takashi tao Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 hi im new here and i also wanted to tell everyone the storyline of my manga and wanted to know what anyone thought about it :animesmil . ok the story is about a boy named takashi tao(ironic isnt it :animeswea)well hes just a normal high school student and he got dragged in to a huge battle in another demension(i cant spell :animesigh )between two races of dragon(evl) and pheonixs(good), just as soon as he asked out the girl hes been drooling over since 1st grade(her name is kimi masngi)well a guy named kazuki takimora(pheonix leader)tells takashi how he has a hidden power that can help the pheonixs win the war.....at first takashi says no but when dragon leader kaze finds out he kidnaps kimi so its up to takashi to save her. this is my story so far it doesnt have a name yet so if any suggestions plez respond i know the story has major plot holes but can you tell me how it is? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horendithas Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue]Well first of all I would recommend using a program like word or hotmail as your post is full of grammar and spelling errors. This is something that we ask all members to do as it just makes it easier to understand what you are saying. Also a quick look at the rules shows: [B]At OtakuBoards, we greatly emphasize the concept of having clear, easy to read posts. This includes correct use of spelling, grammar and punctuation. [/B] So it's definitely something you'll want to get in the habit of doing for all of your posts. [/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only1specialed Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 [COLOR=DarkRed][FONT=Impact][SIZE=4]I?d listen to them If I were you. These guys are evil. I know this one guy they threaten cause he couldn?t spell or anything. Turns out the kid was in the 6th grade and they gave them the boot?. Poor kid never saw it coming. Anyway about your manga are you gonna be doing it all action or comedy or a mixture of both? Is the main character gonna do this alone or is he gonna have some back up? If he is who are the supporting characters and what do they do? Now I don?t know anything about making up a manga but I can know that some stuff you need to make a decent story.[/SIZE][/FONT][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fehize Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 Hmmm... I guess the first question will be exactly how good your art is, and if it goes with your generene. Bold lines tend to go for humor, small thin lines for other catagories, and frills (usually) for romances. I have to agreee, there needs to be some more characters (perhaps one or two wouldn't hurt). However, try to add more spice into the storyline. Most mangas and other stories already have a whole lot of dasmel in distress sort of plot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Horendithas Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 [COLOR=DeepSkyBlue][quote name='only1specialed][COLOR=DarkRed][FONT=Impact][SIZE=4]I?d listen to them If I were you. These guys are evil. [/SIZE][/FONT'][/COLOR][/quote]Thank you for the compliment. :p Seriously though, if you think about it in the long run it will get you more fans. I?m sure I?m not the only one who finds lots of grammar and spelling errors annoying. I know if I went and bought a manga from the store I would be furious if it hadn?t been properly proofread and prepared. As for your story, personally I think it would help if you had more information on the characters and their background. Like some background on the two different races as it would give the readers an idea of what?s going on, or rather why there is a battle in the first place. Some more information on the current characters plus like others mentioned, it could probably use a few more characters who aren?t the main one?s but are part of the story just the same, like the teachers and fellow students your character runs into at High School. Does he have a best friend? Or a girlfriend? Things like that.[/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takashi tao Posted October 26, 2006 Author Share Posted October 26, 2006 thanks :animeswea im sorta new at the fourm thing so ill try better well thanks for the comments.I thought about it yester day and i forgot to add the stuff you guys told me :animeswea (i always forget) ok umm..... where do i start...umm ok i hope i explained takashi enough but as for kazuki(pheonix master) he has a long history of fighting in the war (mainly kaze[dragon master]) he comes to earth for training takashi and he does help out with the acuall battles later in the story. Hes about 24 and while on earth has "friendship" with takashi's mom(whos not really a main character but is added in there)im still in planning so i havent gotten completly done but im still working out plot holes.Kaze is kazukis brother who joined the side of dragons for more power after the death of thier parents(there not shown though) he is possibly the most poweful of the brothers(in chapter 1 kazuki gets the mess beat out of him). As far as the two races well the war got started after an alliance was destroyed when dragon leaders thought pheonixs were planning to over rule them(this was mainly a misunderstanding)when the original dispute was on the virge of ending rebals of both sides had killed one another so the alliance was broken and it contiues for decades.over the years dragons began overwelming pheonixs and started after world conquest.The story starts out when Takashi asked the girl hes liked since 1st grade out(her name is kimi shes been friends with him since that long,shes way more athletic than him