Writing (Yaoi story) When the glasses are off [M-SL]

[duoikari]

[B]Contains a Sexual theme[/B]
ok i hope i done the rating wright, i got a bit confused at certain parts where it had the 'What may influence a thread's rating' part. But here i go

I've only ever posted one story on here, but it got taken down cos it had yaoi rape in it and it was writen too graphially. So this is a nicer softer story, with a enjoyable plot behind it.

Just have to give a few keys for you people, cos i write funny

[I]word[/I]- this is a thought, as in what the character is thinking at the time.
'word' -I just put this down cos i only use one comma when i type speech, cos it makes it easier for me

By the way this story hasn;t been spell checker by a professional yet, but i have read through it twice. Please give feedback

When the glasses are off
?Antonio, stop now!? I shouted out as the stupid idiot next to still continued to kiss and nibble on the side of my neck.
?Well?. Put the ?.book down? Antonio spoke in between his kiss that he was placing down my neck, but then started biting my neck ever so slightly. I whined back and shrugged my shoulder as a deterrent or at last a hint that I wanted him to stop, but as usual he never listened. He still continued, he even had the nerve to graze his hand along my leg, working his hand up to the top of it. I give him another shrug almost shoving my whole shoulder blade into his neck, but it only made him lick and nibble on the spot that he had bitten, had become a sore spot on my neck. The strange feeling of his wet tongue on my neck made me jump and with out meaning to, I elbowed him in the stomach.
?Ow!!!? was all I heard as Antonio stopped immediately and pulled himself away from my neck and laid his head down on the pillow, which was on his side of the bed.

?You?re so cold, your more interested in a book then me? he whined aloud and rubbed his head into his pillow, pressing himself face first into it. Good sufficiate was my first thoughts but I kept that to myself and just ignored him, he normally acted like this when he couldn?t get sex when he wanted, after 11 years of living together I guess you could say that I had got used to his tantrums and fits by this stage. ?Quatre?????
?Hmm?? I continued to read, yet I knew it was arrogating him. I tried to find the sentences that I was on before I was rudely interrupted. I wasn?t actually looking to see where or what Antonio was doing, I just gazed straight down at the book, skimming the page with my eyes as it lay in my lap. Then suddenly a large almost tanned hand swarmed over the page.

I rolled my eyes and folded the corner of the page that I was on just in case I got interrupted again.
?This book is really good you know, but there seems to be a hand here. Might have to take it back to the store? I let out a tutting noise, pushing the tanned hand from my view and continued from where I was before I was rudely interrupted. I got a ?hum? as a reply as well, the lonely Antonio slide back to where he was moments earlier and wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling his head into my neck and rubbing the tip of his nose under my chin. ?Antonio?.please, I?ll trying to read? why do I have such a persistent lover? And why is he always so horny? I sighed to myself, shaking my head as I tried to read, determined this time to continue and not give in. I strengthened my grip around my book and continued to follow the words on the page.

?Quatre? I?m trying to get laid here? I felt the grin come over his face as he began to lick the same bite mark, whilst his hand caressed over my leg and the other found it way back onto my hand again. Sarcastic Bastard, he?s weakening me I thought, as his hand hovered over my leg, just brushing passed the hairs on it. ?Quatre?? Antonio whisper slowly into my ear, while he rubbed his long fingers over my knuckles, slowly pushing his hand into mine, licking under my chin as well.

?hmm?.Antonio?? Fuck, he?s beat me I moaned lightly and leaded into him. I heard a chuckle of victory from his lips, he placed his hand down on my leg and stroked it upwards, tugging at my boxers. My grip started to loosen on the side of the book, my eyes began to narrow tight and close as I felt him make another trail of kisses down my neck, pausing at a new spot and biting down ever so slightly.

?Antonio!!!? I pushed him away harshly, without meaning too really but I didn?t want to be push into this tonight and I certainly wasn?t in the mood for him to fuck about with me.

