Relationship Trouble

[Dhampir]

Hello everyone. I figured that the best place to go with this is somewhere with a lot of experienced and different people, so here I am.

I have been best friends with this boy for almost two years now. We both had crushes on eachother when we just met, but since I wasn't aware of his feelings I ended up 'chasing after' someone else. that person just happened to be a good friend of his, but we will get to that later. that year, since I was occupied with his friend, ended up going out with someone else the rest of that year. They broke up over the summer, and since he told me that were he not with his GF he would be with me, I immediately brought up the fact that we should be together. Since then we have had a lot of drama (for those problems in great angry detail, check out my LJ: [url]www.livejournal.com/~Dhampir_Rose[/url]. Tis about three posts down). Now, after school ended, we were on great terms. He admited to the fact that he had feeling for me the whole year, but was too afraid to tell me for some reason. We have been talking just about every day and things have been great until the other night. We were both bored and we were playing a little game. Asking eachother sex-related questions. So he ended up asking me: "With whom have you had your best sexual experience. Honest now." Knowing that I couldn't lie to him, I quickly asked if he would be mad at my outcome, and he said no. I then told him that my best sexual experience was with his friend that I went out with (at the begining of the post) and he immediately signed off (we were on AIM). So last night, after figuring out that he was 'ignoring' my main account, he was all kinds of pissed at me. This is the coldest that he has ever been to me, and it's tearing me up. He refuses to talk to me until tomorrow, when he comes over to pick up some notes of his.

My main reason for posting this whole thing, is that I need advice. I can't wait until tomorrow to figure this whole thing out. I have been having a panic attack since our talk last night, and I need to go to class tonight and I don't think that I can handle all of this. If you have any advice at all, it will be appreciated. Am I wrong to think that he shouldn't be mad at what I said since he is the one who asked?

[crazyoveranime]

he does have a right to be mad at you,but at the same time he doesn't have the right cause well you guys weren't together when that happened......he had a gf and i think you had a bf (his friend)it was a thing of the past just say your sorry it was a honest mistake and if he really has deep feelings for you he would forgive you at least try to forgive you...just try talking to him if you can

[Ellerby]

[color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]Dump his lame ***.

He doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend or whatever you guys are if he's just going to block her. That's just low.

If he was a decent guy, he wouldn't have asked in the first place. What did he expect? A lie? If he's going to ask a question, he should expect an honest answer and that's exactly what he got. No need for him to be a baby about it.

So I say no. He has absolutely no right to be angry with you. You have the right to be angry with him, however (though I wouldn't suggest that if you want to make things better).

If you [i]do[/i] want to fix things, just tell him (via e-mail, person, phone, whatever) that you're sorry he got angry, but you were telling the honest truth. But also mention that you'd [i]like[/i] it if your best sexual experience (or something) in the future would be with him. That'll get him chipper.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[sakurasuka]

[size=1]

I agree with White.

Really now, if he can't be mature about the answer to his own question, that's pretty sad.

You guys are both high schoolers, right?

Well, that's not the point. For future reference though, guys don't generally like hearing thier love-interest talk about all the sex they have with thier friends. Even if you two were dating back then, what good is telling him supposed to do? Even just talking about another guy can generally get a boyfriend riled up, depending upon his personality.

So don't kiss and tell.

[/size]

[Sojiro47]

Ok, here's my input. If he really wanted the truth, he wouldn't have gotten mad. This guy is playing with you. Also, I would expect some one who was you best friend to have a little more understanding. I would agree with White on this one. Just dump him. But that said, it boils down to this, suffer through him for now, and hope things turn out right. Or decide if your [i]friendship[/i] is strong enough to handle breaking up wth him. But I would base the decision on the friendship. Not what you hope it is or isn't, but on what it is. But thats just me...

