Blayze Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 [center][size=1][u][font=Impact][size=4]The OtakuBoards Directorate[/size][/font][/u] Just so no-one gets confused, this is an OB fanfiction, but with only slight references to the 'Boards. Names of members will be used, and some place names, but that it just about it. I'm trying to make this realistic. So, onto the bandwagon we jump! --- [u][font=Impact][size=3] Prologue: Behind Enemy Lines[/size][/font][/u] Two figures stood facing each other, the desert sands of the Eastern Desert swirling around them, stinging their eyes. They were both men, their features cast into strange shadows by the setting sun. The first man was tall, heavily built, wrapped in khaki-coloured rags, a semi-automatic pistol in his hand, a knife tucked in his belt. His eyes were practically glowing with unbridled rage. He raised a hand to stroke the week's growth of stubble on his chin, and ran a hand through his coarse, black hair. The other man was standing, but with the unsteady balance of an injured man, and sure enough, a splatter of crimson stained the sand underneath him, dripping from between his fingers, which were clutching his abdomen. This man was slightly shorter, and seemed strong, but in a less obvious way. His dirty brown hair waved in the wind, too long for his liking, and a rough patch of hair covered his chin. He was injured, but he still seemed strong. [b]"So, this is it, huh?"[/b] he asked, his accent English, [b]"You take me out into the desert and kill me, the sand covers up my body, you forget all about me? Is that how you work now?"[/b] [b]"You stood by my side for three weeks. I trusted you, and you betrayed me!"[/b] shouted the first man, his accent indistinguishable in the howling wind, [b]"Anyone who betrays my trust will be eliminated!" [/b] [b]"I told you...this was all a set up...we weren't after you, we were after your leader. We were after..." "Silence!"[/b] shouted the first man, raising the handgun and aiming it at the other, who by now had fallen to his knees, [b]"I am going to shoot you no matter what you tell me, but you can decide. Do I shoot you in the head, quick and painless, an honourable death, or do I shoot you in the stomach again, allowing your stomach acids to pour out into your body, burning you alive from the inside out? Tell me, who are you working for?" "I can't tell you that," [/b]gasped the second man, the pain of the first shot really beginning to take hold now, [b]"You know I can't tell you that..." [/b] [b]"Then I am sorry,"[/b] said the first man, a single tear running down his cheek. He pulled the trigger, and a bullet flew into his former friend's stomach. The man fell to the floor, blood pouring out of both his old wound and the new one, and the sand began to cover him. [b]"I am sorry. I truly am,"[/b] said the killer, and with that he disappeared into the sandstorm... [u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter One: The Beginning[/size][/font][/u] Three Years Later... [i]2300, The Underground [/i] [b]"She's in,"[/b] crackled a voice over the comm device planted deep within Phil's ear, [b]"Switching to heat sensors." [/b] Phil lifted his binoculars into place, and flicked a switch, turning the vision mode to heat sensor, as his commander had ordered. This way, he could see all humans within the building, or at least every human that was giving off bodily heat. He quickly tagged one as the operative who was inside the building, and watched her movements. She really was the best. She managed to get past the bouncers at the top of the stairs within two minutes and already she was halfway down into the club. He knew that, with the meeting taking place in a club, he wouldn't be able to keep his sight on her for long. Too many bodies giving off heat, confusing the heat sensors. It was all a matter of time now. Phil looked at his watch. [i]2309[/i]. She should be out in six minutes, with or without the information. They couldn't afford to let this take too long, arousing suspicions, or they were busted, and they couldn't afford that. The late snow of winter had settled around the large industrial complex that housed the Underground, the club that had long been suspected of being a front for a large terrorist organisation, specialising in assassinations and smuggling immigrants into the country. This operation had taken months of planning and a large amount of wading through copious amounts of red tape. [i]2314[/i]. She should be out soon. Sure enough, within the next thirty seconds, she emerged from within the building. She nodded slightly, and Phil knew it was aimed at him. [b]"She's out,"[/b] he said, [b]"We need a pickup." [/b] Sure enough, as he said it, a sleek black car spun round the corner, stopping next to her, and one of the doors popped open. She got in the car, and it drove away. [b] "We have a successful pickup. All units return to the Waterfront,"[/b] said the commander's voice over the comm unit. Phil turned the key in the engine of the large black 4x4 he was sitting in, released the handbrake and sped away from the scene. --- [u]The Waterfront[/u] Phil pulled up outside a large, slightly delapidated-looking building on the waterfront. It was perhaps early nineteenth-century, fairly gothic, with a large sign over the door that stated it was "The Anthology." Phil entered the building, the heels of his shoes clicking on the old concrete, sending echoes into the depths of the building. He smiled. He had always liked old buildings, he could never really understand why, but he felt a strange affinity for them. The sounds his shoes made, the echoes, the shadows, they were all part of an atmosphere that was very important to him. He crossed the floor of the main room, and up to a wall that was definitely not original to the building. It was made of brushed steel, apparently very heavily armoured, with only a single door in it. Next to this door, made of similar brushed steel, was a bank of sensors: retina scans, fingerprint identification, and a keypad. Phil stepped up to them, placed one hand in the fingerprint identification scanner, settled his head into the retinal scanner, and punched in the code with his free hand. A few moments and a number of electronic beeps later, he was inside. A vast, cavernous room met his gaze, a large bank of computer monitors in the very centre, with a wall of television screens showing what looked like every news channel in the world simultaneously. BBC News 24, CNN, CBC Newsworld, even CCTV4 and 9, the Chinese news channels. Hundreds of people moved about, moving to and from computer workstations, carrying papers, documents, fetching tea and coffee, each one of them doing their own individual job. Phil walked straight through the hustle, acknowledging a couple of people he knew personally with slight nods of the head, and went upstairs to the Director's office as quickly as he could. He rapped twice on the door with his knuckles, and waited for the Director's permission to enter. [b]"Come in,"[/b] came the permissive voice a moment later. Phil pushed the tinted glass door open and stepped into the office. [b]"Ah, Phil,"[/b] said the Director, a tall, imposing female, her trouser-suit making her look nothing short of professional, [b]"I was expecting to see you soon. Sit down, please."[/b] Phil took seat in the swivel chair opposite the Director. She may have been impressive, but that didn't stop her from being an attractive woman. She was tall, willowy, with pale skin, deep green eyes and long black hair, but she seemed to exude something that made her almost fearsome on a one-to-one basis. [b]"Give me the rundown on the mission,"[/b] she said, her accent soft but still noticeable, and Phil had always placed her as being from central United States, Kansas or Nebraska was Phil's guess. [b]"It was entirely successful, ma'am,"[/b] he said politely but firmly, [b]"We got our agent inside the club and out again without suspicion, and she came into possession of this weapon they're planning to use. We now have a phial of the weapon, and we should be able to study it and ascertain what exactly it is." "So, the mission was entirely successful?"[/b] asked the Director, getting out of her chair and sitting on the desk in front of Phil, [b]"There were no slip-ups?" "Absolutely not, ma'am,"[/b] replied Phil calmly, [b]"I had one hundred per cent confidence in my team from the beginning, and they did not fail me." "No, they didn't fail you. But let me ask you one question: where is the agent you sent in right now?"[/b] said the Drector coldly. Phil thought back. He knew he had seen her get into a car. A black car with tinted windows. [b]"She got into one of the getaway cars,"[/b] he said, [b]"She should be here by now."[/b] [b]"Are you sure she got into one of the cars? Because we haven't had a report from her since before she entered the club. Have you?" [/b] Thoughts ran through Phil's head. [i]Her driver could have gotten lost on the way...there could be heavy traffic on her route...she definitely got into the car... But anyone could have been driving that car. We never checked it was one of our agents. Someone could have picked up on our radio frequency, it wasn't blocked, and it wasn't entirely secure. That car could have been any one of hundreds of black cars with tinted windows in the city.[/i] [b] "Dammit!"[/b] he cried, smashing his hands on the desk, [b]"We've lost her. She's been taken prisoner by someone. We need to find her now!"[/b] --- [i]Twenty minutes earlier[/i] She exited the club, the phial safely in her pocket. Once she got back to the Anthology, they could sample it and find out exactly what it was. She allowed herself to smile a little as she got into the car. The mission had been entirely uneventful. She didn't recognise the driver, but that was normal for this kind of government organisation. They liked to keep things secret, even from their agents. She didn't talk to the driver, no-one ever did, not until he took a wrong turning. [b]"Um, excuse me,"[/b] she said, leaning forward from her backseat into the front, [b]"I think you've turned the wrong way. We can't get back to the Anthology from here." [/b] The driver ignored her, and continued driving, now entering the industrial part of town. This was all wrong. [b]"Excuse me!"[/b] she shouted at the driver, [b]"You're going the wrong way!" [/b] Suddenly, the driver stopped the car, and turned around. [b]"You have the phial in your pocket?"[/b] he asked, his accent definitely not familiar to her. Possibly Middle Eastern, but she couldn't be sure. [b]"Yes. I have it,"[/b] she said, keeping her fear locked tightly away from him, making sure he didn't see it. [b]"Give it to me,"[/b] he said forcefully, holding his hand out. [b]"I can't. I have to wait and hand it over to the Director." "Give it to me," [/b]he said, a little more forcefully, drawing a pistol from his jacket and aiming it at her, [b]"Or I swear to God, I will kill you."