Writing Nanking Article--Advice Please [E]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]I've recently started college and due to the fact that I want to study Journalism at University I've had to start up a portoflio of articles. To help with this, I've joined the college magazine as well as the History magazine, aptly named Anachronistic.

My first article is on the Rape of Nanking, which I'm sure a few of you have heard about. Obviously I can't add in a lot of the horrific details but I've tried to sum the events up in approximately a page and a quarter in MSWord. My deadline is October 6th, so I have plenty of time before I need to submit it, but I wanted your general opinion first. If I've made any historical errors or if there's something you feel should be included then please let me know. Thanks.

[INDENT][CENTER][B]The Nanking Massacre[/B].[/CENTER]

When asked of the most horrifying events from our world history, I imagine that most people will answer with Hitler?s attempted destruction of the Jews, or how Stalin killed millions of his own people in his bid to make Russia a powerful force. However, the Chinese will always remember the horrifying months from December 1937 to March 1938 when the Japanese army attacked China?s capital city, that of Nanking.

I found out about this event whilst reading a fictional novel, which drew on real historical happenings from the attack on Nanking. I became very interested in this event in history, especially due to my love of Japan and it?s culture. While I knew it had been criticised many times over for how it?s army handled prisoners of war, I was in no way prepared for the facts put to me in Iris Chang?s chilling account, a book entitled [I]?The Rape of Nanking?[/I].

Perhaps the most saddening thing about the attack on Nanking is the fact that to this day the Japanese government refuse to apologise for the atrocities it?s soldiers carried out in its attack of the Chinese capital. While German?s have given countless apologies for how Hitler treated the Jews, and for this the world respects them so much more, there are a significant amount of people in Japan who will simply refuse to accept that Nanking ever happened, despite an overwhelming amount of evidence both from eye witness accounts and shocking photographs.

To explain all that happened during the massacre would simply take too long, but ?ll try my best to summarise briefly the devastating effect the Japanese army had on the citizens of Nanking.

When the Japanese army entered the city the original orders had been to round up all the citizens peacefully and to quash any small rebellions with minimal force. The Japanese army were supposed to show to Chinese that they were organised and disciplined and they were to let the Chinese know that this would be a peaceful take over. However, by December 13, after the city had been successfully defeated and the Chinese troops pushed back, the Japanese army began their three months long destruction of the city and it?s people.

It isn?t clear what started the mass killings, but it is thought that a forged order was sent to officers in Nanking to kill all prisoners of war, as they would only be a drain on the army?s resources. Hundreds of men were taken out into the wheat fields without knowing what was going to happen, only to be mown down by machine guns and thrown into pits that would serve as mass graves.

This in itself is very hard to comprehend, however the Japanese army took their killing to another level, and targeted any Chinese person that they found. Eventually the soldiers started killing games and amused themselves by torturing captives in the most heinous ways they could think of, taking themselves from being soldiers with an order to kill to heartless monsters.

Most of the information we have to go on for the events in Nanking comes from European and American engineers that were stationed in Nanking during the war. These men set up an International Safety Zone, which, while it protected many, was also targeted by the Japanese on numerous occasions. Their courage no doubt saved hundreds and thousands of lives and the fact that they recorded all that they saw gives us an excellent insight into what it must have been like to live in Nanking while the Japanese occupied it. However, one has to wonder why the western world never did anything to stop what was happening.

It estimated that nearly 370,000 Chinese innocents died during the three months in which the Japanese army occupied Nanking and I think that the phrase Iris Chang uses in her book, calling it "The forgotten Holocaust of WWII", is truly appropriate.[/INDENT]


[U]As a side note:[/U] If you're interested in Nanking, the book I'm currently reading, 'The Rape of Nanking', is fantastic. /plug[/SIZE]

[Sakura]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Wow, Jay. It's so deep and emotional. I have to admit that until this very time I had never heard of the Nanking Massacre, and being someone that knows scratch about the topic, this has really informed me and given me all the required information, along with references which were nicely put in, and a link back to the novel. I truly thought this was an excellent piece, I especially loved the emotive language and strong voice behind the article, and it's good that it isn't flooded with large words to make it overly impressive. There are a few things I'd like to mention, nothing really big and you don't have to pay attention.

Firstly I don't know if it's different there, but I saw you used "it's" a lot, where I have learnt we should use "its". I really don't know because it's up to the culture and how it teaches but we were taught "it's" is only used for the abbreviation of "it is" and nothing else, everything else being "its".

