and crying, yelling ?NO!? and rubbing her head on her. Mr. May rushed over and began checking Ria?s wounds. His face turned to surprise.

?She?s alive!? He exclaimed. Kiala shot up. Slowly, Ria?s golden eyes began to open and a faint smile crept across her face as she pulled herself back from near death. Al had tried to stab her in the back as part of his movie-drama, but he managed to miss anything important. While she lay on the ground bathing in pain, she managed to tear parts of her clothes off and wrap the wound. She wouldn?t have made it ten more minutes. Kiala wrapped her arms around her head and pulled it close, trying to avoid the chest or stomach area. Cries of fear and joy carried on for minutes until Mr. May lifted Ria and hurriedly rushed her back to his apartment along with Kiala.

Meanwhile Chad continued his torture of the psychopath.

?Fuck! Shit! Bitch! Motherfucker!? Every time he kicked the sobbing fat man, he screamed an obscenity. ?You?re Al the killer! You?re the one who took Marta! You BASTARD!? Chad carved things into Al?s flesh, burned his eyebrows, and put needles in his eyelids; raped him, and finally killed him.

---

After a week of lying in bed, Ria was finally able to get up and move around. Neither her nor Kiala moved from the bed at all, and were only kept alive by Mr. May watching over them. Mr. may and Chad had been hunting Al for many months after Al kidnapped Chad?s girlfriend, Marta. Marta had been found broken to bits, cut up, and eventually stabbed in the head. The name ?Al? had been carved into her stomach.

?I cannot thank you enough,? Ria told Mr. May, hugging him tightly along with Kiala. The three of them were laying naked on Ria?s bed.

?This is thanks enough,? he replied, pulling their slender frames toward him, ?I?m going to miss you guys a lot.?

?I?ll miss you too, Mr. May,? Ria replied, ?But I won?t stay here any longer. I?m ready to finally escape this town now that I have someone to go with.?

?I only pray you two have a safe trip? and make sure you look out for each other, alright?? Ria?s tongue lapped at his rock-hard chest, sending shivers up his spine as he spoke. Kiala, who?s arms and legs were wrapped around one of his arms, brought her head into his neck.

?Are you sure you don?t want to come with us? We could use the extra muscle? surely you can?t expect us little ladies to go alone??

?I?d like to but? I don?t know if I want to leave my home behind? and if I go, Chad has to go, too.? Ria sat on top of him, placing her hands on his chest.

?Pleeeeeease?? she begged. Mr. may thought about it for a minute.

?You know what? I think I will come! After all, I can?t pass up an opportunity to go on a big adventure.?

?Yay!? both girls exclaimed.

?We?ll leave first thing tomorrow.? Ria announced. After their little threesome was over, the trio fell asleep.[/COLOR]

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]I haven't read such a detailed rape scene for awhile. And that's saying something, considering I read of lot of "mature" slash fan fictions over on good old FanFiction.net. Ahaha. Bravo.

*covers her chest* Argh, I've always had a weird paranoia about the whole getting your boobs cut. Damn, that'd hurt [I]a lot[/I]. So many nerves. >.<

Anyway. Another skank killer finally gets his bitch ass beat up by a rampaging boyfriend. The world is at peace, and I'll be waiting for your next chapter.

: D[/color][/size]

[Aberinkula]

Details details details. Hell ya!! This was full of intense anger and love. I loved the fact that Mr. may and chad were the ones to help Kiala and Ria. I smiled when I read that part. The f'er Al is dead. Yay!!! An adventure huh? well can't wait for chapter 7!!!