Writing O' Brother not another, OB parody! [PG-13-LS}

[Aberinkula]

Okay I'm just "experamenting" with this. I need to expand my facilities. So I need something to Parody in a script form. So complain if you want cause I know soomeone will. So here's the cast

[list]
[*]Splity [me]
[*]The Joker [Jokopoko]
[*]Booberry [Boo]
[*]Mr. Boss [The Boss}
[/list]

[[U]B]CHAPTER 1: Probably the most ridiculas character this story needs.[/B][/U]

The outskirts of Otaku Town hold the most evil of villians. But only the hero can win. Don't cry cause you guys don't win. It's just too bad for you.

We meet our short but handsom hero Splity at his favorite restaraunt.

[CENTER][B]Splity:[/B]
I'll have the moo goo gai pan, with extra hamburger.

[B]Waitress:[/B]
Sir, moo goo gai pan is a soup. I think?

[B]Splity:[/B]
okay then I'll have the cheeseburger.

[B]Waitress:[/B]
Sir this is a vegatarian restaurant. We don't serve meat.

[B]Splity:[/B]
Okay. Then I'll have the ham sandwitch.

[B]Waitress:[/B]
Sir, WE DON'T SERVE MEAT!

[B]Splity: [/B]
Jesus, okay okay! Then I'll have the ... roast duck.

In a fit of rage the waitress storms off, throwing the menus all over the place.

[B]Splity:[/B]
Man, having are period today? Fine then I might as well go. Besides I sense a stupid writing scheme.

As Splity exited the restaurant an evil watched him leave.

[B]Booberry:[/B]
Mr. Boss I sense a stupid idiot who's oddly a super hero. What do I do?

Booberry paces back and forth waiting for an answer.

[B]Mr. Boss:[/B]
Sorry, readin the news paper. Anyway just attack him I guess. I'm not your leader you know!!

Booberry shrugs his shoulder, shakes his head then continues his talk.

[B]Booberry:[/B]
Mr. Boss, your the leader. Well fine anyway, I'll go "just attack him".

Booberry jumps off the building. In an attemp to land on his feet a truck smacks him, sending him packing.

[B]Booberry:[/B]
Should of seen that coming.

As he's flying Splity our very handsom hero is talking a walk in the park.

[B]officer:[/B]
Sir, feet off the grass.

[B]Splity:[/B]
Why are you chasing ON the grass then? No answer? I thought so.

Booberry walks towards Splity. Splity looks back, as Booberry hides behind a bush.

[B]Splity:[/B]
Hey you!

Booberry clenches his fist and curses.

[B]Booberry:[/B]
Oh, crap he spotted me.
[B]
Splity:[/B]
Mr. Bush can you give me directions to some oddly placed part of the city were I might be hit in the head by some evil person?

In a desperate attemp to hide his very easy to solve identity, Booberry gets in toon with nature.

[B]Booberry:[/B]
ummm, sure! Just go to the ghetto downtown and your wish will come true.

[B]Splity:[/B]
Okay. A wishing bush eh ? Can I have a pony?

[B]Booberry:[/B]
No, just go.

Splity shruggs and walks off. To the ghetto!!

[B]Splity:[/B]
Okay so I'm here. All I see is discarded condom wrappers and birth control pills.

On top of the roof lies yet another villian. The Joker.

[B]The Joker:[/B]
Bat ready. Okay now I go left, right, swerve, watch for pedestrians. Oh I'm hitting a man with a bat, not driving at driving school.

The Joker jumps off the roof and whacked Splity on the head.

[B]Splity:[/B]
No mommy. I don't want to shave gramma's back while feeding her milk.

As Splity fainted he cought a glimpse at this evil doer. And slept away.

The End? No..[/CENTER]

Here's a few notes.
1st. I only parodeyed the names...so far.
And for Boo you have a blue bear avi. And your username is boo. Thus Booberry. I havn't thought it thuroughly.

[Ellerby]

[COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]Your comma is in the wrong place in the title. It should go after Brother if anything (think of the comma as a pause).

On to the actual story... It was very bland. First of all, there was absolutely no story and it had some serious spelling errors. Second of all, you don't even know Will, Boris or Mike. [i]Maybe[/i] you talk to Will, but I [i]know[/i] you don't talk to Boris so you certainly don't know him well enough to put him in a story.

The capitals in "WE DON'T SERVE MEAT" isn't necessary. There are bold and italics for that kind of thing. There were also quite a few grammar errors. I suggest using SpellCheck.net before posting.

And I'm not sure if this was intentional or not, but it's 'Goo Goo Mai' not 'Moo Goo Gai'.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[DeadSeraphim]

[COLOR=Indigo][SIZE=1][FONT=Arial][quote name='White][COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]The capitals in "WE DON'T SERVE MEAT" isn't necessary. There are bold and italics for that kind of thing. There were also quite a few grammar errors. I suggest using [b][u][i]SpllCheck.net[/i][/u][/b] before posting.[/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]
BAM, irony![/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[quote name='White][color=DimGray][font=Tahoma']Your comma is in the wrong place in the title. It should go after Brother if anything (think of the comma as a pause).[/quote] [font=Verdana][size=1][color=black]
Uh, White, darling, the comma is there deliberately. If you take your own advice and think of the comma as a pause, then read it. It's like lyrics. They rhyme. If you're having trouble, see the comma as a slash; "O brother not another/ OB parody". The brother and the "another" rhyme, as do "OB" and "parody".

