Writing Lyrics [PG-L]

[Claire]

[FONT=Arial]I'm back with some new works, and hopefully I'll be able to continuously put out some new lyrics and whatnot.

[B]Up the Stairs[/B]
The bad feelings that came creeping
(When I slept safe at home)
When uprooted, convoluted
Into fear of the unknown
But I saw every single scene
And watched the missing frames
Voices calling, it's apalling
How they knew my name

I'll shine for you
(With second sight)
So the dark will run away
Glow bright enough for two
(no other night)
And hear the words you couldn't say
I'll shine for you
(With second sight)
When the monsters sneak behind
I'll shine for you
(all through the night)
Until the both of us are blind

The pounding down the hallway
The screaming through the sleep
A glance behind to only find
More promises to keep

I hear you saving me.
I'm not afraid.
And what I saw upon the wall
Was just a shadow after all
And you said it couldn't hurt me
And warned to stay away
But promises are meant to be broken
While the ghosts are out to play

---

(this one could be called a "remake of a classic").


[B]Beyond the Pale[/B]
Riding through my dreamscape
Lucidity consumes us all
You've got her all fired up
She's at your beck and call
Jaded heroes wreaking pain
Chaotic lies combust
Seeking souls and seeking love
In the aftermath of lust
If you smile the world smiles with you
If you cry, you cry alone
If home is where the safety thrives
Then only dreams are home
Jaded heroes squeezing dry
Their medals and their dust
They're flying south to keep the warmth
They couldn't find through lust
If you smile the world smiles with you
If you cry, you cry alone
Seems the world's a selfish bitch
From the safety of my home
I don't need all the pity
And I don't want empathy
My glass remains half empty
Just to spite the gravity
If you smile, the world smiles with you
If you cry, you cry alone
Cry alone, cry alone[/FONT]

[2010DigitalBoy]

[COLOR=DarkOrange]Alright! My mind has been blown! These are both totally amazing!

[B]Up the Stairs[/B]: Very AFI style as I'm sure you're going for and very creepy. I'd be very interested to know the story behind this if there is one. I love the last 2 lines the most. "And watched [I]the missing frames[/I]" ay? :catgirl:

[I](this one could be called a "remake of a classic").[/I] lol the references never end!

[B]Beyond The Pale[/B]: Sheer brilliance if I do say so myself! I love it!!! "If you smile the world smiles with you/ if you cry you cry alone" that line made me smile (so I guess the world is too, then?). This would make one hell of a punk song![/COLOR]

[Lady Asphyxia]

[size=1]Whee. I love the way you manage to have an amazing rhythm and flow at the same time you keep a meaning coming through. You're consistant all the way through it; you aren't just throwing out words because they sound pretty -- you actually have a reason for using the words that you are.

I find it really hard to crit lyrics, because obviously you have a melody in your head that I can't hear, and I don't know what you mean to do with each line. Where I might think a rhythm is too short in one section, you might have an extended note planned or something.

So, I can see a couple of places where the rhythm doesn't quite fit, mostly in the last stanza of the first song:
[/size]
[size=1]I hear you saving me.[/size]
[size=1]I'm not afraid[/size]
[size=1]And what I saw upon the wall[/size]
[size=1]Was just a shadow after all[/size]
[size=1]And you said it couldn't hurt me[/size]
[size=1]And warned to stay away[/size]
[size=1]But promises are meant to be broken[/size]
[size=1]While the ghosts are out to play.

[i]I'm not afraid[/i] sticks out as being too short, while [i]but promises are meant to be broken[/i] seems to be too long. For the latter, you could probably replace it with [i]But promises are meant for breaking. [/i][Or even 'made' for breaking]. Like I said, however, it's very hard to crit it, because you are so good and what you do, and I don't know your intentions in terms of the anomolies.

So all in all, I think these are excellent and as always I am in awe of your talent. ^_^
[/size][size=1]
[/size]

[Claire]

[FONT=Arial]Aw, thank you both! I love to get comments from people who aren't friends or family; especially nice ones. :]

Actually, these weren't actually inspired by AFI (is that a shock, or what?) I think I was constantly listening to Placebo when I wrote these, which played a little part in why some of the rhythms seem weird.

I do have one recently written song, but I don't think I like it very much anymore. I wrote the lyrics, then I started working on the actually music part...and suddenly the words didn't work anymore. I never really finished the song, either.

The midi version of the intro is located at this myspace, though.

[url]http://www.myspace.com/thirtysevenam[/url][/FONT]