Manga Storyline's a bit dodgy..

[Guest CherryDrops]

Okay, so I've finally figured out a storyline for my manga, but reading it through, it seems a bit bland and boring. My presentation for this story isn't very good, but I don't think it really matters so long as the jist of it is alright. I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions maybe?

So it starts off when the main character (havent thought up a name so im calling her 'Girl') moves out of her house to go and live with her older sister, because her father died (havent thought up of a reason why yet) and her mother has started drinking out of depression, becoming dangerous. The mother starts off by telling the girl that she's a failure and an embarrasment to her own blood, then throwing a drinking glass at the girl, so the girl runs upstairs, packs some essentails, and secretely leaves. She gets a train, but because she hasnt slept for a while in fear of her mother, she ends up oversleeping on the train and misses her stop. She asks the driver if he's going back the same way, but he's not, so she gets off in search for a place to stay for the night. As she's walking across a road, a boy on a bike quickly comes in her direction, so she moves out of the way, but in front of a car and gets knocked unconsious. She wakes up at the boys house, and he asks her how she survived. She looks confused until he says that the car was going at full speed and hit her straight on - she should have died. The girl then looks extremely happy, because she is in a family of witches from her fathers side, but has never once been able to cast a spell. Everyone thought she was a failure.
Soon enough the girl starts to head out of the door, but somehow the boy pursuades her to stay for a while. The girl phones up her sister telling herr what happened. The sister is pleased but soon ends up revealing to the girl that her father left a messege and she felt it time to tell the girl that she is heir to the throne, and that her father was a king of another world. But the girl becomes too wrapped up in something else (havent thought of what) and wants to stay where she is. The sister explains that she can't and the other world will be in turmoil without her. The girl says let it and hangs up.
Soon the girl starts thinking things through and becomes depressed with having to keep things to herself and tells the boy everything. They get into an argument (maybe) and then something might happen, andd then they work things out and the boy asks why the sister doesnt just become the heir. The girl works things out with the sister and the sister does end up going to this other world.

And that's it. I'm not sure whether to improve the girls powers throughout and have little side-plots going on but yeah. Any comments?

[Delta]

[COLOR=#656446]Hmm... an interesting mix of angst and fantasy. I need to ask, though: since the girl's staying in this world (the one she grew up in) , does this mean that the whole (if not most) of the story'll take place here? In my opinion, that would make for a very plain setting, something that can only work in the non-fantasy/surreal genre. But if you add [i]disturbances[/i] from the witch world (you know, 'cause the wrong daughter's in there and all. Imbalance, unfulfilled prophecies, etc.), that would really spice the story up! That way, she can train/improve her powers right in this world, yeah?[/COLOR]

[Guest CherryDrops]

[quote name='Delta][COLOR=#656446]Hmm... an interesting mix of angst and fantasy. I need to ask, though: since the girl's staying in this world (the one she grew up in) , does this mean that the whole (if not most) of the story'll take place here? In my opinion, that would make for a very plain setting, something that can only work in the non-fantasy/surreal genre. But if you add [i]disturbances[/i'] from the witch world (you know, 'cause the wrong daughter's in there and all. Imbalance, unfulfilled prophecies, etc.), that would really spice the story up! That way, she can train/improve her powers right in this world, yeah?[/COLOR][/quote]

Wow that is a very good idea. I could use that to get a second book going.
But I'm thinking twice about whether the girl should tell the boy about herself, because it could be pretty funny drawing it out as her trying to keep it secret. But then I think again about how it might get to the point of being annoying.
Thank you for the help :D