Writing The Things You Wish You Could Say [E]

[Karma]

[SIZE=1][COLOR=Navy]Okay here's a poem that I wrote based on what happened to me online with someone.[/SIZE]

[CENTER][SIZE=2]The Things You Wish You Could Say[/SIZE][/CENTER]
[SIZE=1][CENTER]All the things you want to say,
All the things you could.
It might ruin your friendship,
Do you think you should?

You want him to know how much you care
But in a certain way.
What if you seem way too nice,
Will it give your cover away?

So one day online you tell him
That you like him in every way
In kindness and caring and your friendship
And what does he go and say?

"What if just 5 minutes ago
I started going out?
Would you be happy? Sad? Angry?
C'mon just spit it out."

So then you type all the things
That you would go and say,
All the things that you type
Are all the things you'd say.

When you're done typing,
You finally hit enter.
You see that he is typing
Then his text comes in the center.

"I feel really bad
Because all of this is true.
Just 5 minutes before you got on
Someone told me before you."

Right then you felt like crying
Not knowing what to do.
Then you thought, "What's the point?"
And typed, "I'm happy for you."

Then he was like, "Thank you.
We can still be friends.
I hope you find someone nice
And we're friends 'till the end."

At that point you had to go
So you went and typed and pushed enter.
Then you saw him typing
It said, "I'll see you later."

You told him you'd give him a not
Tomorrow in a class
Telling how you really feel,
All the stuff you couldn't type fast.

You signed off all heartbroken
You think about your day.
Then you think, "At least he knows
What I wish I could say.[/CENTER][/SIZE][/COLOR]

[thepinkprincess]

[COLOR=Magenta]hmm, i like it..
......a couple weeks ago i went throught exactly what u wrote..
..and now we're still friend, well written...
^^![/COLOR]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Well, considering this is a direct happening with your life I find it hard to relate to. Mind you I've been in netships (I realize this isn't a netship tale, but it works the same way.)

All you really did was directly describe the situation. It rhymes and has meter and stuff so it is a poem, but it doesn't need to be. Subtract the line skips and you've got a little story more suited to be a diary page than a poem.

Granted, I will give you credit on the fact that it isn't bad by any means. The only thing I found distasteful was the part where you rhymes '[B]say[/B]' with '[B]say[/B].'

Perhaos if you threw in some figurative language for some the lines it'll come together more as a work of literature. Otherwise it's gossip.[/COLOR]

[Elk]

Wow. I really liked it. But it makes me paranoid now. Because i like this guy and i'm worried this will happen. But I think it's great. It made me think...... I think? but seriously. It's really cool and awesome. (oh, there's some typos in there)

[Lady Asphyxia]

[font=Verdana][size=1]Digital Boy, I'm confused as to exactly what you think [i]is [/i]a poem? The way I define poetry would be something that tells a story and or relates a meaning, in a relatively short way, in the layout of a poem. Having metre and rhyme 'and stuff' does not constitute a poem, because freeform is a vaild style. And Fallen Angel's poem is [i]most definately [/i]a poem, because it has an obvious poetry form and is [i]intended[/i] to be a poem. So what if she chooses to tell a story within this poem? How does that in anyway negate the fact that it's a poem? Telling the story and involving the reader is a [i]good[/i] thing. Frankly, if you don't have anything to say or any story to tell, I have to wonder why you write?

Fallen Angel, I have to disagree with Digital Boy. Yes, you're telling a story in this -- and for that I applaud you. To me this poem is sweet, it's sad, it's practical. It's disappointed but realistic. It's a good poem, and a good story.

There is one thing that made me wince, however; [i]T[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][size=1]hen he was like, "Thank you.[/size][/size][/i][size=1][size=1] Please god, [i]never[/i] let me catch you using the phrase 'then he was [i]like[/i], "[words]"' [b]ever[/b] again. It's just too preppy and not enough poetry. It made it too...Valley Girl; [i]"So I said to him, like, "I'm not taking this crap," and he was like, "Well maybe I don't need to either" so I'm like "Yeah, sure, whatever," and that was like, it."

[/i]So all up, I have to say that I like it. It's good, it's cohesive, it tells me something I didn't know. Poetry doesn't need to be ridiculously complex to be good, so I'm going to say, "Well done". ^_^[/size][/size]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[QUOTE=Lady Asphyxia][font=Verdana][size=1]Digital Boy, I'm confused as to exactly what you think [i]is [/i]a poem? The way I define poetry would be something that tells a story and or relates a meaning, in a relatively short way, in the layout of a poem. Having metre and rhyme 'and stuff' does not constitute a poem, because freeform is a vaild style. And Fallen Angel's poem is [i]most definately [/i]a poem, because it has an obvious poetry form and is [i]intended[/i] to be a poem. So what if she chooses to tell a story within this poem? How does that in anyway negate the fact that it's a poem? Telling the story and involving the reader is a [i]good[/i] thing. Frankly, if you don't have anything to say or any story to tell, I have to wonder why you write?

Fallen Angel, I have to disagree with Digital Boy. Yes, you're telling a story in this -- and for that I applaud you. To me this poem is sweet, it's sad, it's practical. It's disappointed but realistic. It's a good poem, and a good story.

There is one thing that made me wince, however; [i]T[/i][/size][/font][i][size=1][size=1]hen he was like, "Thank you.[/size][/size][/i][size=1][size=1] Please god, [i]never[/i] let me catch you using the phrase 'then he was [i]like[/i], "[words]"' [b]ever[/b] again. It's just too preppy and not enough poetry. It made it too...Valley Girl; [i]"So I said to him, like, "I'm not taking this crap," and he was like, "Well maybe I don't need to either" so I'm like "Yeah, sure, whatever," and that was like, it."

[/i]So all up, I have to say that I like it. It's good, it's cohesive, it tells me something I didn't know. Poetry doesn't need to be ridiculously complex to be good, so I'm going to say, "Well done". ^_^[/size][/size][/QUOTE]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Correct me is I'm wrong, but I believe I literally said "it is a poem" in my post. Now, mind you, I don't like calling it a poem. That, though, is personal preference. My opinion should not effect anyone else's[/COLOR].

[Guest Beef_on_legs]

[COLOR=DarkSlateBlue][FONT=Arial]I love it! Well done.
I'm kind of in that situation now, but I haven't said anything. Pm me if you want to know more or whatever. [/FONT] [/COLOR]