[SunfallE]

[COLOR=RoyalBlue]In all honesty your post is a bit confusing. You say that you were occupied with someone else and he was also with someone else when you slept with his best friend. I assume that when he broke up with his past girlfriend and wanted to be with you that you too were no longer with his best friend?

I ask because if you are still involved with the other guy then yeah he has a right to be annoyed. But only if it happened while you were with him. But if you were not when you slept with the other guy, then he?s being immature and unrealistic to expect you to not be with someone else. Or rather to have never slept with them.

I?m sure you don?t expect him to have never done anything with his previous girlfriend right? So it?s really stupid that he?s ignoring you and acting all cold towards you.

In all honesty if he really did want to know he wouldn?t be acting like a dork upon finding out. Or rather he shouldn?t be a baby because it turned out to be with his best friend.

If he continues behaving like this over you being with the other guy, he?s not worth your time as that?s just stupid to expect you to not be attracted to other guys, whether they are his friend or not is irrelevant. [/COLOR]

[Charles]

Oh geez, I can't believe most of these replies. Of course you should have lied to him. You told a teenage guy that your best sexual experience was with his good friend; how is that not going to stir up some ire and jealousy? Lying is an important part of relationships; sometimes your partner is going to purposely bait you and tell you they are not going to be mad at the truth--even when it is obvious they will be. Don't get me wrong--a healthy relationship is based on honesty, but when it comes to stupid questions in which the truth is more harmful than a lie, it's best to use discretion. Live and learn, I guess.

[Annie]

[size=1][color=darkslategray]What they don't know can't hurt them.[/color][/size]

[Ellerby]

[quote name='Charles']Oh geez, I can't believe most of these replies. Of course you should have lied to him. You told a teenage guy that your best sexual experience was with his good friend; how is that not going to stir up some ire and jealousy? Lying is an important part of relationships; sometimes your partner is going to purposely bait you and tell you they are not going to be mad at the truth--even when it is obvious they will be. Don't get me wrong--a healthy relationship is based on honesty, but when it comes to stupid questions in which the truth is more harmful than a lie, it's best to use discretion. Live and learn, I guess.[/quote]
[color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]Although that's very true, you should also be prepared to recieve the answer you didn't want to hear when asking such a question. And I think that this guy completely ignoring her is going a little over the top.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Sojiro47]

[quote name='White][color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]Although that's very true, you should also be prepared to recieve the answer you didn't want to hear when asking such a question. And I think that this guy completely ignoring her is going a little over the top.[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]
I am once again with White. Although what Charles-san says has it's truths, he shouldn't have asked unless he could truely take the answer. The guy must have suspected that his friend would've come up. But this was the male version of the classic "Does this make look fat" question. It never should've been said.

[Retribution]

[size=1]I can't help but see that on your livejournal, you said "✓ I believe [B]honesty[/B] is usually the best policy." This time around, 'usually' should've been the bolded word.

Charles is completely spot on here. I've recieved baited questions many a time, and I lied so that a grenade didn't explode in my face. There's a difference between a white lie and malicious deception, in this case a fib would've done some good. Perhaps a noncommital "I don't know" would've been the best course of action.

When you see him, you'll have to face the music. True, he shouldn't've asked the question, and he should've expected the truth, but that doesn't mean he'll be logical about this. I would recommend that you and he reach a compromise of some sort. Both of you lacked social tact in this instance.[/size]

[Andy]

[quote name='Charles']Oh geez, I can't believe most of these replies. Of course you should have lied to him. You told a teenage guy that your best sexual experience was with his good friend; how is that not going to stir up some ire and jealousy? Lying is an important part of relationships; sometimes your partner is going to purposely bait you and tell you they are not going to be mad at the truth--even when it is obvious they will be. Don't get me wrong--a healthy relationship is based on honesty, but when it comes to stupid questions in which the truth is more harmful than a lie, it's best to use discretion. Live and learn, I guess.[/quote]

