Writing The Khaos Theory [M-LV]

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1]Okay, yep, a story. And I know how to spell Chaos, lol.

First off, yes, I do have issues with stereotypes. Mostly personal but I thought I'd base one last thing on it. No, I am not bitching about anything, I just find the subject of people labelling themselves, being labelled and then bullied for the label they received positively fucking stupid and cruel. But like I said, not a bitching story. There's more than bullies and man-apes. The prologue? maybe it betrays what I?ve just said, but I?ll prove to you in the next chapters the other elements I plan to involve.

I'd greatly appreciate some comments, it's been far too long since I've been commented. Like it? Hate it? I won't cry over your opinion, but I'll listen.

Have fun reading. For once, I'm not going to write in that stupid size one font (which is hypocritical, as I'm using it now, lol). Also, it's written in first person and it's pretty much safe to say I have next to no experience with writing in first person. This time round... it seemed to fit.[/SIZE]

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[CENTER][SIZE=3][B]THE KHAOS THEORY[/B]
[M-LV][/SIZE]


Prologue[/CENTER]



[align=justify]I hear the Chaos Theory is some kind of? mathematics, physics or something like that. Well, I won?t fully pretend to understand it, because I don?t. Doubt I ever will. It must be something crazy, of course. Why would they call it the Chaos Theory if it was easy too understand? Unless they were trying to be funny. Nah, probably not. Scientists are never funny.

Anyway, that?s not my idea of Chaos at all. In fact, I prefer to think of it as [I]Khaos[/I], spelt with a ?K?. Looks far better and people won?t get it confused with the other theory. I?m not a scientist, but I?m not stupid, either. I prefer to think of myself as a sociologist? except I?m still in high school? would that still count?

Never mind.

My theory is that everyone is born free. Yeah, free. For the first few years of their life they have no limits, no boundaries to what their fragile mind can achieve. I guess, for most, you spend your first few years in absolute bliss. The majority of us, I suppose. You know like as a child everything you see, everything you touch, is always new and wonderful? That?s what I?m talking about! But? freedom? it?s not free for long. When you grow up everything loses it?s wonder. Everything makes sense. You pay the price for your freedom by becoming? normal? growing up. Freedom is the greatest thing in this world and we will pay the greatest price. What greater price than to lose it?

But if you?re stubborn, like me, you?ll hold onto that freedom for a little while longer. Hell, it won?t matter. Your payment will catch up with you and you?ll be in debt. You?ll have to pay extra.

I?m still hanging onto my freedom as society tries to beat it out of me.

That?s my theory. You pay for being open minded, for seeing the world like it really is without a care by giving it up. If you keep it, you just slow down your payment and end up in debt to the world. Why?s it the Khaos Theory? Why is it [I]k[/I]haotic? Because it?s cruel, unpredictable, hard to understand?

Like I said. I?m hanging onto my freedom as they try to beat it out of me. Not all of society, just the society I exist within. The group that matters; the group that make themselves matter in my life. Sucks to be me?

It?s raining on this cold, merciless morning and I don?t care. I like the rain, it?s peaceful, nobody else likes the rain so they stay away from it. Stay away from me. I can?t say I like people as much as the rain, can?t say I like people at all.

I walk along the side of the road, stepping over puddles because I don?t want to get my boots wet, making sure I?m concentrating on where I?m going. There?s a bus stop directly ahead of the grim street, it?s normally deserted. Anyone who gets the bus to school gets it late because it?s an excuse to be lazy, so I get the pleasure of waiting on my own. In the rain, too.

Around me are grey buildings, houses and rubbish littering their gardens. Beyond that, where I can?t reach even if I walked for an hour, was the even duller silhouette of the city centre?s large buildings poking their heads into the sky. I looked over at the buildings, shielding my eyes from the rain as you would do with the sun. It was a very, very mismatched sight. Old buildings were definitely old, creaking, falling a part yet still standing and surrounded by new buildings, built from glass and not from stone. They were trying to remodel this city and it was just looking like a mess. I shrug it off, why should I care? To be honest, I was more concerned about the rain.

I?m at the bus stop, leaning myself against the wall of the stop and taking in a breath of the air. Gah, I might as well choke. All I breathed in was a mouthful of carbon dioxide and city acid mixed with warm rain. That?s right; the rain was warm. My clothes would smell bad afterwards, too.