[/b] She panicked slightly at this, and reached into her pocket. She felt the small metal phial brush againt her fingers, but she felt something else as well. She grabbed it, and pulled her hand from her pocket. [b] "Give it to me,"[/b] the driver repeated. She lifted her arm, and sprayed a quarter of the contents of the can of Mace into his eyes. He screamed, rubbing his eyes as hard as he could, trying to regain the sight in them and remove the pain. He dropped his gun, which clattered into the region between the gearstick and the seat. She grabbed it and kicked the car door open, leaping out. He managed to regain enough sight to wrench his own door open and get out onto the street. They were in a dark alley, storm drains lining the sides, steam coming from manhole covers. Winter's first slushy snow nestled itself in the gutters, leaving the floor slick to the touch. [b]"You stupid bitch,"[/b] he said, [b]"You don't know what you're getting yourself into. It will be far easier for you in the future if you simply hand the phial over and let us be done with it." [/b] As he was saying this, he slowly reached into his belt and pulled out a switchblade, flicking the blade out with his thumb. He advanced on her in a predatory fashion, knife drawn. She aimed the gun directly at him, but still he advanced, his footsteps slow and purposeful. He had all the time in the world. Suddenly, he leapt into action, and she pulled the trigger three times, blasting three ragged holes in his chest. He was thrown backwards by the force of the shots, and landed on the ground in a bloody heap. Her training kicked in, and she heaved the body back into the car, and, stepping back a few paces, unloaded two shots into the petrol tank, setting the car, and the body within alight. She turned away from the burning wreckage and activated her commlink. [b]"This is Agent Revelation reporting. Do you copy?" --- [/b]So, tell me what you think of the first chapter. The second one is already underway, and don't worry, you will find out what the prologue is all about very soon. Until next time... [/size][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinistra Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 [COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]Blayze, I love it. Your descriptive words once again paint a perfect picture and this action/suspense genre totally fits you. It takes me back to Firespark and it's success: I'm pretty sure that this story will do just as well if not ten times better. I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Keep up the amazing work.[/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Asphyxia Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [font=Arial][size=2][color=DarkGreen]I don't know if you know this, but I'm not actually a fan of OB fanfics. I think they're often over done and go to great lengths to be funny but aren't. I don't feel that way about this one. This fic has great potential, and I certainly hope you continue it. I will love to see the way that you incorporate the characters -- more particularly, how you make them interact. Very few fanfic writers are willing to take the step to create tangible relationships that may not exist in the real OB World, if that makes sense. You description of action is very good, I must admit. The dialogue is very tight and well done, and the description of the Director is fantastic. Perhaps I'm a little biased, but I particularly adore the gothic style of the Anthology. Please continue, is all I can say. I'm very impressed with this start. [/color][/size][/font] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 [center][size=1][font=Verdana][u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter Two: Search and Rescue[/size][/font][/u] [b]"We need Agent Revelation back as soon as possible,"[/b] announced the Director to the crowd of people standing around her, [b]"She has important information on the terrorists, as well as a sample of some kind of weapon that the terrorists are planning to use. We need to find her and the weapon as soon as possible. Is that clear?"[/b] A murmur rose through the crowd, people acknowledging that the Director had made her point. [b]"You will be split into two teams. Phil, or Agent Blayze as you will be referring to him, will lead Team One. Team Two will be lead by Agent Jones. Agent Jones' team is in charge of finding and rescuing Agent Revelation. Agent Blayze, I have a different assignment for your team. Meet me in the situation room in ten minutes. Dismissed." [/b] Phil turned to his opposite number, Agent Jones, a far more experienced agent than he was, she had been part of the unit for almost a decade now, pretty much since its conception. [b]"So, Agent Jones,"[/b] he said with a smile, [b]"Do you want to pick first?" "No, you be my guest,"[/b] she replied, returning his smile. She was more experienced, but even so she wasn't that much older than Phil, a few years or so perhaps. She had just gotten into the Armed Forces much earlier than him. Phil turned to the rest of the operatives, scanning them all quickly but thoroughly. There were some damn fine soldiers in the group, but one caught his eye almost immediately. [b]"Jamie,"[/b] he said. A girl about the same age as Phil stepped forward, a reasonably short crop of red hair on her head. Jamie was young, but already she was the best markswoman Phil had ever met in his years in the Forces. She was British as well, so Phil instantly felt a natural affinity for her. She was incredibly accurate with both long and short range weapons, but she was most at home behind the scope of a high-calibre rifle. She smiled as she swaggered over to stand behind Phil. [b]"Sandy,"[/b] said Agent Jones. Sandy was a slightly nervous-looking young European man, but beneath the layers of neuroses was a technical genius. He may not have been the most physically fit of the whole team, but he was an important asset to anyone trying to find someone. [b]"Gavin,"[/b] said Phil, and the tall, well-built Irishman strolled over to his side. Gavin was older than Phil, but his experience came with his years, and he was the best demolition man on this side of the world. If you needed anything of any size blowing up, Gavin was your man, plain and simple. [b]"Alright, team,"[/b] said Agent Jones, seeing that every field agent had been taken, [b]"Let's suit up!" [/b] Normally Agent Jones would have picked Agent Revelation for her team, but she was obviously otherwise indisposed. Her team departed, and Phil beckoned for his team to follow him up the stairs to the situation room, placed right next to the Director's office. He pushed the glass door open and lead his team inside. The Director was already standing there, and watched as Team One entered the room. She wasn't entirely surprised with Phil's choices of team members, he usually liked to go on the offensive rather than the defensive. [b] "Alright, Phil, this is a very delicate issue,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"We are going to have to insert you and your team into enemy territory. We have an American unit trapped behind enemy lines, and we need a team to go in and retrieve them." "So if anything goes wrong, we risk the beginning of World War 3?"[/b] asked Jamie. [b]"Exactly,"[/b] replied the Director, [b]"This is an incredibly delicate situation. Especially because of the...nature of one of the hostages." "Who is it?"[/b] asked Gavin, [b]"I'm guessing someone important if you're making this much fuss about it." "It's the Vice President. But not only that, the Secretary of Defense is in there as well. They were making a routine visit to the country, trying to get the leader to sign a peace treaty, but he and the unit assigned to his protection were trapped inside a hotel by local guerilla forces. We need you to go in and get them back. You leave right now, we have a private flight over there. You will be briefed on the details on the way,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"Dismissed."[/b] Jamie and Gavin left the room, heading down to suit up and get on the plane. Phil was just about to leave, when the Director called for him to stay a moment. [b]"Phil, sit down,"[/b] she said, and he did as he was told. He felt more nervous about this than he did when he was waiting for Revelation to get out of the club. [b]"Phil, I thought you should know that this is even more delicate than I originally made out. We are trying to retrieve the Vice President and the Secretary of Defense from behind enemy lines, but I thought I should tell you that the operation is in Tehran." "I see," [/b]replied Phil, his face and voice betraying no emotion whatsoever, [b]"Is that a problem?"[/b] [b]"I just thought...three years ago..." "It was a long time ago, ma'am. I think I'm over it," [/b]replied Phil, [b]"With all due respect, I don't think one botched operation three years ago should affect my performance in the field now." "But you were shot twice in the stomach, Phil. You almost died. How can I be sure that this won't affect your performance?" "You can't be sure, but you will just have to trust me, alright? I can do this, I don't need you to hold my hand. I'll be fine, it was a long time ago. Just let me go, I can handle this,"[/b] said Phil. He got to his feet, and walked to the door. [b]"Phil,"[/b] said the Director firmly, and he turned around to face her, [b]"Good luck, soldier."[/b] He gave her a nod, and left the room, heading down to suit up with his teammates. --- Agent Jones and Sandy were already suited up and ready to go. They sat in the back of a large armoured truck, their black jumpsuits and body armour fitted perfectly onto their bodies. Sandy had his computer out, and he was tapping away at the keyboard, trying to locate Agent Revelation. Every agent had a tracking device implanted in their body somewhere, so it shouldn't be too hard to find her. They made sure the truck was heading towards the Underground, and Sandy pulled up the tracking program on his computer. Several bleeping dots showed up, indicating the locations of several sleeper agents, but he couldn't see the dot that showed Revelation. [b]"Found her yet?"[/b] asked Agent Jones, slightly impatient. [b]"Not yet. I think if I input the code on Revelation's tracker, I can pinpoint her location. There's too much clutter on here at the moment. Gve me two seconds,"[/b] replied the European. He tapped at the keyboard, his fingers flying across the keys. A sudden beeping indicated Revelation's location. [b]"Found her. She's in what looks like a warehouse on the West side. Warehouse 51, general storage, been out of use for a long time,"[/b] he said. Agent Jones smiled underneath her helmet, and banged on the armoured glass that separated the dirver from the passengers. [b]"Warehouse 51, West Side,"[/b] she shouted through the glass. The driver nodded, and altered his course accordingly. [b]"Good work, Sandy,"[/b] said Agent Jones, [b]"You're a fine addition to the team."[/b] Ten minutes later they were outside Warehouse 51. Jones and Sandy leapt out of the back of the truck, their weapons at the ready. [b]"You ready?"[/b] asked Agent Jones at the door. Sandy nodded nervously, and Jones whirled round, delivering a powerful kick to the door, smashing it right off its hinges. The two agents moved in and spread out, their laser sights scanning across the floor. Sandy headed up the stairs, following the tracking system he had uploaded onto his PDA. She was close. Very close. [b]"Freeze,"[/b] said an emotionless voice from behind Sandy, and he felt the cold steel of a gun barrel on the back of his neck...