Writing Beginning of one of my (better) stories

[musical_kitten]

K sorry this is just the prologue I probably won't write anymore until I get my other story done, and even then I may not get to it. I have a long waiting list. Til then do enjoy, and comments are so welcome!!!

~*~

The thing loomed above her. She thought it had distinctive features, but this was just a fuzzy black blob with the exact same outline she remembered. She tried to scream as a bolt of lightning shot from the storm the enemy had created and aimed for her, but no sound came. Instead she gasped loudly as the bolt hit the ground right next to her; she could feel the heat radiating from it and the world spun for a moment. She regained her balance to find the huge shadow turning on her. It held up an arm-like section of its body, and it formed into a huge, uncurving claw, poising it above her. The claw plunged downward, and she tried to scream again, finding she couldn't move.

Suddenly she was shoved away, and she heard the claw bite into something. Looking over her shoulder she saw the something was actually someone - someone she didn't recognise, but thought she knew him somehow. Clutching a badly bleeding arm the other person mouthed words to her, but no sound came from anywhere.

[I]I can't hear you! I don't understand![/I] she screamed mentally at him. He winced in pain and barely managed to dodge the claw. He plowed into her, losing his balance, and she fell backwards.

[I]Go![/I] he mouthed silently, and pointed behind her. She felt the sticky sensation of his blood on her arm and across her shirt, but she didn't care.

[I]No![/I] she tried to scream at him. The claw came crashing down behind him; he twisted and managed to fall behind a large rock. The force of the claw's impact threw her against another rock;she felt a sharp pain up her arm, and she cried out silently. The rain from the storm mingled with her tears of pain and sorrow as she crawled through a break in the bushes. The storm raged aboce as she looked back; the claw had smashed her rescuer's boulder to pieces and was ready to strike another blow. A wave of tears broke loose and she turned away before she could watch the claw kill the one who'd rescued her. She climbed the stones - a small, two-foot ledge - and found herself on an unknown sidewalk made of hard grey stone. Still shaking with terror at the claw she could still see in her mind's eye and her new, unknown surroundings, she jumped in fright and ran into a darker, wider sidewalk. A pair of twin lights flashed, and something slammed into her. A white hot flash of pain crossed her vision for a split second before the world went black and-

She screamed. She screamed long and hard. The door to the room flew open and a blond-haired woman in white clothes flew in. Another, dark-haired woman came rushing in seconds after the first.

"She's up!" one of the women called. "She's awake!"

"Call Mr. and Mrs. Fielding. They'll want to know."

Voices filled the room, but she heard none of them. She kept on sobbing and flailing until one of the women laid a firm hand on her shoulder.

"Calm down," she ordered. "You'll only make it worse."

"Be nice, she's been through alot," one of the others retorted.

"We have no clue [I]what[/I] she's been through," the grouchy woman replied.

"Well, what do you expect? She's been in a coma for weeks," came another softer, voice.

She just laid there, sobbing.

~*~

So what do you think? Critique is good. Thank you so much for reading it.

[Revelation]

[color=#2D5D5D]Welcome to the OB Anthology, [B]musical_kitten[/B]. Have you had a chance to read the [URL=http://www.otakuboards.com/showthread.php?t=44313][B]OB Anthology Basics[/B][/URL]? If you haven't, you should because it tells you what a thread in the Arena requires.

One of the requirements that is absolutely needed is: [B]Thread Rating[/B]. Without one, a thread will be closed but the good news is that you can recreate you thread [i]with[/i] a rating.

[B]THREAD CLOSED[/B][/color]