?See, you?re so cold? He slide back to his side of the bed and folded his arms, keeping a lonesome expression on his face. I growled in anger.
?I?m not cold!!, I just don?t want to get laid every ten minutes that all, and besides it?s your night off work you should be having a early night not playing around like this.? I rubbed the side of my neck as I spoke, the side which Antonio had been suckling on. As I touched the spots on my neck, they burned slightly and felt very sore, almost like and insect bite except it didn?t have that itchy feeling to it.

?It?s not that I wanna get laid every ten minutes, it?s just that I wanted to spend some time with you, that?s all?? He unfolded his arms and turned over onto his side and cuddled one of my arms again. His eyes look so glassy behind them frames and the darkness of the room made his eyes almost glow, he pushed his bottom lip out and made it quiver while whining like a puppy would. I give out a heavy sigh, almost giving up and allowing my body to relax and gazed down at him, giving him a stern look.

?You?re seriously unbelievable, you know that??? I shook my head as Antonio rose up from his slump, came closer to me and rubbed his nose under my chin, like some tom cat and sliding his greases hand through my hair.

?hehehe, guess I?m better then the book?? He gripped the hand which I still had on the book in and placed it above my head, forcing down onto the pillow as he got onto his knee and clamber over to sit on top of me. He had to sit himself right on my hips as well, which started to ache under his weight. Antonio leaned his thin body over mine and rested his over arm down right next to my face and sieved his fingers through my hair. While all the time, keeping a lustful expression on his face and a cheeky grin, which went from cheek to cheek on his face.

Antonio?s eyes soften from behind his frames as he leaned his head down, allowing his hair to fall down and wave in front of his face.
?Ok? you win? His smiled widened (if that was possible) and he snatched the book out of my hand, shut it and through it on the side table next to my side of the bed. ?Hey!, no need to throw it? I give him a stern look, before I pouted and glanced to the side to see where the book had landed.
?Well it?s your fault, you know I need attention, I?m like a puppy dog, if you don?t give me attention I?ll go shit in your slipper.? He released my hand, allowing me to sit up a little bit. Leaning on my elbows, I raised myself up as Antonio just sat there on my hips, I swear if he was a puppy his tail would have been wagging by now.

?Hehehehe, looks like it?s sex for me and you tonight? He narrowed his eyes at me, running them up and down my body, eying me up, whilst still keeping the grin on his face.

?Antonio your heavy, get off. Otherwise I?ll hit you with a newspaper? I smiled to myself and I listen to him chuckle.
?Your a laugh riot, really you are? He leaned down again and pressed his forehead against mine and rubbed his nose against mine like Eskimos. I titled my head to the side and smiled, I must have looked so seductive to him. Antonio gave a slight chuckle, he leaned over my body and placed his hand either side of my head, while still keeping our foreheads in contact. I giggle too and looked deep into his eyes, well into the frame of his glasses anyway and smiled to myself. I laid on back, with Antonio?s forehead still pressed against mine and our noses faintly touching.
?Is the puppy in heat? the corner of Antonio?s lip curled as he narrowed his eyes at me, while he placed his hands in mine as they lay flat on the pillow and closed them.

He was reaching closer towards me and as our lips were inches away from each other, ?hmm? he said before I launched up and forced my lips onto his, wrapping my arms around his neck and fumbling my right hand through his hair. I closed my eyes and let my tongue get worked on, allowing him to dominate me in everyway, letting him lick and suck when he wanted. I squealed out in pleasure just before he forced his lips on mine again and locked them there, licking all the inside of my mouth, rubbing his tongue against. I moaned into his mouth and gasped for air whenever I could, each time being forced back into the kiss.