[COLOR=DarkRed]I couldn't have said it better myself. So you see, sometimes it's good to lie. So that way, you wouldn't have ticked him off. Course, he sounds like a total baby to me, pouting and ****, I mean, come on, ignoring you, now that's just childish. So, my opinion, forget him, find you somebody better.[/COLOR]

[Horendithas]

[COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Well first of all there?s no such thing as a little sex game. Especially when you?re newly into a relationship. I agree on some level with pretty much everyone here. Asking you such a question lacked tact, and even though you were trying to be honest, you lacked it as well, especially if you knew the other boy was his best friend. No matter how much they claim they want honesty, most partners are on some level insecure and are looking for you to tell them that they were your best experience.

Now since you haven?t given us the details it?s possible that you haven?t slept with this guy yet and his question might have been more of a morbid curiosity issue instead. Perhaps you could clarify this for us because if you?ve slept with him and then you turned around and told him his friend was better in bed, well that was completely unnecessary as others already pointed out that a simple I don?t know or telling him that he was would have worked much better.

And then though you say you want honesty, how would you have felt if he told you his best experience was with one of your best friends? Can you honestly say it wouldn?t bother you? In these situations it?s better to be a little less frank as often all you do is end up causing more stress in the relationship if not destroying it altogether.

I suggest you do as Retribution suggested and try to work out some sort of compromise if possible. But it?s entirely possible that for you and him, it?s pretty much over. [/COLOR]

[Your Mother]

[SIZE=1]You should have said you never had a good bangin'. You could have gotten laid that night.[/SIZE]

[Charles]

Some of you insist that he shouldn't have asked the question unless he was prepared for the truth, but the fact of the matter is that he probably just suggested the game as a means of finding out if she had sex with his good friend or not. Jealousy had probably been brewing while she was with him and he probably wanted to put his mind at ease.

It's best to apply sensitivity to certain questions like this; you have to know when it's okay to tell someone what they want to hear. It was okay to lie in this situation for a number of reasons, including the fact that it wasn't any of his business who Dhampir had slept with. She could have evaded the question by saying her best experience was yet to come, with a wink. Crisis averted.

Also, White--the first time your partner asks you if she looks fat in a dress, you tell her the truth, and when the inevitable argument ensues, try winning it by telling her she should have been prepared to receive the answer she didn't want to hear. And then make a thread in OL about it. lol

[Ellerby]

[quote name='Charles']Also, White--the first time your partner asks you if she looks fat in a dress, you tell her the truth, and when the inevitable argument ensues, try winning it by telling her she should have been prepared to receive the answer she didn't want to hear. And then make a thread in OL about it. lol[/quote]
[color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]Oh, I'm not stupid, heh. I know what to say and what not to say and when. But the fact remains that even if that wasn't the answer he was looking for, he shouldn't have gotten angry with her. He still should have been somewhat prepared for the truth and blocking the poor girl is going too far.

Besides, in my experience, the girl is always right. So he should have to apoligize regardless. Guys just aren't meant to get all angry at their girlfriends like this (but at the same time you can't let your girlfriend control you, heh). :)[/FONT][/COLOR]

[Dhampir]

[QUOTE=Charles]Some of you insist that he shouldn't have asked the question unless he was prepared for the truth, but [b]the fact of the matter is that he probably just suggested the game as a means of finding out if she had sex with his good friend or not[/b]. Jealousy had probably been brewing while she was with him and he probably wanted to put his mind at ease.
[/QUOTE]
Just letting ya'll know that I started the game, not him.

We talked this morning, and he explained a bit of it. He explained how he has had a pretty continous rivalry with this friend, and that he really didn't expect for me to list him. I said that I really didn't think before I posted and was thinking of a strictly sexual experience with no emotions attached, and said that if I did look back and add my emotions to the situation then it would have been him that I picked. I also explained how asking for specifics such as names really isn't a good choice, and would be akin to me asking him who exactly he ****** during one of our break-ups. (I had bought him a new box of condoms right before we had a fight, and they were all gone when we got back together. He admited to ****ing someone else, but won't tell me who it is). I really am not sure how he stands on this yet, but I'm hoping that I will find out soon...