I see a bus heading towards me on its own, no cars in front no cars behind. Sticking my thumb out, I smile when the bus pulls up slowly beside me and wait patiently for the driver to open the doors. I paid my fair to a somewhat grim, sullen driver and took a seat at the front. Never sat at the back, I?d rather stay near the front where I can get off quicker. Besides, [I]they[/I] sat at the back.

For the most part a bus ride was peaceful for me, however when I heard broken English slang behind me my heart sunk. I knew those dodgy accents and overly loud, annoying voices. I wish they would be fat and lazy and not get up so early to join me on my bus ride, because deep down (oh, and on the top) they [I]are[/I] fat and lazy.

Whatever they were talking about suddenly came to a stop and their voices lowered to a whisper. I breathed heavily, a sure sign they noticed me. Seconds after they most likely spoke about me under their breath, they burst out into laughter. The most irritating, loud, dumb laugh you could ever hear. My ears would bleed from that kind of noise pollution.

?Should we go over and sit next to it??

?Nah, s?probably bisexual.?

It? I?m not a fucking it. They insult me so loudly, making a point of me hearing their opinion. Yeah, it made me angry, alright. They don?t know me, I did nothing to them. Well, I?d just ignore it, of course (until I can?t tolerate it). There will be far worse things in my life than them, I will not cry at insults. I will not cry at the first sign of Khaos.

Besides, they couldn?t even speak. They said ?over? as ?ova?, they [I]barely[/I] pronounced the word ?it?, so I wasn?t going to give a shit about them. Really. Like I said, far worse things would happen to me.

?Oi mate!?

I looked over to them and caught the sight of a tall lad standing up at the back before I was hit in the eye with something I couldn?t determine. It had felt like a brick in my eye, a cold brick against my face. I heard sizzling on the floor and I opened my unharmed eye and saw a can full of some sort of fizzy crap spilling its contents out on the floor. I look up to the mirror, I see the driver?s dull face acknowledge the can and my now red eye but he doesn?t care. That?s because he?s afraid.

They?re laughing at me. There?s no one else around but them and me yet I?m still humiliated. I hate that feeling so much but I won?t let it control me. I will not break at the first sign of Khaos.

I can?t help it. I just glance at them, hate written all over my face. I know my eyes are betraying me and I look like I?ll cry? though I?m satisfied with the results. The boy who threw the can stared at me, dumbfounded, lifting his cap off his eyes to see me. I turn away and their voices are lowered to a whisper again.

?Did you?s see the way he was lookin???

Oh god. I wish they?d talk properly instead of acting like trained apes. Fucking apes. But? they?re worthless. Really. Fucking. Worthless. There?s no god because no entity would dare create such useless beings, no entity could possibly be cruel enough to taint society with such idiots and make them live their lives out with a closed ant-size mind. I?m not the best person in the world but I?m glad to know I won?t come last as long as these creatures exist.

I jump up quickly so I don?t miss my stop, stepping in fizzy coke as I do so. The bus driver gives me a glance and I don?t bother to look at him. He slows down with a bump, throwing me forward a bit before lazily opening the doors. As I step out into the wet again I feel relief that I can be alone for a short time. So much relief.

Then it?s taken away.

I?m pushed forward fiercely, so quickly that I can?t even react. The offender knocks me into fibre glass straight ahead, holding me there by the back of my jacket and pulling at my black hair with his hands, digging his nails into my head. He?s pulling so hard that I begin to think I might need to buy a wig and he?s pushing my neck so hard I don?t think I?ll live to buy one. Immediately I know it was the boy who threw his drink at me on the bus, immediately I know the result of his attack.

?Who the fuck did?ya think yer lookin? at?? He snarls in my ear.

I don?t reply. He won?t understand me, he won?t listen, he won?t care.

?I?ll deck you!?

I secretly roll my eyes at his statement and I think, for a moment, perhaps he noticed. He turned me around swiftly, fiercly,I looked at his face, his bulging out eyes, misshapen nose and unhealthy skin before he swung his fist into my other eye. I stumbled to the side but I wasn?t knocked off my feet and I watched them run away. Two girls and a boy.

Why attack someone and run away? Why not stay and mock them for longer, make a lasting effect? Because they?re to stupid to do that, that?s why. They?re cowards and don?t want to fight back.

I take in another breath of black city smoke and allow myself to sit down on the drenched ground. Both sides of my head are throbbing with pain and my jaw is glued together with anger. I didn?t even know them. They didn?t know me. I do, however, know why they did it.

