Writing Marsh's "Weathered Tome" [PG]

[Claire]

[FONT=Arial]Okay. It's not a weathered tome. It's not even a short story. I'm just mad that I couldn't use that title for a new livejournal. I did, however, write some new "poems" that I don't mind putting up. It might help to know that I've been unable to write anything remotely good for a really long time, and that a sort of depression has powered these works.

#1

How could something beautiful
dig deep into my skin?
How could I feel fine awhile
while letting pain sink in?
How could I forget this love
and let it slip away?
How could I hold back the tears
I saved for closing day?
How could someone hardly there
make me break down and cry?
How could something not alive
make me want to die?
How can I just wait for life
to carry me away?
Now I'm fighting back the tears
I saved for closing day.


#2

Everyday I'm battled to the point of desperation.
Now I'm weakened in my own exasperation.
I lay stretched across the floor intent on someday waking.
Fully knowing without hope I'm at the point of breaking.
Everyday I'm rattled with the fear of never leaving.
Now I'm weakened in these thoughts of things I'm not acheiving.
If only I could play along with visions of succeeding.
It's too late as I am trapped in a cage of just conceding.


They don't have titles yet, because they're young. In time, I'll probably think of something fitting for them.[/FONT]

[2010DigitalBoy]

Yay! You're writing poems again! This is great, you've always been my favorite OB poet ^.^

I will say this, these poems aren't like your old ones. The ones you used to write were always deep and full of big words and analogies and the like. These ones are much more simplistic, but they are still good.

#1: This ine isn't bad by any means, and manages to be just a small step above average in my opinion. I especially like the last 2 lines.

#2: I like this one a lot, and it sounds live it would be a verseto a Linkin Park song. I totally read it like I was Mike Shinoda XD very nifty.

[Horendithas]

[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Well your poems may be simple, but they convey the message just fine. The first one is a tiny bit confusing as I?m not sure as to what you are referring to with the statement: closing day. The second one seems to be put together a little better, but it seems like it ends too soon. I find myself looking for the next sentence or set of sentences to wrap it up so to speak. [/COLOR]