and shes definatly smarter)the dragon leaders scope out kazuki who they had been spying on to see what was happening by sendding a agent hes a vital part of the manga because in the begining(sorry again about the spelling do you have a spell check?)he makes friends with takashi and end the overall result he kidnapps his girlfriend(kimi) and takashi along with kazuki have to save her and end the war. i hope this filled up any gaps and sorry for the long post :animeswea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kei Posted October 26, 2006 Share Posted October 26, 2006 [color=darkblue][size=1]Long posts are fine; we just ask that members try their best to keep them easy to read for everyone's sake. For that reason, I'm going to reiterate indifference's suggestion of running your posts through Word or Gmail's spell check feature. It really helps out a lot and saves everyone a lot of confusion and the ilk in the long run. As far as the story itself goes... It's a nice concept, at the very least. I agree with everyone else in saying that fleshing out your characters and the plotline would be the best thing right about now. If you check some journals over at deviantART, there are some character quizzes that basically have you go down a list and fill in every possible thing about your character (i.e. general information, likes, dislikes, opinions on certain life matters, et. al.). I think that would help you a lot in the character department. I'll post a link soon so that you can see what one looks like. One thing that I have to question (since Chikara Kokoro hasn't put in their usual two-cents yet), is why everyone has Japanese names. As CK always says, not every manga has to take place in Japan and not everyone has to have a Japanese name (it seems like manga characters are actually taking on more English-sounding names as of late, anyway). Of course, if that's what you're going for, that's perfectly fine. Just letting you know that there are other options, lol. I look forward to seeing more of this. ^^ (Oh, and specialed, we're not evil; just misunderstood. :p)[/color][/size] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
only1specialed Posted October 27, 2006 Share Posted October 27, 2006 [QUOTE=Kei][color=darkblue][size=1] One thing that I have to question (since Chikara Kokoro hasn't put in their usual two-cents yet), is why everyone has Japanese names. As CK always says, not every manga has to take place in Japan and not everyone has to have a Japanese name (it seems like manga characters are actually taking on more English-sounding names as of late, anyway). Of course, if that's what you're going for, that's perfectly fine. Just letting you know that there are other options, lol. [/color][/size][/QUOTE] [COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=4][FONT=Impact]Uh oh bro, You?re in the red zone now. You see the fire in their eyes?. :laugh: Anyway Kei does have a point. Why not just use regular American names. Hell to make it even more interesting put in a beaner name like Jose, Juan or my favorite Jesus. :laugh: All joking aside the story does seem interesting. I was kinda confused reading it thought (dang moderators were right?hehe :animeswea) if anything that link that Kei should be providing will be really helpful cause a manga is not something you can just up and decided to start. It takes tons of planning before you start on page 1. then again? I really don?t know anything about making a manga? I just really know how to make some decent stories but the basic Idea should be the same though.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takashi tao Posted October 27, 2006 Author Share Posted October 27, 2006 [QUOTE=only1specialed][COLOR=DarkRed][SIZE=4][FONT=Impact]Uh oh bro, You?re in the red zone now. You see the fire in their eyes?. :laugh: Anyway Kei does have a point. Why not just use regular American names. Hell to make it even more interesting put in a beaner name like Jose, Juan or my favorite Jesus. :laugh: All joking aside the story does seem interesting. I was kinda confused reading it thought (dang moderators were right?hehe :animeswea) if anything that link that Kei should be providing will be really helpful cause a manga is not something you can just up and decided to start. It takes tons of planning before you start on page 1. then again? I really don?t know anything about making a manga? I just really know how to make some decent stories but the basic Idea should be the same though.[/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR][/QUOTE] yeah your definatly right (though i hate admitting it when im wrong, you all definatly made a point :animeswea) as for the beaner names uhhhhhh....to soon ill stick with english :laugh: . umm how about insted of takashi its kenny,or kazuki,jason and then kaze be chase (this is working i think :animeswea )kimi could be janet (ive acually thought hard about this) thanks if you have any ideas as to add in my comic fell free to commit :animesmil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikara Kokoro Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 I?m really glad that you?re taking advice and changing the names; that?s much more than most people would be willing to do. At the moment I don?t have any huge critiques of the story. It seems cliché to me (mostly because of the alternate universe), but I?m coming to terms with the fact that there?s not really anything new under the sun. It would be nice if you could clarify how the main character gets dragged into the alternate universe and whether or not it?s possible to go back and forth between worlds. Things are never as simple as good and evil. Try to flesh out both the dragons and the phoenixes so that