Society?s so cruel that you all need a label. They jump to the conclusion that I don?t listen to rap, I don?t dress the same and I don?t have the same opinions and therefore label me god knows what. Perhaps in some other place it?s not like this. Perhaps it hasn?t resorted to violence from a few youths because they feel they need to show off their ape-like manly hood to their mates. I don?t know. People get hurt all the time, I guess. The Earth revolves around paranoia and prejudice, discrimination? whatever. It?s just stupid. But I?ll hang onto my freedom.

I stand up and walk on, content that they?re gone. I know I?ll have a black eye, maybe two, in the morning but I don?t care. My freedom?s worth fighting for.

Well, there you have it, I guess. Your introduction to the world.

Welcome to the Khaos Theory, folks.[/align]

[Nothing]

That was grand, Vicky, great writing, even though you haven't had much experience in the first person (which, by the way, if you hadn't stated in the introduction, I would have never guessed). Quite remarkable work, especially on a subject so many people can relate to. You expressed the silent aggrivation on the bus perfectly, and the character was vague enough for everyone to feel affection for. I won't bother micromaneging any of the mistakes that you could fix with a simple reread (there were only one or two anyway, really matter-of-opinion mistakes), it's the whole that counts, and really, I loved it.

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Very well written.

First, a few nit-picky things, so I can get them out of the way. You know, the whole 'bad news, then good news' bit? Yeah. And I'll highlight any proofreading (forgive me, please) so you don't have to search for the right paragraph.[/FONT]
[QUOTE][I]I looked over to them and caught the sight of a tall lad standing up at the back before I was hit in the eye with something I couldn?t determine. It had felt like a brick in my eye, a cold brick against my face. I heard sizzling on the floor and I opened my unharmed eye and saw a can full of some sort of fizzy crap spilling its contents out on the floor. I look up to the mirror, I see the driver?s dull face acknowledge the can and my now red eye but he doesn?t care. That?s because he?s afraid.[/I][/QUOTE]
[FONT=Arial]Tenses. Your wrote predominantly in the present, but there were a few shifts here and there, like in this paragraph. For instance:

"I [B]look[/B] over to them and [B]catch[/B] [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] sight of a tall lad standing up at the back [COLOR=Red]just[/COLOR] before I [B]am[/B] hit in the eye with something I [B]can?t[/B] determine. It had felt like a brick in my eye, a cold brick against my face. I [B]hear[/B] sizzling on the floor and I [B]open[/B] my unharmed eye and [B]see[/B] a can full of some sort of fizzy crap spilling its contents out on the floor. I look up to the mirror, I see the driver?s dull face acknowledge the can and my now red eye but he doesn?t care. That?s because he?s afraid."

This is not intended to be presumptuous, just friendly. I apologize if what I just did offends you; say the word, and I shan't do it again.

Also, I noticed you using semicolons occasionally for flow interrupters. I do the same. Here are some others ? I ranked them in order (at least to me) of pause length:
[LIST][*]comma - pause
[*]ellipses - long pause
[*]dash - thought pause, or a 'track jump', if you will
[*]semicolon - thought stop; 'almost a period'
[*]period - full stop[/LIST]
Those last two I included because I know you know how to use them and it gives you a good reference point to what I mean. Again, I'm not trying to be a jerk, just thorough.

Okay, now I can stop being uber-critical. I really liked this passage, especially the way you faded from thought into action. I also liked how you reflected your character's disinterest in people by neglecting to actually identify them, paying more attention to the scenery. I could empathize easily with the character's mood. Although I may not agree with what goes on in his/her mind, he/she seems real, and I think that comes from the touch of Stream of Conciousness present in the narrative.

Again, I really like this story, and I look forward to seeing where you take it.

See ya.

-A

P.S.: I participated in a music event a few years ago where students played solos or ensemble pieces to be adjudicated by professional musicians. My solo judge told me something to this effect:

"I'm going to pick on you a lot, but it's not because you suck. I'm showing you all the little things you can start thinking about and making better, because I don't have to tell you how to do the big things right anymore. You already know how to do those, so we can move on."[/FONT]

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1]Weeeh, feedback ^__^ Just thought I'd post to show I hadn't forgotten, trying to write another part between school and my RPG.

Thank you both very much for your comments. I'll be sure to edit this post with the next part as soon as possible, although it may be slightly longer and hope you two could both be around to read it if you wish. Glad you liked it, Nothing (cool user name, heh).

