Writing Misunderstanding [E]

[duoikari]

This was a story i had to do for an english assignment hope you enjoy

Misunderstandings

I sat alone, curled up on my bed, in to a slight ball. My shoes were off and lay next to the side of my bed, while I covered myself up with my bedding, listening to the other boys play and do drills outside. I curled myself up more, nuzzling my head into my body and asking myself why I had been sent to such a horrible and cruel place.

Father could have been the only one to send me here, he was after all the only one with the connections to have me sent to the best military school in the whole nation and it was for this reason that I hated him.

He had misread my action completely and assumed that my bad behavior was all down to me and the way that I had been raised, if only it was that, if only it was my own behavior that was the problem. Father just didn?t understand what I was feeling deep down, I never meant to do all them nasty thing to all them people who were around me, I just wanted him to look at me for once. To have his eyes on me for just one second and see me as his son rather then the child that was born after my sister came along.

This was one of the troubles of being born into a rich family that had high expectation of their children. I was still a kid after all and no kid in the world wants to conform to the rules that their parents set for them and yet father wanted to, no matter what I felt or wanted.

This is why I allowed myself to rebel so extremely, I didn?t want to sit still and eat a certain way or act a certain way, I wanted to be myself and not what my father wanted me to be. I want to think and be what I wanted to be and live my life without worrying about the opinion of others.

Sighing to myself I turned over onto my back and lay there staring up at the bottom of the bunk above me, my arms folded behind my head with my head resting my hands and my bed covers just barely coming up to my waist.

My fingers twitched and I started to twist my short locks around my fingers, which again was another thing that was taken away from me here, which again was personally to me.

When I was born, I was born with my father?s looks although at the time I could not change that factor about me even though I hated it so. I had also inherited my father?s strawberry blonde hair colouring, which I was teased about in every boarding school I was put in, so I took matters into my own hands and decided to change it. One day I managed to get some black hair dye, which I of course put on and which of course drowned out my original hair colouring. Father was mad at me when he saw it for the first time and demanded me to wash it out but I refused and after several attempts of demanding and refusing he got the message and left me with the black in my hair.

But hair dye wasn?t allowed in this place, it was forbidden because it gives you a sense of individuality therefore it had to be removed. Sadly, in order to remove the dye they cut my hair short, basically down to the roots, so my hair could grown out to it?s natural colour.

I had to admit it though, the black hair never really suited me at all, my skin was far too pale and my blue eyes made me look even more odd. But the blonde was yet again another reminder to me and everyone else that I was my father?s son.

I suddenly heard foot steps coming closer to my barrack, the kids from outside went silent and all noise practically stopped, only the sound of what seemed to be steel toed boots walking on the ground could be heard.

I kept completely still, I knew they were coming for me, they must have been. Then I suddenly heard the sound of the boots step onto the concrete step which lay infront of the door to my barrack. I moved my eyes only and gazed at the door, only being able to see a dark outline. The door gradually opened and a tanned man came through the door, his head was slightly shaved too, almost as short as mine and his face was stern and harsh looking.

I followed him with my eyes as he walked down the gap where the sets of bunk beds parted, mine lay against the right sided wall and was the side where the sun shone in first thing in the morning. Normally blinding me slightly and giving me an abrupt wake up call, this was normally accompanied by a loud horn, playing every morning at 6 am. Waking all the so called ?soldiers? on campus up.

This man drew close to my bed and as he got to my bunk he just stood to the side, standing completely still, not moving an inch but gazing down on me with white hot eyes and waiting for me to notice him. The same stern expression was on his face, with his lip slightly curling up in the corner as he snarled. He waited a few seconds giving me a bit of time to responsed before he would loose his patience and shout me down, ordering me to move and stand up attentively.

This was the way my father wanted me to be, a doll that he could control and that would follow his every order, even if that order was to kill your fellow human being. That was the kind of man I rebelled against, even at my young age. I never wanted to be that type of soldier or that type of person, the type who would kill without thinking, having no real control over his own actions.

I glanced up again and saw this, what I assumed was a private, continuingly staring at me, his eyes getting narrower by the minute. He must have been sent here to pick me up, for what reason I?d never know. Maybe because I had done something wrong or there could have been someone, a visitor maybe, here to see me. But that was very unlikely.

I choose not to make this guy anymore angrier than what he already was, it will properly get me into more trouble, after all I had gotten myself quite a name in school. Not just as my father?s son but as ?the rebel kid?, which I had heard several kids affectingly calling me when I wondered around the grounds.