[/font][/size] --- [size=1]I'm glad you're enjoying it thus far, seems I made a good impression with my first chapter. Hope this one is as good, and there will be more coming your way soon, and the plot will soon being to thicken...[/size] [/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting. I have to say Phil that I read every new fanfic that enters the Anthology, but few aside from DWs work ever leave me wanting more, however this is most certainly one of those few. From the entrance I'd have to say this is based on "The Prometheus Deception" by Robert Ludlum as it was instantly familiar to me. As for my being cast as the demolitions expert of the team, is that your coy way of saying that most Irish people have an intimate knowledge of explosives ? :P All jokes aside, I look forward eagerly to the next chapter.[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikillion Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [COLOR=#234d8a][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS][quote name='Gavin][SIZE=1'] As for my being cast as the demolitions expert of the team, is that your coy way of saying that most Irish people have an intimate knowledge of explosives ? :P[/SIZE][/quote] Well atleast that better than my people who apparently hold the ability to be excelent theives and such. ... Not that I know how or anything >.> All facts of that aside I do have to agree with Lady Asphyxia, most OB fanfiction is subpar in a way but the way you use them seem somewhat different. They have a larger sence of depth, drama, action and all of those other things. For some odd reason though when I read this it reminds me of an episode of 24. I shall await to see more, your writing style is rather unique if I must say.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezekiel Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [SIZE=1]Phil, you always make me so badass. It's totally awesome~ I really love your writing style because you don't mess around with fancy words or drawn out sentences, you just get straight to the point. Even though you haven't described much I've been able to form a clear image of the characters in my head, which I think is a very talented thing to be able to do. I've always found that you're very good with bringing out people's personality in the dialogue. I have absolutely no criticism of this whatsoever, so please do go on. ^_~[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Since this is the very first time my screenname has ever been used in an OB-related fiction, I feel obliged to answer. Like Asphyxia, I don't feel very comfortable reading OB fanfics either. In my opinion they very often revolve around a small circle of OB-buddies, so naturally they are usually filled with inside jokes that I as an outsider don't get. Also, they usually lack a consistent storyline, and it seems their only purpose is to try to input as many OB-references and aforementioned inside jokes as possible. This, however... this feels different. This has a common feeling as 24, like Ikillion said, or Alias. I'm intrigued to see how the story progresses. The biggest plus is that in this case, OB-references are used to spice things up, this doesn't build upon them (meaning that with different names and places, this story would still work). What comes to my character... If you want to hold true to the original namesakes, make sure that Sandy's computer is filled with gay porn. XP Just kidding! Anyways, I have a gut feeling Sandy won't survive for very long... *gulps* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinistra Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 [COLOR=Navy][SIZE=1]This was just as good a chapter as the last, and I'm loving the cliffhangers at the end of the chapters. Just be careful of the little things like spelling. [quote name='Blayze][size=1]"Not yet. I think if I input the code on Revelation's tracker, I can pinpoint her location. There's too much clutter on here at the moment. [B]Gve[/B'] me two seconds,"[/size][/quote] But that's such a little slip up and your writing overall never has many problems like that, so it's nothing to fret over. Keep up the good work, I'll keep reading![/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revelation Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 [size=1][color=#1874CD]Like Sandy and Ikillion said, this has an oddly familiar taste towards 24 or Alias. Either way, I truly love it. It brings about a sense of suspense, action, and adventure- leaves you wanting more every time. I read as many of the OB fictions that come in but most never really leave me satisfied, thus creating a dull want. Yours says otherwise. I can't wait for the next chapter, Blayze. Your description of action and movement is absolutely amazing, keep it up.[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted August 7, 2006 Author Share Posted August 7, 2006 [center][u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter Three: Old Memories [/size][/font][/u][font=Impact][size=3][font=Verdana][size=1]Phil shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He had always hated aeroplanes, and even being in first class with the extra legroom and stewards catering to your every whim and desire didn't help much. He sipped at his glass of iced water, and tried to settle down to get some sleep. The briefing had been mercifully short, but still tedious. It was a general hostage situation, an in and out job, securing the hostages and taking out the terrorists without endangering the hostages. But it was especially important in this situation. They couldn't risk accidentally killing the Vice President or the Secretary of Defense. The other members of the team seemed content to do without any sleep. Jamie was watching the screen in the back of the headrest in front of her, showing some cartoon or other, and Gavin was sat on the other side of him, trying to build a house of cards on the fold-out table with one hand while eating aeroplane peanuts with the other, and he was doing a pretty good job as well. The journey thus far had been relatively pain-free, a small spot of turbulence over the North Atlantic rocking the plane a little, annihilating one of the previous incarnations of Gavin's house of cards, but other than that, there had been nothing to report. Phil rearranged the complex system of cushions he had set up behind his head and settled down to try and sleep for an hour or so. --- [b]"Freeze,"[/b] said the voice behind Sandy, [b]"Get on your feet and drop your weapon." [/b] Sandy placed his gun on the ground and stood up slowly. He turned round to see his assailant, and saw someone he recognised. [b] "Sandy! I can't believe it's you!"[/b] yelled Revelation, dropping the gun and wrapping her sinewy arms around him, knocking the air from his lungs. Her dark hair was shimmering in the pale moonlight that was streaming in through the murky windows of the warehouse, and her dakr eyes were welling up with tears. [b]"Revelation,"[/b] he gasped, [b]"You can put me down now..."[/b] She released her death-grip on him and placed him back on his feet. [b]"Are you alone?"[/b] she asked, [b]"Is anyone else with you?"[/b] A metallic click sounded behind Revelation, and she raised her hands in the air. [b]"Get down on the ground, Revelation," [/b]said Agent Jones coldly, [b]"And place your hands behind your head. Don't try to move."[/b] Revelation dropped to the ground, placing her hands behind her head as Agent Jones had told her to. Jones knelt down next to her and searched her body for other weapons. She came back with the can of mace she had used earlier and a small dagger tucked into her boot. Jones threw them across the floor, safely away from any threat. [b]"Agent Jones, what are you doing?"[/b] asked Sandy, a little confused, [b]"It's Revelation. We were looking for her, and we found her. Can't we just take her back to the Anthology?" [/b] [b]"She's been missing for twelve hours, Sandy,"[/b] replied Jones, [b]"There's a burned-out car right near this warehouse, with a body in it, the body of one of our agents. And she is in possession of a weapons-grade viral strain that could wipe out half of the world if released. Now help me get Revelation to the truck."[/b] Sandy knelt down and took the handcuffs out of his belt, ready to clip them on to Revelation's wrists. But then he stopped. [b]"Hang on,"[/b] he said, thinking back on the conversation that had run through them a moment ago, [b]"How did you know it was a viral strain? We haven't analysed the sample yet. We haven't even got it back to the lab." [/b] [b]"What?"[/b] asked Agent Jones, dismissing it as a passing comment and continuing her frisking of Revelation, trying to find the phial. [b] "How do you know it's a viral strain? Ozy?"[/b] he asked, using his field commander's first name instead of her title, [b]"How did you know?"[/b] By this point he had gotten to his feet, and his hand was creeping towards his gun. [b]"I wouldn't go for your weapon, Sandy,"[/b] said Ozy, getting to her feet, [b]"I'm far more experienced that you, and I could kill you before you managed to get a shot off. You don't stand a chance."[/b] The senior agent advanced on Sandy, her own hand creeping to her weapon. [b]"What are you talking about, Ozy?"[/b] asked Sandy, [b]"Why would you want to kill me?"[/b] [b]"I don't want to kill you, Sandy, you've been a good friend, and you're a damn good agent, but I might find myself in a position where I have no other alternative. There are a lot of people who have worked extremely hard for this plan to come off without a hitch, and I'm not about to ruin all their good work because of one junior field agent,"[/b] said Ozy, her gun now in her hand. [b]"What plan?"[/b] asked Sandy, becoming thoroughly confused, [b]"Ozy, what are you talking about?" "She's working for someone else, Sandy,"[/b] said Revelation, getting slowly to her feet, [b]"She's a mole, a traitor." [/b] [b]"Don't call me a traitor!"[/b] shouted Ozy, spinning around to train her weapon on Revelation, [b]"I am anything but a traitor! I am a Patriot! Everything I am doing is for this country and this country alone! Do not assume that I am doing this for my own personal benefit!" "Oh, I'm not assuming anything,"[/b] said Revelation, [b]"I've known you for a long time, now, Ozy. You would never do anything like this unless it was for a cause that you saw was just. You believe what you are doing is right, otherwise you wouldn't be doing it. Well, Miss Jones, you're wrong. You're wrong about your plan, you're wrong about the people you work for, and, oh yes, you're wrong about Sandy. You couldn't kill him before he got a shot off."[/b] [b]"What?!"[/b] cried Ozy, whirling around to meet the muzzle of Sandy's gun, which fired off three shots in quick succession, all three bullets smashing into Ozy's chest, throwing her to the ground. Sandy lowered the gun, and fell to his knees, tears running from his eyes. [b]"Holy shit! I've killed someone,"[/b] he gasped, [b]"She was my friend, and I killed her!"