Allamorph, it was no problem what you said at all. Not at all. In fact, I very, very much apperciate the suggestions. I'm going to have to look out for my tenses when I write in first person from now on now that you mentioned that paragraph, heh. I'll see if I can improve on that for the next part. You don't have to worry about being a jerk, you were very helpful.

And a seperate thank you for the ranked order for commas and whatnot. To be honest, most of my writing was learnt from reading stories because for all of primary school and for the first few years of high school no one bothered to explain anything but commas or fullstops (semi-colons are terrifying! I try to guess where they go) and now that I know what order there in that's going to come in real handy.

As I said, next part up soon and I'll edit this post.[/SIZE]

[Allamorph]

[QUOTE=Vicky][SIZE=1]I'm going to have to look out for my tenses when I write in first person from now on now that you mentioned that paragraph, heh. I'll see if I can improve on that for the next part....
And a seperate thank you for the ranked order for commas and whatnot. To be honest, most of my writing was learnt from reading stories because for all of primary school and for the first few years of high school no one bothered to explain anything but commas or fullstops (semi-colons are terrifying! I try to guess where they go) and now that I know what order there in that's going to come in real handy.[/SIZE][/QUOTE]
[FONT=Arial]Yeah, I get all my writing technique skill from my reading, too. Of course, I'm used to reading Tolkien, Fleming, C.S. Lewis, and Conan Doyle multiple times each, so this kind of stuff just seems to happen naturally. I guess I was just blessed by the gods of syntax. Although, I did have a small tense issue with the latest practice short I made myself do (I am horrible about descriptions) what with keeping a very long flashback in past perfect, to use nerdspeak. It's a little tougher than it seems.

But, yeah, that was just my interpretation of the punctuation pauses. I actually just started using dashes; I got a good handle on their usage after our English class read [I]Heart of Darkness[/I]. Terribly tedious novel, but good message and excellent language skills. And, it has "The horror! The horror!" in it, so....[/FONT]

[Vicky]

[SIZE=1]After ages of having crap to do at home that wasn't fun I managed to write something for this. Alright, wasn't what I wanted as a first part, so it's a little rubbish I think. There were two other characters who were meant to be involved in this part, but I don't want to overcrowd things.

I tried my hand at present tense... at least, I think it is. There's bound to be some errors, it's fuckin' hard and I've never ever ever ever considered writing in present tense before. Guess it was a challenge, not sure how it'll play out.

Oh, small note, and pretty unprofessional (but I ain't professional anyway, lol) but there's no way in hell I've had chance to check this fully. I read over it once and I'll try and edit it sometime tomorrow but right now... no chance, I have maths work. I can't do maths, see ;_;[/SIZE]

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[CENTER][B]Part One.[/CENTER][/B]

[align=justify]When I was three years old, my dad was involved in a motorbike accident. Two youths had ran him over speeding on off-road bikes - must have caused a fair deal of havoc ? leaving my father with only half a body. No, not literally, just somewhat deformed. His right leg had to be completely removed, replaced by an inadequate wooden leg, and his left arm was burnt badly enough to still bare disfigured skin even twelve years later. As a result, my dad hates motorbikes. They drive past my street all the time, mostly young kids riding them. He has no shame, my dad, no shame at all. He?s constantly yelling at them for riding bikes up and down our street.

This one boy, goes by the name of Lysak (Brandon Lysak), has a dad who drives an off-road motorbike all the time. My father loves to stir up trouble with Lysak?s dad, it used to be fun to watch but when Lysak found out where I live, and who my dad was, things got? well, chaotic.

It?s terribly ironic how that in science we?re talking about evolution and, a few desks behind me, is living proof that man evolved from apes. Or, living proof that an ape can pass off as a fourteen year old school boy. Ignoring the fact that Lysak is behind me, glaring at me for my dad?s actions, science happens to be pretty good. We have this one teacher ? Mr. Rain ? who likes to be eccentric and tries to enlighten us. Only a few people listen to him. Really, everyone should be listening. Mr. Rain talked sense, taught us beyond what we were meant to know. His name should be in the dictionary for the definition of a teacher, as well as philosopher, sociologer and scientist.

I can?t help but feel a little lonely listening to Rain talking in front of the class. He was tremendously enthusiastic in front of the dull low-quality classroom, explaining things with his hands as well as words. I got it, I got what he was saying. Every word was crafted carefully, just like him. Clean, smart, professional yet he knew where he stood; builder for the future. We?re the future.

?Okay, fuck that. I pretty much hate school for far too many reasons.