they both have reasons for their actions. That way the reader can decide for themselves who was in the wrong. It?s fine if the characters voice their opinions and say that one side is evil, but showing the opinions of both sides would help out the story quite a bit. Why does the girl have to be saved? I?m just being feminist, but the whole damsel in distress thing bothers me. If nothing else, make sure that she has a strong personality. This is the twenty-first century, and women have learned how to take care of themselves. Consider her feelings realistically; don?t just let her wait around for someone to save her. Overall this shows promise. Keep on working at it, and over time it could develop into something quite interesting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takashi tao Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 [QUOTE=Chikara Kokoro]I?m really glad that you?re taking advice and changing the names; that?s much more than most people would be willing to do. At the moment I don?t have any huge critiques of the story. It seems cliché to me (mostly because of the alternate universe), but I?m coming to terms with the fact that there?s not really anything new under the sun. It would be nice if you could clarify how the main character gets dragged into the alternate universe and whether or not it?s possible to go back and forth between worlds. Things are never as simple as good and evil. Try to flesh out both the dragons and the phoenixes so that they both have reasons for their actions. That way the reader can decide for themselves who was in the wrong. It?s fine if the characters voice their opinions and say that one side is evil, but showing the opinions of both sides would help out the story quite a bit. Why does the girl have to be saved? I?m just being feminist, but the whole damsel in distress thing bothers me. If nothing else, make sure that she has a strong personality. This is the twenty-first century, and women have learned how to take care of themselves. Consider her feelings realistically; don?t just let her wait around for someone to save her. Overall this shows promise. Keep on working at it, and over time it could develop into something quite interesting.[/QUOTE] acually thats good advice :animesmil iwas thinking janet(kimi) could reject him then later on get kidnapped, but her character is strong and she does get away at one point, but she gets caught again(sorry :animeswea ) the whole reason she was captured was to bring out takashi(kenny). I am gonna have them go back and forth between worlds(only after huge battles for recovery and also for training) i was gonna make it in ending result pheonix powers being no better than dragons(who are trying to take over)ethier that or practically the entire pheonix race gets wiped out maby even add both powers being destroyed. janets feelings are a big part of the whole thing and in the end...........says no to kennys feelings (that is if kennys alive). P.S kimi isnt really damsel in distress, in some point she sudeces kaze(chase) :animenose cause face it hes still a guy :animeswea as a matter of fact thats who she wants to be with(teenage crush in a way)(this is also mainly comic relief) but this will definatly only come in a side story(it would srew up my already messed up storyline) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chikara Kokoro Posted November 5, 2006 Share Posted November 5, 2006 Good job, you've actually thought this story out. Be sure to keep everyone on the OB updated with the progress of this comic because I'm pretty sure I'm not alone when I say that I want to be able to read it when it starts. The only helpful hint I can think of for the moment is to run a spelling and grammar check in Microsoft Word (or a similar application) on your script. Obviously, people don't always speak with proper grammar, but you should make sure that you don't make any silly errors like spelling a simple word wrong. It's just painful, at least to me, to read an otherwise good comic with bad spelling, so usually I don't. Oh, you also might want to do the same thing for your posts. Just copy and paste whatever you want to post in Word and run a spelling/grammar check before you post it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takashi tao Posted November 7, 2006 Author Share Posted November 7, 2006 acually i have worked on this :animeswea but im not getting far though i added a new character hes a spy for the dragon race who makes freinds with takashi and when he reaches a certin point he executes an attack on everyone.Takashi(kenny) was devestated so that drove an even bigger drive to go defeat the dragon race. The spys name is taharu segauwa(havent figured out an american name yet) but all i know is he follows kazuki from episode 1 and has dragon and pheonix abilitys.The acual manga, im still working on, i got 2pages done(not even inked yet)and im thinking about redoing them :animestun . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest xshihinx Posted November 27, 2006 Share Posted November 27, 2006 [FONT=Comic Sans MS][COLOR=DimGray]It is kind of interesting, and you do have a lot of spelling mistakes. I don't agree with the English name-using, and especially the Jesus one.... :o[/COLOR] [/FONT] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
takashi tao Posted November 28, 2006 Author Share Posted November 28, 2006 thanks i really dont know if im gonna use american names i havent decided yet..... manga wise,im back at the begining :animestun i just cant seem to come up with good [U]animation[/U] so im gonna go "CLAMP" style and get some helpers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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