[/b] [b]"You didn't kill her, Sandy, she's wearing full body armour. The impact of the bullet knocked her unconscious, but she'll be alright in an hour or so,"[/b] said Revelation, removing the gun from Ozy's holster and placing it in her own belt, [b]"But for now I'd say it's a good idea if we lay low. We've just incapacitated a government agent, and I have a phial of an extremely dangerous viral strain in my possession. Those things put together can't look good to any government agency out there." [/b] She took Ozy's other weapons, removed the magazines, and placed them back on the floor, before taking out her own set of handcuffs and clipping Ozy's wrists together. [b] "Where can we go that the agency won't find us?" [/b]asked Sandy, getting to his feet and wiping the tears from his eyes, a little embarassed that he'd been so stupid as to think Ozy wasn't wearing body armour. [b]"I know a couple of safe-houses that the agency don't know about. We can hide out in one of them for a few hours, there should be one fairly close. Are you wearing civilian clothes under that?"[/b] Revelation asked, pointing to Sandy's black combat suit. He nodded, and stripped down to reveal a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. [b]"Grab what you need from your own effects, and take a couple of weapons, but keep them hidden, and then we need to get out of here. The agency have probably been alerted about us by now,"[/b] said Revelation. Sandy picked up the shoulder-bag that held his computer, and thrust his weapons deep into the recesses of it. He then picked up Ozy's combat knife and secondary handgun and shoved them in as well. He nodded, and the pair of them headed out onto the street to find a vehicle. --- The plane touched down on the landing strip in western Tehran, and Phil and his team were out almost immediately, heading over to the American Ambassador in Iran at the time. He was a middle-aged man, his baldness indiscreetly hidden by an extraordinarily bad comb-over, his suit covered by a black flak jacket. [b]"It's good to meet you, Ambassador, I'm Field Commander Blayze. Can you inform me of the situation as it stands now?"[/b] Phil shouted over the roar of the plane's jet engines winding down. [b]"Well, the terrorists have taken the hotel, as you know, but in the last hour, they took one of the Vice President's Aides out into the street and shot him in the head on international television,"[/b] said the Ambassador quite calmly. [b]"Are their identities concealed? Are they wearing masks?"[/b] asked Phil, readying his team to be inserted into the area. [b]"Yes, and they haven't taken them off yet, even for a second." "Alright. So they're not complete amateurs. But they've made some fundamental mistakes. The hotel they have taken the hostages in has too many entrances, at the lobby level at least. There are two doors at the back, one at the front. We can also get in through the upper floor windows and make our way down to them," [/b]the Ambassador handed Phil a portable computer screen, and he pointed out the locations of the entrances on the hotel blueprints,[b] "If we can position Jamie here,"[/b] he pointed to a building opposite the hotel, with a good view of the hotel itself, [b]"Then she can get a clear shot at the terrorists if they exit the building at any exit. Gavin can go in through the back, blasting the door off with Primacord plastic explosives. Flash grenades thrown in, disorient the terrorists. There are at least three inside the lobby, possibly two more situated in other areas of the ground floor. If we disorient them with flash grenades from the back, I can go in the front and take out as many as I can, while they still don't know their arse from their elbow. Simple but effective."[/b] [b]"It sounds like a solid enough plan. We have some information on the terrorists..."[/b] started the Ambassador, but Phil cut him off with a raised hand. [b]"That can wait until after the mission, Ambassador. Right now all we need to be concerned with is getting in and out without letting the Vice President be harmed,"[/b] he said. He signalled to Jamie and Gavin to move out. They were getting an armoured truck to the hotel, which was about a quarter of an hour's drive away. The three of them piled into the back of the truck, Jamie's rifle taking up a fair amount of space. [b]"Is there any way we could...not have a large, high-calibre rifle sticking in our faces for the duration of this journey?"[/b] asked Gavin sarcastically. [b]"Well, you could, but that'd be like me asking you to leave your leg behind. This rifle is a part of me, alright?"[/b] replied Jamie scathingly. Phil smiled. Jamie was right, the rifle was an integral part of the mission, but it did take up a lot of room. It was a heavily modified US Navy Mark 12 Special Purpose Rifle, commonly used by the US Navy, but this one was much lighter, easier to use while moving, and was equipped with a heat-sensor capable telescopic zoom and laser sight. The bipod folded out from the bottom of the barrel. Phil looked at it, and as a soldier, he saw it as a thing of beauty. Soon enough, the truck screeched to a halt, and this told Phil that they had reached the hotel. He reached forward and knocked on the driver's plate glass window. The driver shook his head, indicating that something was wrong. They weren't at the hotel yet. But why had they stopped? Phil rapped on the glass again, but at that moment a bullet shattered the windscreen of the truck, drilling a hole right through the centre of the driver's forehead. Blood splattered all over the plate glass, and Phil flinched. They must have been stopped by some faction of terrorists, searching to strip the vehicle down for parts and kill everyone inside. These were the most dangerous sort of terrorists in Phil's experience. They didn't have an overall goal, just to create as much havoc as they could, both on the national and the international field. [b]"What's going on?"[/b] asked Jamie, looking around nervously. [b]"We've been stopped by some kind of terrorist border patrol. They're going to try and crack the back door open any minute now,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"So get ready."[/b] He drew his sub-machine gun and waited, indicating for the others to draw their small arms as well... --- [b]"Fire,"[/b] said the leader of the terrorist group, a man dressed in sand-coloured clothes, giving him a fair amount of camouflage against the terrain here. One of the others nodded, and raised a heavy weapon onto his shoulder, aiming at the truck and firing. A single rocket-propelled grenade flew from the end of the barrel, roaring towards the underside of the truck, striking it and detonating, throwing the truck twenty feet into the air, in a ball of bright orange flame, smoke billowing from the petrol tank as the fuel inside ignited. The leader of the group watched as the truck smashed back onto the ground, and smiled through his thick beard. No-one could have survived that kind of onslaught... [/size][/font] [font=Verdana][size=1]--- There's chapter three for you. Gavin and Ikillion, you were both right. This piece of fiction is based on both The Prometheus Deception by Robert Ludlum and also on 24, with just a dash of Tom Clancy thrown in. [/size][/font][/size][/font][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 The best element of this genre, in my opinion, is that you don't know [I]who[/I] to trust. Even the main protagonist can turn out to be working for the bad guys, and in many cases one of the bad guys is actually a double-spy. It makes things very intriguing and captivating, and this story isn't an exception. ;D Hmm, I wonder if Sandy made a wise decision to trust Revelation... Or maybe Revelation was wrong to trust Sandy. ;P It all remains to be seen... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 [SIZE=1]Great chapter, my building a card pyramid while eating peanuts on an aeroplane is definitely not something I'm capable of in real life, but it's nice to know somewhere I can. As for Jamie's rifle, the Mark 12 SPR is a very nice weapon Phil, great choice can't wait to see how this continues to play out.[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revelation Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 [size=1][color=#1874CD]Oh me, oh my. I'm quite amazed by the way you use movement, the way you describe it so well- truly a wonderful gift. It's quite uncanny how you portrayed Revelation, I mean the way you described her and her actions is a lot like me in reality...well except for putting a gun to someone's head. And you know, I've always wanted to try building a house of cards but it's never happened. Well, can't wait for the next chapter, Phil.[/size][/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezekiel Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 [SIZE=1]I've built a house of cards before, and you know what? It's much more fun smashing it down than it is putting it up. Like the others have said, this was once again a fantastic chapter. I was especially amused by Jamie's line when she said. "Well, you could, but that'd be like me asking you to leave your leg behind. This rifle is a part of me, alright?". Really, that's a lot like me, and I'm amazed you've managed to put us in this situation while keeping to what we're really like. The simple things you add in about characters are really nice. Like Jamie watching cartoons, or Gavin building a house of cards. It shows another side of the character's personality without you diverting from the story itself, and that's clever. [/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted August 9, 2006 Author Share Posted August 9, 2006 [center][u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter 4: Consequences[/size][/font][/u] [size=1]Will was a tech junkie. Whenever there was a flashy new piece of technology on the market, he was always one of the first to swoop in and pick it up, meaning that at his apartment, the shelves were cluttered with techno-junk, both stuff that had just come onto the market, and stuff that had expired from use a long time ago.[/size] [size=1]His desk at the agency's head office was in a similar state. Random pieces of technology, music players, laser-discs, recorders and pieces of completely useless junk, such as an electronic breath tester and a rotating hairbrush lay scattered around his desk, surrounding the computer that he used to actually do work.[/size] [size=1]He stretched out, and heard his back click in several places. He grimaced, and sat back down in his chair. The metal chairs they supplied you with at this office were no good for posture. He yawned and ran a hand through his thick black hair, pushing the spikes even higher int the air. He had been working for forty-two straight hours by this time, and he was feeling it in his body. Fatigue was running through his bones and muscles, and his eyes stung from looking at a computer screen for far too long.[/size] [size=1]As he pushed his thick-rimmed square glasses back onto his nose, he saw something flashing orange on his computer screen. He blinked a few times and leaned in for a closer look.[/size] [size=1][b]"Oh, no, no, no!"[/b] he cried, tapping desperately at the keyboard, [b]"This cannot be happening!"[/b][/size] [size=1]He wrenched the phone from its cradle and dialled through to the Director's office. Being such a wizard with computers meant that he had a direct line through to the Director, at all times. It also meant that he could address her however he liked, as she daren't get rid of him. He had practically invented the agency's firewall system, and rigged it so that no-one other than him would really know how it worked. Getting rid of him would be like shutting down the computer mainframe for good.