His hot breathe blew down on me as he grunted and breathed through his nose while we kissed, he gripped my hair and pushed the back of my head down into the pillow as he widen his mouth and kissed me deeper. He was grating his tongue against mine as well as sucking hard so that he could control me more, he licked the top half of my mouth and then quickly moved it back down and curled his tongue around mine. I felt his hand glided up my T-shirt, while the other hand gripped my hair and Antonio pulled my hair slightly, forcing my head back so that he could push the kiss deeper.

?Antonio? don?t.?I gasped as I pulled away, groaning very lightly as I sighed, the crows feet appeared at the corner of his eyes behind the frames of his glasses as usual as he smirked again at me.
Whilst he stared at me he rubbed his thumb over my nipple from under my t-shirt, teasing it somewhat, rubbing it upwards then pinching it hard. I twitched and gasped as he pinched it very hard, he was still looking down at me watching every movement on my face and sneering cheekily all the time. I wiggled underneath him, as I started to really feel his full weight from on top of me. I whimpered again and arced my back, hoping to deter him from carrying on, but it only made him worse.

Antonio chuckled to himself one last time, then unexpectedly grab my t-shirt with his other hand and pulled my it over my head and over my arms, pulling it completely off. He gazed down at my bare chest, narrowing his eyes on two certain little circles. ?You look so good topless? Antonio grinned and leaned down and licked my right nipple and teasing the left one by pinching it with his index finger and thumb.

?An-ntonio?.please?? I pleaded with him to stop as I felt myself starting to harden in a certain spot as my groin area started to ache. He still continued to do want he liked, rubbing my right nipple upwards with his tongue and then biting down gently, which cause me to whimper and whine as my nipple became red. He continually pinched the other one and occasionally dug his nails down on to the peek of it, then circled his fingers around it.

I had my eyes closed and as I opened them a little and I was faced with a reflection of myself staring back at me, I was startled and with out thinking I pushed Antonio away.

It was then that I noticed another pair of eyes looking at me, which were far too dark to be Antonio?s eyes. That?s when I saw my reflection in the lens of his glasses, just staring back at me, with the reflection being slightly distorted and more curved that what it should be. I saw a flustered and blushing blonde haired guy staring back at me, with roses cheeks and hair waving all over the place. I gulped hard and panted ever so slight as I stared back at myself.

?What?s up??? I blinked several times before I realized I had been staring at my reflection for a long time. I guess I was sort of embarrassed, I had never seen my expression during sex and if I looked like that then I wouldn?t want to either. Antonio leaned up to me and glanced down at me as I quickly turned my head away and closed my eyes. It was so embarrassing to see myself with such an erotic face, and every time I looked at Antonio I would still see the reflection staring back at me.
?Quat, what?s wrong??? I blushed to myself more, I didn?t know what else to say, I mean, I couldn?t exactly tell Antonio that I didn?t like him with his glasses on, after all it wasn?t his fault that he needed them. Then an idea hit me, so I thought up a little plan in my head.

?Nothing?? I pounced upwards and into his arms almost in an upright position and faced him face to face, with our lips just a few centimeters from each other. I placed my hand on his cheek and caressed it lightly before I planted a deep kiss on his lips and carefully slide his glasses off and over his head, just as he had done with my t-shirt.
?Hey!!, don?t? He gasped out as he broke off the kiss and tried to grab the glasses from my hand. I grinned widely and put both of my arms around his neck and sat on his lap.

?Why??, need Glasses to know my body?? I knew Antonio would never turn down a challenge, it was one of the sad disadvantages of having a stubborn lover, they never did what was asked of them, especially if it was something they didn?t want to do. Antonio frowned and put his head down for a few seconds as he sulked to himself.
?Well??? I said and raised an eyebrow.

?Hum? fine, lets see who?s right then? I smiled so wide that my cheeks hurt in the corners, Antonio slide the glasses from out of my hand and placed them on the side table, not too far from where I had placed my book. He glanced back at me and settle his hand down on the side of my face, he rubbed his thumb along the bottom of my chin, then slowly but surely worked it upwards and found my bottom lip. He tenderly rubbed his thumb along my bottom lip and then planted a soft kiss on my lips, which was followed by a deeper kiss.