In the third paragraph; "...there are a significant amount of people in Japan who will simply refuse to accept that Nanking ever happened..." I was thinking that maybe you'd like to use "acknowledge" over "accept"?

There's a quick typo in the fourth paragraph; "To explain all that happened during the massacre would simply take too long, but ?ll try my best to summarise briefly the devastating effect the Japanese army had on the citizens of Nanking." and it obviously should be "I'll", which everyone would know.

"However, by December 13, after the city had been successfully defeated and the Chinese troops pushed back, the Japanese army began their three months long destruction of the city and it?s people" I think "months" should be "month", not sure why but that's how I see it, and how most people say things like that.

I think that's all I have to say. Again, you don't have to pay any attention to the comments if you don't want to. It's lovely and very informative, good luck with your studies and work in the magazine, and I hope to see other articles by you ^^. [/COLOR] [/SIZE]

[Ezekiel]

[SIZE=1]Thanks so much for pointing all those typos out, Sakura, I'm a sloppy typer so I miss most of them x_o

The 'its' and 'it is' thing gets me every single time, so I'll go through it again and change them.

I'm glad you thought it was emotive, because that's what I was trying to go for. There's been more than one occasion where I've wanted to cry whilst reading the book, so being able to get even a small amount of emotion through is a huge releief.

You've been a great help, thanks again.[/SIZE]

[Retribution]

[QUOTE]I found out about this event whilst reading a fictional novel, which drew on real historical happenings from the attack on Nanking. I became very interested in this event in history, especially due to my love of Japan and it?s culture. While I knew it had been criticised many times over for how it?s army handled prisoners of war, I was in no way prepared for the facts put to me in Iris Chang?s chilling account, a book entitled ?The Rape of Nanking?.[/QUOTE]
[size=1]Try to use the word "I" less. While you don't actually use it to the point of annoyance, it's good to cut down on them in an article for the sole reason it's not about you. The word "I" excludes the reader.

[QUOTE]However, one has to wonder why the western world never did anything to stop what was happening.[/QUOTE]
Make this line more scathing; ex: "wonder why the western world watched the massacre of thousands". I would also recommend adding in more adjectives in other places to add to the emotion of the article. You've done very well in recounting the events, but the picture you've given us is black and white (if you get what I'm saying).

Aside from that, try not to make it a synopsis of Nanking, but an article that offers a new point of view on it. I would recommend you discuss the reprocussions of these actions and/or how it is portrayed now.

Pretty good, though. I wish there were more writers like you for my school's paper.[/size]

[Gavin]

[SIZE=1]Interesting, most interesting.

I have to admit Jamie, from the time I actually finished reading the thread, to the time I've managed to collect my thoughts has been considerable. The Nanking Massacre was completely unknown to me before now, my knowledge of the Second World War is confined more so to Europe and Africa. My initial reaction to many Japanese people refusing to admit wrong-doing in this affair was a lack of surprise, many cultures refuse to acknowledge wrongs done in war, and World War II was most certainly one of the most brutal on a global scale. However the deaths of 370,000 innocent civilians are not the same as the deaths of 370,000 soldiers, nor are the torture and murder of said civilians excusable under any pretence of war.

Overall I'm impressed with the piece of work, though I do agree with Alex when he says that you should try and add your own perspective, of a European becoming more aware of Asian history "in this new millennium" to the event.[/SIZE]

[DeathKnight]

[quote name='Retribution][size=1']Make this line more scathing; ex: "wonder why the western world watched the massacre of thousands".[/size][/quote]

[color=crimson]The international policy at the time in regards the Commonwealth/France/Allies was appeasement. Their eyes were fixated more on the Spanish Civil War anyway.[/color]

[quote name='Ezekiel][SIZE=1']Perhaps the most saddening thing about the attack on Nanking is the fact that to this day the Japanese government refuse to apologise for the atrocities it?s soldiers carried out in its attack of the Chinese capital. [/quote][/size]

[color=crimson]They have apologized routinely over the past three decades for the entire scope of the war crimes. I won't say the apologies were anything more than political maneuverings though.