I?m sat listening to Rain, whether it?ll help me pass my exams or not really doesn?t matter. When he looks at me, noticing that I?m listening, he tends to keep eye contact for a long time. I can?t keep my eyes locked for more than thirty seconds, I have to look away, glance at the bare walls in the room, or out the window. He?ll look away when I divert my eyes, putting his glance on someone ?

Scrunched up piece of paper hits the back of my head. Reason number one why I hate school. I turn my head to see who it is ? no surprise. Lysak. He?s sat there giving the biggest, ugliest grin to his friends. Oh yeah, so great, isn?t he? If I were to throw something it would be much harder. Like a chair.

Rain had paused for a moment, looking at me. Smart guy clocks on instantly and looks over my head to Lysak, who still grins like a monkey. Rain didn?t run off his assumptions; he just continued talking.

I take a look outside the window, trees and there lack of leaves from the winter and half-frozen grass. Bit of ice, too. I would have to stay behind tonight, don?t want the ice down my jumper, or even worse. I got a nasty fucking cold last time, nasty fucking cold ?

Something hits the back of my head again and I immediately run my hand through my hair, turning around viciously. Lysak?s laughing again. God, they?re not very creative. I wonder why he?s laughing harder, then I realise when I drag my hand out of my thick blue-dyed hair. Gum. Fuckin? gum knotting my hair together.

Rain looks at me again, his face somewhat pitiful. I don?t look at him. Don?t dare to look.

?Mr. Lysak, I think you just spat out your brain. Care to collect it before school ends??

Lysak?s face paled into a primitive disbelieving, confused look. There is no sound from the class, only a small snigger across the room, Darren Hunter. I?ll tell you more about him later, his story is an interesting one.

?Do you want to go and wash that out?? Rain asks me.

I don?t look at him. ?Yeah.?

He hands me a pass for the corridors and I walk out the room with my head down, hand still grasping the gum in my hair. Don?t dare look at Rain, but I glance at Lysak. He still looks so confused, so lost, he isn?t in a zoo anymore. He sneers at me, bringing his thumb up to his neck and running it across it as if to say he?s going to slit my throat. I close the door behind me.

How do you get chewing gum out of your hair? You don?t, that?s the problem. The only thing I was glad about was that the colour matched. That?s right ? I dyed my hair blue. It looks good, as well, suits me. Though it does often attract attention? even if it was my natural colour, which is blond, I?d still get noticed.

I swear under my breath and rub water through the back of my hair. Gum sticks to my hand, I frown at it, pulling it off awkwardly and throwing it into the sink. I fill the next sink up with more water, draw circles in it with my hand. I take up another handful and run it through my hair.

When I look up I see a mirror and my reflection. Just like Rain I can?t keep eye contact, in fact I don?t even want to look at myself. Not right now. Hate mirrors, except I need them, I have tons of them at home. I know it?s wrong to look at them, just makes my mind conjure all these explanations and stories about the way I look and I cant have that. I won?t look at a mirror in school.

I splash water onto the reflective surface to successfully blur my face and continue washing the ape?s brain out of my hair. I still would?ve thrown a chair, guess his version was just more disgusting.

Caught off guard, I jump at the sound of the bell ringing just above my head. End of the day but I won?t be going anywhere. I left my coat in Rain?s class, anyway.

There?s footsteps all around the school now, yelling, screaming; you can hear it all so well. Excitement about leaving the building, no idea they?re back the next day. I?ll stay washing my hair so no one can speak to me, or throw ice at me. No, I don?t want ice down my jumper? or worse.

?No one?s going to fuckin? notice. Go home, nancy boy.?

There?s a voice sneering behind me though it?s not malicious, just mocking. I smile gently, fold my arms at the lad stood in the doorway. He was tall, possibly the tallest in the school yet still a year away from leaving. He was feared by most of the school for his height and his strength (a rumour deprived from an old PE lesson where he apparently carried three defenders down the opposite side of the field). He?s crazy, this lad, crazy like me. Dyed his hair dark purple, slightly long, shaggy and covering his crazy ear piercing.

?Don?t feel right having ape brain in my hair.? I reply.

Hunter gives me his version of a smile, which is more like some sort of sadistic smirk. He bites his lip piercing while he smiles, a trait of his. What I want to know if why they don?t pick on him when he?s just like me with the way he looks. In fact, I think he?s much worse.