I put my arms around his neck again and held him close to me as we kissed and licked each others lips, I allowed him to dominate me once again and just went along with what he was doing. I kept my eyes closed through out but often opened my eyes which got met by my partners stunning blue lustfully staring back at me

Pulling back, he licked his lips and a sly expression came over his face as he done it and before I knew it he had grab my arm and stole his glasses from my grip. ?Fine, we?ll just place these here? He gave me quite a forceful push causing me to fall back on the bed. Antonio was grinning like a Cheshire cat now and creped over to me, leaning over my body again, after he had placed his glasses down on the side table, right next to where the book had landed a little while ago.

?You want me glass-less then you got me glass-less? He quickly run his finger along my lip and then forcefully pushed his own on them. I laughed vaguely into the kiss because I knew he had to feel where my lips were before he kissed me. Antonio was short sighted so he wasn?t very good with thing close up to him, that?s why he was always consistently wore his glasses. Our lips smacked together once again and the sounds of us making love echoed through out the room.

I turned my head to the sided and moaned quietly, Antonio licked the other side of my neck and skimmed his hand along my belly, eventually finding the waist line of my boxers and sliding his hand down inside them.
?An-ntonio? the kids? I whined out load as his cold hands grabbed my length tightly and his thumb brushed over the tip oh it. I wanted to cry out, but I couldn?t and I tried to drown out the noise myself by covering my mouth with my hands.

?Hey, their asleep?they won?t hear? I felt his hot breath against my neck, his voice rattling against my skin, sending shivers down my spine, not mention what he was doing to me under my boxers.
?Ahhh? stop please?? He squeezed my length I his hand and press his thumb down hard at the tip making me harden as he continued to kiss and bite at the side of my neck, leisurely working his way downwards and kissing my collar bone again. I pulled my knees together, while I gasped out for air, but Antonio had his own plans and grip the side of my boxer shorts and pulled them down my legs. Eventually sliding them over my knees and tossing them over to one side. ?Antonio?stop?
He moved his groin up against me, teasingly rubbed and grinding himself into me, I could feel his hard errection digging into me even though he still had his briefs on. He stared down at my cruelly as he rocked his hips back and forth.

?Why do you keep telling me to stop?, you don?t normally tell me to?? I blushed and stretched my hands down to hide my hardness.
?Beca-ause?.cum is a pain to wash out of clothes?? I bite my bottom lip and looked to the side, while Antonio laughed.
?Ok then, guess I?ll have to loose a layer too then? He stood on his knees and straighten himself up, then removed his T-shirt off and throwing that to the side as he did with my t-shirt. Then he sliding his briefs down his hips as he panted heavily, throwing them to the side as well. He felt his way down to my legs, spreading my legs slightly and gazing down at me, cupping my butt cheeks in the palm of his hands, and then slowly lowering himself down there.

?No? Antonio please not there!!? I almost screamed out loud, as a wet sensation came over me, I began to pant faster and groaned as I felt Antonio drag his tongue slowly over my entrance. I cried out louder, and gripped the pillow tightly with both hands, creating a fist with my hands while I dug the tips of my toes into the bed, opening my legs wider.

I through my head back and just started to relax but then I felt his tongue slowly entering me, circle around before being taken back out and being circled around the rim of my entrance. I opened my mouth as wide as I could, even feeling salvia starting to run out of the corner of my mouth as I moaned into the air quietly, I forced my mouth closed and bite down hard on my bottom lip struggling to hold in my cries. Antonio?s tongue was going around and around my hole, slashing my ring and then entering inside me at certain points. At one point he started to lick underneath my sack, dragging his tongue upwards and just guiding it over the bottom of my sack he knows how to make me so wild.