I slide myself to the side of the bed, the private stepped back a few feet, giving me room to stand. I stood up straight, carefully dodging the bunk above mine, making sure not to hit my head as I stood up, which I had already done a few times before now.

I saw the privates lip curled up slightly before he turned his head away and walked with me to the door. As he pushed the door open for me, I was almost blinded by the bright sunshine that came from the big ball high in the sky, otherwise know as the sun.

I shielded my eyes with my hand, placing it onto my forehead, creating a visor to cover me from the sun as I began to walk towards the large grey building that lay near our school. I had no idea what was actually inside that building, most of our classes were held in a different building, which was slightly further away.

As me and the private walked side by side through the grounds we were met by wide, staring eyes and whispers.

?Looks, like he?s done it again?
?This Time he?ll get thrown out??
?Wonder what it is this time??

I had learned to block out these whisper and comments, it had now become one of my greatest assets. Anyway, when you?re the son of a wealth family there are bound to be people in the world that doesn?t like you, most don?t like you because you have money, most don?t even know you and yet they feel like they can judge me by these absurd rules.

I was taken into the large building and walked down a long corridor before coming towards a staircase, which I also had to climb. The private next to me followed in silence, keeping his eyes front and his shoulders back, properly the way that they had taught him to behave here.

As we reached the peek of the stair case, we came into yet another corridor, this time the walls had been painted with a dark green, rather then the blue/green that was on the first floor. The corridor seemed to be slightly more formal then the one down stairs, the floor was spotless and the smell of polish lingered in the air, I looked down once and was met with my reflection in the floor.

The private suddenly stopped at a certain door, I had gone passed it slightly and quickly backed up to the door he was standing at and stood upright and stiff, like I was suppose to. I could feel the snarl that was curled up on the privates face but ignored it completely, my mind was boggling over what it was that I had done and why I had been called here.

The private moved and turned the door knob slowly to the room and opened the door wide, allowing me to be the first to see what was inside.
?Hello, James?
Father sat there before me, on one of two sofas that was in the room. He was in full uniform, the green jackets with the 4 strips on the arm and the long green trouser that were tucked nicely into the knee high polished boots. ?Thank you private, you may leave now? When father spoke he sounded rather flat, I was shocked that he wasn?t angry with me, after all what other reason could I have been brought here.

The private allowed me to enter the room then saluted to my father and left, closing the door behind him.
?Father I told you, call me Spike. James is the stupid name you and mother give me, I have a right to change it if I don?t like it.?

Father sighed to himself, his shoulders slumped and his face became sad.
?You are such a disappointment James, I thought that sending you here would have sorted you out but, from what I?ve heard, you?ve been behaving worse?

I understood now why he had come to see me, to scold me. I guess father will never understand how I feel, he will always want me to be his son, living by his rules and become a zombie like that other guy. I suppose we will just grow hating each other, me being the rebel child and him being the father that never listened, maybe this was how it was suppose to be.

I guess you could say, the past 12 years of my life has been a big misunderstanding.

[Guest Sunburst]

Well, I like the underlying theme of the story about individualism and conformity. Also, the military is a great way of adding to that theme by supplying a large, widely known source of conformity. There are some things that could be worked on to make the sentences flow a little easier which would, in turn, make the work a little more interesting to read.

1. I would suggest for you to work on varying the sentence lengths. My english teachers tell me this one from time to time. I also have longer sentences.
2. There are some spelling errors and grammatic errors as well. It seems that you did spell check it. However, spell check isn't clever enough to catch mispelling wandering as wondering so a human proofreading it is still important. If you are proofreading yourself read it out loud to yourself.
3. In the story, there are a few parts that seem redundant.
4. Lastly, there is a large usage of the word "and". By removing some of these, not only will it force you to vary your sentence lengths and structures, it will also work to remove some repetitiveness.

Overall, it is the start of a good work. I say that in the most sincere of ways. It has a prominent, universal theme with a good amount of potential.

[duoikari]

thank you for your comments.

I have been bless with the terrible habit of 'writing the way i speak', so my sentences and stuction of words tends to be awkard at times. I also prof read the story myself i did always have a proof reader who would check my stories over before i posted them, but she is busy at the moment and she takes ages to reply to me. I have the same issue with my stories that i post on sheezyart. It seems that i just miss the words out even when i do read them out aloud(which is very difficult at times cos they are yaoi stories) :animeswea

But thanks for your advance, i'll take it and try and make my main story Q and A better, which is the only story i want to be perfect when it is posted, i've read through it about 4 times now but i still keep spoting mistakes.