Still, they have done it in some form.[/color]

[quote name='Ezekiel][SIZE=1']It isn?t clear what started the mass killings, but it is thought that a forged order was sent to officers in Nanking to kill all prisoners of war, as they would only be a drain on the army?s resources. [/quote][/size]

[color=crimson]Just prior to this the Battle of Shanghai happened and it did a pretty brutal number on the Japanese Army. Urban combat, hand to hand fighting and general attritional warfare can cause you to crack a bit in the head.[/color]

[quote name='Ezekiel][SIZE=1']It estimated that nearly 370,000 Chinese innocents died during the three months in which the Japanese army occupied Nanking and I think that the phrase Iris Chang uses in her book, calling it "The forgotten Holocaust of WWII", is truly appropriate[/quote][/size]

[color=crimson]There's nothing wrong with this just, it irks me a bit. None of the major players in World War 2 are absolved of sin. A list of things I can remember off the top of my head:

The firebombing of Dresden (100,000 civilians in a non-military city, massive destruction) and most of Japan (50-90% of all major Japanese cities were destroyed, 100,000 civilians killed in Tokyo alone) by the Allies, the Katyn forest massacre (20,000+ POWs/Civilians/Intellectuals mass executed by the NKVD) and the massive looting/plundering & rape of civilians by the Red Army all across Eastern Germany (millions of reported rape victims, equal numbers died from starvation/the elements fleeing to the west to avoid these atrocities).

The entirety of World War 2 is full of various atrocities committed by the Allies, Comintern and Axis.

Just, only one side can win and their sins seem to be less well known accordingly.[/color]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]I have to be honest here. For an article, it's kind of...blah. Now I don't study Journalism -- my knowledge of it is limited to what I learnt in High School English, and we mostly dissected articles, not wrote them -- but it seems to me that it's too in-between. From what I see, articles generally come in two formats. One is where it's just the facts, without much personal stuff. "This happens on this day, this many people were killed." It's the kind of reporting you tend to see on the news. "Today in Lebanon, fighting resumed after a temporary peace treatease was broken by revolutionist soldiers"...or whatever. [Made that up, by the way. I don't know what's happening in Lebanon at the moment at all, heh.]

And then there's the 'interest piece' articles, where the story and all the facts almost take second place to the emotional persuasion the writer is using. It tends to use emotional language to pull the reader in. "slaughtered" instead of "killed", for instance. It also puts the writer's personal view into, and it becomes quite opinionated, although it still enlightens and provides information while you read it.

The latter is where I see you going with this piece. You have the basic foundations; you have the first person, you know your facts. What you need to do is write this in a way that will make me sit back and [rightly or wrongly] go, "This is [i]much[/i] worse than anything I've ever heard before!"

Don't be afraid to include your own opinion (in terms of language, particularly). Use emotive words, words that will get a reaction.

[quote][/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=1] When asked of the most horrifying events from our world history, I imagine that most people will answer with Hitler?s attempted destruction of the Jews, or how Stalin killed millions of his own people in his bid to make Russia a powerful force. However, the Chinese will always remember the horrifying months from December 1937 to March 1938 when the Japanese army attacked China?s capital city, that of Nanking.[/quote] My advice in this paragraph would be to cut out the "I imagine", so it becomes "When asked about the most horrifying events from our world history, most people[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=1] are likely to answer..."

Then, instead of using [i]However,[/i] I would enter with something like "Lesser known but just as horrendous is the attacks against the Chinese in the months from December 1937 to March 1938, when the Japanese army attacked their[/size][/font][font=Verdana][size=1] capital city, Nanking."

[Also be wary of using horrifying twice in one sentence.]

If you say, "The Chinese will always remember", my automatic response is "It's just some country-specific event and why should I care?" Try to make it as audience-encompassing as possible. ^_^


My suggestion, too, would be to cut the paragraph talking about how you found out about the event. I don't think it's that relevant, really. It doesn't add much to the article itself, and serves no ultimate purpose, unless you're writing a book review, lol.


The best advice I can give you is to come up with the angle you're going for (generally a short sentence). Probably it's something along the lines of "The Nanking massacre was really bad and it's worse because they won't admit it happened." And then write to that. Every sentence you write should somehow strive to make us believe that. It should add to our conviction when we read it. Don't just report on the events, [i]emote [/i]on them. [Hehe, it sounds so dirty. :p] The occasional short and punchy sentence can hold a lot of effect [and they're fun, too!] I'd also take a look at the structure; maybe tell us what the horrifying event was, and then mention that it's worse because they won't admit it.

Ultimately, I think you have a good, solid foundation. If you edit and revise it, I think you can turn it into a captivating and compelling read. [And then post it up here, because I think you've got a lot of potential. The line, "Perhaps the saddest thing..." was great.]

So, yeah. Find your angle and write to it.
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