?Antonio?hurry, please?? He lifted his head up and wiped a trail of salvia from his mouth.
?I can?t hold on any longer either? I big sigh left his mouth and he stared down lusting at my body, all curled up on bed, ready to bust. I saw his eyes glaze down at every inch of my body, taking in the sweat and tears he had just cause me, he eventually smiled and tucked a loose hair behind his ear. ?I?m gonna put it in now? I gratefully nodded, although I don?t suppose he could have seen that without his glasses on.

He carefully fished around with his finger first, finally finding my hole and entering a finger inside, before he carefully eased his erection inside me, inch by inch. I yelped and tighten my grip on the pillow as my whole entrance stretched and contracted as he entered me. Antonio give a quick thrust when he was almost in and then keep his cock inside me while he leaned over me and give me a light kiss on the lips.

I felt a tear well up in my eye, I whimpered and breathed out heavily, he comforted me again and licked under my chin. I could feel his fingers around my entrance, prodding around to try and find my hole, then eventually aiming his hardness up with me. I winced out, throwing my hands into his hair and grasping it tightly as he forced his hardness inside me.
?Sorry, but you feel so tight. It?s like I?m being sucked in.? He said and continued to lick my face. All my insides contorted and twitched as I felt him enter me, Antonio caught both of my legs under his elbows and pushed them upwards.

He grunted and then thrusted himself hard inside me as he put his arms scrambled and landed either side of my head, huff into his face as looked down into my eyes. ?You feels so nice inside? he said again as he grasped the bottom of my leg and tucked it under his arm again, pushing my legs back as far as they would go. He rocked into my body and kissed me deeply as he rocked, moving himself around inside me, poking into different places trying to find what he knew what make me scream.

He thrusted into me deeper and I twitched, arcing my back up as an overwhelming heat came over me as well as a slight tingling sensation. Antonio panted through his smile and breathed down onto me and he persistently thrusted into that one spot, causing my whole body to sweat and me to groan out at full volume. I slide my arms down to his neck, leaning upwards to deeply kissed him on the lips, my hand slide further down and I dragged my nails into his back, while moaning and crying out all the time.

?Q-quat? I?m gonna?cum? I closed my eyes tight and tolerated the kisses and licking, which was making me hotter. Antonio pounded into me hard and faster, then gripped some locks of my hair. He grunted loudly and then he grasped my hair tightly, pulling it downwards, making my head tilt back yet again. We both moaned as he thrusted into me, Antonio pushed his head down onto my fore head and panted into my face just before his whole body stiffened.

His shoulder stiffened too, as a complex facial expression came over him, I shed tears and practically drilled my nails into his shoulder blades as a hot liquid entered me. I gasped and pressed the back of my head on the pillow, foot twitched madly and my eyes flickered, I lifted my hips upwards, feeling my insides tighten up and twist. I felt myself climax and release, spilling myself all over his stomach. I was releasing a lot of cum, my right eye stayed closed as I continued to feel Antonio inside me and still dribbling inside me. I rubbed one of my hands up to Antonio?s hair and clenched it in my fist as I moaned, reacting to the amount that was filling me.

Antonio pulled himself out of him, my inside clenched and I sensed that I was oozing out what had just entered me. Antonio laid his body down top of mine, laying his head carefully on my chest, while he and I caught our breath. I lay there, puffing while I stroked one hand through his hair, with his body weight on top of me and my sore ring jerking and shuddering.

?You do know? I?ll have to change the sheets in the morning?

[Sandy]

Hmm, where to start... This was an interesting little story, the first piece of homosexual erotica I've personally seen on this board.

First of all, YAOI is an anime/manga term, and should only be used to describe Japanese comics or cartoons that contain homosexual themes, at least in my opinion.