?Ape man got you good though. Last week he threw that bag of eggs at you. Missed though, got the little shit behind you. Poor little fuck. Felt bad, didn?t you?? he asks.

?On the kid? No.?

?You?re allowed to feel bad, you?re human after all.? There?s a glint in his eye. ?Well, for the most part.?

?Fuck off.?

Hunter rolls his eyes, takes his tremendous body weight off the doorframe and stalks over to me, splashing up some more water onto the mirror for me. Hunter isn?t my friend, if he is he?s a bad one, he?s just the nearest thing I got.

?Where you headin? tonight??

?Nowhere, going home. Want to talk to Rain first.? I shout fuck at the end of my sentence, more gum on my hands.

?Rain rain go away come again another day?? Hunter sings lightly with his hand running down the droplets of water on the mirror. He catches up with the speeding reality and snaps out of it instantly. ?You?re a fuckin? teacher?s pet. Or there?s something going on between you two, seen the way you look at each other. Like you?re in [i]love[/i].?

I give him the most sarcastic look my face would express.

?You?re only human. Hope you ain?t got nothing ?gainst homosexuals. My good brother Lee?s a bit queer.?

I roll my eyes; not going to reply to that. Hunter shrugs his large shoulders in the realisation he won?t be getting any fun out of me tonight. He gives me a pat on the shoulder with his big bear paws, shakes me lightly (in his opinion) and stalks off.

?Oh, yeaaah.? He stops, twirls around to face me. ?There?s some new lad coming in ?morrow. I know you know, bet you didn?t know he likes chess. So yeah, he does. Better get some practice tomorrow, I?ll tell him ?bout your love for chess. I got a knack for making friends. Unlike you.?

?FUCK OFF HUNTER!?

There?s a slight twinge of regret in his blue eyes, his expression portraying a constant cold look. He knows what he does to me, knows he shouldn?t, does it anyway. You know he regrets it afterwards. He gives me a wave of his hand, a smirk and walks off.

When I walk these corridors I smell detergent mixed with dirt and blood. Always blood, for some odd reason and I don?t think people bleed everyday on the corridors. They?re so long yet somewhat narrow, windows on each side so you feel like you?re being watched. It?s why I look down at my feet, if anyone is watching me I won?t know.

I slid past a lingering group of girls, they?re laughing, I wonder if it?s me that?s the joke. Still, I don?t care much. I reach the floor for Rain?s classroom, reach his open door, and peer in, expecting to see Lysak.

I?m not met with such a horrendous sight, quite the opposite in fact. Rain, slightly combed black hair, sharp features, clean face, clean suit, stood in looking through papers and humming a tune I?ve never heard of. I know he can see me, saw him look from the corner of his eyes.

?Where?s Lysak?? I interrupt.

?I sent him home for you,? Rain replied, smiling, ?I didn?t want you to get into any trouble with him. I just told him chewing gum was a disgusting thing, throwing it even more so. I let him go afterwards.?

?That was? uh? nice of you.?

?That?s because I?m a nice person.?

[I]?I could tell you other things but I?m not going to. Would you even hear??[/I]

I don?t know who spoke those words in my head but I blank them as soon as they enter my mind. I?m always paranoid around Rain, he?s so smart that it?s impossible for him not to be a mind reader. I know it?s impossible, can?t be true, I just can?t help but be paranoid.

?Hunter was telling me about the new kid??

?Ah yes, Brad Staan. Very, very bright young man, somewhat like you, I?d say. There?s no more room to put him so I?m afraid he?ll be sitting next to you. I hope you don?t mind, if he causes any trouble, you tell me and I?ll move him. He can sit at my desk if need be.?

Why does he do that? Why is he more willing to do stuff for me? I?m no teacher?s pet since I do nothing for Rain other than talk to him, I do nothing that could help him, nothing to make him happy. I can imagine what it is? probably pity. A lot of people did that.

?Brad likes chess, too,?

?Staan.? I correct him. I only used their second names.

?Well, to you, yes. I was wondering if you?ll have him a game. After all, you [I]are[/i] the best in the school.? He flicks through his papers. ?You?re the best at everything.?

He sends me a smile, a warm friendly smile. Fuck sake. Why does he do that? I draw my eyes away from him immediately, don?t want to look at him again. Don?t want him to know anything he shouldn?t have to know? it?s not his place to be in my life.

?You?re better at the piano than me.? I state.

?You play the piano to??

?No.?

