Writing Poems I have written [PG]

[Doublehex]

[b]I am a Leaf on the Wind, Watch me as I fly...[/b]

I am a leaf on the wind,
watch me as I fly,
through dangers near and far,
when dear friends are near,
watch me as I fly.

Watch me as I glide through beautiful chaos,
with my wings bent and turned,
but alas, I must persevere,
watch me as I fly.

As pain ensures all around me,
As I see things from a different point of view,
As I see the peace in nearly everything,
With the possible exception of death incarnate,
Watch me as I fly.

The wind blows for me another course,
and as a mere leaf I must be forced,
to follow with no digress,
and gladly I allow it to take me everywhere,
and perhaps, nowhere.

I am a leaf on the wind,
and once again I must ask,
will you watch me as I fly?

[b]ROSEBUD[/b]


The finger twirls under the moonlit sky,
the flower of the rose caught between it,
it?s scent overwhelming,
it?s rush of feelings overpowering,
the rosebuds being a beautiful thing under the moonlit sky.

The flower blossoms under the moonlit sky,
like that of a Prince bursting from it?s Goddess? womb,
the pain she wields unbearable,
but the reward unspeakable,
like that of a rosebud under the moonlit sky.

The Prince speaks his first words under the moonlit sky,
his naïve eyes sparkling like an emerald diamond,
his Goddess? heart pounding a heart full of love,
the deity being so proud of her descendant,
like that of a gardener proud of the rosebuds under the moonlit sky.

The love of a Goddess is as infinite as the cosmos of heaven,
with the Lord at his throne of invulnerable glass,
his wise eyes studying the realm of his creations,
swelling with pride of seeing the Goddesses doing their wonderful work,
that is as beautiful as a rosebud under the moonlit sky.

The King looks down from the stage under the moonlit sky,
dressed in an robe of purple,
with a crown of knowledge nestled over his brow,
the delicate scepter of knowledge grasped within his hands,
his eyes gazing upon his Goddess,
who is within the crowd of other Gods and Goddesses,
who looks as beautiful as a rosebud under the moonlit sky.

The sky darkens,
and mourners are torn apart at the grisly scene,
their King full of tears in his heart,
the sight of his Goddess dead in her coffin,
her pale skin and smile full of happiness,
her hair full of rosebuds under the moonlit sky.

The King remembers his Goddess under the moonlit sky,
he remembers the love of her,
the way she would let him nestle on her lap,
the way she would melt all his worries away,
how she would give him hope and satisfaction,
of how beautiful he looked,
like a rosebud under the moonlit sky.

[b]Through the Oaks

-A tribute to fathers-[/b]

[i]He took his son through the woods, the hardened hands holding gently the fragile skin.

His chiseled skin stared downwards with pride at the benevolence of his child?s face.

Ants marched by the duo, their armor penetrable by the massive giants.

The father stared down at them. ?This is my son, who is of me. I speak for him?

The child awes at the scenery.

They continue their walk through the Oaks. The child waves his hand eagerly at the massive trees.

The father looked upward at the wooden fortresses. ?Know that this is my son, who I speak for. He is my pride.?

Once again, they continue their journey. Critters scatter by them. The father caresses his child?s back. The boy is bewildered by the creatures. ?Whom I speak for is my son, my child. Know that I protect him, for I love him.?

The trees arch over the small pack. The ants stop their arch. The creatures stare in amazement.

There are few things as wondrous, as the advent father.
[/i]

[b]I will be your tear...[/b]

If there could be one thing I could be,
I would be your tear,
So I would be born from your eye,
And die at your lips.

If you?d give me the honor,
I would listen to your words,
And not allow them to slip by.
Rather I would cherish them,
As golden words from above.

If I could make one promise,
I would promise to cherish you,
To be yours until our lives end,
So that you would know,
That there is a meaning to this world.

[b]Long ago[/b]

On a night long ago,
I stared up to heaven for a revelation.
There, I found a treasure grander than any other,
A gift from them to me.
I took it in hopes of decoding its riddle.
Now, I realize that treasure,
Is that love for you locked away in my heart.


Enjoy. :)

[2010DigitalBoy]

I shall review each individually as I see varying levels of skill.

For the first one - this one is really just 'meh' for me. For starters, it's confusing. It seems like it's meant to be a bit cryptic but i just don't get it. What I think your trying to say is that this person is floating along hapilly, unaffected by the choas surrounding them. On the other hand, this person is apparently being tortured and trying to endure. Generally, I think myy main confusion is weather this poem is happy, sad, or bittersweet.

Rosebuds is my least favorite of your poems. In the beginnning, it seems to be describing a rosebud, but then you've branched off into this whole other story which has nothing to do with rosebuds. At the end of each stanza you compare the scenes with rosebuds in some way, but it just doesn't work. When I think of these things, I don't think of rosebuds in the moonlight. Your describing this whole story with the godess, the king, and an offspring, then draggin us back to the image of the rosebuds... it doesn't fit right. As for the story itself.... I see a prince being born of a godess who is apparently married to the king and then she dies... thats at least my guess, I had to read it 3 times to get that much.

Through the oaks, I thought was really good. I don't know what the father means when he says he speaks for his son, but I thought it sounded very cool. Overall it has a very deep feeling to it, and I think you wrote it well.

I will be your tear is a mixed bag for me. The first stanza, or rather its secind 2 lines are awesome. The second stanza is not poorly written by any means, but I don't get how it pertains to being a tear. The same goes for the third stanza.

Long Ago looks like a beginning to a poem. In the last line we hear that your treasure is 'a love for you locked away in my heart' but maybe we could hear a little more about this love?