[/size] [size=1][b]"Director!"[/b] he shouted as she picked up, [b]"You need to come to my station straight away! We have a situation!"[/b] He slammed the phone back down onto the hook, and pulled a strawberry-flavoured liquorice whip from a jar on his desk, and began chewing on it nervously.[/size] [size=1]A few moments later, Will heard the click of the Director's shoes on the metal stairs.[/size] [size=1][b]"What is it, Will?"[/b] she asked calmly as she came over.[/size] [size=1][b]"We have two agents just gone completely off-line," [/b]he said, chewing furiously on the end of the liquorice whip, [b]"They must have found their implants and removed them. They've gone AWOL in the city, and one of them..."[/b] he tapped on the keyboard, and a personal agent profile appeared on-screen, [b]"Is Agent Revelation, the agent that had the confiscated terrorist weapon in her possession."[/b][/size][size=1][b] "Jesus,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"Are you trying to tell me that Revelation has gone rogue?" [/b][/size][size=1][b]"Looks like,"[/b] said Will, [b]"And she took another agent with her. Sandy, I believe it was." [/b][/size][size=1][b]"So we have a rogue agent, possibly with an accomplice, on the loose in the city with an extremely dangerous weapon in her possession? Where's Agent Jones?"[/b] asked the Director, standing up straight.[/size] [size=1][b]"She's still in the warehouse. Vital signs are a little shaky, so I'd say she's been knocked unconscious,"[/b] said Will, [b]"I'd suggest sending a clean-up team in to get her out. They can try and find some traces of the other two while they're at it."[/b] But the Director had already walked away, picking her phone out of her pocket and dialling a number.[/size] [size=1][b]"The computer genius is never appreciated,"[/b] sighed Will, picking another liquorice whip from the jar.[/size] [size=1][b]"We need a clean-up team to Warehouse 51 on the West Side, immediately. We may have rogue agents, so expect armed resistance. Pick up Agent Jones and then find Agents Revelation and Sandy. You may use force, but do not, I repeat do not kill them. I need them brought in for questioning. Do you understand? Good." [/b] She hung up and walked back over to Will.[/size] [size=1][b]"Will, give me the low-down on Phil's mission,"[/b] she said, rather forcefully.[/size] [size=1][b]"That's the other thing I was going to tell you. We just lost contact with them as well. They were just outside the hotel area and their comms went completely dead. I don't know how it happened,"[/b] said Will, feeling a little guilty.[/size] [size=1]The Director rubbed her temples with her palms. This day was not going well.[/size] [size=1][b]"Can you bring up satellite feeds over Tehran for that time?"[/b] she asked, and Will tapped a few keys, bringing up an infra-red satellite feed.[/size] [size=1]The Director watched as the the truck headed towards the hotel. Nothing seemed to be going wrong, but then, out of nowhere, the truck stopped. A flash of light indicated that a shot had been fired, and then the bigger flash of light showed that the truck had been hit with some kind of heavy explosive, an RPG or something similar.[/size] [size=1][b]"Oh my God,"[/b] whispered the Director, [b]"What the hell happened?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Terrorist splinter group,"[/b] said Will, not taking his eyes off the screen,[b] "They were probably just looking to strip the truck for parts, anything they could sell." [/b] His fist clenched around the mouse. Three of his good friends had been inside that truck, and now, as far as they knew, all of them were dead, thanks to a bunch of terrorists just looking for a few mechanical parts to sell on the black market.[/size] [size=1][b]"I can order in air support,"[/b] he said quietly, [b]"An air strike to blow these arseholes to pieces."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"No, Will,"[/b] said the Director, spinning him round to face him, [b]"I know that Phil and the others were your friends, but they could still be alive. An air strike would destroy everything, leaving them no chance of survival. You don't want to be responsible for this mission's total failure, do you?"[/b] Will shook his head, [b]"Then we need to send in back-up. Have we got any field teams operational?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"Not at the moment. You just sent the last one to find Revelation, we're all out,"[/b] said Will, [b]"We can prep another team, but it's going to take a little while."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"That's time we don't have,"[/b] said the Director, rubbing her eyes, [b]"Can we send in an Army helicopter?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"We could, but the Army aren't as well-trained as our guys. They could jeopardise the mission, and we can't afford to take any risks when the Vice President is involved.[/b]"[/size] [size=1][b]"Well, we're just going to have to prep a back-up team. But do it quickly. Activate a few sleeper agents, we can get them in to work for us quickly,"[/b] said the Director, and Will knew enough not to argue with her. He began the process of activating a number of sleeper cells across the city, leaving the Director to make her way back upstairs to her office.[/size] [size=1]She sat down in the chair, and leant back, closing her eyes. None of her missions were going well. This was just the excuse the government needed to close down the agency.[/size] [size=1]She opened the cabinet underneath her desk and pulled out a bottle of vodka, and, after pouring herself a glass, she drained the clear liquor in one, the alcohol burning her throat. She shuddered, and took another glass, and another...[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [center][u][size=1]Tehran[/size][/u] [/center] [size=1]The terrorists were getting ready to strip the truck, starting with the engine block. A number of them were equipped with oxy-acetalyne torches to separate the engine parts from the rest of the truck, and others were holding bolt cutters and other such equipment.[/size] [size=1][b]"Search the back,"[/b] commanded the leader, [b]"See if there are any weapons left in there. We need to salvage everything we can from here."[/b][/size] [size=1]A group of three terrorists wrenched open the back door of the truck, at one point having to use the torches to burn away a section of the metal that had fused the door shut. They eventually pulled the doors open and looked inside, seeing the dark interior of a US Army truck.[/size] [size=1]A sudden flash of light blinded the terrorists, except one who was thrown back to the floor, a bullethole directly between his eyes, blood pouring out from the wound.[/size] [size=1]"What the hell?" shouted one of his team-mates, before being riddled with holes, completely silently, and falling to the floor. He coughed away his last breath, a trickle of blood running from the corner of his mouth.[/size] [size=1]Three people emerged from the back of the truck, bloodied and bruised, but still very much alive. Two of them held supressed sub-machine guns, the third held a pair of pistols. The terrorists panicked and drew their own weapons, but they were soon gunned down by the superior gunmen.[/size] [size=1][b]"Kill them, you idiots!"[/b] shouted the leader to the men working on getting the engine block free, and they turned and drew guns from inside their coats. They fired at the soldiers, who ducked back behind the burnt-out husk of the truck, then darted out, guns blazing, tearing ragged holes in the terrorist's torsos.[/size] [size=1]The leader drew an AK-47, a popular weapon among Middle Eastern terrorists, and aimed at the three soldiers, but was taken down by a bullet to the leg. The leader of the soldiers walked calmly up to him, bleeding from the head and leg, and looked down on him. The leader spat on the ground.[/size] [size=1][b]"Go ahead and kill me!"[/b] he shouted, spittle flying from his mouth and blood gushing from his leg.[/size] [size=1][b]"Alright then,"[/b] the soldier said calmly, aiming his pistol at the leader's head. He fired off a shot, blowing the terrorist's brains out, splattering blood all over the dusty ground.[/size] [size=1]Phil turned around to his colleagues, who were both injured from the blast, but mostly healthy. He smiled, and indicated for Jamie to get her rifle from the remains of the truck. They would be walking the rest of the way to the hotel.[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [u][size=1]Warehouse 51[/size][/u] [size=1]Ozy sat up, her head pounding, and her torso stinging from the bullets. The kevlar on her chest had saved her life, but she was going to be bruised in the morning. She looked around the floor of the warehouse. Revelation and Sandy had taken her weapons, except one.[/size] [size=1]Her sub-machine gun lay on the floor a few feet away from her. She picked it up, and checked the magazine. But there wasn't one in there. Revelation must have emptied it before she escaped. She was good.[/size] [size=1]But Ozy had been an agent much longer than either of them, and she was damned if she was going to let them escape. She knew by instinct that Revelation would immediately take them both to a safehouse, and there were only a few in the area. She would just have to check them each one by one.[/size] [size=1]But first she needed a weapon, and there was only one place she could get one.[/size] [size=1]Revelation and Sandy were becoming unnecessary annoyances...[/size] [/center] [center][size=1]--- Quite a talky chapter for you this time. I'm not so keen on the end of the chapter myself, so I may end up rewriting it eventually. As I said before, I am really glad that everyone's enjoying this so much, I hope I can keep it up to your standards. [/size][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horendithas Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]First of all your story is coming along nicely and it?s definitely an interesting read. However I?d like to mention that you?re current format for the conversation in this chapter is a bit confusing. The way you have what they are saying running together like in this paragraph was very confusing the first time I read it.[quote name='Blayze][center][size=1][b]"We have two agents just gone completely off-line," [/b]he said, chewing furiously on the end of the liquorice whip, [b]"They must have found their implants and removed them. They've gone AWOL in the city, and one of them..."[/b] he tapped on the keyboard, and a personal agent profile appeared on-screen, [b]"Is Agent Revelation, the agent that had the confiscated terrorist weapon in her possession."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"Jesus,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"Are you trying to tell me that Revelation has gone rogue?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"Looks like,"[/b] said Will, [b]"And she took another agent with her. Sandy, I believe it was."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"So we have a rogue agent, possibly with an accomplice, on the loose in the city with an extremely dangerous weapon in her possession? Where's Agent Jones?"[/b] asked the Director, standing up straight.