Rain raises an eyebrow, chuckles a little, goes back to his work. I walk down the room in-between the desks, knocking paper off as I do so. I go to knock Lysak?s paper off his desk but stop, for no reason. I just move on to the back of the class, a small black piano resting in the corner on its own.

?Can you?? I breathe, my words catching in my throat. ?I mean? what can? what can you play??

Rain looks up. ?Hmm??

?The piano. What can you play on it??

He smiles knowingly like he knew the real version of my questions: ?can you play me something?. In an instant he drops his paper work and jogs over to me, comes forward, leans over me to open the piano and causing me to freeze. I move out of the way awkwardly and let him take a seat at the instrument.

?I can do anything.? He tells me briefly before stretching his hands out and beginning to play. When I saw people playing the piano I knew it was hard but I had never seen something that looked as hard as what he plays. It sounds good yet my ears can't register exactly what song it was. He plays, and plays, and plays, looking up at me whilst his fingers danced.

?Which song?? he says, still playing.

?Is it Beethoven?? I laugh, knowing it isn?t.

He stops his playing abruptly. ?Everyone, my friend, thinks all these ancient composers are the greatest. Everyone says they like Mozart, or Beethoven or? any other composer you can think of with a long name. You standout from everyone else, don?t start liking something because it?s famous.?

He uses his hands against to explain his carefully crafted words, I listen, as usual.

?The song is called Battle with Gilgamesh by Nabuo Uematsu, for a Final Fantasy game. I thought you might know it, or like it.?

?You mean one of those songs from the games that geeks who post on online forums listen to constantly??

He smiles. ?The very same my friend.?

I silence myself at this point and allow him to play the song. For some odd reason it didn?t seem so hard now, not so complicated. I reckoned that even I could do it, take my extra time from my life and learn the play the piano, make Rain proud of me. I just didn?t know why I wanted to do that. Why the hell did Rain matter? He was a smart, interesting teacher. That?s all. I shouldn?t care about him, not at all because it didn?t seem right.

We talk for awhile after that, random things as usual. We change the subject so many times that it?s not even believable, he manages to roll things into other subjects whilst packing away his things to go home for the night. I suppose I?m glad for the company ? I?m sure he is too ? though right now I wanted to get home as fast as I could. Now that no one else was sad enough to stay behind as long as me I could go home without any hassle, so I was relieved when Rain had finished collecting his stuff.

?Are you sure you won?t mind this new kids tomorrow?? he asks as we walk towards the school entrance.

?I haven?t met him yet, how bad can it be??

Rain shrugs. ?You never know. I realize how much rubbish you must get from the lads in this school.?

I stop, eye him, picking a fight with my teacher. ?Why do you assume they give me crap? And why is it only the boys??

?Because?? Rain turns to me, still smiling, ?I see you everyday and since you started high school you?ve always been clearly an outcast. No offence. A year later, you pierce your nose with a spike. After that, dye your hair black and blue. You come in on own clothes day with enough chains on your clothing to restrain the Salvation Army and your music taste, judging from the blaring of your iPod every lunchtime, varies considerably from the rest.?

I rise my eyebrow. That?s all obvious things, I know he could have said something short and philosophical. I don?t see why he should have kept it from me.

?Why just boys, though??

?Well, I don?t know. That?s just my opinion. I keep close tabs on the boys.?

I freeze again, eyes wide and feeling my mouth slightly twitch. Thankfully, Rain doesn?t notice this, he?s already walking to his car with his stuff. He said some stunning stuff, but not like [I]that[/I]. You can?t help but wonder if he meant what he said or it was just the words getting muddled up. Then again, it?s Mr. Rain. Mr. Rain never gets his words mixed up.

He starts his car up, I?m standing not so far away from him and waiting for him to get in and drive off so I can say goodbye. Instead, he leaves his keys in the ignition, closes his car door and leans against the car, sighing heavily and blowing out enough air to show how cold it was.

?It?s freezing.? He states with a slight laugh.

?Yeah.?

?Will you be okay going home in this?? he says, looking upwards to the sky to indicate the temperature.

?It?s no big deal. Only a bit of cold.? I knew I was being truthful, yet he gave me a disbelieving look and continued.

?You and I both know I drive past your house in just five minutes. You and I both know I?d be willing to give you a ride up there. It?ll save you the trouble of having to walk home in such harsh conditions.?