As for the story, I loved how it built up with the tension between Antonio and Quatre. I was practically siding with Antonio, as I saw that his purpose was to show his love to his partner, who had begun to grow weary of their relationship. In all honesty, and I didn't even expect anything else, the aim of this story seemed to be to describe a sex act, which it did pretty well. I'm not a big fan of the nicknames for penis that usually female authors make up so that they don't have to use the "harsh" words ("man's pride", "staff", "ramrod" etc.), but you managed to avoid the worst cheesiness related to that. All in all, the sex was described rather nicely, although it wasn't the most arousing stuff I've read. If you want to "aim to please", so to speak, you should use a more graphic and detailed style.I'm not talking about raping or hardcore stuff, mind you.

On a purely technical note, I suggest you look into the grammar [I]a lot[/I] more. Here's some things I picked up, that you should keep an eye for:
* You had many [B]capital letters[/B] where they didn't belong, and many places where one belonged was lacking it. Pay special attention to the start of sentences, you can be sure that a capital letter belongs there.
* You suffer from the common habit of using [B]"your" instead of "you're"[/B] - remember that the wrong form can alter the whole meaning of the sentence!
* [B]Commas[/B] are bitches, their use is hard to master, but you seemed to miss a lot of them. Remember that there's supposed to be a comma after you finish a quote.
* Please don't use [B]several question or exclamation marks[/B] in a row. I guess you were using them to enforce the message, but they really don't belong to any written language, as far as I know. If you want to really make a point with the symbols, I suggest using "?!" instead.
* As a style hint, make the [B]title[/B] of the story stand out. Bold it, underline it, whatever, but in this case it kind of blended to the first chapter.

I'm not sure if you're a female or a male, but based on your style I reckon it's the first. I believe that when a woman describes gay sex between two males, it pretty much has the same "sexual fantasy"-effect as the sex between two women in straight porn - it has it's bases on the true stuff (like what part goes where in what position), but is much more polished and unrealistic, and often females like to make the other gay guy more feminine as opposed to the other being more masculine (which I believe was the case of Quatre and Antonio), but in real life it's just not that simple. Gay couples consists of two [I]gay men[/I], the traditional gender roles don't abide in most cases.

However, as said, it was a nice read, and it was good to see that sort of piece of literature here. Learn to avoid the grammar issues, and write more!

[duoikari]

thank you very much for reading and commenting on the story.

In truth this story is a side story to a much bigger plot, which i may post on otakuboards, but whether or not it will be allowed to stay on the board is another story, it may get taken down because it contains rape in it.

But the main stroy really would set this whole story out and you would understand it much more as well.

I also noted noone picked up on the 'kids' piece, which again is revealed more in the main story and the sequel. I also don't like the terms they use when decribing a man's penis, i really hate reading a piece and then they put in 'length' or something along them lines, but i don't like to use the same words over and over again so i give them meaningful phases such as 'hardness' or somethime i just go with errection.

I personally didn't like this piece, i think it was too much like reading a manga but i haven't wrote a sex scene in such a long time i thought that i may not be able to actually write one. So this was just a little pratice run for me and a way to pratcie writting parts that i hated like kissing scenes.

Yes i am female and i do understand what you mean. Alot of girls like to basically put the two guys in boxes, the seme is the manly one where the uke is almost female. I hate very feminine ukes and i also hate crossdressing, but unfortunely when i read through this i realised that Quatre is more feminine that what i normally make him. I normally portray him in a motherly role so that may have contributed to that. Quatre isn't a born gay even, he actually turned gay when he met Antonio and stay together with him.

I am terribly sorry for the grammer :animeswea i have very very bad grammer, and i asked 12 people to proof read this for me and no one would. I've been having a bit of a downer lately, i posted my art on ildechan and got some really nasty replies which has made me loose confidence in my artwork.

And since the last story i posted on otakuboards got taken down i was sure whether to post this one, but now i am glad i did. I just wrote a new story about Antonio on his own and how he remember the day he 'came out ' to his parents, so when i amend that i willl post it.

<3 thanks again

[Sandy]

Just had to make a few quick notes...