[/size'][/center][/quote]Perhaps if you separated it like this it would flow a little better? [QUOTE=Blayze][center][size=1][b]"We have two agents just gone completely off-line," [/b]he said, chewing furiously on the end of the liquorice whip, [b]"They must have found their implants and removed them. They've gone AWOL in the city, and one of them..."[/b] he tapped on the keyboard, and a personal agent profile appeared on-screen, [b]"Is Agent Revelation, the agent that had the confiscated terrorist weapon in her possession."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Jesus,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"Are you trying to tell me that Revelation has gone rogue?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Looks like,"[/b] said Will, [b]"And she took another agent with her. Sandy, I believe it was."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"So we have a rogue agent, possibly with an accomplice, on the loose in the city with an extremely dangerous weapon in her possession? Where's Agent Jones?"[/b] asked the Director, standing up straight.[/size][/center][/QUOTE]See what I mean? You?ve got the director and Will?s conversation running together and it just seems totally weird to me as it makes it harder to keep track of who?s actually speaking. Even though the quotes are in place, set?s of two of them just look like a typo instead of the indication that someone else is speaking. Also it looks like you?ve got a typo here as well: [quote name='Blayze][center][size=1][b]"Is Agent Revelation, the agent that had the confiscated terrorist weapon in her possession."[/b][/size'] [/center][/quote]I?m assuming you meant to write It?s Agent Revelation instead of Is. Anyway keep up the good work.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted August 9, 2006 Author Share Posted August 9, 2006 [size=1]Thanks for the comments, indifference, they are much appreciated. First of all, that conversation was supposed to be set out like that, but something happened in the Copy/Paste from NotePad onto here, I must have lost all the spacings and didn't notice it when proofreading. It's fixed now. And the other matter was not a typo, it was a continuation of the same sentence, just with a section showing what Will was doing at the time. Put together, the sentence would read: [/size][center][size=1][b]"and one of them is Agent Revelation, the agent that had the confiscated terrorist weapon in her possession."[/b][/size] [/center] [size=1]I guess the way I typed it out did seem a little confusing. Anyway, thanks for the CC, it should all be sorted now. Chapter 5 is on it's way. EDIT - Just thought you might want a cast list put in, so here it is: Phil/Agent Blayze - Blayze Jamie - Ezekiel Gavin - Gavin The Director - ? Agent Revelation - Revelation Sandy - Sandy Will - Jokopoko There will be a few more where that came from, I'm thinking. [/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikillion Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 [QUOTE=Blayze] [size=1][b]"Director!"[/b] he shouted as she picked up, [b]"You need to come to my station straight away! We have a situation!"[/b] He slammed the phone back down onto the hook, and pulled a strawberry-flavoured liquorice whip from a jar on his desk, and began chewing on it nervously.[/size] [/QUOTE] [COLOR=#99121c][SIZE=1][FONT=Comic Sans MS]Now this could just be me, but the way I had figured this happening seemed rather hilarious. Thats not really what one would expect a director of a place like that I guess I don't really have anything else to add on as advice, seeing as the rather clustery bit of Dialouge that indifference mentioned. Besides that though everything seems well written. The only thing I think that is missing is a sniper, unless you already have that planned out somewhere. It just seems that in every military like attack squad their always must be one. They also roxxor hard as well.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted August 12, 2006 Author Share Posted August 12, 2006 [center][u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter 5: Bang, Bang, You're Dead[/size][/font][/u] [/center] [center] [size=1]Dust rose in clouds around Phil's boots as he stepped onto the hotel grounds. Masses of spectators had turned up to watch the event unfold, unaware that the hotel held possibly the second most important person in the world. The combed-over Ambassador was already there, having been choppered in himself, and he was ready to give Phil's team the go-ahead.[/size] [size=1][b]"What happened to you?"[/b] he asked, seeing the team walk towards their goal, battered and bloody from the explosion and the ensuing firefight.[/size] [size=1][b]"We ran into a little local trouble,"[/b] said Phil coldly.[/size] [size=1][b]"Are you fit to carry out this mission?"[/b] asked the Ambassador, [b]"I can't risk anything when the Vice President's life is in jeopardy."[/b][/size] [size=1]Phil turned around and grabbed the Ambassador by the scruff of the neck, hauling the small man closer to his face, whispering quietly but with malice.[/size] [size=1][b]"My team is fully capable of carrying out this mission. If you ever doubt their ability again, I will have you removed from your position, do you understand?"[/b] he said. He hated when people doubted his team's capability, especially people who were supposed to be on his side. The Ambassador nodded, believing that Phil was entirely capable of carrying out his threat, and Phil let go of his collar.[/size] [size=1][b]"Jamie, set yourself up where we discussed. Gavin, get round the back,"[/b] ordered Phil, switching into his leadership role. His team members nodded, and Jamie ran off, her rifle over her shoulder. Gavin jogged around to the back of the building, readying his Primacord for entry.[/size] [size=1][b]"Switch communications units on," [/b]said Phil, flicking the radio on his shoulder into the ready position and drawing his weapon. Crackles indicated that the other two had switched their comms on as well.[/size] [size=1][b]"You ready, Jamie?"[/b] Phil said quietly.[/size] [size=1][b]"Absolutely. I'm in position, I have a clear shot on all the exits," she replied, "We're good to go over here."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Gavin?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Ready and waiting, sir,"[/b] replied Gavin, [b]"Just give the signal."[/b][/size] [size=1]Phil crouched by the front door, readying his flash grenades to roll into the building. He counted down from thirty in his head, getting ready for the explosions that were about to ensue.[/size] [size=1][i]Fifteen...[/i][/size] [size=1]He was ready for the mission, but he couldn't help the niggling feeling in the back of his head that told him something wasn't right. He tried to push it back and ignore it until the mission was over, but it kept scratching forward...[/size] [size=1][i]Eight...[/i][/size] [size=1]He took a deep breath, and covered his ears, waiting for the bang that accompanied a Primacord explosion...[/size] [size=1][i]Three.[/i][/size] [size=1][i]Two.[/i][/size] [size=1][i]One.[/i][/size] [size=1][b]"Now!" [/b]he shouted into his radio. A colossal explosion threatened to rip his eardums open, even with both hands covering them. He rolled the flash grenades through the sheet glass door, shattering it, and watching as the grenades rolled further into the hotel, frosty shards of glass falling to the floor around them.[/size] [size=1]Then the flash grenade explosion. A loud bang and a flash of blinding light, followed quickly by a second. That should have taken the terrorists inside by surprise. Phil rolled in through the door, his weapon raised. He looked around, his vision not impaired by the flash grenades, but he couldn't see any hostiles. There was no-one with a gun inside, no-one wearing a mask. It was clear of hostiles, but the hostages were still gathered together in a group in the middle of the floor.[/size] [size=1][b]"Gavin,"[/b] Phil shouted down his radio, [b]"Are you seeing any hostiles inside?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"That's a negative, captain,"[/b] replied Gavin, [b]"I'm counting a total of zero bad guys inside the building."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Jamie, has anyone left the building since we've been here?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"No-one I've seen, so, no,"[/b] said Jamie, [b]"No-one's come out, and only you and Gavin have gone in."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Where are they?"[/b] asked Phil, not really directing the question at anyone. He shook his head and ran over to the group of hostages on the floor, searcing through all of them until he found the Vice President.[/size] [size=1]She was a fairly young woman, old enough to have valuable life experiences, but still young enough to have a clear head. Her black hair was tied back into a ponytail, and her dark green eyes were bloodshot, showing that she had been crying a lot.[/size] [size=1][b]"Madam Vice President,"[/b] said Phil courteously, and as politely as possible considering the circumstances, [b]"Where are the terrorists? We haven't seen a single hostile inside or outside the building, but there must be someone around." [/b] The Vice President wiped her eyes and pointed to a whirring laptop computer on the front desk. Phil got up and went over to the laptop, and was met by Gavin.[/size] [size=1][b]"Have you found the Secretary of Defence yet?"[/b] asked Phil.[/size] [size=1][b]"Yeah, Secretary Desbreko is just over there," [/b]replied the Irishman, [b]"What about Vice President Dagger?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"She's safe enough. Pretty shaken up, but safe,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"And she said that the terrorists were using this computer for something."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"That's correct,"[/b] said a gruff voice from the far side of the room. Phil and Gavin looked over, and saw a middle-aged, but still incredibly handsome man in a suit walking over to them, stumbling a little.[/size] [size=1][b]"Secretary Desbreko,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"What can you tell us about these terrorists?"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"They're smart. Nothing like the terrorists we got back in my day, bunch of idiots walking round with bombs strapped to themselves. They haven't shown themselves here in person, for fear of being captured, but they've left this laptop here, and every so often it receives video messages. We can't save the messages on the computer, they're encrypted to destroy themselves if we try. But the general idea of the messages is that we are supposed to remain here in the lobby. If we try and escape then the building will be destroyed. They have bombs rigged up to every major powerline and foundation structure in the entire building. One of them goes off, this entire building is going to collapse,"[/b] said the Secretary of Defence.[/size] [size=1][b]"But they also said if anyone was to enter the building then it would be destroyed,"[/b] added the Vice President, getting up, having apparently composed herself a little by now, [b]"And someone has entered the building. In fact, two of you have. It seems that they were bluffing."