The only thing is, that I have a habit of forgiving him too easily. After how he treated me (he didn't just ignore me, he was extremly rude the next time that I tried to talk to him) I don't know wether to forgive him or not... I feel like I have a right to be mad at him, and that I shouldn't forgive just yet, but I'm not sure...

[sakurasuka]

[QUOTE=White][color=#555555][FONT=Tahoma]
Besides, in my experience, the girl is always right.[/FONT][/COLOR][/QUOTE]

[size=1]Damn straight.

Girls ask the 'Does this make me look fat?' question out of, mostly, insecurity. They know how thier man will answer, they just need a compliment. Notice, after they ask the question, they aren't happy with a 'No, honey.' they expect a 'You're beautiful, blahdy-blah-blah.' Emotional masturbation, that's what it is.

Girls need to be reassured. It's more innocent than inquring about the sexual relationships between your girlfriend and best friend. That will always be awkward, but it's best to side-step that subject as much as possible.

Apparently the 'Does this make me looks fat?' question and the 'Who's best in bed?' question are coming from two completely different standpoints.

But actually, I agree with Charles for the most part. Inquring that you'd like your best to be with him may have been best, then you both side-step the uncomfortable best friend ordeal, and at the same time stroke his ego.



[b]Edit[/b]: Upon reading your newest post, disreguard mine. Dump the loser. Dump him now.

[/size]

[Andy]

[QUOTE=Dhampir]
The only thing is, that I have a habit of forgiving him too easily. After how he treated me (he didn't just ignore me, he was extremly rude the next time that I tried to talk to him) I don't know wether to forgive him or not... I feel like I have a right to be mad at him, and that I shouldn't forgive just yet, but I'm not sure...[/QUOTE]

[COLOR=DarkRed]*loud chanting* Dump him, dump him, dump him....and last but not least...dump him. You do have a right to be angry with him, he overreacted, he's just being a big baby. So...final conclusion...dump his lame a**[/COLOR]

[Charles]

lol @ the original poster being concerned about her boyfriend blocking her when he is ****ing someone else anyways.

[Dhampir]

[quote name='Charles']lol @ the original poster being concerned about her boyfriend blocking her when he is ****ing someone else anyways.[/quote]
He isn't ****ing someone else now, he was then and stoped.

[Boo]

[size=1]
The guy blocked you?.. Oh my, how old is he? Eleven?[/size]

[Charles]

[quote name='Dhampir']He isn't ****ing someone else now, he was then and stoped.[/quote]

Well, I won't get into a debate over this since I don't personally know him, but if he had an ongoing sexual relationship with someone else, there's typically a big chance that he's got her on the side. I guess it depends on how long ago the break-up was and how long it lasted.

At any rate, if we're simply speaking about the AIM incident, then I don't think there's any reason to dump him over your mistake. This is just something where cooler heads should prevail. But, if he's not willing to be reasonable then there's not much that can be done anyway.

[crazyoveranime]

[quote name='Sojiro47']I am once again with White. Although what Charles-san says has it's truths, he shouldn't have asked unless he could truely take the answer. The guy must have suspected that his friend would've come up. But this was the male version of the classic "Does this make look fat" question. It never should've been said.[/quote]


i agree completely

[COLOR=Red][size=1]Edit: Please put more effort into your responses. We have a high standard for posting quality and your post fails to meet that requirement. Please take some time to re-read the rules before posting again. If you have questions about the rules or posting feel free to PM any of the moderators. Thanks! -Panda[/COLOR][/size]

[Fyxe]

[size=1][color=slategray]I think we should all just get lesbee lovers. Hetero relationships are too stressful.[/color][/size]