Split Keyblader, I think the issue I have with this is that it has no reason. I don't understand why you're in the coffee shop, I don't get why you go somewhere else, and I'm a little confused most of the way there.
Also, some description would be nice.

[Just something else to add to White; frankly, writing about the people you know on OB is the problem I have with OB parodies. Enter the Net was so good because it was universal. It included many, if not most of the active members of the time. To be frank and selfishly egotistical, I have little to no interest in an OB parody if it doesn't involve me, so I think expansion is a good idea. I'm all for it. I think it's good that he's writing something he doesn't know.]
[color=DimGray][font=Tahoma][/font][/color][/color][/size][/font][/font][/color]

[Boo]

[size=1]Wait... Bluebear > Blueberry > Booberry?

Well, as honouring as the idea is that I'm in this story, you may want to use people you actually know a bit (or at least have talked to, so you know what they're like). This wasn't a parody, it was just a really odd story with user names of OtakuBoards used in it.

I myself find parodies fun when you can really recognize the parody in the original (person). They're mostly more fun when I myself am in it, but that, of course, is just because I'm awesome (in however way you may describe me)... Yeah. Try to mainly use people whose character you know a bit better. Unless it's James or Desbreko. Everyone can use James and Desbreko in their parodies, even if you have no idea what they're like.

It slightly made me smile at times, but overall you were a bit too senseless, as mentioned. Try using [b]bold[/b] on the talking people's names by the way. It makes it a bit easier on the eye. I think so, at least.

Oh, and please explain the berry part in my name. o_O; [/size]

[DeathKnight]

[color=crimson]Steps to success:

1. Use a spell check prior to throwing this stuff at us.
2. Understand what a 'parody' is and make sure you know enough about the people you're using in your story that you are parodying them, lol.
3. Develop a better sense of humor and comedic timing.
4. Give us a little more backstory as where you are and why you are doing what you do.
5. Keep trying. You'll get it eventually.[/color]

[Aberinkula]

[COLOR=Red]Well as you know I'm the kind of member who doesn't think his plans well enough. And for the title the comma [COLOR=Blue][B]is[/B][/COLOR] there delibrately. I've tried (many) stories that got bad cred. So I want to just go slow with this. It's a practice but wanted to see how'ed it go. And I do know that DW is a comedic kind of person. That's probably almost all I know about members. Exept Charles he convays deep messeges in his banner/avis. So if you guys want to tell me what your like so I can set your parody character's personality in a fitting manner just PM me.

Okay I know what you guys mean. This was short so I didn't spell check it. Nex tchapter [COLOR=Blue][B]will [/B] [/COLOR] be cause' I have word. Found it a month ago.[/COLOR]

[Charles]

Steps to Success:

1) Stop making OtakuBoards parodies.

Most OtakuBoards members aren't interesting enough to parody. Stick to inventing your own characters instead of working with pre-existing ones.

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Obviously, I have no idea who any of these people are, so my review may not be as biased. For starters, I am often a fan of randomness in comedy, but only TRUE randomness. Your story was okay, but fell into the pits of far to many cliches. For instance, I love it when a character talks to an inanimate object and thinks it's alive, but it's been done a million times; so unless your writing is truly hilarious, it's just another talking inanimate object.

Most of your story was, in my opinion, just another random story. It wasn't total crap, but it was no [B]Bobobo-bo bo-bobo[/B].

As for the issue of whether or not you should parody characters you don't know, it's a double edged sword. On the one hand, if you dont know them, you can't properly parody them. On the other hand, like [B]Lady Asphyxia [/B] pointed out, people don't care if they aren't in it.

The only conclusion is to just not write an OB parody XD[/COLOR]

[Ellerby]

[COLOR=DimGray][FONT=Tahoma]If the comma was deliberate, then wouldn't it be something else? Like a colon or period? Ah well.

And yeah, I typed out "Spll" instead of "Spell." But that's a typo, not a spelling error (I guess I really should have used SpellCheck.net first before telling him to, but it's not like I was posting a story chapter or anything).[/FONT][/COLOR]

[James]

[font=arial]Yeah, the comma there actually isn't right. It should be a period or perhaps even a semi-colon I'd say. A comma is used mid-sentence, but in this context I think we're really talking about two sentences pretty much.

Anyway, I agree with Lady Asphy...these things only work when they are very inclusive and involve more than just someone's direct group of friends.

So Enter the Net should is really the benchmark...and I don't think I've seen a single OB parody that comes anywhere close to it in terms of being as effective or as interesting to read. It's just going to take practice and an understanding of why EtN worked so well - the inclusiveness is particularly important.[/font]