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Hang on,"[/b] said Gavin, looking at the computer screen as it crackled into life, [b]"Looks like we've got another transmission."[/b][/size] [size=1]Sure enough, the screen crackled, and a clear image appeared, of a man in a black ski mask and sandy-coloured overalls. He held a gun in his hand.[/size] [size=1][b]"We have seen that two government agents have entered the building,"[/b] he said, and Phil tried immediately to pinpoint his accent. It wasn't Middle Eastern, it was something different...[/size] [size=1][b]"If we see any kind of attempt by these government officers to evacuate the building, we will detonate the bombs. Likewise, if we see any more agents enter the building, we will be forced to destroy the hotel. Please do not think that we are bluffing. We are deadly serious. You have two hours."[/b] And with that, the transmission ended.[/size] [size=1]"Two hours for what?" asked Phil.[/size] [size=1][b]"When I said these terrorists were smart, I did miss out one vital piece of information,"[/b] said Desbreko, [b]"They don't know who the Vice President is. I think they plan to take her and execute her on a live broadcast, but they must be working from higher orders. They don't actually know what she looks like, perhaps a fuzzy headshot of her has been circulating, but they've given us two hours to hand her over. We've been waiting for you guys to turn up, and maybe you can help us."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"I think we can,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"They don't seem to know about Jamie. She's very much our ace in the hole for this one. If we can ascertain the location of the terrorists, then we can send her in to dispatch them. That way, the bombs can't be detonated."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"How can we find out where they are?"[/b] asked the Vice President.[/size] [size=1][b]"Well, they've got to be close by,"[/b] said Gavin, [b]"To transmit a signal as swiftly as that either requires a great deal of expensive technology, which I don't believe they have in their possession, or a computer fairly close to the one receiving the signal, allowing a wireless connection to be set up. All we need to do is find somewhere close by transmitting a signal and bingo, there are your terrorists."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Jamie can do that from her PDA,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"I'll get in contact with her."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"No need, [i]el capitano[/i],"[/b] came a crackly voice from Phil's radio, [b]"I was listening in on the whole conversation, and I've already set up a trace. It should be done in a minute or two."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Will you be able to take them all out on your own? We have no way of telling how many there are,"[/b] said Phil, slightly concerned for his team member's safety.[/size] [size=1][b]"I'm a big girl, sir, I think I can handle myself,"[/b] she said, [b]"Aha! We have a signal. It's about three hundred metres west of my current location. It's in a valley, so I should be able to get reasonable coverage of the area. I'll be right back."[/b] The radio went dead.[/size] [size=1][b]"I hope she's as good as she makes out,"[/b] said Desbreko, loosening his tie a little.[/size] [size=1][b]"Oh, she's better,"[/b] replied Phil with a smile...[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [size=1]Jamie crawled up into the midst of a rocky outcrop overlooking the bunker that the terrorists were transmitting the signal from. She saw the bunker, a small building, maybe 100 square feet, with two guards outside the door, armed with Kalashnikovs. Jamie lowered her rifle's sight, and aimed squarely in the first guard's head. She unscrewed the suppressor. She was trying to lure them out of the bunker, so she needed to be as noisy as possible.[/size] [size=1]She rested the rifle into the crook of her arm and rested her head on it, staring through the sight at her target, ensuring that she didn't blink once. Her finger rested on the trigger, and she waited until the moment was exactly right, and...[/size] [size=1]BLAM! A quick squeeze of the trigger and the man's brains were splattered all over his partner, the door of the bunker opening, and three more men coming out, looking around desperately to find the shooter. Jamie laughed as she cocked the rifle, and fired again, knocking two men off their feet with a single shot. Another shot took the final man out, and she leapt off the outcrop, her rifle left behind, a pistol in her hand. She needed to do the clean-up.[/size] [size=1]She swung round into the building, her gun aimed at the darkness. There was no movement, but you could never tell with these types of terrorists. She flicked the light on, and saw three terrorists, laying bloodied all over the consoles. Stray Kalashnikov fire from the other guards, Jamie guessed. So maybe they weren't as good as she had imagined. She holstered her pistol, and began searching the bodies for the detonator...[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [size=1]Ten minutes had passed, and still no word from Jamie. Phil closed his eyes and took a deep breath, hoping that she was ok.[/size] [size=1][b]"She'll be fine, captain,"[/b] said Gavin, [b]"We've made it out of far worse scrapes before without losing a man. And Jamie's too good to be taken down by a bunch of wannabe bombers, you know that."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"I know, Gavin,"[/b] said Phil quietly, deciding that instead of worrying about Jamie, he would look back on the mission, try and find anything out that went wrong.[/size] [size=1][b]"Incoming,"[/b] said Desbreko, looking at the computer as the screen crackled into life.[/size] [size=1][b]"Evenin', fellas,"[/b] said Jamie jauntily, her face appearing on the screen, a silver detonator in her hand, [b]"Looks like we've wrapped another one up quite nicely!"[/b][/size] [size=1]---[/size] [size=1]Inside the darkened room, the only light was from the number of computer and TV screens that were mounted on the far wall. The pale electric glow cast eery shadows across the room, and the man who sat in the centre of it.[/size] [size=1][b]"So, Agent Blayze has passed the first test. It remains to be seen whether he will survive much longer,"[/b] the man whispered, getting to his feet and crossing to the wall of TV screens. He watched the image of the government agent in Tehran, and smiled.[/size] [size=1][b]"I believe it's time to send in Angelo Mortis,"[/b] he said, flicking the bluetooth headset lodged in his left ear into activation.[/size] [size=1][b]"Send Mortis to meet the Agents at the airport,"[/b] said the man into his headest, [b]"It's time we give Agent Blayze a little more of a challenge."[/b][/size] [/center] [center][size=1]--- A nicely action-packed chapter for you this time around. Chapter Six is coming soon. [/size][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 [SIZE=1]Maybe it's just me, but I have no trouble imagining a manic smile on my face as I'm setting up the explosives, heh maybe it's a few too many hours of Red Alert 2 playing as the Cubans. Another good chapter Phil, not sure how I missed this one for three days, but I enjoyed it, if only because it advances the story along well while developing the characters. Just for myself, Gavin should be occasionally pushing up a pair of glasses or sweeping hair back behind his ear, two things I do rather too often for my liking.[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sinistra Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 [SIZE=1]I've been reading along, but I figured that my replies were getting a little repetitive. First and foremost, I love Will's character in this story. The way you described him brought forth a humor in the serious moments. I especially like the 'strawberry liquorice whip that he chews on so nervously' touch you gave it. That chapter was a good one. ^^ As for Chapter 5, I really enjoyed this one. Action is described flawlessly as always, Phil. Your attention to weaponry is wonderful, makes it all that more believable. And Jamie rocks. That's all I can say is that Jamie rocks. Can't wait for Agent Blayze's next test.[/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blayze Posted September 5, 2006 Author Share Posted September 5, 2006 [center][u][font=Impact][size=3]Chapter 6: Laying Low[/size][/font][/u] [size=1]The door creaked open, allowing the tiniest sliver of light to enter the house. Revelation slipped her gun through the crack in the door, following it with the rest of her body. As soon as she saw that the hallway was clear, she beckoned Sandy in to follow.[/size] [size=1]Revelation quickly checked all the rooms, upstairs and down, and ensuring that there was no-one already inside.[/size] [size=1][b]"Sandy, lock the door,"[/b] she said, [b]"Once you do that, no-one can get in."[/b] Sandy nodded and clicked the door shut. At once, a huge mechanical bolt slid across the door, locking it tightly.[/size] [size=1][b]"We should be safe here for the moment. All we can do is sit back and wait for all this to blow over,"[/b] said Revelation, [b]"You can use your computer to try and pull up security feeds from that warehouse. If we can send the agency a video of what really happened in there, we should get off pretty lightly."[/b] She bent over to check the low kitchen cupboards, trying to find food that had been left here. They were in luck. The cupboards were fully stocked with food, drink, anything they could want.[/size] [size=1][b]"We've got plenty of food, so we won't starve to death,"[/b] said Revelation, standing up and turning around, [b]"We can...Sandy?"[/b][/size] [size=1]Sandy stood facing her, his gun drawn. He was shaking all over, and sweat was beading just under his hairline. He blinked a few droplets from his eyes, and aimed the gun at Revelation.[/size] [size=1][b]"I don't know what's going on here, but I do know that you killed one of our agents, and shot another in the back,"[/b] said Sandy, [b]"I want to know what's going on, Revelation. Tell me what happened."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"I was in the car, trying to get back to the Anthology from that mission in the Underground, you remember? I had the virus in my possession, and the driver started taking all these wrong turnings. He pulled into an alley and threatened to kill me if I didn't hand over the virus. I did what I had to do, I shot him, and I burnt the car out. I was trying to get rid of the evidence. Whoever that man, and Agent Jones, were working for, they're going to be coming after me,"[/b] said Revelation, her hands in the air.[/size] [size=1][b]"And now you've dragged me into it as well," [/b]said Sandy, his finger trembling on the trigger.[/size] [b][size=1]"I know I did, Sandy, and I'm sorry, but you just need to trust me. You've known me for a while, haven't you? And do you trust me?"[/size] [size=1]"I...I did trust you...I'm not sure who to trust any more."[/size] [/b][size=1][b]"Well, you just have to trust me for a few more hours. If you pull up that security feed on your computer, then we'll be in the clear. I just need to explain to the agency what's going on, tell them Ozy is a traitor. It'll all be over in a little while, Sandy. Can you trust me for a few more hours?"