[quote name='duoikari']Quatre isn't a born gay even, he actually turned gay when he met Antonio and stay together with him.[/quote]

This can be debated upon, but I honestly don't think a straight person can suddenly "turn gay", no matter how hot a hunk he meets. ;P A straight person can of course have gay sex, but it takes a lot more to get into a relationship or fall in love with a member of the same gender. At least in my opinion/experience (I know many gay people, and [I]none[/I] of them has claimed that they weren't born that way).

[quote]I am terribly sorry for the grammer :animeswea i have very very bad grammer, and i asked 12 people to proof read this for me and no one would. I've been having a bit of a downer lately, i posted my art on ildechan and got some really nasty replies which has made me loose confidence in my artwork.[/quote]

The thing is, a writer simply cannot depend on others proofreading his or her piece of literature every time. Good grammar is something that the writer must learn by him/herself. Seriously, the rules aren't that hard to assume if you put your mind to it.

And please, don't let yourself get down just because some jerks give you bad feedback. Just learn what you can from it, and let the rest of it slide by. If one wants to be an artist/writer, one has to have confidence in self and in one's talents. Other people aren't always right, you know? ;D

[duoikari]

lol thanks for the info.

And Quatre isn't really straight in the story, he had feelings for Trowa in the past but he was confused about whether he loved him as a friend or something more. He also always feared coming to his family if he did choice to be, his sister isn't very understanding of homosexuality and when she finds out in the story she disowns him.

I know what you mean about the grammer thing, but i can read throught something 5 times and not notice errors, hence the reason why i think i have dyslexia, not allow that but i can't tell my left from my right and i say numbers backwards, like 30 40 instead of saying the highest number first.

I also can help feeling really low about the feedback, people have always liked my art and yet they hated, maybe it's cos it was yaoi and shota art but that doesn't mean they should be nasty about it.

The worse thing was when they critised my style, i had worked for 3 years getting the style i was happy with and now they have made me think twice about what i draw.

I still have my writting tho.

[Sandy]

You should definitely stick with what you yourself are happy with, and not listen to other people's opinions too much. Art is a very personal thing, and it doesn't need an approval of others, because what do they know about your inner world? Nothing, I tell you! ;P

And I understand the poor grammar if you're dyslectic, but don't use it as an excuse to not at least try. You can check and re-check, take a break and then check again. Or you can use the wonders of modern technology to your advantage through a spell checker from internet or Word.

You can do it! ;D *thumbs up*

[duoikari]

hehehe thanks sandy, i will be posting my other fanfic up soon, which is completely different from this one and is more in deepth than this one and goes behind the main story and more into what the character are feeling.

I normally get my gay friends to read my fanfics before i post them up, this one was read after i posted it but i don't think my friend was being trueful with his opinion and was just saying nice things about it to make me feel better about both my written art and my drawn art.

So it's nice to get an honost opinion, but i had another friend read the story that i will post up soon and he said that he thought it was rather dull and slow, but then again he does like my more hard core story so he could have just got bored from it cos it had no action in it.

Btw am i allowed to post rape story up here?, i did it once before and it got taken down but i wonder if the rules had changed and it would be allowed.

[Revelation]

[color=#4B5B5B][B]Warning:[/B] This thread is treading closely to what seems like a discussion that should be discussed through PM. Please be carefuly not to do so.

Also, read the rules before posting up a rape story or whatnot. If you still have questions, ask myself or Lady Asphyxia.[/color]

[Sandy]

[QUOTE=Revelation][color=#4B5B5B][B]Warning:[/B] This thread is treading closely to what seems like a discussion that should be discussed through PM. Please be carefuly not to do so.
[/color][/QUOTE]

I have to disagree. We were talking about the story, and how duoikari can impove her writing in the future. And also about the theme of the story. And how duoikari should not be discouraged by criticism. All related to the thread.

So I don't see any off-topic discussion in this thread, myself. I don't mean to step on anybody's toes, but I just had to say my opinion.

[B]Duoikari:[/B] looking forward to your next story!