I narrow my eyes at him. Harsh? He doesn?t know the meaning of harsh. Yes, I do want to be able to go home for once and not be plagued by cold winter, but at the same time I feel far too uncomfortable with Rain in his own car. In his classroom, when he?s talking and there?s school rules still implied, I feel alright. There?s only his rule in his car.

?I have to stop off at my grandmother?s away.?

?I can take you there.? He protests.

?No, no, it?s in the opposite direction.?

Rain shrugs, stepping into his car. ?Suit yourself.? He closes the door behind him, rolls down the window so he can still see me properly and begins to pull out of his parking space. I watch the car tires roll slowly backwards, waiting for him to leave. He stops.

?Remember, you can talk to me anytime. Any trouble with this new kid let me know.?

He leaves it at that and drives off with a quick smile to me and a wave. I return his wave but not his smile.

?Yeah. Yeah. I?ll let you know??[/align]

[Allamorph]

[FONT=Arial]Another good one. I'll start off in Editor Mode, like last time. And all my interjections refer to the previous quote.
[QUOTE]When I was three years old, my dad was involved in a motorbike accident. Two youths had [B]run[/B] him over speeding on off-road bikes....

...and his left arm [B]had been[/B] burnt badly enough to still bare disfigured skin....[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]It?s terribly ironic how that in science we?re talking about evolution and a few desks behind me is living proof that man evolved from apes.[/QUOTE]
Deleted the commas.
[QUOTE]I?m [I][U]sat[/U][/I] listening to Rain, whether it?ll help me pass my exams or not really doesn?t matter.[/QUOTE]
??? Don't know what that was supposed to be. Looks a little odd, though.
[QUOTE]I take a look outside the window[B]:[/B] trees and [B]their[/B] lack of leaves....[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE][B]He's[/B] tall, possibly the tallest in the school yet still a year away from leaving. [B]He's[/B] feared by most of the school for his height and his strength (a rumour deprived from an old PE lesson where he apparently carried three defenders down the opposite side of the field). [U]He?s[/U] crazy, this lad, crazy like me.[/QUOTE]
Match the tenses. It just feels better.
[QUOTE]I [B]slide[/B] past a lingering group of girls....[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]Rain ... [B]stands[/B] in [I](where?)[/I] looking through papers and humming a tune I?ve never heard of.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]?I can do anything[B],[/B]? [B]he[/B] tells me briefly before stretching his hands out and beginning to play. When I [B]see[/B] people playing the piano I [B]know it's[/B] hard but I [B]have[/B] never seen something that [B]looks[/B] as hard as what he plays. It sounds good yet my ears can't register exactly what song it [B]is[/B]. He plays, and plays, and plays, looking up at me whilst his fingers [B]dance[/B].[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]?I sent him home for you,? Rain [B]replies[/B], smiling[B].[/B][/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]He stops his playing abruptly. ?.... You [B]stand out[/B] from everyone else,...[/QUOTE]
Typo.
[QUOTE]I silence myself at this point and allow him to play the song. For some odd reason it [B]doesn?t[/B] seem so hard now, not so complicated. I [B]reckon[/B] that even I could do it, take my extra time from my life and learn the play the piano, make Rain proud of me. I just [B]don?t[/B] know why I [B]want[/B] to do that. Why the hell [B]does[/B] Rain matter? [B]He's[/B] a smart, interesting teacher. That?s all. I shouldn?t care about him, not at all[B],[/B] because it [B]doesn?t[/B] seem right.[/QUOTE]
Not sure about that comma I added, but....
[QUOTE]We talk for awhile after that,.... ? I?m sure he is too ? though right now I [B]want[/B] to get home as fast as I [B]can[/B]. Now that no one else [B]is[/B] sad enough to stay behind as long as me I [B]can[/B] go home without any hassle, so [B]I'm[/B] relieved when Rain [B]finishes[/B] collecting his stuff.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE]I [B]raise[/B] my eyebrow.[/QUOTE]
Oops. (^_^)
[QUOTE]?It?s no big deal. Only a bit of cold.? I [B]know I'm[/B] being truthful, yet he [B]gives[/B] me a disbelieving look and [B]continues[/B].[/QUOTE]
I know that looks like a lot, but then that was a very long excerpt you posted, so don't sweat it.

Again, I like how much you're in this guy's head. It really feels like I'm part of him, watching everything that happens with his spin on it.

Interesting how you presented Rain. It'll also be interesting to watch how he turns out. Is he gay? Or is he just a naturally concerned, kind guy? Ah, questions.

[I]Kudos.[/I] Keep it up.

-A[/FONT]