[/b] she asked.[/size] [size=1][b]"Ok,"[/b] said Sandy with a nod, replacing the gun in his holster, [b]"I can find the warehouse's security feed by hacking into the agency's mainframe. It might take a while, but it should do the trick."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"Take all the time you need, Sandy,"[/b] said Revelation, pouring herself a glass of water, [b]"We have all the time in the world."[/b][/size] [size=1]---[/size] [u] [size=1]Tehran International Airport[/size][/u] [size=1]Phil, Jamie and Gavin arrived on the runway, and stepped out of their new truck, laughing over the details of the mission. The Ambassador was there to send them on their way.[/size] [size=1][b]"Good job, agents,"[/b] said the Ambassador, [b]"You finished the job off well."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"Thank you, Ambassador,"[/b] said Phil, [b]"If you would just step into the hangar for a moment, I need to discuss a few legal issues with you." [/b] He lead the Ambassador into the hangar, and Jamie and Gavin merely smiled at each other and boarded the private plane.[/size] [size=1]The door creaked as it opened, shedding a small sliver of light on the dark interior of the hangar. Phil shoved the Ambassador inside roughly, almost causing the old man to stumble and fall to the ground.[/size] [size=1][b]"What's the big idea?"[/b] shouted the Ambassador, [b]"I'm a Diplomat, you have no right to push me around like this."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"You set us up,"[/b] said Phil, grabbing the Ambassador by the scruff of his neck, [b]"You told us there were terrorists inside when you knew there weren't. You were the one who ordered the hit on us on the way to the hotel. Who are you working for?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"I don't know what you're talking about!"[/b] cried the small man, [b]"I'm not working for anybody!"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"Don't lie to me,"[/b] spat Phil, throwing the Ambassador to the floor, [b]"You're working for someone who wants us dead, and you're going to tell me who it is right now!"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"I won't!"[/b] shouted the Ambassador, [b]"I'll never tell you. You'll be dead before you can get to me, anyway!"[/b][/size] [size=1]Phil stood up, laughing, and began to walk away.[/size] [size=1][b]"What are you laughing at? They're sending the one man you never managed to put away to get you. You'll be dead before the day is out!"[/b] the Ambassador yelled after him.[/size] [size=1][b]"That may be so, Ambassador, but you just admitted on tape that you're working against the US Government,"[/b] replied Phil, picking a small digital recorder from his pocket, [b]"I'll see you in court."[/b][/size] [size=1]The agent left the building, and the Ambassador fell to his knees. How could he have been so stupid?[/size] [size=1][b]"They're going to get you, Agent Blayze!"[/b] shouted the Ambassador, [b]"They get everyone eventually!"[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"You don't know how true that is,"[/b] said a voice from behind him. The Ambassador felt the cold steel of a knife blade against the soft flesh of his neck and he closed his eyes. He knew what was coming...[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [u][size=1]The Anthology[/size][/u] [size=1][b]"We've received a transmission from Phil and his team. They have successfully completed the mission and they're on their way home,"[/b] Will said to the Director. She took a huge sigh of relief, and sat back in her chair, running her hands through her hair.[/size] [size=1][b]"Thank you, Will,"[/b] she said with a smile, [b]"That was exactly what I needed to hear. Any news of Revelation?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"None whatsoever," [/b]replied the techie, [b]"She's completely slipped under our radar. She's a very good agent, you did well with her."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"I did a little too well,"[/b] said the Director, [b]"Have we heard from Ozy?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"No, that's the funniest thing. The clean-up crew went to the warehouse, but there was no-one there. She must have been trying to follow Revelation. That would be one hell of a fight, if those two got together,"[/b] said Will, staring into space with a smile.[/size] [b][size=1]"It may be a hell of a fight, Will, but I intend to question Revelation to the fullest once she is brought back in here. Ozy will know not to kill her, she's a highly-trained agent. She knows we need information from her."[/size] [/b] [size=1]Will shrugged and left the office, heading back to his workstation.[/size] [size=1][b]"I hope she knows,"[/b] whispered the Director.[/size] [size=1]---[/size] [u][size=1]The Safehouse[/size][/u] [size=1]Sandy had been typing furiously for the past twenty minutes, and he was beginning to scare Revelation. He hadn't taken his eyes off the screen once, and she was pretty sure he hadn't blinked in a long time either.[/size] [size=1][b]"I've almost got it,"[/b] he said, breaking the silence, [b]"I'll have it...there. Got it."[/b][/size] [size=1]Revelation moved over to sit next to Sandy, looking at the computer screen. The video footage of the confrontation between Revelation, Sandy and Ozy in the warehouse was running, with full sound and colour. This was exactly what they needed. Now Revelation could use it to prove her innocence to the agency, and she could get her name cleared.[/size] [size=1][b]"This is fantastic, Sandy!"[/b] she yelled, and grabbed him into a hug, [b]"You've just cleared my name! Can you get footage from outside the warehouse as well, about thirty minutes earlier?"[/b][/size][size=1][b]"I can try,"[/b] said Sandy, stabbing at a few keys, changing camera and then rewinding for half an hour. He played the footage, and saw the argument between Revelation and her driver, and how Revelation shot the man in self-defence.[/size] [size=1][b]"You were telling the truth!"[/b] shouted Sandy, hugging Revelation back, [b]"I'm sorry I didn't trust you."[/b][/size] [size=1][b]"That's ok,"[/b] said Revelation, [b]"I can see where you were coming from at the time. You were under a lot of stress, and I'm sorry for..."[/b][/size] [size=1]SMASH[/size] [size=1]The window exploded inwards, shattering into thousands of tiny fragments. Revelation grabbed Sandy and leapt behind the sofa, making sure that neither of them got struck by shards of broken glass.[/size] [size=1][b]"Well, if it isn't my two favourite runaways,"[/b] said Ozy, stepping through the broken window, [b]"I'm impressed you managed to find the safehouse with armoured glass windows, but anti-tank rounds usually sort that kind of thing out."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"You can gloat all you want, Ozy,"[/b] said Revelation, getting to her feet, and holding Sandy down behind the sofa, [b]"But I have evidence of you betraying the agency. I have it all on film, and you can't do anything about it."[/b][/size][size=1][b]"I can kill you,"[/b] she replied, raising her shotgun into the ready position. Revelation leapt at Ozy, grabbing her and slamming her to the floor. Ozy dropped her gun, and it skittered away across the floor. Revelation slammed the flat of her palm into Ozy's nose, snapping her head back. Ozy fell off Revelation, grabbing her nose as blood gushed out of it. She planted a heavy boot in Revelation's stomach, knocking the wind out of her, and slamming her to the floor.[/size] [size=1]Ozy shook the blood off her hands, and walked over to Revelation, who was gasping for air on the floor, and placed both hands around her throat. She pressed down hard on the windpipe, and Revelation choked tiny amounts of air into her lungs. She fumbled around the floor beside her, and her fingers closed around a large piece of glass. Gripping it tightly, she swung it up, and rammed it into the soft muscle of Ozy's neck. The older agent released her grip and fell backwards off Revelation, gasping, breathing in ragged gulps of air. Blood fountained from her neck as she clamped a hand on it to stem the flow.[/size] [size=1][b]"Now that I've got you exactly where I want you,"[/b] whispered Revelation, her voice hoarse from the abuse of her windpipe a few moments ago, [b]"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be used against you in a court of law..."[/b][/size] [size=1]The reading of Ozy's rights was stopped by a bullet slamming into Revelation's torso, knocking her backwards, blood spurting out of the wound. Ozy turned around to see a man, dressed in a black suit and holding a glittering silver pistol step through the decimated window.[/size] [size=1][b]"I'm sorry, but we can't have little Miss Jones here spouting all our secrets in a court of law,"[/b] said the man, his voice deep and throaty, [b]"She's becoming a minor inconvenience, one that must be dealt with swiftly and decisively."[/b] He aimed his pistol at Ozy and fired three bullets into her skull. Blood hit the wall behind her, and her body slumped down onto the ground.[/size] [size=1][b]"I'm sorry about the bullet wound, Agent Revelation, but it had to be done. You know how messy things get when they're left in other people's hands. If you want something done right, you've just got to do it yourself, I'm sure you understand. Goodbye, Agent Revelation,"[/b] the man said, stepping out into the front garden.[/size] [size=1]As he left the building, he took a plain silver Zippo lighter from his top jacket pocket, and sparked it into ignition.[/size] [size=1][b]"Can't be taking any chances now,"[/b] he said to himself, and dropped the lighter into the house's gas tank, walking away calmly as the flame hit the extremely flammable gas. The gas expanded as it ignited, sending flames barreling through every heating pipe in the house.[/size] [size=1]The man turned out of the garden and into the road as the house behind him exploded in a ball of orange flame. He stuck his hands in his pockets, and walked down the street, whistling a tune to himself. --- Ooh, the tension mounts... Sorry about the long wait on this one, I hope you didn't think I'd gone and let this die, now. More to come soon. [/size][/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin Posted September 5, 2006 Share Posted September 5, 2006 [SIZE=1]Wow, good chapter. Ties up a lot of loose material really well and adds a new twist to the plot. Who is the man with the Zippo light ? Probably really obvious but after two days of honours high school classes my brain isn't capable of simply math let alone figuring out this. I look forward to the next chapter intently Phil. [/SIZE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandy Posted September 9, 2006 Share Posted September 9, 2006 I seriously hope that the house had a backdoor! XP Hmm, I wonder how many chapters are you going to have to this, Blayze? Or haven't you decided yet? The story is intensifying with each new chapter, but the characters are still a bit vague and monotonic. They could use more... flavor, one could say. ;D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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